ÿWPCw
. Ì™ÝÜ)xtAêÊŽjñjPtnŸÞ¬v©Ù½»ã½úwÍ}\Zþ’²X$¯·Hx1#óŬ»ÂG°Œº<¢T%!ö°CêžëæfX�È
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3Æ–Ü}+ñzÁÃŒ&ñšÖ.0I™~/\¨.´SyÎ/>(zäöÙ¯ìCE@‘²Þzþ½|¬52²¸U?´ Šu.ó·¬1Võ×Ë:¬µ­%YÚë>ú2žÁrL¹ÀUî¡èŸØ •ªyiÐæžkö4ãÉuíÎ5>}Ý…¢êËbÁs›€>ô¬céŽ.=ÿÍÉŽ¤<áX+ç¸ã2£d†„KG4X<2[ºH·nD f¡¸ÑÂ�ݵ¦á4<io¥ÁOZÙõ÷u¦´Øi6›m‰is€is€a€very€humorous€version€ofÌ>€Blue€Seed€with€the€cast€of€Eva.€Where€I€couldn't€find€a€Eva€character€toÌñ@€Loyal€order€of€the€Monty€PythonððsÌFlying€Circus.ÌÌ>¢Nanami£:€Just€get€on€with€it.€Oh,€and€as€this€fic€was€done€as€anÌ>attachment,€the€quote€marks€will€not€be€visible.€Read€carefully,€toÌ>separate€the€fic€from€the€comments.€They'll€be€headed€with€an€*€at€theÌ>beginning€of€each€spoken€part€or€stage€direction.ÌÌMiyuki:€Wow.€ÌÌ>€€My€name€is€Rei€Ayanami.€Until€today,€I€thought€I€was€a€normal€Ì>schoolgirl.€Alright,€so€I'm€considered€to€be€a€little€weird.€But,€allÌ>*Andrew:€[raising€eyebrow]€A€little€weird?ÌÌ>*¢Nanami£:€[lightly€¢whaps£€Andrew]€Remember,€this€is€the€Ayanami€that€hasÌ>been€transplanted€into€the€Blue€Seed€universe.€ÌÌ>*Andrew:€Oh,€yeah.€I€should€check€out€those€Blue€Seed€pages,€to€figure€outÌ>who€corresponds€to€who.ÌÌAsh:ñ†£'€for€¢woss£...er,€royalties.ÌÌAsh:€No€comment.ÌÌ>Well,€now€I'm€running€for€my€life,€and€it's€gotten€cold€in€here.Ì>Why€me?ÌÌ€€===€ÌÌ>€Rei€ran€in€terror€from€the€mass€of€tendrils,€sharp€pointed€sticks,Ì>and€other€disgusting€things.€A€tendril€wrapped€around€her€right€ankle,Ì>tripping€her.€It€then€picked€her€up€and€threw€her€down€a€stairwell.Ì>Before€she€could€hit€the€floor,€it€caught€her€and€threw€into€a€nearby€Ì>hallway.€Catching€her€one€last€time,€she€was€wrapped€in€whateverÌ>the€thing€was€made€of,€and€then€it€something€truly€horrible.€It€Ì>began€to€speak.ÌÌ€>€>Kushinada!<Ì>*Andrew:€Well,€looks€like€I€need€to€look€up€what€"Kushinada"€is.ÌÌAsh:€It€means€comb.Ì€Ì>€"Whaoort?"€she€asked€intelligently.ÌÌ>€€>Kushinada,€your€end€is€near.<ÌÌ>€€"What?"ÌÌ>€€>You€will€die€soon,€but€if€you€are€lucky,€I€just€might€readÌ>you€some€of€my€poetry!<Ì>*¢Nanami£:€I€don't€get€it....ÌÌ>*Andrew:€Be€glad.€¢Vogons£,€anybody?ÌÌAsh:€(game€show€host€voice)€Thatððs€right!€Miyuki,€tell€our€guest€what€heððs€won.ÌÌMiyuki:€ñl€take€us€to€Izumo."ÌÌ>€€"Oh."ÌÌ€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€***Ì>"Please€hurry,€waaah,€oh€my€poor€baby,€I€hope€you're€all€right."Ì>sniffle<Ì>*¢Nanami£:€Huh?€Who's€saying€that?ÌÌMason:€Mihoshi.€Ash€thought€that€she€would€be€appropriate€as€a€balance€to€ñôg€the€source€material.ÌÌ<judicious€snip>ÌÌ>€€Shinji€put€his€hand€behind€his€head€where€it€had€collided€withÌ>the€sweat€drop€that€had€formed€there.ÌÌ>€€"Well...€there€was€something€in€that€forest€that€was€affecting€myÌ>€motor€skills."ÌÌñ
