[When it seems that Vegita walks into the theater, it turns out to be
Warhammer, even though the armor is a dead giveaway.]
WH: Howdy folks! Decided to do a random MSTing and chose good ol
Lurker�s fic. And now, for my guests; one of my favorites, one of the
baddest of the bad girls. Iczer 2.
[Oddly enough Jinzouningen #18 walks in, but the red hair makes you
realize it�s only Iczer 2 in costume.]
WH: Ah, dressing up as someone who fits your personality well eh?
I2: Of course! Can�t say the same for you.
WH: yeah, whatever. And the other guest, the virtual epitome of
�Fan-service�, Misato Katsuragi.
[Instead, Sakura of Street Fighter Alpha 2 fame runs in. But like
before, it�s just Misato dressed up.]
Misato: Jyaan! How do you folks like my costume?
WH: It... suits you.
I 2: Also it says something about your taste in clothing.
Misato: HEY!
WH: Now now, don�t forget Misato, Iczer can take you out if she wanted
to. Eva 01, Shinji, and your Derringer aren�t here.
[Misato huffs and then glares at a passive Iczer 2.]
Misato: It�s also a good thing I took in invite to come here instead of
him. Who knows what you would do to him you hussy!
I2: WHAT WHY I OUGHTTA!!
[Warhammer holds her back, even though it�s a bad idea.]
WH: Come on you guys, we gotta review a fic here!
I 2: Alright, but if you piss me off Kasturagi, I will personally make
sure you don�t live to see 30.
[Both girls growl and take their seats.]
At long last, here's chapter 20 of O:RS. This one has a more humorous
tone
than the previous chapters, as will all chapters dealing with Akane,
WH: That�s a good thing. Akane is, of course, #1 in my book.
I2: Maybe cause it has to do with the fact that you�re a "Knight of the
True Fiancee".
WH: Darn right about that!
Ryouga, Ukyou, Mousse, and Shampoo for a while. (And now I can sit back
and
wait for their various churches to roast me for turning their idols
into
comedy relief...)
Misato: Poor guy. Well we reap what we sow.
I 2: No way! Ms. Fan service waxing philosophical? [sarcastic] I�m
impressed.
I can also easily say that this is the shittiest chapter of Onna: Red
Side
so far.
[Warhammer waves the banner for the clean tounge fanfics.]
C&C welcome. MSTs encouraged.
[All three smirk.]
Chapter 20: Worm Fodder
WH: All right, the worm fodder I can stand, it�s the mess you have to
clean up that drives me nuts!
The caravan slowed to a stop at the border of the arid, dusty
wastes of
Cephiro. As far as deserts go, this one was definitely unusual.
"Why's the sand purple?" Ukyou asked.
Stretching as far as the eye could see, the parched wasteland
featured
dark purple sand, piled in dunes here and there, as a soft wind picked
up
bits of it and carried it from one dune to the next. The group of
eight
WH: [In an ominous voice] Arrakis. Dune. Desert Planet. [silently] The
long version.
Misato: I saw that the other day. I must say, that Paul Atreidies
character is cute!
I 2: Ahh, going for the little boys now are we?
Misato: [Meanacing] Why you...
disembarked from the wagons, and stood at the threshold of the desert.
"It's due to a mineral found only in this part of Cephiro," Presea
said.
"Really?" Akane asked. "What mineral is it?"
Presea shook her head. "Nobody ever bothered to name it,
because it's
absolutely worthless."
Misato: Absolutely worthless? You mean Shampoo�s career?
WH: Why you bashing the amazon.
Misato: �Cause �I� am the one that all the boys should stare at and
love.
[Both Iczer 2 and Warhammer sweat nervously.]
WH: You should be proud Misato.
"In any case," Presea said, "What we seek is a mineral far more
valuable
than the one which makes this blasted sand purple. We're hunting
Escudo."
WH: [With Elmer Fudd voice] Be veeewy qwuiet. We�re hunting Escwudo.
Hahahaha.
[Iczer 2 glares. And when she glares, even the bravest soul turns to
jelly.]
I 2: I always hated him.
WH: Is there anything you DON�T hate?
I 2: Well... [gets all starry eyed] There�s Dark Schneider, Treize,
Nakago, Tekkaman Evil, Karasu, and all the other handsome bad guys.
