At 10:51 AM 11/16/97 -0600, Whiddon wrote:
I like cast replacement fics best of all.
Ranma Hood
Douglas Whiddon
Ya know, when I first read this, something totally different popped into
my mind...
-----
*SPLASH*
"Yatta!" The little girl jumped up and down and giggled happily as she
celebrated her victory over her father. Her father was currently splashing
around in the little family fish pond where she had thrown him.
"Ranma-chan! I have your basket ready for you," Ranma's mother called from
inside the house.
"Ok, mom!" Ranma cheerfully replied. "I'm coming! Bye, Pop!" The little
girl waved bye-bye to her soaking father and skipped merrily into the
house. Reaching the kitchen she took the basket of goodies her mother had
made before heading for the front door.
"Don't forget your cloak, dear," Ranma's mother gently reminded her. "And
be back from your friend's before dark. And don't forget, never talk to
stranger's!"
"Ok, mommy! I won't forget, mommy! Bye-bye!" Ranma grabbed her little red
cloak from where it hung by the door and skipped out the door and into the
forest beyond.
======================
Little Red Ranma-Hood
======================
By: Scott Pollert
Now, unbeknownst to Ramna and her family, live an evil little creature.
Some thought that it was a wolf, or even a demon, but the truth was far
worse. For in this forest lived that most loathsome of all creatures,
rejected by all, loved by none, a pervert. It had dwelled in the forest for
many years, preying on passing women and stealing their underwear. On many
occassions, it had even left the forest and raided the laundry lines and
dresser drawers of the women who lived in the surrounding towns and
villages. No one had been able to capture it and kill it, and yet it was
through this foul creature's territory that poor, innocent Little Red
Ranma-Hood was soon to pass.
Skipping merrily along her way down the forest path, Little Red Ranma-Hood
hummed a merry tune. She was going to visit her best friend who lived on
the other side of the forest. She hadn't seen Akane in a long while, and
was looking forward to talking with her and playing games with her and
eating all the goodies that her mommy had made for them to eat.
So intent was Little Red Ranma-Hood on her thoughts of her friend that she
didn't even notice the little old man standing next to the forest path
until he spoke.
"And where are you going this fine morning, my pretty little thing," the
little old man said.
"Eeeek!" said Little Red Ranma-Hood as she jumped three feet into the air,
for what do you expect someone to do when they're walking along a forest
path, minding their own business, merrily humming a tune when a strange
voice from a strange little old man who they didn't even see until they
were right on top of and he spoke says something to them? [Narrator pauses
to inhale.] Well, after landing from jumping three feet in the air, Little
Red Ranma-Hood assumed a defensive stance as she faced the little old man.
"Who're you?" she questioned him.
"Why, I am nothing more than a harmless little old man who is not at all
perverted and would never steal a girl's underwear even if the poor little
things cried out for my tender mercies, and I am simply enjoying this
lovely morning in this lovely forest," explained the little old man.
"Oh," Little Red Ranma-Hood blinked a few times at the little old man's
explanation before she shrugged off her confusion as unimportant and
proceeded to completely ignore her mother's advice. "Hi! I'm Little Red
Ranma-Hood and I'm on my way to visit my best friend, Akane Tendo. Would
you like a cookie?" Ranma cheerfully asked.
"Oh, no, no, no," the little old man hurriedly spoke. "I have to be on my
way I'm afraid, but maybe if you told me where your friend lives, I could
come visit the both of you some time."
"Akane lives on the other side of the forest," Ranma happily said. "Her
house is just at the end of this path. You can't miss it!"
"Why thank you, Little Red Ranma-Hood. I'll be sure to visit you and your
friend real soon. Good bye!" and with a last wave, the little old man
dissappeared into the forest. Left alone, Little Red Ranma-Hood continued
on down the path, merrily skipping and singing, blissfully ignorant of the
hideous danger she had unleashed upon herself and her friend.
-----
Now in case you tottally missed it, that little old man that Little Red
Ranma-Hood was so cheerfully speaking with was really the evil, rotten,
nasty pervert Happosai. After speaking with Ranma-Hood, Happosai hurried
off into the forest and headed straight for the Tendo house, where
Ranma-Hood's friend Akane Tendo lived. Because Happosai knew a shortcut, he
got there well before Little Red Ranma-Hood did.
When Happosai got to the Tendo house, he was pleasantly surprised to find
that no one was home except Akane. He snuck in, tied her up, stole her
panties and locked her in the closet. Then, he dressed up in Akane's
pajamas, hid in her bed, and waited for Little Red Ranma-Hood to come.
-----
Little Red Ranma-Hood cheerfully opened the door to the Tendo house and
went inside, calling out a greeting as she entered. When she didn't get a
response right away, she yelled again. This time, someone answered.
"I'm up here, Little Red Riding-Hood," a voice called from upstairs. "It's
me, Akane! Why don't you come up here with me?"
Akane's voice sure sounded strange, Little Red Ranma-Hood thought, maybe
she had a cold or something. Shrugging it off as unimportant, Ranma-Hood
happily skipped up the stairs to join her best friend in her room.
When she entered Akane's room, Little Red Riding-Hood noticed someone
lying in Akane's bed. But it sure didn't look like Akane! "Akane?" she
warily asked.
"Yes, it's me," the stranger in Akane's bed said. "Come, sit down here
next to me. I'm sick and I want you close to me where I can grope, er, talk
to you."
Still wary of the figure, but curious as well, Little Red Ranma-Hood took
a seat next to the bed. Carefully studying the stranger in Akane's bed,
Ranma-Hood exclaimed, "My, what big eyes you have!"
"All the better to leer at a luscious woman's curves, to study her
bountiful bosoms, and to watch her skirt ride just a little bit higher
until you can see... er, I mean, all the better to see you with!" the
stranger said.
"And what a big head you have!"
"All the better to... um, actually I don't have a reason for that. Let's
just skip it and go on to the next thing, ok?"
"Um, ok!"
"Thank you."
"My, what tiny hands you!"
"All the better to... oh! I can't stand it anymore! Come here my
pretties!" yelling his battlecry, "Panties!", the old pervert dove for
Little Red Ranma-Hood's underwear. But Ranma-Hood had been expecting
something like this and punted the pint-size letch into orbit where he
drifts to this day. It is said that, if you listen closely on a cloudless,
silent night, you can hear faintly drifting down from above the lonely cry
of a pervert, forever seperated from that which he craves the most.
"Pantiiiiiiies..."
As for Little Red Ranma-Hood, after searching the room for a short while,
she found her friend Akane tied up in her closet, pantyless. After Akane
had rearranged her clothes and pounded Ranma-Hood for not saving her
sooner, the two had enjoyable day together. Happily and cheerfully,
skipping and dancing and playing silly games.
THE END
- Ack! I can't believe I just spent 1 1/2 hours writing this stupid thing!
*grin*