[Camera pans onto two figures and a cat hovering over a computer screen.
Awed silence fills the room.]

Cerina: (drooling) Heaven....

LilTigre: 4,800 yen? I wonder what the exchange rate is now?

Michi: It's completely in Japanese! You know our computer can't handle it!

[Cerina points to the computer screen; it's the StarChild homepage.]

Cerina: "Blue Seed Daily Selection." I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!!!

(LilTigre conks Cerina over the head with the keyboard.)

LilTigre: Cut it out, ya'll. We've got a fic to review.

On Mon, 10 Nov 1997, The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:

	Chapter 21: Worm Fodder

Michi: Ewww... worms are icky!

Cerina: Not unless they're cute, humongous Aragami worms-

(LilTigre punts Cerina over the horizon.)

	The caravan slowed to a stop at the border of the arid, dusty wastes
of Cephiro. As far as deserts go, this one was definitely unusual.
	"Why's the sand purple?" Ukyou asked.

LilTigre: Why's the sky blue?

	Stretching as far as the eye could see, the parched wasteland
featured dark purple sand, piled in dunes here and there, as a soft
wind picked up bits of it and carried it from one dune to the next. 

Michi: Pretty.... Wonder if it's amethyst?

The group of eight disembarked from the wagons, and stood at the
threshold of the desert. "It's due to a mineral found only in this
part of Cephiro," Presea said.
	"Really?" Akane asked. "What mineral is it?"
	Presea shook her head. "Nobody ever bothered to name it, because
it's absolutely worthless."

LilTigre: But it's so pretty.....

	"Oh."
	"In any case," Presea said, "What we seek is a mineral far more
valuable than the one which makes this blasted sand purple. We're
hunting Escudo."

Cerina: (popping up out of nowhere) We're huntin' wabbits!

	"So....where're we gonna find it?" Ryouga asked.

Michi: Ryouga, finding something? HAH!

	Presea pointed north. "Go over those dunes. You'll know the tunnels
of the wasteworms when you see them. Be careful...the worms are
tough, and very nasty. You'll need to find the heart of their nesting
catacombs, to reach the Escudo."

LilTigre: No comma in that last sentence.

	The group groaned. "Oh, wonderful," Akane said.
	"This must be my punishment for making fun of those worms in that
gaijin movie 
'Dune'," Ukyou muttered.

Cerina: Don't feel bad, Ucchan. I think everybody made fun of those worms.

	"Well, we'd best get started," Mousse said. The others nodded, and
the five martial artists began their trek across the dunes.

Michi: (hums the original Star Trek theme)

(A pile of rejected sci-fi movie scripts falls from the sky and squishes
Michi.)

	As they walked, Akane said, "By the way, Ryouga..."
	Ryouga blinked, then swallowed nervously. "H...hai, Akane-san?"
	Akane smirked. "I forgot about it earlier, but we need to have a
little talk..."

LilTigre: I'm sorry, Ryouga, but there is no Santa Claus.

	Ukyou, Mousse, and Shampoo flinched as Ryouga's screams of pain rang
out across the desert. A lightning bolt spiked down from the sky,
slamming into one of the nearby dunes, spraying the amethyst sand in
all directions. 

All: O_O

	"Boy, she's really ticked," Ukyou said. Shampoo and Mousse nodded. 

LilTigre: No, you really think so?

	"Pig-boy bring down on own head," Shampoo said. "Still, Shampoo
think violent tomboy getting trigger-happy with lightning magic."

Cerina: (snicker)

	"RYOUGA NO BAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(All cringe as the force of Akane's scream nearly blows them out of their
seats.)

	A small thunderstorm erupted over the recently blasted dune. It
ended as suddenly as it began. The trio watched with morbid curiosity
as a tiny black shape rocketed into the sky, plummeting to the ground
moments later, burying itself in the sand upon impact. After a few

LilTigre: That sentence is kind of a run-on. Try: "The trio watched as a
tiny black shape rocketed into the sky; it plummeted to the ground moments
later, burying itself in the sand upon impact."

moments, the black shape stretched into a bruised, battered, and
charred Hibiki Ryouga. Akane rejoined the group, pointedly turning
her nose up at the lost boy. 