WH: Figures.
"So....where're we gonna find it?" Ryouga asked.
Presea pointed north. "Go over those dunes. You'll know the
tunnels of the
wasteworms when you see them. Be careful...the worms are tough, and
very
nasty. You'll need to find the heart of their nesting catacombs, to
reach
the Escudo."
The group groaned. "Oh, wonderful," Akane said.
Misato: [Imitaing Akane] I gotta go through another Lemon with pig boy!
[Warhammer and Iczer 2 chuckles.]
"This must be my punishment for making fun of that big worm
thing in that
last Star Wars movie," Ukyou muttered.
[Warhammer is not pleased.]
WH: YOU DARE INSULT GEORGE LUCAS� GREATEST WORK!!! [Grabs several tekno
power blasters.] SHINE DELUSIONAL SPATULA GIRL!!!! [Let�s put it this
way, Boom.]
"Well, we'd best get started," Mousse said. The others nodded,
and the
five martial artists began their trek across the dunes.
As they walked, Akane said, "By the way, Ryouga..."
Ryouga blinked, then swallowed nervously. "H...hai, Akane-san?"
Akane smirked. "I forgot about it earlier, but we need to have
a little
talk..."
WH: Hmm, I sense serious pain coming up.
I 2: Sad, I wish I was there too.
Misato: You a sadist or something?
I 2: Sad to say yes. Which is often why I don�t get to many men too stay
with me. [She purrs.]
WH: Something tells me I don�t want to know.
Ukyou, Mousse, and Shampoo flinched as Ryouga's screams of pain
rang out
across the desert. A lightning bolt spiked down from the sky, slamming
into
one of the nearby dunes, spraying the amethyst sand in all directions.
"Boy, she's really ticked," Ukyou said. Shampoo and Mousse
nodded.
"Pig-boy bring down on own head," Shampoo said. "Still, Shampoo
think
violent tomboy getting trigger-happy with lightning magic."
"RYOUGA NO BAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WH: For some odd reason, I really like these 3 particular words and this
paragraph.
Misato: [Smirking with sarcastic undertone] I can�t imagine why.
A small thunderstorm erupted over the recently blasted dune. It
ended as
suddenly as it began. The trio watched with morbid curiosity as a tiny
black shape rocketed into the sky, plummeting to the ground moments
later,
burying itself in the sand upon impact. After a few moments, the black
shape stretched into a bruised, battered, and charred Hibiki Ryouga.
Akane
I 2: Ohh, Very good Tendou-san. You�d make perfect material for an
Iczer. One of my own of course!
WH: Perfect 10 on all counts! Execution, aftermath, and style.
Misato: I think this is going a bit overboard.
rejoined the group, pointedly turning her nose up at the lost boy.
"I...think we should get back to looking for the Escudo," Ukyou
said.
Ryouga numbly dragged himself to his feet, and the group continued on
their
way.
After a short hike, they topped the crest of a particularly
large dune.
WH: Once more. [Ominous voice] Arrakis. Dune Desert Planet. The long
version.
Shampoo gasped. "Aiyah. Shampoo think this the place."
I 2: Wow, the bimbo actually has a use.
WH: Now that was mean.
I 2: So? [She glares at Warhammer] What are you going to do about it?
WH: [Meekly] Nothing.
Below them lay a deep, circular valley. The valley was ringed
by high
dunes, and was easily two kilometers wide, perhaps more. a thick, deep
black ring separated the dunes from the valley, which was littered with
dozens of irregular holes.
Misato: Say, I didn�t know the desert had a polka dot design to it.
"Well, looks like this is it. Last one down's a gaijin
okonomiyaki," Ukyou
said, as she leapt down from the dune. The others blinked at her choice
of
expressions, not sure what to make of it. As they prepared to jump
down,
Ukyou cried out, "*SHIT!*"
[Warhammer throws a bar of soap into Ukyou�s mouth.]
The others dropped to low defensive stances, and peered
cautiously over
the edge of the dune. "What is it, Ukyou?" Akane asked.
Ukyou mucked angrily out of the black ring lining the valley.
