Subject: [FFML][Fanfic][Ranma] All Mixed up part 7
From: "Harper" <stroma@globalnet.co.uk>
Date: 11/13/1997, 4:51 PM
To:
Reply-to:

Ranma 1/2 - All mixed up (7/???)
-By Harper-

Disclaimer: The extremely funny and unique characters belong and are
copyrighted to the talanted and humourous Rumiko Takahashi, Viz
Communications, Shogakukan Inc. and other such clever companies who know
something good when they see it (ie, Ranma 1/2).

Just 'e' me if you've missed any parts at....  stroma@globalnet.co.uk 
OR if there's no reply, try...  eve147@hotmail.com   

(XXX) = actions/description       
<XXX> = Chinese (mandarin, I think, whatever the Chiness Amazons speak)
~XXX~ = sound effects       
[XXX] = signs (mostly Genma-panda)
                                                   

Chapter 7: Singing in the rain. 


Cologne: well, your answer please...
Rosuke: (still stuck in place) (big -- I mean _really big and nasty_ --
glare, honest!) ....

(At that moment, Shampoo is chasing round Akane, who is whimpering and
sobbing for help but actually quite agile and not in the least bit the
clumsy, macho chick she usually i -- ~Wham!~ ~Whack!~ ~Hammer!~ Hey, that
hurt!! Oooh, I feel sleepy....
    ...Anyway, Shampoo is smashing her bonbori into everything trying to
hit Akane and is creating a real mess.  It's now a house minus a 2 or 3
walls (and still standing, yes, remember it's in Nerima), a mirror (bad
luck, Shampoo...), a wedding cake (half of it now lying upside-down on a
still seemingly unconscious Soun) and quite a few chunks of floor and
ceiling.) 

Shampoo: this not right... Akane! You come back and get kiss of death!
Only polite! 
Akane: (still wearing wedding Kimono, which hasn't even been torn)
waaaaahhhh!!!! Please (slide) don't (dodge) hurt (jump) me !!!  I want my
mooommmyy!!
Rosuke: ...what are your terms? 
Cologne: you've accepted your loss finally?
Rosuke: your. Terms. Please.
Cologne: as you wish... Firstly, Ranma will be persuaded to marry Shampoo
and the wedding will take place within an hour.
Rosuke: (flatly) oh, I didn't see _that_ one coming.
Cologne: secondly, you will do the persuading.
Rosuke: no way!
Shampoo: die, macho girl! (swipes with bonbori)
Akane: aaahhh! (falls over) (breathing heavily) too tired to move, so
sleepy.... (falls asleep instantly, like a kitten)
Shampoo: now Akane I kill! (sword comes out of nowhere)
Rosuke: OK! OK! Now, stop her!
Cologne: Shampoo, can you hold off your killing, just temporarily...
Shampoo: (demeanour changes from psycho to loving great-grandaughter in a
disturbingly short period of time) yes, great-grandmother! 
Cologne: I have some more terms.
Rosuke: (groans) what?
Cologne: I want you back at the village with your wife, where you belong.
Rosuke: I was going to, y'know!
Cologne: oh yes, son-in-law, and I'm going to win Miss Young Amazon 1997.
Rosuke: are you trying to make me ill or somethin' with that image?
Cologne: (whacks him over head with cane) you should have more manners at
your age... I also want you to make sure that none of the remaining
"admirers" get in the way.
Rosuke: how? 
Cologne: that's your problem... well? What is your answer?
Rosuke: I --
Voice #1: don't --. 
Voice #2: think -- 
Voice #3: so.

