General comments:

I LOVED IT!

If you'd put the characters a bit more over-the-top silly, it would have
been a masterpiece. As it is, it's an immensely entertaining Takahashi-esque
work. Kudos!

 So I'm walking on the fence, on my way to school as usual, right? 
Akane's at my heels, half-staring at me -- probably still mad at me 
about *something;* she usually is -- when I hear a familiar phrase 
in a familiar voice:
 "RANMA SAOTOME, PREPARE TO DIE!!"
 Yup.  Ryoga.

One of the best openings I've seen in a long time. It hooked me right from
the start. Excellent work.

 I suppose I oughta be grateful; it's been a while since I'd heard 

>from him.  It's kinda nice t'know he's still alive.  Y'never know, 

lost out there, the sort of things that could happen to him.  Still, 
his greeting leaves a lot to be desired, at least from a cordiality 
standpoint.  It's not even like I know what I've done to get him 
mad this time.  Not as if it matters, either.

Ranma knows the word 'cordial'?

 "Akane Tendo, I challenge you!"  Oh, brother.  It's Kuno.
 I turn to her, still running.  "D'ya mind if I take this one?"
 "I'm not a weakling, you know."
 "Never said you were.  Just wanna test out this new body.  
Besides, 'Ranma's already gonna be late 'cause he can't find the 
school.  We can get you in okay, though, IF you don't stop to fight 
this lunkhead."

Didn't know Ranma was capable of this level of rational thought.

 She smiles.  Gosh, she really is cute when she does that.  "Okay, 
sure.  Go get him, tiger."  I shudder.

Akane isn't offended by Ranma butting in?

 "Yeah, er... Indeed it was, Nabiki Tendo.  My head still throbs 

>from the force of the impact.  Still, as some comedian once put it, 

'You shoulda seen the other truck.'  I am proud to say I gave as 
good as I got, and better."

Yeah, that's Ranma's level of literary knowledge, all right.

 "Lose not heart, Nabiki Tendo.  You have not lost your most valued 
customer.  Let it be known that I would be willing to *triple* my 
usual price for *naked* pictures..."  Ah, Kuno's enough of a pervert 
that this'd be believable.
 I can see yen signs flashing in Nabiki's eyes.  She shrugs.  "Hey, 
that can be arranged.."
 Now, I go in for the kill: "...of *you*."

Bless you. }:-{D

 The rest of the day goes smoothly, aside from a pop quiz from 
Mr. Furusawa in biology.  I figure it serves Kuno right for not being 
in class, and I intentionally botch every last question.  I figure 
Kuno probably wouldn't do that much better himself.

With Ranma's luck and education, he got Kuno an A+.

 "Not at all.  You have my life now, and welcome to it.  And I have 
Kuno's.  A wealthy scion versus a lowly waiter.  I think you can 
understand why I'm in no hurry to return..."  As if to emphasize 
his point, an empty ramen bowl flies out from the kitchen and hits 
me on the back of the head.

This, of course, totally negates the Shampoo obsession. Is there something
he has in mind? This could be developed a bit more.

 "Well?"  Right on schedule.  "You were about to say something else?"
 "Yes.  GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, YOU POMPOUS ASS!!" 

Nice touch.

The pig begins to squeal in some kinda weird rhythm, and then it 
hits me -- it's iambic pentameter.  The goof; must be quoting a 
sonnet in honor of Akane Tendo.  If only he had a clue to how silly 
he looked -- even more so than when he does it in human form.

Ranma knows about iambic pentameter?

 "*What* did you say to Nabiki, anyway?  She got home, and went 
straight into the bath with her Nikon and a tripod!"
 "You're kidding!  So... she really *does* have a price, ne?"
 Now she's giving me a quizzical look.  "A price?  What are you 
talking about?"
 "All in good time, Akane.  Should be interesting when she gets 
those photos to whoever's in Kuno's body by then, though..."
 "You DIDN'T!"  Mock horror, which breaks into another grin.
 "Well, hey... serves her right for all those photos she's taken 
of us, ne?"

This seems a -little- cruel, here... after all, gold-digging hussy or not,
Nabiki is -still- Akane's sister...

 Once again, I'm waking up.  And I hear my voice, but it's not me 
speaking..
 "Oh, my!"
 Oh, no...

Nice ending.

All in all, again, great work.

Redneck

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