Ryoga: I know what you're going to say, but you might as well get it out of
your system.

Ranma: Thank you. This wasn't a bad story, but there was one little
niggling thing. (Takes a few deep breaths and leaps on his chair) WHAT IS
THE DEAL WITH FANFIC WRITERS GIVING US FOREIGN RELATIVES? EXACTLY WHERE IN
MY FAMILY TREE DO I GO FROM RUSSIAN TO JAPANESE? I DON'T GET IT!!  DO YOU
KNOW HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IRRITATING IT IS TO FIND OUT THAT OUT OF THE BLUE
YOU HAVE RELATIVES WITH NAMES LIKE ROMANOV OR LES HENDERSON OR PIERRE MENTOT?

Ryoga: Not to mention that in each story these relatives look uncannily
like you, Ranma. That would definately freak me out.

Ranma: (grabbing Ryoga by the shirt) I'M JAPANESE, DAMMIT! JAPANESE!  DO I
EVEN LOOK REMOTELY RUSSIAN TO YOU?

Ryoga: Actually, you look more Irish than Japenses. Especially with the red
hair in your girl form.

Ranma: (punches Ryoga) You idiot. I'm trying to make a point!

Ryoga: Well, don't blame me, blame all the anime artists out there who
enjoy drawing us that way.

Ranma: (sighs) Sorry. I just had to get that out.  That Romanov character
bugged me in more ways than one.

Ryoga: Hey, I thought he was a cool guy, even if his name was way out of
place.I really, really liked the first part of the series. Don't tell
anyone about this, but Kodachi really is a pretty girl. (wolfish look on
his face) Especially in those leotards.

Ranma: Ha! I always knew you were a hentai!

Ryoga: Don't give me that. I never saw you look away from her body when we
were fighting her in that gymnastic competition.

Ranma: She was throwing stuff at me! How could I *not* look at her?

Ryoga: Excuses, excuses. But you could just feel the tension between her
and the vampire. I was even willing to look over the fact that he looked
just like you, Ranma. In fact, I wish that he wasn't related to you but
still resembled you.  It would've added to the mysteriousness and the
darkness of the story.  A vampire with your face who has been waiting for
his love (who is not Akane) to come to him for centuries. What a perfect
start for a story that's just bursting with angst and romance.

Ranma: Yep. Too bad the story popped as soon as Romanov set foot in the
Tendo household.  Instead of turning into a classic dark story, it came the
standard "Hi Ranma, meet your foreign cousin who looks uncannily like you
except he's a better fighter or a better lover or both and all your
fianceés are going to fall for him now and watch as he insinuate himself
into your life and take over the entire storyline" fic.

Ryoga: My, my. Aren't *we* a little bitter today.  

Ranma: I'm just tired of seeing fics like that, self-insertions or not.

Ryoga: Face it, Ranma. You're just jealous.  You're playing second fiddle
in a story and you're not liking it.

Ranma: Who're you calling second fiddle, pork chop? The show is called
Ranma 1/2, not Ryoga 1/2.

Ryoga: (Leaping to feet) How dare you. I made you who you are! Without me,
you wouldn't have learned all those fancy moves you know! YOU NEED ME!

Ranma: (Also leaping to feet) OH YEAH? HOW'S ABOUT I SHOW YOU ALL THOSE
FANCY MOVES I'VE LEARNED?!

T-bone: Ahem.

Ryoga: I'LL DO ONE BETTER! LET ME SHOW YOU SOME NEW ONES, YOU PERVERT!!!

T-bone: I said, ahem.

(Both boys come out of their large head effect and blink.)

Ranma & Ryoga: Uh...yes?

T-bone: Look, when I was hornswaggled...I mean, when I agreed to help you
guys do your review show thingie, there was nothing in my job description
that said I had to do clean-up.  Now, already I had to mop up the floors,
reupholster the chairs, renovated the ceiling five times now, and I don't
even want to think of the damage when all your fianceés and those folks
from the Tenchi universe came over.  Frankly, I think all of this is
getting pretty old, therefore --(she suddenly reaches up and grabs both
boys in fierce noselocks) QUIT SCREWING AROUND AND GET WITH THE FIC
REVIEWING ALREADY!

Ranma & Ryoga: Ow! Hai! Hai, T-bone-saba! Goben! Goben!

T-bone: Thank you. (She releases their noses and walks back towards the
camera booth. Just before she leaves, she looks straight in the camera.)
And for your information, *I* happen to prefer silver...especially
sterling. I like to keep things simple.

Ranma: (rubbing sore nose) Man, for a small woman she has an iron grip.

Ryoga: What was that thing she said about silver?

Ranma: Do you really want to know?

Ryoga: (touches nose and winces) Uh, no.

(They sit back down.)

Ranma: So, anway, I felt that this fic had a whole lot of potential, but it
just fell up short.  Romanov (shudders)--ugh, that name-- makes for a great
vampire, but now that I think about it, he didn't do too much with it
except seduce Kodachi and tell how it made him so long-lived.

Ryoga: He didn't even turn Kodachi into one, which I was looking forward to
see. If Romanov had waited so long to make Kodachi his, why didn't he just
bite her on that first night, make her bite him, and be done with it?

Ranma: And speaking of dying...if Romanov's body dissolved at the end, why
was Kodachi still holding on to his corpse when Kuno tried to take it away?
And why would there be any remains left?

Ryoga: Perhaps melting would've been a better word.

Ranma: Yuck. That's gross.

Ryoga: But that would've implied that some remains were left.

Ranma: True. Anyhow, this story would've gone a lot better without the
standard cliches. I have to give it an iffy.

Ryoga: At least Kuno's speech at the end was heartbreaking. The beginning
and the end were perfect, but the middle definately needs some retooling.
An iffy from me, too.

============================================================================
/===\     LaShawn M. Taylor (tbone@ccm.net)     MSTie#83924
|^ ^|\    "A pilgrim in progress, a wish that's on the way,
 \v/\|     hidden for a moment--but this is where I am today.
    |\     I am neither this nor that. I'm not here or there	
    \|     I am in between something, something and somewhere."
				King, Keaggy, Dente "Inventions"
T-bone's cafe is being moved to a new place--look for it soon!
============================================================================