Michi: Ms. Akane "Holier-than-thou" Tendo.

	"I...think we should get back to looking for the Escudo," Ukyou
said. Ryouga numbly dragged himself to his feet, and the group
continued on their way.
	After a short hike, they topped the crest of a particularly large
dune. Shampoo gasped. "Aiyah. Shampoo think this the place."
	Below them lay a deep, circular valley. The valley was ringed by
high dunes, and was easily two kilometers wide, perhaps more. a
thick, deep black ring separated the dunes from the valley, which was
littered with dozens of irregular holes. 

Michi: (Jyusenkyo guide) This disposal ground for old cartoon holes. Very
sad story.

	"Well, looks like this is it. Last one down's a gaijin okonomiyaki,"

Michi: Hey! Don't insult the okonomiyaki like that!

Cerina: Um, dear, technically we are gaijins.

Michi: Oh. (pause) HEY!

Ukyou said, as she leapt down from the dune. The others blinked at
her choice of expressions, not sure what to make of it. As they
prepared to jump down, Ukyou cried out, "*SHIT!*"

(A citation flutters down from the sky and papercuts Michi before she can
remark.)

Cerina: (glaring at the citation) Religious college no baka!

	The others dropped to low defensive stances, and peered cautiously
over the edge of the dune. "What is it, Ukyou?" Akane asked.
	Ukyou mucked angrily out of the black ring lining the valley. Her
white boots were now dark brown, and brown sludge smeared her legs.
She had a decidedly disgusted look on her face. "It's shit," she
said. "Be careful coming down. Don't get into the crap."

LilTigre: Ewwwwwwwww.....

Michi: yup, she's full of-

(Cerina duct tapes her mouth shut.)

	The others carefully leapt down, missing the black ring. Mousse
produced a towel from his robes and handed it to Ukyou. Akane's face
contorted. "Ugh," she said. "It stinks down here."

Cerina: Well, considering what's down there, yeah, I can see it smelling.

	"Shampoo not smell such horrible thing even in panda pasture," the
Amazon added.

(Genma-panda pops up out on nowhere; his sign reads: "Shampoo no baka!")

	Ryouga prodded the black stuff with his cudgel. It squelched.

All: It's ALIVE!!!!

Extracting the weapon, he examined the stain on the end of it, and
nodded. "It's definitely shit," he said. "And judging from the smell,
I'd say it's probably worm shit." He ground the end of his weapon
into the sand, cleaning off the fecal matter.

Michi: He had to examine it to tell that it was crap? 

Cerina: Hey, that sand IS good for something!

LilTigre: What?

Cerina: Cleaning weapons!

	"Tell me about it," Ukyou said, grimacing as she wiped herself off. 
	"This is rather strange," Mousse said. "If this is worm feces, why's
it packed up against the dunes like this?"

Michi: The dunes are their equivalent of a potty, duh.

	"Maybe they can't stand the smell," Akane mused.
	Across the valley, a crane-like bird, with dark grey plumage and a
serrated beak, gave a cry as it landed on the ring of offal, and
began pecking through it. The ground trembled, and before the bird
could react, an enormous, brownish form erupted from one of the
holes, and descended on it. The martial artists watched in morbid
fascination as the attacking end of the incredibly large worm split
open like the end of a frankfurter, revealing a dark, gaping maw. The
crane attempted escape, but it was in vain. Within seconds, it had
been swallowed, and the worm's head slid back into the hole. The
beast paused mid-slither, aiming its other end at the dunes. A
thunderous flatulation ripped across the valley, and a thick brown
mist settled onto the ring of manure. Its business finished, the worm
disappeared down the hole again.

Michi: I'm surprised that the Nerima group didn't get rained on then!

	"That explains the ring of shit," Ryouga said.
	With less resolve than she had before, Ukyou said, "Well, if we
gotta do it, I guess we gotta do it. Let's go find the Escudo."
	Grimacing, the five teens made for the nearest hole.

