Hard To Say Goodbye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(formerly It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday, I changed the title
'cos it
was too long)
~By K-chan~
k-chan@rocketmail.com
*Ranma 1/2 characters are copywrited to the ingenius of Rumiko Takahashi
and co. - Viz, Kitty, Shogakakun and Fuji TV. I own nothing on these
characters.*
~Be warned, this will be a sadfic but as for a bitter ending...? I don't
know... ^_~
~I'm taking this from the manga, so no Sasuke in this one.~
~I regard this as an experiment and am not sure how people will react (if
it all) to it. Here goes.....~
Chapter 1: Night Thoughts
(yes I have changed the title, the old one didn't seem right for this
chapter)
Feeling pain is something few would enjoy experiencing when
injured. But what about feeling no pain at all when a serious injury has
been inflicted. Which is the better? ...And what do you do when the wound
is not of the body but of the heart?
One person in Nerima seemed to be suffering from this; his name was
Tatewaki Kuno. At this moment, he was saying goodbye to his sister,
Kodachi Kuno, who lay still, eyes shut. In the next room, his father lay
unmoving also.
His dark eyes gazed down at her quiet, pale form. He took her cold
hands and crossed them over her chest, inserting a black rose between the
hands. "You shall join our ancestors now in heaven with Kami-sama and
forever you will be known as the Black Rose. You won't be forgotten and
I'll meet with you again, when my time comes. Till then, farewell,
younger sister." Kuno whispered softly, his voice untainted by any
emotion. Taking one last look at a link to his old life, he put the white
sheet back over Kodachi and walked calmly to the door and back out to the
hospital corridor.
The stark, white light made his face looked paler than it was. A
peaceful, almost normal, look settled on his face; it was as if the last
few hours had never happened.... As if there had been no fire....
Memories of the night clashed jarringly. Somehow the happier ones
dominated and the dark ones faded with time, giving in like a nervous
wallflower afraid of confrontation....
Kuno kept his eyes wide open as he calmly strolled down the
corridor, thoughts streaming in a dignified fashion round his numbed
mind. Coming to the reception desk, he noticed a vase filled with
darkly-coloured roses.
The memories suddenly tumbled down an unexpected waterfall,
intermingling. Sweet, aromatic flowers for Akane -The smell of smoke -The
beautiful pig-tailed girl laughing - His sister screaming - A gallant
fight against Saotome - Watching the paramedics try to resucsitate
Kodachi - Being booted through the Tendo's roof - The sad look on the
doctors face - Crash-landing in a neighbours garden - Saotome's spell on
the pig-tailed goddess keep its grasp - The smell of smoke - Akane's
beautiful smile - The darkly-coloured roses in the vase - The beautiful
pig-tailed girl laughing - Akane's enchanting eyes -
"Mr. Kuno? Mr. Kuno? Are you OK?" A gruff voice asked.
Kuno blinked his eyes open and let out a breath he didn't care to
know he'd been holding.
"Yes, Dr. Megasato. I'm perfectly fine." But my family is not! A
small sting of anger almost penetrated Kuno's veneer but lost eventually.
Must not let the Kuno family name down. Must not. Kodachi and my father
are with Kami-sama now, watching me. My mother is watching me. "Do I have
any papers to sign? It's late and I still have yet to arrange the..." he
stood silent for a moment; "...funeral arrangements."
"Uh.. yes, you do, Mr. Kuno." The old doctor looked at Kuno
strangely for a moment and then led him along, in and out of the darkness
of the partly lighted corridor. The shadows accentuated the lack of
emotion on the Kendoist's face; no worry lines, no brows, no tears, just
a cold impassiveness.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Signing medical and insurance forms as if he was a wearied star
signing autographs, Kuno finally put down the black pen with a small
'tap'. The paperwork for the hospital was over with, just funeral
arrangements to make now. He sighed deeply; too many forms to fill in for
someone with as prestigious a family name as he, too many.
Ink from the paper had stained his hands. This would not do!
"This will _not_ do! This is _not_ right!!!" The kendoist slammed
his fist into the table and stood up with a start, his chair clattering
backwards. The consultants stared back at him, almost cowering. Kuno did
not notice them, his shaking fist was gripped tightly and a snarl
scrunched up his features. No-one moved for quite some time.
He did not enjoy filling out forms, that had always been his
parents business.... had always been... his parents...
"Look at the time, must be going." Kuno's face stiffened back into
it's icy blankness -- clear yet numb -- and he strode towards the door,
his eyes opened so wide that they hurt, though he would never admit it.
He opened the door and was careful not to slam it like he felt he should.