ñ>ñ
ñ€€"You€don't€say."ÌÌñ
ñ>ñ
ñ€€Rei€turned€away,€tapping€her€forefingers€together.€Looking€up€at€theÌñ
ñ>ñ
ñceiling,€she€began€to€speak.€"Why€me?"ÌÌñ
ñ>ñ
ñ€€"Why€do€I€get€the€feeling€that€I'm€going€to€die?"€she€asked,€turningÌñ
ñ>ñ
ñto€Shinji.Ìñ
ñ>ñ
ñ*ñhing€Trek?ÌÌ>€€Shinji€looked€at€her,€a€sly€expression€forming€on€his€face,€he€replied,Ì>"I€can€see€why.€Any€girl€who€still€wears€neko€pants€isn't€mature€Ì>enough€to€be€kissed."ÌÌ>€€A€look€of€shock€and€horror€crossed€Rei's€face.€Looking€down,€she€saw€thatÌ>her€skirt€was€missing,€and€that€the€panties€she€had€on€had€these€features;Ì>a€simple€bow,€a€picture€of€a€kawaii€sd€kitten,€and€betwixt€these,€the€wordsÌ>'Hello€Kitty'€in€bright,€cheerful€katakana.Ì>*Andrew€and€¢Nanami£:€¢BWAHAHAHAHAHA£!!!ÌÌAsh:€oh€good.€You€got€the€joke.€^_^ÌÌ>*¢Gaspode£:€Oh,€¢yeth£.€Clothing€joke.ÌÌ>€€Rei's€face€went€completely€red.€Steam€was€starting€to€shoot€out€her€Ì>ears.€She€slapped€him.€Hard.€Not€only€did€her€hand€leave€a€red€hand-shaped€Ì>mark,€aaand€an€impression,€but€had€dislocated€his€face.ÌÌ>€€"Itai."€said€Shinji€as€he€replaced€his€face.ÌÌ>€€"How€dare€you€say€something€like€that!"€she€spat€at€him.€"My€mother€makesÌ>me€wear€these.€She€thinks€that€I'm€still€six€years€old.€But€then,€sometime€she€Ì>thinks€she's€some€sort€of€galactic€police€officer."Ì>*¢Nanami£:€Er...GP?ÌÌAñ€plasmid€in€an€isolated€vector."Ì>*Andrew:€Uh-oh.€I€may€have€started€another€trend.ÌÌAsh:€Donððt€worry.€I€address€this€in€part€three.ÌÌ>€€"What?"ÌÌ>€€"After€listening€to€you€rant€about€Dr.€Pepper,€I€made€some€Ìñth€eyes€that€pleaded€with€his€soul.€Her€mouth€wasÌ>slightly€open€in€such€a€way€that€her€lips€were€practically€holding€upÌñš
ñ>ñš
ñwooden€signs€that€screamed,€'Kiss€me,€stupid!!!'ÌÌñ›
ñ>ñ›
ñ€€Hyuuga€began€to€drool.€Reaching€beside€him,€he€opened€a€coolerÌñœ
ñ>ñœ
ñthat€was€sitting€on€the€floor,€and€pulled€out€can€of€his€choice€beverage,Ìñ�
ñ>ñ�
ñDr.€Pepper.Ìñž
ñ>ñž
ñ*Andrew:€"Kiss€me€stupid",€and€he€reaches€for€the€drink€first?ÌÌñŸ
ñ>ñŸ
ñ€€"Here."€he€said,€giggling€that€guttural€giggle€that€idiots€make€when€Ìñ 
ñ>ñ 
ñthey€think€that€they're€going€to€get€some.ÌÌñ¡
ñ>ñ¡