Her white
boots were now dark brown, and brown sludge smeared her legs. She had a
decidedly disgusted look on her face. "It's shit," she said. "Be
careful
coming down. Don't get into the crap."
[Iczer 2 laughs at Ukyou�s misfortune.]
WH: Really, can�t you just say dung, feecees, or crap. Heck, even poop
is better than that. In fact, I don�t know why I am talking about this!
The others carefully leapt down, missing the black ring. Mousse
produced a
towel from his robes and handed it to Ukyou. Akane's face contorted.
"Ugh,"
she said. "It stinks down here."
Misato: [frowns] What do you expect?
"Shampoo not smell such horrible thing even in panda pasture,"
the Amazon
added.
I 2: Ahh, Genma must have been here!
Ryouga prodded the black stuff with his cudgel. It squelched.
Extracting
the weapon, he examined the stain on the end of it, and nodded. "It's
definitely shit," he said. "And judging from the smell, I'd say it's
probably worm shit." He ground the end of his weapon into the sand,
cleaning off the fecal matter.
WH: For heaven sake, is this Andrew Diceclay or George Carlin doing the
dialogue? Naw, they used either one for the Appleseed dub.
revealing a dark, gaping maw. The crane attempted escape, but it was in
vain. Within seconds, it had been swallowed, and the worm's head slid
back
into the hole. The beast paused mid-slither, aiming its other end at
the
dunes. A thunderous flatulation ripped across the valley, and a thick
brown
mist settled onto the ring of manure. Its business finished, the worm
disappeared down the hole again.
[Warhammer gulps, Misato�s shocked, and Iczer 2 smiles at the vicious
display of nature.]
"That explains the ring of shit," Ryouga said.
WH: LURKER!! Enough with the swearing. It makes it seem juvenile!
With less resolve than she had before, Ukyou said, "Well, if we
gotta do
it, I guess we gotta do it. Let's go find the Escudo."
Grimacing, the five teens made for the nearest hole.
WH: [Sings] ! There�s a world going on, undergro...*WHACK*
I 2: Did I mention I don�t like singing Teknomen?
Misato: Geez, and I thought that Asuka was violent.
As the group approached the worm tunnels, Mousse suggested,
"Perhaps we
had best split up. There's no telling how deep these tunnels are, or if
they even run to the same place."
Ryouga nodded. "He's right. Besides, these tunnels aren't wide
enough for
more than one person to fight in. If we tried to pair up, we'd end up
attacking each other more than the worms."
The others considered this, and nodded. Each one selected a
tunnel, and
jumped down.
WH: Now, is this just me, or is it a giant version of "Chutes and
Ladders"?
Akane slid down the tunnel, landing roughly on her butt at the
bottom. As
she sat up and looked around, she noticed a huge worm only inches from
her.
It opened its mouth and roared out a tremendous belch which stank of
rotted
flesh and probably a bit of offal. Akane coughed, suppressing the urge
to
[Warhammer and Misato faint from the stench. Giving all the
opportunities for Iczer 2.]
retch. Glaring at the offending beast, she withdrew her hammer from the
gem
on her glove. "WORM NO BAKA!" she screamed as she brought the mallet
down
on its head. The worm grunted, and slithered away sulkily. Akane
sighed.
"Honestly," she said as she stood, and followed the worm down the
tunnel.
I 2: That�s my girl. When something makes you mad. HURT IT!
Ukyou grumbled as she landed. Nearby, she saw a smaller worm
than the one
which had eaten the bird on the surface. It was nudging along a much
smaller worm, about the size of a Rottweiler. The smaller worm was
squeaking softly, and occassionally would turn around and almost
playfully
nip at the larger worm. Chuckling to herself at what was obviously a
baby
at play, Ukyou silently tiptoed past the pair of worms, who paid her no
heed, and made her way further down.
I 2: Normally, I find animals playing with their young to be
heartwarming.... and this is no excepting. Heh, I�m not the 100% cold
hearted jerk everyone else thinks I am.
Shampoo slid down, down, down...ugh. What the...? She blinked,
and looked
around. "Is dark," she said. She stood, and the ground squelched and
I 2:
shifted beneath her feet. "Stink worse here than surface," she noted.
It
was also very slimy. She looked around for light, and found it, above
her,
visible through a shrinking orifice...
