WARNING! The following contains British humor.
           If that is a problem, please don't read this story. If not,
     Enjoy!






  It was cold. Real cold. It was so cold that even penguins would
have
come in had they been there. They weren't. 

  It was even colder inside a cave. Yes, the one in Izumo, out in
the
 country, next to a fairly respectable Shinto shrine.

  Back to the cave. From inside came sounds of a bucket scooping 
water and spilling of said water. Betwixt these came an occasional 
wincing sound.

  Now that we're inside, a girl can be seen. She is standing in the 
middle of a pool that has taken up residence deep inside the cave.
The girl is wearing a white robe that is becoming semi-transparent
from the constant dousings of water. Yes, water.

  This girl has been pouring water on herself. Repeatedly.
In temperatures below freezing. Why? Shinto purification ceremony.
Yes, Shinto.

  Now you're probably asking yourself what a girl dousing herself
with
 cold water, in a cave, in the middle of winter has to do with Shinto,
right?
Don't.

  Besides, she's done now.

  "Is something the matter dear ?" came a voice from near the
cave's
entrance.

  "No." Replied the girl. Now if we can get you hentai to stop
staring at 
her robe, we can see who she is.

  
  All done ? Good.

  The lone beam of sunlight that came in through the maw of the
cave
made the water droplets in her short blue hair glisten.

  Blue hair? Short even? The plot thickens.

  "Now Rei, I know you better than that."
Ah, so that's her name.

  Turning to the source of the second voice, we see an old woman
bundled up in a heavy coat,  mittens, and with -three-  blankets
draped over her shoulders. She is sitting before a mini Kotatsu, 
drinking tea. Whew.

  You could tell that this was an old lady who really knew how to
take advantage of her age.

  "All right, what am I doing this, in -this- weather, while -you-
sit next to that space heater in comfort." spat the girl rather
venomously.

  "Now, now, child. "Have you already forgotten what I've told
you for 
years? That-"

  "That the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." Cut
in Rei with a halfway decent imitation of her Grandmother.

  "Ah, so you do remember." Said the old woman, pausing to sip 
some tea and light up some incense.

  Actually Rei had sensed something. But she wasn't going to tell
that old witch of a grandmother that she had.

  "It was your destiny that you sensed."

  A sweat drop formed behind Rei's head, serving only to make
her feel 
colder.

  "What?"

  "Your destiny child."

  "Look, I have no idea what you're talking about. "But, if I don't
get 
out of here soon, I'll be late for school."


  "Ah, yes you can't be late for that now, can you?" Replied the
old
woman coolly.

********************************

  Twenty minutes, and another lecture from Obasama later, Rei
was
on her way to the bus.

  She was making good time, when hearing a noise, she stopped to
look 
around. Deciding that stopping was a bad idea, she started to move
when . . . 

  Someone tripped. Rather painfully. In fact he fell on his face.
Hard.
"Arrggglllglllarrrggh," he said rather intelligently.

  Rei giggled, finding this extremely funny.

  "Oh, ah, where was I?" said the boy, getting back to his feet.
"Oh yes, you're Rei Ayanami, aren't you?"
"The last daughter of the Kushinada house in fact."

  "How the hell do you know my name?" asked Rei staring at the 
stranger levelly.

  "Me?" *pointing at self* 
"Oh, ah, oh yeah, I know all about you. "In fact I'm, ah, (what was I 
here for?), Wossname, thingy, something to with death, oh yeah, I'm
ah,
here to ah, kill you."
"Yes, that's it. "Oh yeah, the name's Kusanagi, Shinji Kusanagi."

  Rei could only blink.
  
  "Now," said Shinji raising a hand, " let's get down to business,
 shall we?"

  *rustle*

  "Oh great, not you again."

  Off by some nearby trees, was . . . 
Well let's say it was black. Not your average run of the mill black,
either.
But, this was along the lines of 'holy crap! Man, that -is- black'
black.
It also didn't have any thing resembling a shape.

  Okay, it's black, formless, and are we missing anything here?


Oh yes, the eyes, we mustn't forget the eyes. The eyes were red,
angled in 
sinister ways, and glowed with an evil that you would not want to
say the number 'eight' around.

  "Do you mind? She's mine, I found her first," said Shinji,
edging towards the thing, itching for a fight.
"And -you- can't have her."

  >BANG!<

  The thing slithered off into the woods.
"Hey, do you mind, quit blocking the road, will you ?"

  Rei facefaulted.

  Fifteen feet away, a car sat. Idling.

  The car's left hand passenger door had opened. Standing behind
it was a man. After pausing to slide his glasses upon his nose, he
continued.
"Now, can someone tell me what the bloody hell is going on?"