Weakness was for those who were unworthy of being warriors. That is what
his mother used to say. It had been a long time since he had listened to
memories of her... now he had no choice but to. After all he had nothing
else to do since the death of his only family.
A teardrop glided down his face, the heat of it stung a small
scratch on the side of his face. The lights were obviously too bright
for his eyes -- and therefore anyone elses. He would talk to the hospital
manager about it tomorrow... for now sleep was all he needed. It had been
a long night and he would need all his strength for tomorrow.
As he approached the exit to, the early morning quiet of the
hospital was left behind for a colder silence. All Kuno could hear was
the smacking, echoing noise of his feet against the hard, smooth surface
of the floor in the disenfectant-soaked hallways.
'Fwwwssshhhh..' the door opened before he reached it. A slight
breeze from outside skimmed across his face. He ignored it. Someone
approached him. He ignored them. There were thoughts which demanded his
attention... until he saw who it was. It was a surprise to see her here;
he had not expected her presence.
She stared at him, an alien expression of nervousness crossing her
face. What could she say to someone who'd just lost their family in a
house fire..? Even if it was the Kuno's. Even though she had lost her
mother, unlike Kuno, she still had had her two sisters and her father to
help her through and she had been so much younger ...What was she even
doing here?
"...Hi Kuno ...How are you?" She mentally berated herself for such
a stupid question, how did she think an orphan of an two to three hours
was doing? It wasn't like she cared. A lot. She was just here as a
classmate, that's all. To keep a check on her best customer...
"Good morning, Nabiki Tendo. I'm perfectly fine."
Nabiki eyed him carefully; he did look fine, too fine, too
composed. Didn't he care? No reaction at all. Shouldn't there be so
over-emotive response of some kind? This was Kuno, wasn't it?
"Is something wrong, Miss Tendo? You seem distant."
"Uh.. no Kuno, nothing's wrong,"a suprised Nabiki answered. He
noticed how someone else was feeling? Him? He must be in shock, or
denial. The poor guy had nowhere to go, his home completely decimated by
the fire and he didn't seem too stable either.
"There's no need to feel sorry for me, Nabiki, I'm capable to take
care of myself, even after this.. "incident"," Kuno stated with little
emotion until the last word, which seemed to stumble out with a hint of
bitterness.
A perceptive Kuno... what next?
"Akane and the "pigtailed girl" send their condolences." That
should cheer him up, Nabiki thought.
Kuno meanwhile became enrapt with the two beautous images and their
sweet laughter, ready to tell the world of his love for them when... the
high-pitched laughter started to scream... their faces slimmed and their
eyes narrowed... the double image becoming one, becoming one more twisted
and blurred... the screaming became louder and louder... the blurred face
became more defined... the screaming faded as silence reigned... the face
settled into the dark, stylish face of one recently departed... one he
could have, should have, saved... his sister...
"Hey, Kuno are you OK? Kuno!" Nabiki shouted down his ear,
frustrated at the glazed look in his eyes. It scared her because she was
confused by it. If he was dreaming about his "beloveds" then why did his
face look so solemn? She was only trying to help - and although a few
people would have claimed she was incapable of emotion, they were also
smart enough to keep their views to themselves. "Tatewaki Kuno!"
The images in his mind snapped shut as his eyes opened. "What?" He
blinked a few times to get his bearings and became relieved when his
sister's face had apparently left him alone.
"You went into a haze there. I was just trying to wake you up."
Nabiki pondered with the idea of asking him to stay at her house, because
she knew that he had little choice. For such a prestigious estate, the
Kuno family line had always been pretty small. Kuno's father, the
principal, had no siblings and his father neither. Nabiki still had
trouble believing what had happened _had_ happened. People fought
monsters and each other, they declared their love and they shape-shifted
without blinking but they didn't die, they just didn't... until now.
"I'll be leaving now, Nabiki Tendo," Kuno suddenly announced in a
cold, formal manner which betrayed his arrogant tone; "I have much to
do."
"At this time? Don't you need some sleep first, it _is_ 4:30 in
the morning. You haven't slept all night, have you? I'm sure dad won't
mind you staying at our house. So, what about it, then? I'll help you
with any paperwork in the morning." She almost added "...for a fee," but
thought better of it. Even she wasn't that cold-hearted and money-minded.
She wasn't.
"I can take care of my own affairs without any help and find my
own acommodation. I'm not a helpless weakling!" Kuno replied, though it
was less to do with ego and more of a self-reminder of self-suffiency.
"Hey look. I'm just trying to help. It's not like you have
anywhere else to go! What are you going to do, sleep on the streets?"