(Cologne, Shampoo turn around to see who it is. Rosuke, of course, is
still held by Cologne's powerful disabling technique and can't see. The
three figures are not who you'd expect, unless you're really brainy,
perceptive, psychic, have bribed me (all major credit cards accepted) or
have cheated and skipped this part. ^_^)  

Figure #1 (formerly known as Voice #1): looks like you underestimated us.
Well, no more...
Figure #2 (Voice #2, duh!): it seems your cognitive processes could not
fully comprehend the complexity of this chemical compound which you used
to your advantage. I think you also need some counselling to explore this
obsessive-socio complex of yours which has led to some deep repurcussions
within a society which functions differently from your native one.
Everyone else: ...?
Figure #3: he means that we're gonna kick your deceitful Amazon butt back
to where it belongs after druggin' us to kingdom come!
Figure #2: quite.
Shampoo: Shampoo recognise you! (Points to Figure #2) You be --
Firgure #2: yes, I am. How very perceptive of you, Shampoo. 
Cologne: but I saw you three on my way over, you weren't like this...
Figure #1: it seems that there was a fourth rain cloud hanging over
Nerima and it showered down on us 'bout 10 minutes ago in a very short
burst. 
Figure #2: I have a theory that Cologne merely tried to capitalise on an
event beyond her control and did not orchestrate the whole proceedings.
Figure #3: you've had nothin' but theories all the way over, Ryoga, man!
Ryoga (figure #2): (wearing a plain white suit with hair neatly combed
and no bandanna in sight) If I was still capable of negative emotions, I
would probably be tempted to challenge you to a rather brutal fight,
Gosunkugi in which I would gladly pummel you into unconsciousness....
Gosunkugi (figure #3): whatever. By the way the name's Gossar the Great,
kick-ass super-hero! (Kick-ass super-hero music starts in the background)

Cologne: Shampoo, turn off the TV, it's not polite to watch someone
else's. (thinks) And the music was getting on my nerves...
Shampoo: but I always watch Dean Cain at this time! He have very big --
Cologne: -- that's quite enough, Shampoo... (very calm) (looks at figure
#1) And what is your opinion on all of this? You've been awfully quiet,
Miss Kodachi.   
Kodachi (figure #1): (wearing light blue jumpsuit with a plain, white
sash) yes, I am a quiet, calm, modest heroine who mulls over a problem
with a detached but genius-like eye.
"Gossar": (wearing rambo-type outfit with army boots which don't suit his
'delicate' figure, to say the least) (sarky) yeah, right, modest, uh-huh!
Kodachi: (ignores him) now, where were we?
Cologne: in the process of trying to save Akane from Shampoo so that
Ranma wouldn't have to marry my great-grandaughter.
Kodachi: oh yes, that's right. Thank you.
Cologne: it's a pleasure. Shampoo..?
Shampoo: yes, great-grandmother?
Cologne: I want you to --
"Gossar": nuh-uh! I don't think so! (jumps high in the air, ready to
strike. Screeching guitar music blasts out of nowhere)
Cologne: Shampoo, I said turn off that television! I don't care if it's
MTV, you have a fight!
Shampoo: (unhappy) yes, I fight... (lashes out at "Gossar", who dodges
her kicks with amazing ease while making faces at her) Why you --! (gets
angry)
Rosuke: go for it, "Gossar"!
"Gossar": (to Shampoo) nyah! (dodge, dodge) Nyah! (sticks out tongue)
Bimbo!

~Klonk!~

Shampoo: (holding dented television over a rather sore-headed ) THAT IT!
_No-one_ call Shampoo bimbo!
"Gossar": (slightly wobbly) how about... an idiotic slut who can't even
get a husband...?
   
~Kerrramy!!!~
("Gossar" now embedded in TV)

Shampoo: now stupid "Gossar" die!!

~Vsssh-wsssh!~
~Shak!~
~Shak!~
~Shak!~
~Shak!~
~...etc!~

(Shampoo is now wrapped up in several white sashes and gets stuck to the
remaining wall with special martial arts biro's.)

