(Ancient Japan: Nighttime. We see Ranma standing in front of a pretty
young girl who is wearing a blouse and dress. They are both out in the
middle of nowhere)
Ranma: Why are you out here all alone when it's dark. It's dangerous
out at night, y'know.
Shori: Yes...I know. But I can't do anything about it.

Mizu morphs into Shori in a blouse and dress:  You see they were
having a midnight madness sale on blouses and dresses at Bloomingdales,
and I just couldn't miss it.  I got so sick of wearing kimonos all the
time!

Ranma: Because I need that reward money you'll give me when I return 
you home safely. I assume you will reward me when I get you home 
safely.
Shori: Who are you?
Ranma: I can't tell you.

Boggs:  No dummy, the correct answer is, "I'm Ranma Saotome", or "I'm
Ranma".  Was that so hard?

Shori: Can't you at least give me your fist name?

Mizu:  Insert punch joke here.

Shori: Um...yes. I am.
(Shori meekly follows behind Ranma)

Boggs:  Hey, why IS a pampered princess so meek, anyway?  
This babe's been surrounded all her life by people who
follow her orders and keep her safe and comfortable.
Cog:  Perhaps she is in shock from her recent encounter
with violence.
Mizu:  I have to agree with Boggs.  Her natural inclination
would be to take the initiative to some extent, if only by
offering to pay him if he'll deliver her safely to her 
destination.  
I also wonder what she was doing wandering around the 
countryside.  A daughter and heir wouldn't be moved 
casually, except for something like a wedding.

Ranma: I'm sorry I can't do much more than make a campfire to keep you
warm. I wish I have a jacket...I mean a heavy vest so I can lend it to
you. But I don't. (Pulls out nanban mirror from inside shirt) All I 
have with me is this mirror.

Boggs:  Is this the perfect lead-in to a lemon scene or what?  I
mean, c'mon, they gotta share body heat, right?  

Shori: I-it's all right. (Looks at mirror) That's a pretty mirror.

Mizu morphs into Shori:  I WANT IT!  

Shori: What about me? What should I do?
Ranma: You can wait here. Don't worry. It won't take long. I'll be 
right back.

Cog:  Actually she should be gathering firewood, since the supply of
fuel will have been depleted during the night. 
Boggs:  Naah.  That would make her useful.  

Shori: W-what should I do if there's trouble.

Boggs:  Screaming sounds like a good plan.
Cog:  Question mark.
Boggs/Mizu:  What?
Cog:  The sentence needs one.  

Akane: (Sighs)I wish I don't have school. I'd like to know more about
our ancestors.

Cog:  "didn't"  And there appears to be no connection between these
two thoughts.  

Nabiki: Same here. I never knew we are of royal descent.
Kasumi: Even if so, you shouldn't let that go to your head, Nabiki.
Nabiki: I know. It's just that I like the thought of it. That's all.

Boggs:  Oh come on, there's gotta be a way to cash in on it.  

Akane: (Noticing time)Oh no, we're going to be late, Nabiki. Let's get 
going.

Mizu:  You notice how weirdly calm everyone seems to be.
Cog:  That could represent the inherent predestination of their 
existences ala "Waiting for Godot".
Boggs:  Or it could be the author just left his exclamation points
at home and doesn't describe any facial expressions or verbal tones.

Exactly who is this Ranma?
Why does he hide so many secrets? Where did he come from? Why is he
helping me?

Mizu:  And what about Naomi?  

Ranma: (Stepping out of the bushes carrying a large fish) Hey, Shori,
look what I caught. (Notices the journal)You writing something in that
journal?

Boggs:  Nah, I'm just drawing nude self-portraits.  Wanna see?  
Mizu:  Once again, Ranma seems strangely flat and unexpressive.

Ranma: Would you mind if I take a look?
Shori: No. It's pretty private.

Boggs:  I love a girl who says "no" when she means "yes".

Shori: What are you going to do with that fish?

Mizu:  I'm on a quest to cut down the tallest tree in the
forest for the Samurai Who Say Ni!
Boggs:  Is it just me, or are these two asking really stupid
questions?  

Shori: I-I can't eat that.

Ranma: Why not?

Shori: Well...because...because...I just can't.

Mizu:  Perhaps because not having gathered firewood, she'll have
to eat it raw?  
Boggs:  I suppose cleaning it's out of the question then?  

Shori: I'm too tired to go on.

Ranma: We can't. I have to get you back to your home in four more days.
I have to.

Akane: Why do you have to get me back in four days? What's so important
about having me back home in four days?

Boggs:  What?
Mizu:  Nani?

Shori: Fine, you'll get your reward money, but what do you need it for?
Ranma: I can't tell you.

Boggs:  Hey doofus!  Repeat after me, "I need the money to save my
family from starvation!"  Was that so hard?

(Ancient Japan: Afternoon. Ranma and Shori are making good progress 
down
a road through a forest. 

Mizu/Boggs (sing):  On the road again, I just cain't wait to get on
the road again!

Ranma: Do what?
Shori: I saw you glow. How did you do that? 

Mizu:  I was bit by a radioactive Happosai!

Cologne: There's more, but if you wish to stop, I'll stop. This is
pretty shocking to myself also, and I've been around quite a while.

Mizu, in a bored tone:  Yes.  I am also very shocked.  

ancestors....and it will happen over and over again. Ranma dies before
he's born...and there's no way around it.

Mizu/Boggs sing:  Having no choice how it goes,
                  Talkin' about...predeeestination!

Shampoo: Aiya. Shampoo have headache from thinking so much. This
horrible.