"I'm no commoner, my family had many connections, being of such a
great line of warriors! I have no need for charity!" Kuno protested with
more vigour than he had been showing before. Realising his mistake by
losing composure, he tried to quench the rising hard, red anger inside of
him. He was so angry but he shouldn't be! He just wanted to strike out at
something, he _ needed_ a release. But his mother would disapprove. She
would be disappointed in him, watching from above. She had once said that
you could only be a true warrior if you did not foist your emotions onto
others and saved your passion for the battlefield. But he felt _so_ mad,
so mad at that moment. Mad at everything and everyone.
Nabiki was worried, really worried. Kuno seemed to be in danger of
losing his temper... bigtime. His teeth were clenched tight together and
his fists were scrunched up till they went white. A gasp almost escaped
her as she saw Kuno's eyes darkening rapidly. This was not looking too
good. She had been careful in her choice of words and knew that he had an
ego which surpassed the likes of Ranma but she didn't think he'd turn
down an offer to stay in the same place as Akane. That wasn't like him...
but then this violently moody kendoist who had just lost his family was
not exactly his "normal" self.
"It's OK, Kuno, if you really don't want to, it's OK."
The fear hidden deep in her voice, the fear she tried to hide,
snapped the fire out of Kuno's heart with a sharp sting. What was he
thinking? How _could_ he even consider striking out at a defenceless
woman?! That sort of behaviour is unacceptable in anyone bearing the Kuno
name! Unacceptable... His mother would be ashamed... How could he ever
have forgetten her wise words of honour, strength and what it meant to be
a warrior?
"I must leave, now. I shall greet you another day, Nabiki Tendo,
good bye." His cooly edged voice spoke so quietly Nabiki almost didn't
hear him. He was too self-obsessed with his supposed faults that he
didn't notice Nabiki's sad expression as he turned away from her towards
the exit.
As the overly proud but confused teenager left the warm building
for the cold, dark night, Nabiki sighed to herself. Why did she feel so
upset over this? It wasn't like she held any warm feelings for the Kuno
family... But despite his outward appearance of arrogance and pride,
Nabiki felt that at this moment, Kuno was just a lonely little boy who
was lost among his own feelings. He would never be the same person again
after tonight... She knew those feelings.
"I just wanted to help..." Nabiki said quietly to an empty
corridor, feeling too alone with her thoughts.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
As Kuno trudged the snow of the winter night and as the frosty air
of early morning bit at him, he suddenly realised that he had no idea
where to go. "It has been a busy night, of course such a thought would
accidently slip my mind momentarily." He prided himself on his modesty
and on being able to point out his good points too. Not once had he had
to apologise because his behaviour had always been impeccable.
Now, who would he choose to let them have the honour of his
company...? He had already turned down the Tendo's because their offer
had been out of pity and not admiration. It was strange how perceptive he
had become after... after... the tragic passing of his family.
He had lost his mother barely five years ago and for some reason
the memory of her stern, impassive face had faded... until now. Who would
she recommend? Ah yes, the Okanoni's! Such a fine family, always pleasant
and polite he had heard. He would live with them....
........Tapping lightly on the large doors of the Okanoni's not-so-humble
abode, Kuno waited for an answer. He was surprised when Mrs. Okanoni
answered the door in a nightgown and not some common servant.
"Yes, can I help you?" She asked, blurry-eyed, grumpy, without
recognition.
"Uh... My name is Tatewaki Kuno, and I wish to stay the night
since I have nowhere else to go," he replied boldly, confident of rest
soon.
Mrs. Okanoni was bemused by this strange boy. He said he was...
that boy Kuno? Who did he think he was?! Going under the guise of that
established family. "You claim to be Tatewaki Kuno...? From the house of
Kuno?"
He nodded.
"You must take me for a fool! Well. I shall not have it, street
cur!!"
"But I --" Kuno protested, unaware of his appearance. Majestic and
proud in his mind, he was actually a most miserable sight: ruffled hair,
bloodshot eyes, shadows starting to appear under his eyes, his clothes
wrinkled and slightly dusty from the smoke -- he had not changed since
the... incident, and with bare feet.
"You think an arrogant specimen who's stupid enough to carry a
piece of wood such as yourself could ever be of any noble family!"
"I assure you, I --"
"And that fake accent, who are you kidding?!" Being woken up early
in the morning had not made Mrs. Okanoni very friendly. "And as if anyone
would want to be thought of as belonging to those twisted, disreputable,
laughable, only-good-for-their-money Kuno's, well I never!" She got
carried away on a torrent of abuse at, to her, this stranger. "And thoses
clothes, please!! They make you look like a girl, you deviant!" Slowing
down to take a breath as a window upstairs lighted up, Okanoni was about
to turn away when she seemed to remember something. "And another thing...