Kodachi: good teamwork, Ryoga-kun. But I never of thought you as a
martial artist, being so peaceful, and the biro's were truelly inspired.
Ryoga: I use martial arts non-violently, Kodachi-san, for a peaceful end.
Now why don't we remove Gosunkugi from the TV? I think it would be better
for his long-term health.
Kodachi: you do that, I have to go find Cologne, the man in black and
Akane-san, they've disappeared.
Ryoga: how perceptive of you, Kodachi-san. 
Kodachi: goodbye, Ryoga-kun. (dashes off) 

(Ryoga looks down at the mess that is "Gossar".)

Ryoga: it is a pity that Gosunkugi was standing on a sleeping Mr. Soun at
the time. I think I should remove him from the floor, too. This incident
could have a detrimental psychological effect on an already unbalanced
personality such as his. (starts pulling bits of the TV out of "Gossar")

(Meanwhile... far across Nerima, near the high street, in the backlot
where Ranma first met Kodachi, there is a different sort of fight taking
place. Cologne chased (with difficulty) a _very_ fast and very awake
Akane across to this area, where the poor girl promptly collapsed with
exhaustion. Rosuke chased after Cologne soon after, since he managed to
break the paralysis spell on him by focusing his chi energy.  The three
of them are in the lot now, two of them standing and facing each other,
with Akane slumped in the middle. Rosuke is smirking but Cologne seems
unaffected.) 

Rosuke: <you're not gettin' to Akane, wrinkled, old bat!>
Cologne: <insulting me in my own language, how thoughtful.> 
Rosuke: <I only came 'cos that spirit cloud was worryin' me. Well, is it
true, did you fix this all up? Like last time... with me in Ranma's
place? Did ya'?>
Cologne: <perhaps... perhaps not. It is none of your business, Rosuke.
Anyway... (looks up at the gathering grey clouds) ...it is now out of my
hands. It was worth a try, but there will be other times...>
Rosuke: <huh? You're just gonna give up, like that?> 
Cologne: <I'm merely resting and contemplating, that's all...>
Rosuke: <oh, right.>
Cologne: <I have no choice...>  
Rosuke: <why?>

(Drops of rain slowly begin to fall just as Kodachi enters the picture,
trying to figure out why there is no confrontation between the two. Soon,
showers of cold rain, normal rain begin to flood Nerima. Cologne just
stands there, thinking. Rosuke watches as Akane begins to get up. He
wishes he had an umbrella with him. Kodachi's eyes glaze over
temprorarily.)
 
Akane: I.. uh... what happened? How'd I get out here? (stands up
uneasily) Ah-choo!
Rosuke: here you go. (pulls a throwover out of nowhere and wraps it round
her before she could react) 
Akane: who are you? You seem familiar.
Rosuke: I have a feeling you'll soon remember. (grins)
Akane: uh right... (looks down) Aaaah! A wedding dress! Is this some sort
of nightmare?
Rosuke: it's certainly feels like it but sorry it's real. (thinks) So...
that's why Shampooo managed to get wet and not change into a cat. I was
beginning to think the rumours of Jusyenkyo were just rumours... Normal
rain is the cure! Why didn't _I_ think of that?
Akane: ('hmphs' and crosses her arms trying to think of an explanation) I
know... 
Rosuke: she remembers...?
Akane: ...it's Ranma's fault! (storms off)
Rosuke: (facefaults) (thinks) ...sounds just like Sumasa! I miss her, I
wish I had told her how I... loved her. (smiles gently) (is shook out of
his daydream by some cackling.)
Kodachi: (looks at reflection in puddle) ohohohooooh..! I don't know how
this attire ended up on my beautiful figure, but it certainly does suit
me. All I have to do is dye it black and show it to my darling
Ranma-sama! (bounds off into distance, laughing)
Rosuke: (shivers) funny that, I didn't think I get so cold from the
rain...

End of chapter 7...

Well, whaddya think? C&C taken with great appreciation! The next part
should be the last (_should be_, not necessarily _will be_ :  )
The next part will also be a little later since, it's approaching exam
time for me at University (early Decemeber). So, don't worry, I'm not
abandoning it!  ^_^