Michi: I hope that that ring of yuck wasn't the Escudo.... hey, how come
I'm the only one commenting right now?

(Michi looks down and discovers that SHE was "rained on" by the worm.)

Cerina, LilTigre: (snicker)

	As the group approached the worm tunnels, Mousse suggested, "Perhaps
we had best split up. There's no telling how deep these tunnels are,
or if they even run to the same place."
	Ryouga nodded. "He's right. Besides, these tunnels aren't wide
enough for more than one person to fight in. If we tried to pair up,
we'd end up attacking each other more than the worms."

Cerina: Akane would probably prefer that situation....

	The others considered this, and nodded. Each one selected a tunnel,
and jumped down.

	Akane slid down the tunnel, landing roughly on her butt at the
bottom. As she sat up and looked around, she noticed a huge worm only
inches from her. It opened its mouth and roared out a tremendous
belch which stank of rotted flesh and probably a bit of offal. Akane
coughed, suppressing the urge to retch. Glaring at the offending
beast, she withdrew her hammer from the gem on her glove. "WORM NO
BAKA!" she screamed as she brought the mallet down on its head. The
worm grunted, and slithered away sulkily. Akane sighed. "Honestly,"
she said as she stood, and followed the worm down the tunnel.

LilTigre: Yeah, if I wanted to be burped on, I would have crossed over
into the Beavis and Butthead universe!

	Ukyou grumbled as she landed. Nearby, she saw a smaller worm than
the one which had eaten the bird on the surface. It was nudging along
a much smaller worm, about the size of a Rottweiler. The smaller worm
was squeaking softly, and occassionally would turn around and almost
playfully nip at the larger worm. Chuckling to herself at what was
obviously a baby at play, Ukyou silently tiptoed past the pair of
worms, who paid her no heed, and made her way further down.

Cerina: Awww....

	Shampoo slid down, down, down...ugh. What the...? She blinked, and
looked around. "Is dark," she said. She stood, and the ground
squelched and shifted beneath her feet. "Stink worse here than
surface," she noted. It was also very slimy. She looked around for
light, and found it, above her, visible through a shrinking
orifice...
	SHRINKING ORIFICE!?
	"AIYAH! Worm swallow Shampoo whole! Not good!" The Amazon murmured a
quick Shadow spell, and her body was reduced to a two-dimensional
pool of darkness. Quickly, she slipped down the worm's digestive
track, and exited through its...let's not think about that. Suffice
it to say, she got out of the worm.

Michi: (fresh out of the shower) Yucky!

	Returning her body to its normal state, Shampoo conjured a bolt of
shadow, and threw it at the worm. The creature bellowed in agony as
its body disintegrated, reducing to a permanent shadow of its former
self. "That for trying make snack from Amazon woman," Shampoo said,
as she stalked away from the shade worm.

	Smashing another worm to pulp, Ryouga continued his path down the
tunnel. Miraculously, he had not found a way to get lost yet. At the
bottom of the tunnel, he found what appeared to be a stone wall.
"Perfect," he mumbled. Deciding to do this the old fashioned way, he
cried out "BAKUSAI TENKETSU!" as he struck the wall with one finger.
	The wall rumbled, but did not shatter. Ryouga blinked.

(Cologne pops up and conks Ryouga on the head.)

Cologne: See with your mind, not with your eyes, you dolt!

	The sand packed in the ceiling of the tunnel began to shift, and
caved in on Ryouga's head, as the wall bent, and turned around to
face him...or rather, to smack him upside the head. Ryouga barely had
time to use a spell to clear a path in the sand before him before the
hit stunned him silly.

Cerina: Probably wouldn't have done much damage....

	Mousse was using sets of raking talons and wrist blades as climbing
tools, and was sticking to the ceiling of the tunnel. He managed to
make it past all the worms without being spotted. He soon reached a
large, open cavern, with various tunnels feeding into it from all
directions. Worms milled about, shoving around mounds of sand and
manure, and in one corner he could see larger worms feeding
pre-masticated corpses to baby worms the size of Dobermans. Dotted
among the sandy walls of the cave, small specks of crystal and
luminescent lichen shed a soft glow, providing adequate lighting to
take in the sights of the worm nest.