SHRINKING ORIFICE!?
"AIYAH! Worm swallow Shampoo whole! Not good!" The Amazon
murmured a quick
I 2: [She smirks] To you maybe.
Shadow spell, and her body was reduced to a two-dimensional pool of
darkness. Quickly, she slipped down the worm's digestive track, and
exited
through its...let's not think about that. Suffice it to say, she got
out of
the worm.
I 2: Aww, and here I thought it would be the end for Shampoo here. Well,
can�t win �em all I guess.
Returning her body to its normal state, Shampoo conjured a bolt
of shadow,
and threw it at the worm. The creature bellowed in agony as its body
disintegrated, reducing to a permanent shadow of its former self. "That
for
trying make snack from Amazon woman," Shampoo said, as she stalked away
>from the shade worm.
I 2: Hmph, only wimps use magic as first attack. True warriors use their
hands.
[By then, Misato and Warhammer come to.]
Smashing another worm to pulp, Ryouga continued his path down
the tunnel.
Miraculously, he had not found a way to get lost yet. At the bottom of
the
tunnel, he found what appeared to be a stone wall. "Perfect," he
mumbled.
Deciding to do this the old fashioned way, he cried out "BAKUSAI
TENKETSU!"
as he struck the wall with one finger.
WH: OH SMART! EVER HEARD OF A CAVE IN?!??!?!
The wall rumbled, but did not shatter. Ryouga blinked.
The sand packed in the ceiling of the tunnel began to shift,
and caved in
on Ryouga's head, as the wall bent, and turned around to face him...or
rather, to smack him upside the head. Ryouga barely had time to use a
spell
to clear a path in the sand before him before the hit stunned him
silly.
Mousse was using sets of raking talons and wrist blades as
climbing tools,
and was sticking to the ceiling of the tunnel. He managed to make it
past
[Warhammer begins to yodel and Iczer 2 crunches him into a metal cube.
But reforms in time for the next joke.]
all the worms without being spotted. He soon reached a large, open
cavern,
with various tunnels feeding into it from all directions. Worms milled
about, shoving around mounds of sand and manure, and in one corner he
could
see larger worms feeding pre-masticated corpses to baby worms the size
of
Dobermans. Dotted among the sandy walls of the cave, small specks of
crystal and luminescent lichen shed a soft glow, providing adequate
lighting to take in the sights of the worm nest.
Misato: Whoever killed those baby worms. BOOO!!! Unneeded cruelty to
animals! Even if they are worms.
I 2: Well, you know what they say. When you kill the young, they don�t
grow old to avenge.
Misato: I hate you.
I 2: So do I, now shut yer trap and get back to reviewing the fic.
As Mousse made his way over to Akane, two shadows flitted out
of another
tunnel. The two humans blinked as one of the shadows grabbed the other
and
threw it across the cavern, sending it flying back down the tunnel. The
shadow seemed to be human-shaped, and female. After a moment's
confusion,
Akane nodded, and whispered, "What happened, Shampoo?"
Shampoo silently slid up the wall, and melted out of it,
returning to her
normal state. "Stupid worm try swallow Shampoo. Shampoo turn worm into
shadow, but worm attack Shampoo. Fight as shadow all way here." She
frowned. "Where here?"
"The central cavern of the worm nest, I'd guess," Mousse said.
WH: Ahh, the character meeting place!
A sharp whisper from above hissed, "Incoming!" The group
scattered as a
large spatula hurtled down and imbedded itself into the ground. Its
handle
extended upward, forming a smooth, round metal pole, similar to one
found
in a fire station. Ukyou slid down the pole, which shrank as she
descended,
until it was once again a spatula handle. Retrieving the spatula and
slinging it across her back, Ukyou smiled. "Hi guys. Anything
interesting
going on?"
WH: It WAS interesting, till you showed up!
I 2: Che, and you got the gall to call me rude!
Akane shifted nervously. Ukyou's entrance had apparently gained
some
attention among the worms. "We're about to have company, you guys,"
Akane
said, pointing at a few large worms which seemed to be staring at them.
WH: [imitating any of the girls] Ack! And my hair�s just terrible and
*CRUNCH*
[Both Misato and Iczer 2 give him what for.]