_________________________________________________

          A Totally Absurd Productions Presentation:
 
            NEON GENESIS BLUESEED  

                                        Episode One

              Cold springs, Kushinadas, and other sundry things.

                                           Written by Ash        

          Blue Seed is the Property of Yuzo Takada/Take Shobo 

          Evangelion is the Property of GAINAX, a group of bloody   
  
              geniuses, though that Anno guy is in need of some serious  
              counseling.
__________________________________________

  
  
  Now where were we ? Oh yes. The car. The man who had
addressed Rei and Shinji stood there Glaring at them.

  He, (the man, that is) was wearing a suit. Not an Armani, mind
you, But something your average government employee would wear.
On his face, other than his glasses, was a beard. A rather simple
affair, really. Just enough to cover his chin, and his jaw as well.

  To his right was a woman. She appears to be in her mid-
twenties. As can be expected, she too is wearing a suit. Surprisingly
enough, in her hands is a gun. This was not your average gun,
however. No, she was holding a US ARMY Colt .45 caliber
automatic. At this moment, she is trying her best to look like Dirty
Harry. It isn't working.

  Seeing this, Shinji decided that discretion was the better part of
valor. So, he ran. Or rather into Rei, causing her to grab and pull off
one of his gloves.

      A moment frozen in time. Rei, well she was thinking, "What the
hell is that ?"

  Why was she thinking this? Simple. On the back of Shinji's
hand was, well, let's say it was blue, and it had a hole in it. Oh yes,
it was shaped like one of those yin yang thingys. 

  Grabbing his hand, Shinji disappeared in a blur, only to slam
 into a tree a few feet away. He continued on his way, slamming
 into trees.  But that isn't important now.

  What is important that the man walked away from the car
towards Rei. Stopping in front of her, he smiled. 
"Rei isn't it?" he asked, trying to be friendly.
"Why don't you forget about going to school today, and let give you
a ride home."

  Rei stared at the man. Pausing for a moment to look at her
watch, she slapped her head. 
"Shimatta! I'm late!"

  Speeding off, she turned for a moment, and said simply 
"Goodbye." That done, she pulled some ofuda out of her coat to
throw at the bus.
"Kuso! Wait, will you."

  ***

Turning our attention to Tokyo, we find, standing on a curb, a
woman. In her late twenties, she is of the attractive sort.
She is wearing a barely tasteful short black dress, over which is a
red leather jacket. At her feet lie a duffel bag and a small black suit
case.

  Currently she is looking at a sign.
"Terrestrial Administration Center. Yep, this must be the place."
Looking upward, she marvels at a skyscraper. Turning her
attentions, downward, she is shocked to discover that her destination
is, in fact, a run down single story affair."

  "Chikusho," she swore softly.
"Just my luck."

  Inside said run down building, there is an office. In this office
there are several desks. On one of these desks, there is a computer.
Using it is a young man, who appears to be in his mid twenties. He
has brown hair and is wearing black horn rimmed glasses.
Currently he is hacking.

  "Yes! With this final keystroke, I shall have the secret recipe to
Dr. Pepper!"

  "Excuse me, but is this the TAC?"

  "AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
Having been distracted this seemingly innocent question, the young
man accidentally struck the delete key, causing him to lose the very
thing he had spent weeks searching for.

On the opposite end of the room, using a chemistry set to make
cappuccino, was a woman.  She was blond and was wearing a white
lab coat over fashionable 'House of Scully' suit. Turning to face the
newcomer, she spoke,

  "Hello, are you Miss Mis-"

  "Misato Katsuragi! Reporting for duty!"
"Got any beer?"

  "Ah, no."

  "Chikusho." Misato said while attempting to sit on her duffle.
However, mistook where the duffle was and fell on her posterior.

  "Why me?" She asked of no one in particular.

  ***

  Back in Izumo, things were not going well for Gendo Ikari.
Currently, he was banging his head on the floor of the shrine to
show how sorry he was for letting Rei's sister Mei die in a sinister
way.

  Rei's Obasama had had enough of this, so she hit him upside the
head with her staff. Feeling satisfied, she returned to looking at a
photo of a girl who curious enough, looks a lot like Rei.

  "That's enough from you, is there anything else you have to
say?"

  "Well, yes, there is one thing ...."

  ***

  Over at Izumo High, Rei was banging her head against her desk,
trying to sort out the morning's events.

  "Why is this -"

  >BANG!<

  "Happening-"
  >BANG!<

  "To me?"

  >BANG!<

  "Even know-"

  >BANG!<

          "What a-"

  >BANG<
 
  "Kushinada is."

  "Hey, Rei."

  >BANG!<

  A shadow fell over Rei's desk. It belonged to Rei's sometime
friend Hikari.

  "Hello, Hikari."

  >BANG!<

  "Rei, are you all right? I mean do you have a fever or
something?"