LilTigre: Go Mousse!

	There was a slight commotion from one of the tunnels, as a worm
scuttled out, a large discolored mark on the top of its head. It
scuttled past the other worms, and made its way down another tunnel.
None of the creatures paid it much attention. Wondering what caused
the worm to flee, Mousse watched the tunnel it came from. After a
moment, he saw a dark-haired head peek out from the tunnel, followed
by the yellow-clad form of Akane. Readying a chain with a grappling

Cerina: (piku) A disembodied head? 

hook, Mousse fired it at the lip of the tunnel Akane was emerging
from, and released the chain, letting it trail off to the floor of
the cavern. Akane blinked, then looked around. Spotting Mousse, she
gave him a thumbs-up, and climbed down. 
	As Mousse made his way over to Akane, two shadows flitted out of
another tunnel. The two humans blinked as one of the shadows grabbed
the other and threw it across the cavern, sending it flying back down
the tunnel. The shadow seemed to be human-shaped, and female. After a
moment's confusion, Akane nodded, and whispered, "What happened,
Shampoo?" 
	Shampoo silently slid up the wall, and melted out of it, returning
to her normal state. "Stupid worm try swallow Shampoo. Shampoo turn
worm into shadow, but worm attack Shampoo. Fight as shadow all way
here." She frowned. "Where here?"

Michi: Isn't it obvious?

	"The central cavern of the worm nest, I'd guess," Mousse said. 
	A sharp whisper from above hissed, "Incoming!" The group scattered
as a large spatula hurtled down and imbedded itself into the ground.
Its handle extended upward, forming a smooth, round metal pole,
similar to one found in a fire station. Ukyou slid down the pole,
which shrank as she descended, until it was once again a spatula
handle. Retrieving the spatula and slinging it across her back, Ukyou
smiled. "Hi guys. Anything interesting going on?"

All: (cheer)

	Akane shifted nervously. Ukyou's entrance had apparently gained some
attention among the worms. "We're about to have company, you guys,"
Akane said, pointing at a few large worms which seemed to be staring
at them. 
	"Aiyah!"
	Ukyou grumbled. "Dammit! I should be more careful."
	Suddenly, the worms were upon them.  The four warriors blazed into
action, striking out with their weapons and the occassional spell,
knocking worms unconscious or cleaving them in twain. The fight was
going well, as the worms could not hope to match the fighters in
skill...only in numbers. 

Cerina: Carnage! Carnage!!!

	"Hey, where's Ryouga?" Ukyou wondered.
	"Probably lost as usual," Akane grumbled. "Or maybe he hit water and
wound up as pork for a worm."
	"ooooh...kay," Ukyou said softly as she split a worm neatly in two.
	Suddenly, there was a great rumble. The worms ceased their onslaught
as the cavern began to shake. Many of them began shrieking and
roaring in confusion and anger. Behind the baby pen, a wall of the
cavern erupted violently, sending sprays of purple sand everywhere,
as well as one lost boy who crashed unmercifully into the ground
head-first. 

LilTigre: Ouchies....

	"Speak of the pig," Akane muttered. 
	Ryouga dragged himself to his feet shakily, rubbing his head.
"Ouch," he said. 
	Everyone stared at the large hole Ryouga had made in the wall. The
baby worm nest which had been beneath it was shattered, leaving a
crater and dead baby worms scattered about. Something shiny glinted

Cerina: Poor babies! (sniff)

from within the crater. Whatever it was, it sparkled more brilliantly
than the lichen and crystals around the cave. 
	"Is that...Escudo?" Akane wondered.
	"Aiyah! We find mineral!" Shampoo said.
	"Let's get it!" Mousse cheered, as the five teens made a dash for
the legendary mineral.
	Before they could get halfway there, the ground exploded, throwing
them into the walls and tunnel mouths. An *enormous* worm, easily
five times the size of any they'd seen so far, emerged from the great
chasm in the ground, which sealed up behind it. The worm's tail was
wide, swollen, as though indicating that the worm was incredibly fat.
Its head was different from the others...its jaws were fleshy, like
meaty jowls, and it had clearly visible, though squinted, eyes above
its maw. The worm opened its great maw, and the five teens blinked as
it...spoke.