"Aiyah!"
Ukyou grumbled. "Dammit! I should be more careful."
Suddenly, the worms were upon them. The four warriors blazed
into action,
striking out with their weapons and the occassional spell, knocking
worms
unconscious or cleaving them in twain. The fight was going well, as the
worms could not hope to match the fighters in skill...only in numbers.
WH: Hup! Jump! Kick! Fighting rhubarb. Death dealing rhubarb!
Iczer 2: Gymkata! Killing rhubarb. Spell casting rhubarb.
Misato: Yudaijo! Weapon throwing rhubarb! Worm screaming Rhubarb!
"Hey, where's Ryouga?" Ukyou wondered.
"Probably lost as usual," Akane grumbled. "Or maybe he hit
water and wound
up as pork for a worm."
[Iczer 2 smirks]
I 2: The worse she gets, the more I like her!
WH: You�re nuts.
I 2: Thank you.
"ooooh...kay," Ukyou said softly as she split a worm neatly in
two.
Suddenly, there was a great rumble. The worms ceased their
onslaught as
the cavern began to shake. Many of them began shrieking and roaring in
confusion and anger. Behind the baby pen, a wall of the cavern erupted
violently, sending sprays of purple sand everywhere, as well as one
lost
boy who crashed unmercifully into the ground head-first.
"Speak of the pig," Akane muttered.
Ryouga dragged himself to his feet shakily, rubbing his head.
"Ouch," he
said.
Everyone stared at the large hole Ryouga had made in the wall.
The baby
worm nest which had been beneath it was shattered, leaving a crater and
dead baby worms scattered about. Something shiny glinted from within
the
Misato: BOOO!!! Now I really hate you Hibiki!
crater. Whatever it was, it sparkled more brilliantly than the lichen
and
crystals around the cave.
"Is that...Escudo?" Akane wondered.
I 2: Oh my, that�s my new night light. What do you think?
"Aiyah! We find mineral!" Shampoo said.
Iczer 2: Once more we see Shampoo�s great intelligence.
"Let's get it!" Mousse cheered, as the five teens made a dash
for the
legendary mineral.
Misato:
AndherewegotanAkaneheadingthepackwithaMuTsucominginsecondwithaUlyouandShampootiedforthirdandaRyougacominginasadlast!
WH: Wow, that was fast!
Misato: Thank you
Before they could get halfway there, the ground exploded,
throwing them
into the walls and tunnel mouths. An *enormous* worm, easily five times
the
size of any they'd seen so far, emerged from the great chasm in the
ground,
WH: SEBASTIAN CABBIT!! RUN!!
which sealed up behind it. The worm's tail was wide, swollen, as though
indicating that the worm was incredibly fat. Its head was different
from
the others...its jaws were fleshy, like meaty jowls, and it had clearly
visible, though squinted, eyes above its maw. The worm opened its great
maw, and the five teens blinked as it...spoke.
Misato: Is that an Ohmu from Nausicaa?
I 2: Nope, this one looks ready to kill.
The worm's voice was very unusual. Expecting something that
large to have
a deep, earthquaking voice, instead it was soft, and the creature
seemed to
mumble as it said, "Small creatures with no tails, why have you
disrupted
the sanctity of my lair?"
Everyone blinked.
The worm seemed to scowl. "You come into my catacombs
uninvited," it
mumbled, "disrupt the tunnels, kill members of my family, and have the
audacity to poke me in the tail. This, I cannot forgive."
"Oh great," Ukyou said, rolling her eyes. "Look fellas, it's
the Godworm."
Ryouga rubbed his chin, then pounded a fist into his palm. "So
*that*'s
what that wall was!"
The Godworm spoke again. "I'm going to make you an offer, you
can't
refuse. I'm going to eat all of you alive. You can enjoy the rest of
your
life being digested."
WH: I smell a Star Wars reference here.
I 2: I smell bad breath, get some breath mints!
Akane shook her head. "I don't think so."
Ryouga glared at the worm. "I owe you for knocking me around
like that."
"You got a lot of nerve, worm. Let's see what some worm
okonomiyaki tastes
like!"
"Eeew, let's not."
"Shampoo make stupid fat worm shut ugly fat mouth!"