ñ€€Misato's€face€lit€up.€"Oh,€that's€soooooooooo€sweet€of€you,€Hyuuga."Ìñ¢
ñ>ñ¢
ñShe€said€grabbing€the€can€and€slapping€him€on€the€back.Ìñ£
ñ>ñ£
ñ*Andrew:€Oh.€How€cruel.Ðe.ÌÌ€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€***ÌÌ>€€A€car€arrived€at€the€high€school,€which€had€just€been€declared€a€disasterÌ>area.€JSDF€barricades€and€vehicles€surrounded€the€campus.€One€of€the€Ì>car's€doors€opened€to€release€a€flood€of€tears€that€spilled€out€onto€theÌ>ground.ÌÌ>€€>squish<ÌÌ>€€Ikari€stepped€out€of€the€car€and€walked€towards€a€nearby€soldier,€or€ratherÌ>he€squished.ÌÌ>€€>squish<ÌÌ>€€>squish<Ì€€Ì>€€>squish<Ì>*Andrew:€Oh,€that's€mucky,€that€is.ÌÌAsh:€What€ñare€now€off€limits€to€non-militaryÌñÇ
ñ>ñÇ
ñpersonnel!"€shouted€a€soldier€pointing€a€rifle€at€Ikari.€€€€ÌÌñÈ
ñ>ñÈ
ñ€€Ikari,€after€pausing€to€slide€his€glasses€up€his€nose,€pulled€a€TACÌñÉ
ñ>ñÉ
ñID€out€of€his€jacket€pocket.€The€kind€that€gets€you€a€50%€discountÌñÊ
ñ>ñÊ
ñat€'Mr.€Wacky's€Yakisoba'.€But,€you€didn't€hear€that€here.€The€soldierЀJusty€Ueki€Tylor€Ì>yawn<€sir."Ì>*Andrew:€¢Gack£!ÌÌMason:€¢o_O£ÌÌ>€€"Well?"ÌÌ>€€"Ah...we€uh,€surrounded€the€school,€and€the€wossname,€Ì>uh€dragon,€thingy€has€been€>yawn<€moving€around€a€bit."ÌÌ>€€"What€about€the€girl?"ÌÌ>€€"Girl?€I€don't€know€about€any€girl.€I€was€just€told€toÌ>surround€the€school€and€wait€>yawn<€for€further€orders.€Now,€IÌ>think€I'll€return€to€my€nap."€with€that,€he€sat€back€and€returned€toÌ>his€slumber.€ÌÌ>€€Ikari€rolled€his€eyes€and€turned€his€head€to€the€sky.Ì>"Why€Me?"€he€inquired€of€no€one€in€particular.Ì>*¢Gaspode£:€'Cos€it€wouldn't€be€as€¢amusin£',€otherwise.€Or€so€these€peopleÌ>tell€me.ÌÌAshññ:€And€you€ñññ:€How€true.ÌÌ>€€Landing€on€a€rooftop,€Shinji€pooped€a€blade€out€of€his€left€arm.Ì>Holding€it€up€to€Rei's€throat,€He€shouted,Ì>"Stay€back!€I'll€kill€her!€I€really€mean€it€this€time!"ÌÌ>€€"Yeah,€right."€said€Orochi€rearing€his€ugly€head.€Not€that€the€Ì>head€was€ugly€or€anything,€It€was€black,€and€had€eight€eyes.€ItÌ>appeared€to€be€made€entirely€out€tree€branches.€It€also€had€a€Ì>pair€of€pointy€ears,€and€very€large€button€on€it's€neck€proclaimed:Ì>I€GROK€SPOCK€!Ì>*¢Nanami£:€¢Geez£.ÌÌMason:€That€was€a€bit€much.ÌÌ>€€Regarding€Shinji,€it€snorted.€Which€was€surprising,€since€itÌñ;ñ>ñ;ñdidn't€appear€to€have€a€nose.€Or€€nostrils,€for€that€matter,€either.Ìñ<ñ>ñ<ñ"You€can't€do€it.€I€granted€you€my€power€to€protect€the€Ìñ=ñ>ñ=ñKushinada."ÌÌñ>ñ>ñ>ñ€€Rei€gasped.€What?€she€thought,€he's€supposed€to€protect€me?