Michi: A talking worm?

Cerina: It could have been that damn talking monkey from Togenkyo again...

	The worm's voice was very unusual. Expecting something that large to
have a deep, earthquaking voice, instead it was soft, and the
creature seemed to mumble as it said, "Small creatures with no tails,
why have you disrupted the sanctity of my lair?"
	Everyone blinked.
	The worm seemed to scowl. "You come into my catacombs uninvited," it
mumbled, "disrupt the tunnels, kill members of my family, and have
the audacity to poke me in the tail. This, I cannot forgive."

All: (giggle)

	"Oh great," Ukyou said, rolling her eyes. "Look fellas, it's the
Godworm."
	Ryouga rubbed his chin, then pounded a fist into his palm. "So
*that*'s what that wall was!"
	The Godworm spoke again. "I'm going to make you an offer, you can't

LilTigre: No comma after "offer."

refuse. I'm going to eat all of you alive. You can enjoy the rest of
your life being digested."
	Akane shook her head. "I don't think so."
	Ryouga glared at the worm. "I owe you for knocking me around like
that."
	"You got a lot of nerve, worm. Let's see what some worm okonomiyaki
tastes like!"
	"Eeew, let's not."

(All nod in agreement.)

	"Shampoo make stupid fat worm shut ugly fat mouth!"
	"The early bird catches the worm. I'm the earliest bird you'll ever
know."
	Everyone blinked at Mousse, who shrugged. "Hey, it sounded good."
	The Godworm surged forward. "Die!" it roared, although the roar came
out as more of a belch. A veritable cloud of its foul breath struck
the young warriors, making them drop to their knees gagging. 
	"Distract it," Ryouga wheezed. "I'm going to cast a spell to send it
back where it came from."
	"Alright," Akane said, frowning at the lost boy. Turning her
attention to the Godworm, she shouted, "Okay worm, take this!"
Leaping at its head with her mallet in hand, she let out a mighty
battle yell. The ceiling of the cavern erupted, and lightning spiked
down into the mallet's haft, sparking around its steel head, as Akane
shouted, "HAMMER OF THOR!" 
	She struck the massive worm, and a bright flash of lightning
exploded from her hammer. The Godworm roared in agony and rage as it
slithered backwards from Akane, who touched off of its head with her
foot, and somersaulted backwards, landing in a ready position. 

(The god Thor suddenly appears, looking pissed.)

Thor: Gimme back my hammer, you violent tomboy!

	Shampoo murmured a spell, and when it was prepared, she said softly,
"Command Shadow." The Godworm's shadow shook violently, and tore
itself away from the massive beast, who blinked down at it. 
	"What the hell's that supposed to do?" it mumbled.
	Shampoo smiled. "Watch and learn, stupid worm." The shadow reared up
out of the ground, bellowing in rage, and descended on the Godworm.
Unsure what to do, the great worm slid backwards, but the shadow was
faster, and plunged down through the Godworm's tail. The gigantic
monster bellowed in pain as a good chunk of its tail was severed,
sending up a shower of worm blood.
	"My turn," Mousse said. He pulled a number of hooked chains from his
robes, and threw them at the Godworm. Although it twisted its body
out of the way of the chains, Mousse smirked as the hooks passed its
injured tail. He jerked on the chains, and they snapped backwards,
the hooks digging into the wounded flesh of the tail, and holding
fast. "SENOBAITO!" Mousse shouted, as he tugged the chains sharply.
The hooks dug canals in the worm's flesh, peeling its outer skin away
from its body. The Godworm keened in agony, unable to escape the
deadly attack.

Michi: Flayed worm a la Mousse.