"The early bird catches the worm. I'm the earliest bird you'll
ever know."
Everyone blinked at Mousse, who shrugged. "Hey, it sounded
good."
WH: Yeah yeah, they said the same thing about about the Spice Girls, so
what�s your point?
Misato: Do you realize how incoherent that was.
WH: Of course! That�s why I said it!
The Godworm surged forward. "Die!" it roared, although the roar
came out
as more of a belch. A veritable cloud of its foul breath struck the
young
warriors, making them drop to their knees gagging.
WH": Whew, why I can�t help but think of Earthbound at the moment?
"Distract it," Ryouga wheezed. "I'm going to cast a spell to
send it back
where it came from."
I 2: From Extra�s Island! Where all these guys come from in the first
place.
"Alright," Akane said, frowning at the lost boy. Turning her
attention to
the Godworm, she shouted, "Okay worm, take this!" Leaping at its head
with
her mallet in hand, she let out a mighty battle yell. The ceiling of
the
cavern erupted, and lightning spiked down into the mallet's haft,
sparking
around its steel head, as Akane shouted, "HAMMER OF THOR!"
WH: Akane-sama! You must teach me that! Just think of that damage we
could create!
She struck the massive worm, and a bright flash of lightning
exploded from
her hammer. The Godworm roared in agony and rage as it slithered
backwards
>from Akane, who touched off of its head with her foot, and somersaulted
backwards, landing in a ready position.
Misato: And the judges gives her a 9.7, save for the Russian judge who
gave her a 9.2.
WH: Why is the Russian judge always the toughest one to please?
Misato: �Cause they�re good. That�s why!
Shampoo murmured a spell, and when it was prepared, she said
softly,
"Command Shadow." The Godworm's shadow shook violently, and tore itself
away from the massive beast, who blinked down at it.
"What the hell's that supposed to do?" it mumbled.
WH: Earn money at home, sharpen saws, and Earn extra cash! All with your
money back guarantee!
"My turn," Mousse said. He pulled a number of hooked chains from his
robes, and threw them at the Godworm. Although it twisted its body out
of
the way of the chains, Mousse smirked as the hooks passed its injured
tail.
He jerked on the chains, and they snapped backwards, the hooks digging
into
the wounded flesh of the tail, and holding fast. "SENOBAITO!" Mousse
shouted, as he tugged the chains sharply. The hooks dug canals in the
worm's flesh, peeling its outer skin away from its body. The Godworm
keened
in agony, unable to escape the deadly attack.
[Warhammer and Misato wince and Iczer 2 smiles again. You can tell Iczer
2 is a SICK woman.]
"My turn!" Ukyou called, producing several small spatulas.
Throwing them
at the exposed body of the worm, she used a metal spell to turn them
into
curved daggers as they struck. Casting another spell once they were
imbedded, she caused the daggers to become serrated, and at the
Godworm's
groan of pain, she leapt across the chasm, and began plucking the
saw-edged
daggers from its body. The Godworm was thoroughly stunned, unable to
move.
[More wincing from Misato and Warhammer and more smiles from Iczer 2]
WH: That�s gotta sting!
As Ukyou landed, she called, "Now, Ryouga!"
Ryouga nodded, and raised his hands. The ground began
trembling.
"Everyone, get as far from the worm as you can, and *GET DOWN!* he
shouted.
As the others complied, a circle of stone rose up around the wounded
Godworm, as well as beneath it, bringing it level with the center of
the
cavern. Part of the ceiling above it had hardened, the sand packing
into a
block of solid purple stone.
"Ready...NOW!" Ryouga shouted. The stone pedestal carrying the
worm
dropped, and Ryouga flung his hands outward. "STONE PRESS!" he
commanded.
The rock floor beneath the Godworm rose up, a great stone pillar, which
swiftly carried the giant beast up to the rocky ceiling above. The
stones
clashed together, and the Godworm was crushed between them, its remains
spattering the walls and floor of the cavern. The stone pillar
crumbled,
and the ceiling above returned to normal.
I 2: Beautiful Hibiki, there may be hope for you yet.
Misato: You�re sick!
I 2: Thanks.
