Hello There!

	Just me with a few comments on your fic here.	

	First off, anything with the Doctor in it is good, by definition. *grin*
Point for you. You also seem to have set up a rather large stage to put
your story on. This is where I think you have a few problems.

	Names. When you have a lot of original characters you need to make them
distinctive enough that the reader can easily identify them and make sure
they are each given enough time 'on screen' for the reader to become
familiar with them. Unfortunately, while you've made some pretty distinct
characters, you never bother to name them for the first half of the story,
and then dump all the names onto the reader all at once. Here I'm talking
mostly about the 7 'warlords' or 'leaders' you have meeting in the middle
of nowhere. They each have their own little intro which sets themselves up
nicely, but when you give their names, there's nothing that really
seperates them. All of them are clumped together and come too fast and with
too little reference to easily keep track of. Perhaps it would be better if
you gave their names during their individual intros. Either have them
introduce themselves, have an enemy or ally call out their name, or simply
mention it as the third person narrator. Any of these would help match
names to descriptions better, at least IMHO.

	Another nitpick, (though you may have another explanation for it) is the
humancentric universe you've created. These eight spots are of *universal*
importance, right? So why is only one race, from one tiny galaxy, and one
tiny star system that sits in the backwaters of said tiny galaxy so
unbelievably important? I'd really like an explanation for this one.

	The final problem I have is with the soldiers reactions to the woman
attacking the castle. Supposedly, some of these soldiers are thousands of
years old, and yet, they laugh and let down their gaurd just because their
opponent *looks* deceptively weak and outnumbered!? All two million of
them!? Surely in all that time, the soldiers would have had to deal with
enemies who used illusions or some other form of subterfuge to set them
off-guard. Surely the older ones would have been wise enough to realize
that anyone, no matter what they may look like, who could create the type
of darkness they see, and who actually had the guts to attack the castle in
the first place must have *some* power at least. Enough power to kill
perhaps. Even if this unknown woman didn't have the power to conquer the
castle, didn't anyone the intelligence to take her seriously? Somehow, the
soldier's reactions just don't sit right with me. 

	All in all, an interesting start, not necessarily the best, but
interesting at least. The new characters need to be a little better
defined, the reasoning for why they are human, or at least *appear* to be
so needs to be explained, and some of the fighting needs to proceed a
little more logically. Also, you might want to doublecheck your formatting.
Your line length gets a little long in places and I at least was getting
some chopped off lines and such. Of course, that could just be me.

Thanks for listening,
Scott Pollert