Good morning!" She slammed the door in his face, compounding his shock at
the spurned invitation.
Insults danced round his
head merrily, laughing and teasing him:- "arrogant... stupid....
disreputable... laughable..." No-one laughed at his family. Surely the
lady was just tired and unaware of what accusation she was making...? His
family was respected and admired! But what she had said... for some
reason Kuno couldn't shake the insults out of his head with his usual
style of ignorance and ego. They just wouldn't leave him alone, just
wouldn't go!
He shook his head in frustation as he stepped away from the house.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! He kept shaking it till the thoughts faded
away, at least for the moment. "I have such a headache. It must go away
now! Please....!" He almost pleaded outloud but not quite, for it was
still beneath him. Head bowed down, the last Kuno plundered on, with not
so much force in his step..
Kuno thought for a long time about the "event," barely noticing the
loss of his bokken until he was too late to stop the heinous thief. He
ran after the criminal shouting about the "injustice of it all" and how
someone of his "standing should not have deal with this sort of
disrespect." The thief seemed to laugh out loud at this comment. This
riled Kuno even more; how dare someone so lowly mock his family?! The
chase became high pursuit, he was barely dodging people along the
pavement as he ran with all of his life against this deviant.
The aggressive wind whip-lashed his face and the snow-bogged
streets slowed him down as he ran bare-footed along the street, sense
finally abandoned. A comparison with Saotome sprung to Kuno's raging mind
and it merely drove him on further. Refusing to admit the punishing
exhaustion which was begging for him to stop by cramping his sides with
fierce pain which sliced through him and weighing down his lungs with
extra-ordinary large gasps of air. But this scum had insulted his family
and therfore had insulted his whole reason for being, to carry on this
noble line. The truth was no thoughts of "the pigtailed girl" and/or
Akane ever entered his head.
Kuno was gaining rapidly on the thief, who was beginning to panic.
Who was this nuthead and why didn't he just give up? It was just a
stupid piece of wood he was going to use for a fire! It was such a cold
night and he was so cold... he had eaten very little and he just needed
warming up. But his starvation was catching up with him and the theif
couldn't keep going on like this. How was he supposed to get rid of this
guy?
A cruel idea popped into the thief's head. He didn't want to have
to do this but without warmth, tonight was going to be his last night
alive. That made him very desperate. He suddenly turned shrple to his
right, nearly spinning off his feet, into a side alley where he stopped
and took a few gasps. Just as he expected, the mad guy had followed him
into the dark one-way street.
Unable to see much but blurry shadows of bins and boxes, Kuno
announced his arrivsl into the alley. "I am Tatewaki " 'wheeze' "Kuno of
the house of Kuno" 'gasp' "and I demand that you" 'choke' "give me back
my most sacred weapon," he shouted with as much gusto as his pained body
could allow.
"Not on your life,"replied a shadow emerging out of the shadows and
into the pale moonlight , something shiny in his hand glinted under the
night's light.
"So it shall be, vagrant." Kuno eyeing the glinting object
carefully. Was it.. a knife? "I am a skilled martial artist and shall
defeat you with ease."
"We'll see about that!" The man answered gruffly. He dove towards
Kuno, who easily stepped out of the way, and landed loudly in the
clattering jumble of tin bins. He lay still for a short while. Confident
that his assailant had been dealt with, Kuno went down to pick up his
wooden weapon when...
'Slash!'
"Aaaah!" Kuno instinctively clutched his bleeding shoulder. The
commoner had suddenly recovered and had leapt up and slashed his
shoulder. This great offence on his character had dealt Kuno a large
reality blow and he didn't like it one bit. He was no weakling, he had
more training and talant than this weasel would know what to do with! He
may not have been able to save his sister and his father but he could
save himself. "You think you can beat me with dirty tricks! You think you
can kill me in a dishonourable, cowardly fashion, like those who set fire
to my house! Well, take _this_!!!"
And with that, Kuno slammed his fist right into the man's face,
hurtling him across, where a sickening 'crack' was heard as the stunned
man collided with the wall. Not caring for the man's life, Kuno forgot
about his bokken and stormed down the street.