Ìñ?ñ>ñ?ñ*ñhem€unconscious.ÐlÌ>tentacle€in€the€traditional€Chow€Yun-Fat€manner.Ì>*¢Nanami£:€Maia?!ÌÌ>*Andrew:€Sweet€li'l€Maia?ÌÌAsh:€You€¢betcha£.€ÌÌ<another€snip>ÌÌ>€€Maia€was€pinned€down.€Some€of€the€tentacles€had€morphed€intoÌ>poison€dart€launching€guns.ÌÌ>€€>crunch<ÌÌ>€€Maia€automatically€pointed€one€of€her€pistols€in€the€direction€Ì>of€the€sound.€Turning€her€head,€she€was€surprised€to€see€a€gunÌ>in€-her-€face.€She€was€pleased,€however,€to€see€her€gun€in€the€face€of€Ì>an€unfamiliar€woman.€It€was€your€classic€John€Woo€standoff.Ì>Both€women€grinnedÌÌ>€€"Who€are€you?"€both€asked€simultaneously.ÌÌ>€€"'You€first.'"ÌÌ>€€Misato€ended€this€pointless€conversation€by€pointing€her€Ìñcomplete.€Time€until€commencement€of€phase€twoÌ>is€five€minutes,€twenty€three€seconds€and€counting."€Akagi€reported.Ì>*Andrew:€Reminiscent€of€Die€Hard€With€a€Vengeance,€sorta.€The€binaryÌ>compound€explosive.ÌÌMason:€Actually€this€was€in€ñGaspode£:€Oh,€¢har£€¢har£,€¢yeth£,€just€make€the€poor€dog€feel€even€lower,Ì>¢yeth£,€get€a€cheap€¢laff£€out€of€that€one,€¢yeth£....ÌÌ>€€What€was€going€on€behind€Obasama€was€a€scene€that€went€Ì>beyond€surreal€€it€was€completely€absurd.€Three€white€chibiÌ>usagidudes€were€being€chased€by€Wakko€Warner,€and€was€in€turnÌ>chased€by€anther€chibi€usagidude,€who€wielded€an€ubercrescent€Ì>wrench.€Behind€them,€a€sperm€whale€and€a€rather€decently€sizedÌ>bowl€of€petunias€plummeted€to€their€doom.Ì>*Andrew:€More€Adams....ÌÌThe€¢Usagi£€contingent€boos€and€hisses.ÌAsh:€(throws€a€peanut)€alrightñ±ñ,€thatððs€enough€from€the€peanut€gallery.ÌOkay,€the€ñ±ññ€someone€tallerÌ>and€stouter€built.€A€boy,€perhaps?€she€thought€quietly.ÌÌ>€€"When€that€time€comes,€you€must€bring€a€shrubbery!"ÌÌ>€€Looking€up€in€surprise,€Rei€gasped.€Her€clothing€had€changed€again.Ì>Now€wearing€red€trousers,€and€a€red€tunic,€over€which€is€a€swath€of€yellow€Ì>cloth€that€is€draped€over€her€small€bosom.€Currently,€she€was€in€the€processÌ>of€dropping€a€paudronned€cape€that€she€was€draping€over€her€shoulders.ÌÌ>€€"A€shrubbery?"€she€asked,€completely€baffled€by€the€last€statement.ÌÌ>€€"Yes!€Make€sure€that€it€is€not€too€tall,€not€too€short,€and€isÌ>beautifully€trimmed."ÌÌ>€€Rei€woke€up.Ì>*Andrew:€So,€how€many€British€humor€refs€does€that€make?ÌÌAsh:€Iððve€lost€count€by€now.€I€am€surprised€you€didnððt€catch€the€¢Megumi£€Ì¢Hayashibara£€jokes.Ì€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€***ÌÌ>€€Shinji€was€having€a€dream€as€well.