On 11/13/97 1:16 AM, Teknos WarHammer at teknoplus@hotmail.com wrote:

[Warhammer stomps onto the screen. Evidently po'ed at something.]

	WH: Alright. I have had it up to HEREÖ[holds hand above his head]Ö with 
all this crap. EVERY chance that Kiyone has a chance to be happy, any 
and all authors make her suffer just for the sake of story continuity. 
Save for the Magical Spoof Chase were Kiyone lost by TWO MEASLY VOTES TO 
UKYOU!!!! OF ALL PEOPLE!!!! [Growls like a rabid wolf and clenches his 
fists until they break.] OOOOOOUUUUUUCH!!!!
AnywayÖ on with the fic on how things SHOULD be for Kiyone. 

Hey, I understand. Poor girl; she deserves some unmixed joy in her life. One of the few Tenchi TV eps I've really liked was the "Time & Space Adventures" where she ended up in a little out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere town, and was content.

	Kiyone ran with the plasma cannon in her arms. She turned around and 
fired several more rounds of energy at her pursuer. She was inside the 
base of the dark organization Shadow Star and it's leader Nova was 
within as well. After much hard work and because of one certain partner, 
her cover was blown. 

	"But Kiyone, how can you be Nova? You're supposed to be a good guy!" 
Mihoshi whined, ducking for cover. 

	Kiyone was in reality the leader of one of the most well run criminal 
syndicates in the Galaxy Police sector of space. The Shadow Star. Whose 
infamous and unknown leader that only went by the name of Nova. Now, the 
only person outside of the Shadow Star who knew what Nova really looked 
like was Mihoshi. 

Urk. I can see a certain twisted mischievousness in writing this ;>, but somehow I just can't picture Kiyone going *quite* this far over the edge. ^_^

Which caused Kiyone to fire several more rounds of plasma at her former 
partner. "It's easy Mihoshi. I needed something to get back at you and 
your bastard Grandpa! 

This is a bit surprising. I got the impression he doted on her, but never that he used nepotism to advance her career.

	"IT! IS! NOT! FAIR! YOU ALWAYS GET OUT OF THINGS AND I GET ALL THE CRAP 
OF THE DEAL!" she screamed and fell on her knees. Mihoshi couldn't help 
but feel sympathy for her friend, turned foe. 

	"Kiyone. You're under arrest. Please come quietly." She said holding 
the barrel at her friend, which was a hard and scary thing to do. 

You might want to put in a little physical reaction from Mihoshi -- trying to hold back tears, maybe, or fighting to hold the barrel steady.

	"Take the usual steps. Rough yourselves up and get into some civvie 
clothing. Make it look like we were prisoners. Also, erase the database 
and distribute the money the way it programmed. 

Um... doesn't make much sense here. 'the way it was programmed to', perhaps? Or 'the way we programmed'?

If all goes well, we ALL 
will be living well for the rest of our lives." 

Kinda deep and full of water, here. :) You might want to use 'If everything goes right,' instead.

Fabricating a story that after Nova 
killed Mihoshi and Kiyone killed off Nova. 

Another sentence fragment, here.

	Walking out of the office, Kiyone couldn't help but smirk. Mihoshi was 
gone, she had been promoted to First Class Officer, she would have no 
problems with money, the Marshall would soon follow in the footsteps of 
his relative, and given a medal for bravery for 'avenging' Mihoshi. YesÖ 
Life was good. 

If you bring in a can of Miller Light, I'm going to have to kill you. ;>

	That was when she woke up.

Whew. I mean, I really don't want to think of Kiyone as a criminal... ;>

	A hand gently touched her shoulder, and she turned to see a much more 
older and well defined Tenchi Misaki. His hair was longer and much more 
well kept than the spiked way it was when he was young. Also, she 
couldn't help but feel a little turned on at much more well toned 
version of Tenchi. 

Hoo, boy. Then again... I always thought it a mark of sanity that she avoided the 'I-love-Tenchi' mental field. Doesn't seem to do healthy things to those who fall under its influence. ;>

	"Kiyone... Sister, are you alright?" the other woman asked. 

	Kiyone blinked in surprise. Tsunami had called her sister. She had also 
noticed that she had a pair of circles embedded on her forehead, 

Underneath the headband? ;>

Seriously... how's she going to notice this unless he's got a mirror on the ceiling? ;> I always had the impression that they were skin coloration, not an actual lump in the skin that could be felt.

	"Kiyone," Tenchi began, "If your dreams made you forget, you're the 
First Empress of the Juraian Empire. And have been for the past 900 
years. We have a daughter name Hiwa and a son named Yoshi. Tsunami and I 
have a son named Mizu."

"Yes, we're used to waking up with amnesiacs, here..." :)

	Turning back to Tenchi, she whispered hungrily, "Now, where were we?" 
He smirked and kissed her with the same fervor she showed him. It would 
have continuedÖ

	Öexcept that she woke up again. 

Ouch. <wince> Poor girl.

Oh, as I mentioned the other night -- I'd drop the high-ASCII special characters. This time, they showed up as a capital O with an umlaut. :(

In fact, between sobs, she took out her standard issue pistol, ran out 
to the side of the side of the building, powered up the gun, and placed 

'the side of the side of the building'?

	"I wouldn't do that if I were you." She said. 

'if I were you,' she said.

	Kiyone suddenly stopped and took another look at the woman who had not 
only stopped her, but had proclaimed her to be her mother. He hair was 
short and a shade or two darker than Kiyone's. A wooden necklace waved 
around her neck. Her semi-tanned skin made the serious look in her eyes 
more evident. Her eyes had the same color of Kiyone's, emerald green. 
Only Kiyone's daughter could possess such a trait. 

Um... did emerald eyes get bred out of the gene pool in the Tenchi universe?

[Warhammer returns.]

	WH: What drove me to write this was already explained at the top. I am 
too tired to write anything else. Write your complaints to 
Teknoplus@hotmail.com. Just don't make a bigger deal out of it than it 
is. Please. I was mad when I wrote this.

[Warhammer staggers out, evidently tired.]

Hey, don't put it down; it's rough, but still pretty good. Do a little clean-up, and I wouldn't be ashamed to see it published on RAAC...



Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

...Wait a minute! Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.