Mizu:  Apparently Wong does not belong to the "Shampoo as rocket
scientist." school.  
Cog:  Once again the lack of an exclamation point suggests that
Shampoo is not particularly disturbed by the knowledge that the
boy she claims to love is dead.  
Boggs:  She seems real broken up about that headache, though.  

Ranma: Um, I guess so....
(A short time passes)
Shori: I guess I'm ready to go now.

Boggs:  My heart!  It canna take the excitement!

(Present. Morning. Akane wakes up. Ranma isn't in bed)
Akane: Ranma? Where are you?
(Akane spots a note. She gets out of bed and reads it. After a moment,
she begins to cry)

Boggs:  ARGH!  The author skipped over the lemon scene!
Mizu:  What?
Boggs:  Akane and Ranma were in bed together!  And we missed it!
Mizu:  .........

Nabiki: Oh no....that means that he never did escape fate....
Akane: (Starts crying)Ranma!!!

Mizu:  Ah, so that's where some of those exclamation points went.
Boggs:  You know this is really starting to remind me of that other
fanfic.  You know, the one with Fighting Ranma of the Saotome School
of Oh-So-Serious Martial Arts.

Ranma: Is there something you wanted to talk to me about....you 
majesty?

King: Yes...I would like you to become Shori's personal guard. She's
always in need of protection, and I would like you to be the one to
protect her.

Boggs:  Yep.  Since I noticed that my daughter has the hots for you,
and you don't show 'er enough respect, I figger I'll just hire you
to be with 'er every minute of the day.  
Mizu:  Say, I don't remember any kings in Japan.

Ranma: I-I won't let you pass. I may be hurt, but you're not going to
pass me.
Ninja: ................. 

Boggs:  That ....... thing is driving me nuts!  The ninja ain't a loss
for words, he just isn't talking!

Ranma: (Thinking)There is no turning back. This is it. This is the 
final
moment.(Begins to talk)I am prepared to die...to protect the princess,
and you will die with me.

Ninja: ..................

Mizu:  I am Sakuro, Master of the Ninja School of Snappy Banter!

Shori: What hometown? I'll come with you. I'll come live with you.
Ranma: No! You're staying here! You must not come with me!

Boggs:  Fight On, Fighting Ranma!

Kasumi: Welcome back, Ranma. How was your trip? We were all worried
about you?

Mizu:  Ah, there's one of those errant question marks.  

(Akane lies down, placing her head on Ranma's chest)
Akane: I love you also.
(Ranma closes his eyes to rest. Akane soon falls asleep next to him)

Boggs looks disgusted:  Their last chance, and they're blowing it!
Mizu:  It is a pity, really.  It would have been somehow appropriate
for Ranma to have fulfilled his vow to unite the Tendo and Saotome
lines before his return.  

Girl: I don't really know. I just think of a sad thought.
(Shori follows the instructions. She easily makes herself cry while
simultaneous wishing to see Ranma. She disappears in a flash of light.)
Girl: Your majesty.....
(She won't reappear for another year)

Mizu:  And so, of course, Cologne's ancestor is executed for her
involvement in the disappearance of the "King"s daughter, leading
to a collapse of the space-time continuum.  What a pity, what a 
shame.
Boggs:  Ah, she probably used all those techniques, Ranma taught 'er 
to escape.  
Mizu:  Then how did she end up with the mirror again?
Boggs: .............

Ranma: I don't care what you say, Shori, I HAVE to take you back. If 
you
don't go back, something bad is definitely going to happen.
Shori: ..................

Boggs:  Aw geez, not this routine again.  
Cog:  One does wonder why she isn't asking the obvious questions,
such as "How do you know?", or "What will happen?"

(Three guards rush into the room and bumrush Ranma. Ranma is pinned
down)

Mizu:  Now there's a martial arts manuever you don't see often.
Boggs:  It's a speciality of students of Butt-fu.

King: What has he done with you? You've been gone for the past year. No
one has seen you for over a year and the providence is in ruins because
of your disappearance.

Boggs:  Bad luck, eh?
Cog:  "province"

King: Do you remember that assassination attempt over a year ago? Well,
a neighboring providence wanted you killed because your death would
severely lower our soldiers' morale. But they failed. But when you
disappeared, it had the same impact as if you have been assassinated.
That was when the neighboring providence decided it was best to invade
us.

Boggs:  This is such bull.  Ya think the American army's gonna fall
apart if Chelsea Clinton vanishes?  
Mizu:  It would be more likely that the "king" would fall apart, and
that would damage morale.  
Cog:  However, logically speaking with the only heir a girl of 
marriageable age, kidnapping attempts would be more plausible than
assasination attempts.

King: I'm sorry, Shori. I truly am. I regret having accused him of what
he did. He was a good man.

Boggs (as King):  Who just nearly vaporised me, but hey, I won't hold a 
grudge.  

 How did you like that story? Pretty hard to follow, right? I wanted

Mizu:  Not particularly.
Cog:  Fairly obvious.  
Boggs:  Well I was kinda confused.

Here's an ending I'm pretty sure most people would prefer rather than 
my original one

Boggs:  People are suckers for a happy ending.
Cog:  However, death in a vaporising explosion is number one on 
the top ten list of ways for people to apparently die and reappear
later.  Without a body his death was never predestined.
Mizu:  In any case, to tell the truth, I would have
preferred it if Shori had appeared after the Akane/Ranma wedding, 
so that Ranma could fulfill both of his destinies.  Both endings, as
given struck me as unsatisfactory.  I also found the lack of 
description or stage direction to the actors to leave the story
feeling emotionless and enervated.  
Boggs:  I dunno, I just wanna see Mr. I Can't Get No Satisfaction 
actually get some before he croaks.  

Cog/Mizu:  .............

Boggs:  Geez that's annoying!  So long folks!
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