€It€too,€was€a€flashback.€ButÌ>it€was€somewhat€more€sedate.ÌÌñÕñ>ñÕñ€€In€the€dream,€there€was€a€shrine.€It€wasn't€the€one€where€Rei€lived.ÌñÖñ>ñÖñFurther€north,€it€was€in€an€out€of€the€way€place;€no€decent€transportation,€or€Ìñ×ñ>ñ×ñaccess€to€the€best€schools.€What€it€did€have€was€trees,€tall€and€wiry,€theyÌñØñ>ñØñslouched€like€an€old€man€leaning€on€his€cane.€These€trees€were€leaning€on€theÌñÙñ>ñÙñtemple's€holy€arches.ÌÌñÚñ>ñÚñ€€Coming€in€closer,€a€baby€can€be€seen.€Surrounding€the€baby€are€a€bevy€ofÌñÛñ>ñÛñbodies,€which€are€splayed€about€in€ways€that€would€in€with€any€third€rate€slasher€ÌñÜñ>ñÜñfilm.€€To€put€it€simply,€there€were€a€lot€of€dead€people€lying€about€the€place.ÌñÝñ>ñÝñDamn€shame,€really,€all€those€dead€bodies€spewing€blood€about,€mucking€upÌñÞñ>ñÞñthe€place.ÐightlyÌ>with€tendrils.ÌÌ>€€"Kuso,"€he€swore€softly€to€himself,€"€a€plastic€absurdity€field."€At€thisÌñûñ>ñûñpoint,€he€attempted€to€get€up,€and€found€that,€Orochi€had,€in€fact,€bolted€his€armsÌñüñ>ñüñto€the€wall.ÌÌñýñ>ñýñ€€Orochi€was,€at€this€point,€was€occupied€in€taunting€Rei€with€eyestalks€onÌñþñ>ñþñhis€tentacles.ÌÌñÿñ>ñÿñ€€>You€see,<€it€said,€pausing€for€dramatic€effect.€>This€'plastic€absurdity'Ìñ€€€€€€€€€€€€€€***ÌÌÌ>€€Dr.€Akagi€pressed€a€button€on€the€control€panel.€Ì>"Plasmid€away."€she€said€while€opening€a€CD€player€that€was€in€the€case.Ì>Reaching€into€a€large€pocket€on€her€lab€coat,€she€pulled€out€a€CD€caseÌ>and€opened€it.€Ì>"ChikushoooOOO!!!"€she€swore€loudly.ÌÌ>€€"What's€the€matter?"€€asked€Hyuuga€curiously.ÌÌ>€€"I€left€the€damned€CD€back€at€the€office."ÌÌññ>ññ€€"Oh,€okay.€Would€singing€the€lyrics€work?"Ì€€Ìññ>ññ€€"Hmm.€It€might.€However,€you€would€have€to€be€awfully€close€to€theÌññ>ññbrain€to€make€it€work."Ìññ>ññ*Andrew:€Now€this€is€inventive,€certainly.€I€like€it.ÌññÌAsh:€ñññlly€said.ÌÌ€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€***ÌÌñ!ñ>ñ!ñ€€>KUSHINADA,€PREPARE€TO€€¢BraaaaaaAAAAAHHHHPPPP£!!!>ÌÌñ"ñ>ñ"ñ€€>What€the€hell€was€that?<Ѐhad€seen€on€TV€once.Ì>However,€she€couldn't€remember€the€lyrics€involved,€so€she€sang€someÌ>she€could.Ì<snip>ÌÌ*Andrew:€'Course,€I€don't€particularly€care€for€the€music€necessary....ÌÌ*¢Nanami£:€Wait--this€is€REI€singing,€here?ÌÌ*Andrew:€I€suppose€she€_is_€different€from€the€original.ÌÌMiyuki:€¢yep£.€Ash€was€telling€me€thatt€Rei€has€a€fairly€dark€outlook€onÌlife,€even€though€sheððs€a€bit€more€sociable€here.ÌÌ>€€Of€course€this€did€have€an€effect.