  "No." replied Rei, taking the can of Calpis water that Hikari had
proffered.

  "What's a Kushinada?"

  "You've lived in Izumo all your life, and still don't know what a
Kushinada is?"

  "No, should I?" asked Rei, nearly draining the can.

  >BANG!<

  Hikari started banging her head on the desk.

  *** 
 
  Outside the school, there was a tree. Not a particularly
impressive tree, but it had spent years growing to the point that it
had reached a fairly decent height. It stood there, doing the things
that trees did, that is it did them slowly.

  As it was contemplating the meaning of life, a black mass with
evil glowing eyes came in screaming from the direction of the
nearby forest. The thing began to merge with the tree, causing it
(the tree) to die slowly. Of note were the tree's final thoughts:
"Not Again."
(Apologies to Douglas Adams.)

  ***

  Ikari sat silently, waiting for the old woman's reply.

  >Thok<

  The old woman knocked the coal of hot tobacco out of her pipe.
Hmmm, I think I'll let him stew a bit more, she thought to herself.

  "Wah!" 

  A door to the side of the room opened.
"Wah! I can't get ahold of the School!"

  "What did you say, Mihoshi?"

  "I called the school three times, but there was no answer!"
Cried the woman who had just entered the room. She was wearing a
kimono, not a formal, but one of your standard housewife models.
She had long blond hair that was tied back in a very loose ponytail.
Her blue eyes were currently gushing tears.

  "Did you turn on the phone ?"

  "Hai Okaasan, but every time I call, I get a busy signal."
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

  Obasama had had enough.
>Bop<
"Quiet daughter, crying is beneath you."

  "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

  Knowing that she was fighting a losing battle, Obasama turned
to Ikari.
"I think you had better get to the school to see if Rei is all right."

  Ikari nodded.

  ***

  At the TAC offices, a phone rang. A blond woman in a lab coat
answered it.

  "Moshi-moshi, Akagi here."
"Hai, right away sir. We'll get there as soon as possible."

  She replaced the phone, and slammed down on a nearby button.
Then she screamed in a most unladylike tone: "WE GOT ONE!"
As alarms rang throughout the room.

  ***

  Lonngge aggoe, inn Izzuemoe bye the rivvere Hiiii, livvede
a manne. Hee annde hiss wiffe hadde ate (8) dahterres.

  Rei banged her head against the wall to clear her head. 
That done, she resumed.

  Howeevvre, theyrre liffes werre marredde bye traddegeddy.
Evvrye yere, a draggonne bye the name of yaammattaa noe 
Orroechiie cayme and devourrede wan offe theyrre dahterres.
The Orroechi wasse yuuneeke inn thatte itte hadde ate (8)
hayddes annde ate taylles.

  Finallie, whenne therre wasse onnlie wan dahterre leffte,
the outtecasfte godde Sussannoe-ooe cayme too themme.

  This was getting to be too much for Rei. She calmly set down
her book, walked over to another student and...
Slammed his head into the table.

  That felt better. She returned to the book.

  Suessannoe-oe asskedde themme to brewwe ate (8) Tonnes
offe sakke. Thenne, itte wasse leffte outte forre the draggonne.
Affterre the draggonne hadde drunnkke the sakke, itte felle
intto a deepe slummbrre. Sussannoe-oe slewe the draggonne 
bye beheddinge itte.
  
  As a rewarrdde, sussannoe-oe tooke the lasfte dahterre
as hisfe brydde. Aftrre that, the girlle becayme noene as the 
Kueshienadda.

  "That's it ?" asked Rei, still recoiling from the ancient,
crabbed handwriting. Sighing, she replaced the book and
went off to find a Gibson novel.

  Outside the school, a shadow stirred.

  ***
  Outside of town, a car raced towards the school. Inside
was Gendo Ikari, Mihoshi, was flooding the backseat with 
tears, and the perky little 'Dirty Harry' wannabe named
Maia Ibuki.

  In Tokyo, Dr. Akagi, Misato, the hacker who, if you haven't
guessed by now is named Hyuuga, board a helicopter which will
take them on the first leg of a trip to Izumo.

  Shinji? Well um... he's attempting to race to the school, but
those damn trees keep getting in the way.

  The possessed tree now takes this moment to strike.
Crashing through the window, it takes a swipe at Rei, misses
and slams another student into a nearby wall.

  Massive panicking ensues.

  Having recovered from the first attack, the tree struck again.
This time contact was made, however, Rei managed to escape,
losing her skirt in the process.
  
  Adrenaline pumping in her blood, Rei escaped in the hall,
only to be followed by the tree.
  On the roof stood a figure in a black cloak. The figure
stood. And waited.

  Oh well, guess that means that this story is going...

          TO BE CONTINUED