"Yatta!" Ryouga shouted. The others stood, picking their way
among the
worm's remains. "Good work, Ryouga," Ukyou said.
Ryouga shrugged. "Couldn't have done it without you guys," he
said.
Akane pointed to the area where the nest was. "Got enough magic
left to
take care of the rubble around that nest?" she asked.
Ryouga nodded, and concentrated. The ground rumbled, and five
sharp
crystals peeked up from the wreckage. With a gesture, Ryouga flung the
mineral crystals out of the rocks, bringing them for a safe landing
among
the five warriors.
"Sugoi!" Ukyou said.
"You really handle that stone magic well," Mousse commented.
Ryouga shrugged. "Must be from all my experience with the
Bakusai
Tenketsu," he said.
I 2: Well, considering your heads about as hard as those rocks, it
doesn�t surprise me.
"So, this Escudo?" Shampoo said.
Akane nodded. "I think so," she said. Reaching out, she touched
one of the
crystals. It turned yellow, and disappeared into the gem on her hand.
"Yep, it *must* be the Escudo," Ukyou mused, touching a
crystal. It turned
dark blue, and merged with her guantlet. The others each touched a
crystal,
which changed color to match their gauntlet gems, and disappeared.
"Okay, now how do we get outta here?" Ukyou wondered.
WH: It�s my way or the highway!
Misato: Who said that?
WH: ARRG! I forgot!
Ryouga frowned. "I dunno. I'm pretty spent for magic," he said.
"Hmm," Akane rubbed her chin. "Aha! I know! Everyone gather
around me."
The others gathered around Akane, who concentrated and murmured
a few
chants. A strong breeze picked up around them, forming a slight
whirlwind.
As the others grew nervous, Akane's chanting became more frantic, until
her
eyes snapped open, and she shouted, "SANDSTORM!"
[Warhammer begins to sing the song "Sandstorm from a Tekkaman Blade II
drama disc, you can guess what happened next.]
The wind howled, as purple sand shrouded them, stinging their
skin and
cutting visibility to zero. The winds rose, and began blasting the sand
straight up. The five martial arts mages were sucked into the vortex,
and
blasted upward.
Misato: Jeez, what a time for Old Faithful to go off.
"Any sign of them?" Clef asked. Presea shook her head.
"Looks like...wait. That's odd," she mused. "There usually
aren't
sandstorms in this desert..."
Clef's eyes widened. "A sandstorm?" he asked. Presea handed him
her
binoculars. As the master wizard watched, a purple column of whirling
sand
erupted from the valley of the worm tunnels. Five figures were flung
out of
the twister, which began dying down.
WH: [Imitating Clef] Wait, I can see their pulses. But their heads are
gone!
I 2: Have you ANY idea how bad a joke that was?
WH: Of course! That�s why I said it!
As the group landed roughly in the dunes around the worm
valley, Akane
mused to herself, "Need to learn to control that spell..."
Misato: [Imitating Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid.] Rembmer, wax on, wax
off, wax on...
[Iczer 2 growls]
I 2: Mouth off!
The fic ends here.
[The three get out of their seats.]
WH: Good job Lurker. Save for all the potty mouthing, it was great.
Misato: Hey! Don�t forget Ryouga��s cruel treatment of young animals.
I 2: Enough carnage to put Mortal Kombat to shame. I LOVE IT!
[Iczer 2 warps out.]
Misato: She�s crazy.
WH: Tell me about it. She�s staying with me whether I like it or not!
She likes this too much. Well, happy halloween everyone and good night.
TekkaKnight WarHammer
"Bishonen is for the Ladies. But I like it too."
--Modified MST3K Joke
"Anyone without scars on their hearts would be superficial."
--Hiei
"NO! You must DO or DO NOT! There is no try."
--Yoda
-Worshipper of the Almighty, All Knowing, and All Funny Kuwabara-sama.
-Servant to Yukina-sama.
-Knight of the True Fiancee. A.K.A. Akane Tendou
-Supporter of the Zelgaudess Greywers/Amelia Wil Tesla De Seyruun
couple.
-Fanfic writer of Teknoman and other great manga and anime.
-Loyal Ally of Lady Jupiter.
-Self appointed Guardian of Kiyone Makibi.
-And so much more!
______________________________________________________
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