€Seeing€this,€she€continued.ÌÌ€<lyrics€snipped>ÌÌ>€€By€this€time,€Shinji€was€able€to€break€free€of€his€bonds.ÌÌ>€€Orochi,€however,€was€beginning€to€have€a€-very-€bad€day.Ì>But€then,€having€90%€of€your€body€turning€into€a€mosh€pit€will€doÌ>that€to€you.Ì>*Andrew:€[wince]€Ooh,€that's€going€to€smart.ÌÌMason:€It€did.€Heððs€still€complaining€about€it.Ì€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€***ÌÌ>€€Outside,€the€tentacles€had€stopped€attacking€and€had€morphedÌ>into€a€bevy€of€slam€dancers.€Maia€and€Misato€stopped€dead€in€theirÌ>tracks.€Maia's€face€turned€blue,€and€an€eye€started€to€twitch.€Her€jawÌ>having€dropped,€Misato€stared€at€the€bedlam,€her€jacket€having€slippedÌ>off€of€one€shoulder.Ì>*¢Nanami£:€What?€I€don't€get€it....ÌñIñMason:€They€were€shocked.€Know€a€better€way€of€showing€itñIññpt€between€Shinji€and€Orochi.€Standing€before€Shinji,Ì>arms€outstretched,€she€waited€for€the€end.Ì>*Andrew:€¢Gaspode£,€NO.ÌÌ>*¢Gaspode£:€Wot,€not€even€a€cynical€snort?ÌÌ>*¢Nanami£:€You€heard€him.ÌÌAll:€¢Rofltgo£Ì<snip>ÌÌ>€€€€€(From€'Kamikaze€Briefing'€by€Douglas€Adams)Ì>*Andrew:€Never€seen€this€one€before.ÌAsh:€Look€it€up.€Itððs€how€Hitchhikerððs€got€on€the€air€in€England.ÌÌ€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€***ÌÌ>€€Rei€blinked.€"What€the-"ÌÌ>€€>Bloody€'ell€was€that?€Oh€well.<€shrugged€Orochi.€This€was€quite€aÌ>sight,€considering€that€it€didn't€have€any€visible€shoulders.ÌÌ>€€Orochi€stuck€out€his€tongue.€Unlike€other€tongues,€this€one€snaked€outÌ>like€a€spear€and€struck€Rei€in€the€chest.ÌÌ>€€A€bright€light€emerged€from€Rei's€body.€Filling€the€room,€it€disintegrated€Ìñxñ>ñxñOrochi's€dying€form.ÌÌñyñ>ñyñ€€>Damn!€And€just€when€I€was€so€close.€Wait....€there€is€another€way....<ÌÌñzñ>ñzñ€€Orochi€pulled€his€tongue€out€of€Rei.ÌÌñ{ñ>ñ{ñ€€Everything€went€white.Ìñ|ñ>ñ|ñ*Andrew:€¢Weeeeird£.Ìñ}ñMiyuki:€This€is€nothing.€ñ}ññjokes€that€I€haven't€used€yet).€Unfortunately€everythingÌI€try€to€write€now€ends€up€being€funny€and€looking€something€like€a€Ì¢Discworld£€story.€Ì*¢Gaspode£:€Hah,€no€kidding.ÌÌThe€bit€about€Rei€singing€NIN€lyrics€has€something€to€do€with€an€EvaÌstory€I've€been€planning€to€do.Ìñ
�ñÌThe€Kamikaze€bit€was€quoted€directly€from€'Don't€Panic!€The€officialÌHitchhikers€guide€to€the€galaxy€companion.'by€Neil€¢Gaiman£.€If€you€areÌinto€this€sort€of€thing,€find€it!€(Shameless€Plug!)Ì*Andrew:€Ah,€I'd€rather€have€the€¢Discworld£€Companion.ÌñžñÌAsh:€ñžññ