	"My turn!" Ukyou called, producing several small spatulas. Throwing
them at the exposed body of the worm, she used a metal spell to turn
them into curved daggers as they struck. Casting another spell once
they were imbedded, she caused the daggers to become serrated, and at
the Godworm's groan of pain, she leapt across the chasm, and began
plucking the saw-edged daggers from its body. The Godworm was
thoroughly stunned, unable to move. As Ukyou landed, she called,
"Now, Ryouga!"
	Ryouga nodded, and raised his hands. The ground began trembling.
"Everyone, get as far from the worm as you can, and *GET DOWN!* he
shouted. As the others complied, a circle of stone rose up around the
wounded Godworm, as well as beneath it, bringing it level with the
center of the cavern. Part of the ceiling above it had hardened, the
sand packing into a block of solid purple stone. 
	"Ready...NOW!" Ryouga shouted. The stone pedestal carrying the worm
dropped, and Ryouga flung his hands outward. "STONE PRESS!" he
commanded. The rock floor beneath the Godworm rose up, a great stone
pillar, which swiftly carried the giant beast up to the rocky ceiling
above. The stones clashed together, and the Godworm was crushed
between them, its remains spattering the walls and floor of the
cavern. The stone pillar crumbled, and the ceiling above returned to
normal.

Cerina: Now it's worm pate!

	"Yatta!" Ryouga shouted. The others stood, picking their way among
the worm's remains. "Good work, Ryouga," Ukyou said.
	Ryouga shrugged. "Couldn't have done it without you guys," he said. 
	Akane pointed to the area where the nest was. "Got enough magic left
to take care of the rubble around that nest?" she asked.
	Ryouga nodded, and concentrated. The ground rumbled, and five sharp
crystals peeked up from the wreckage. With a gesture, Ryouga flung
the mineral crystals out of the rocks, bringing them for a safe
landing among the five warriors. 
	"Sugoi!" Ukyou said.
	"You really handle that stone magic well," Mousse commented.
	Ryouga shrugged. "Must be from all my experience with the Bakusai
Tenketsu," he said. 
	"So, this Escudo?" Shampoo said.
	Akane nodded. "I think so," she said. Reaching out, she touched one
of the crystals. It turned yellow, and disappeared into the gem on
her hand.
	"Yep, it *must* be the Escudo," Ukyou mused, touching a crystal. It
turned dark blue, and merged with her guantlet. The others each
touched a crystal, which changed color to match their gauntlet gems,
and disappeared. 
	"Okay, now how do we get outta here?" Ukyou wondered.
	Ryouga frowned. "I dunno. I'm pretty spent for magic," he said.
	"Hmm," Akane rubbed her chin. "Aha! I know! Everyone gather around
me."

(The gang backs away slowly.)

	The others gathered around Akane, who concentrated and murmured a
few chants. A strong breeze picked up around them, forming a slight
whirlwind. As the others grew nervous, Akane's chanting became more
frantic, until her eyes snapped open, and she shouted, "SANDSTORM!"
	The wind howled, as purple sand shrouded them, stinging their skin
and cutting visibility to zero. The winds rose, and began blasting
the sand straight up. The five martial arts mages were sucked into
the vortex, and blasted upward.

Cerina: The Hiryuu Shoten Ha would have probably been more comfy...

	"Any sign of them?" Clef asked. Presea shook her head.
	"Looks like...wait. That's odd," she mused. "There usually aren't
sandstorms in this desert..."
	Clef's eyes widened. "A sandstorm?" he asked. Presea handed him her
binoculars. As the master wizard watched, a purple column of whirling
sand erupted from the valley of the worm tunnels. Five figures were
flung out of the twister, which began dying down.

	As the group landed roughly in the dunes around the worm valley,
Akane mused to herself, "Need to learn to control that spell..."

Cerina: Another fic well done.

LilTigre: Now Presea can have fun with the escudo while the Magic Knights
get the other Mashin. We'll be waiting for the next part!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Another Not Gonna Do It production...

"Senshi....Sailorize!"
"Anima-mates...Terrorize!"

Transformers: Sailor Wars
Not gonna do it...wouldn't be prudent.

---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net

"Ore wa bakemono? Che...ore wa akuma da."
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Jess, the LilTigre