The torture his bleeding arm was wreaking on him brought Kuno back
from the brink of madness. He slowed down his pace, ignoring with
difficulty the stares and whispers around him. They seemed deafening but
his sore, throaty voice and throbbing, dizzy headache prevented any
protests to silence the rumours of "a madman, he is," "ain't it that bore
Kuno? Can't be, would be nice if it was, though," "deserves it, that
pervert" and "let's get outta here, he's gone nuts!" People were scared
of him? Normally it was pleasing to hear that but he felt that they were
referring to his state of mind, not his superior martial arts skill.
He knew he was sane. He _was_ sane, he was! The... inconvenient,
no that's offensive, the untimely death of his family had nothing to do
with him wandering around the streets of Nerima -- it was Nerima wasn't
it? -- not normally visited by any self-respecting citizen. He respected
himself, who wouldn't? Who wouldn't respect him, Tatewaki Kuno, the
mighty Blue Thunder? He had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing... except
for -- no! He couldn't think about that! Not _now_, not _ever_! Not that
there was anything to think about, no there wasn't. There wasn't, dammit!
"NOO!" Kuno screamed as he slammed his fist into a nearby brick
wall. 'Slam'! Extra hard. He breathed heavily as he realized his
outburst. Holding his bruised hand up to the harsh, śnflattering glare of
a streetlight, a sudden wave of shame flashed briefly over him as he
realised he had embarressed the Kuno family name once again. Tears were
threatening to break free from his eyes but he blinked them back
furiously. He had shamed himself enough, crying was an indignity he would
not suffer. It would be the death of his very character.
Mother would be very disappointed with him: emotional outbursts,
moodieness, lack of respect from those beneath him and the inability to
sa.. sav... She might leave him again, if he ever made it to heaven, just
like she had five years ago. So unexpectedly.
Kuno travelled on, sinking in guilt and melancholy till he reached
an empty intersection.
Not seeming to care, he fell into a self-absorbed stupor as he
crossed the slippery street. He never noticed the car screeching round
the corner. The car never noticed the uncharacteristically unnoticed Kuno
as it speeded down the lane...
'Screeeeech!'
Only when the long headlights shone over the unaware pedestrian
did the driver take action. Braking hard and fast, her car spun
helplessly towards a potential tragedy. The pedestrian stopped and turned
to look at the speeding vehicle in surprise. He made no attempt to move,
struck dumb by fear or numbed by depression.
"Get out of the way, kid!" the driver desperately shouted out,
knowing well that the boy could not hear her. She cried in frustation as
the steering wheel locked up on him. In less than a second, her fate
would be decided. A killer or just a careless driver. The impact of that
the driver hadn't fully comprehended. There was no time for that. She
could only pray for a miracle...
The car skimmed sadistically in what seemed like slow motion for
both parties. The driver trying to steer away while Kuno wondered whether
to move and save what he had left of life or to let it end and be done
with this wretched mess. He could feel the warmth of the blazing
headlights on him, he could just stand there...
...But no! Something inside of Kuno woke and pushed him away to
the side just as his destiny was upon him.
'Wham!'
But not quick enough as one of his legs was hit by the side of the
careering car, lashing him off his feet and twisting him round in the air
to land hard on his face, where the warm dribble of blood slid from his
nose.
Kuno slowly but determininedly picked himself up, his hands
sticking slightly to the chilled concrete. The air stung his wounds and
his body shrieked with agony as he accidently tried to lever himself up
with his slashed arm. He stood up, his legs wobbled nervously and he was
wracked with convulsions. But conscious thought barely penetrated the
senses. All he could think of was "alive, still alive, why?" He had to
keep moving. He had to go on and he didn't even know why. He just had to.
Even though the dark cloud in his mind was slowly choking him, he knew he
couldn't let it take over him.. he couldn't.. but it wouldn't relent, it
wouldn't leave him alone...
The driver finally managed to stop a hundred yards down after
spinning round and round. The driver, shaking with shock as her mind spun
erratically with what had just happened. The ground beneath her seemed to
shake and shift as she stepped out of the car. She had to find that boy.
She had hit that boy. Her. Stuttering down the street, the driver looked
for the boy but couldn't see him. Where did he go? She looked on in vain
and desperate guilt. What now?
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
End of chapter 1...
Finally! Boy, did I find that heavy to write! I've worked so hard on it,
almost painstakingly; if it doesn't show, it's a fault on my part. I hope
this length of chapter is better than before and doesn't diminish it's
(hoped for) impact. Is it too subtle? Not subtle enough? Is it
believable? etc..etc... Any form of C&C taken with gratitude and thanks
('cept for flames : P ) and I hope it made some sense!
I don't know what happened to the Kuno's mother, so I made a history up
for her that would fit in with this fic. And I have no idea how long this
story will go on for, either. As you can see, I know a lot! ^_^