Hello mina,

It's my first post (or is it?). I decided to write this while in the 
Halloween Spirit. I haven't looked at it much, so I really don't know 
whether it's any good or not. I haven't thought of a title yet (any 
suggestions?). Perhaps the "Flabbergasting Ballad of Saotome's Halloween 
Caper" would do it honor . Or perhaps not. Comments, flames, and death 
threats _extremely_ appreciated. Enjoy.



In a faraway place, in a faraway land
Twas' a creepy, scary, heavy old night.
The crickets and owls made a ghastly band,
Yet that was but a small source of fright.

Ghouls and demons made the night theirs,
Men, women and children shivered in fear.
The moon reflected bright, admired by supernatural stares,
The night was cursed; to all was totally clear.

Yet that was not the worst; No! That was not all-
As a superior malice strolled quite strangely in the zone.
A malice so evil that made trolls look so small.
A malice so evil that even the harpies would leave it alone.
(Partly out of proffesional courtesy, some would say)

"Oh Ranma Darling, where are you?" She said with a yell,
Scaring off every soul in the block.
She sniffed the air; her prey she tried to smell
"Ohohohoho" she laughed; as graceful and satisfying as the smashing of 
clocks.

Kodachi said, trying to bring her love into her grasp,
"Come out, Dear Ranma, a gift I wish to present!"
The twin-sexed fighter  uttered a gasp,
*I wish nothing with her, least an engagement,
*Oh damn, let her not find me,  Over her I'd chose a wasp. 
If she does Akane will give me hell in such an event,"

Unfortunately for Ranma, when he noticed he fell it was already late
And his muscular figure plummetted through the tree limb and branches.
As he stood up, his Tuxedo Mask suit in a ruffled state
Kodacki, cursed Kodachi, towered over him and smartly patted his 
haunches.

"Yo, weirdo, keep your distance from my suit!"
A pent-up Ranma yelled after his brief trip through the tree.
As Kodachi tried to tell him how she thought he looked so cute,
Company turned to multitude as two now became three.

"Haiyaa! Evil girl, Ranma you not take!"
Cried with gusto a recently appeared purplish-headed tart.
Swinging her bonbori at Kodachi's face, as if they were bait.
*Oh Great!* thought Ranma, *Now she too has joined the cart!*

"You shall not secure my Darling Ranma" Kodachi said.
"Amazon law say Shampoo do" was Shampoo's reply,
And within .25 seconds, before Ranma could 've fled,
Both bimbos were fighting over him, before peace he could apply.

As both combatants struck and parried, Chinese threats mingled with 
upper-class damnations.
In the midst of all this battle poor, unlucky Ranma, to his bad luck, in 
curiosity wondered
How  this royal mess could possibly worsen beyond the current situation.
At that moment a spatula flew by his head, and made him regret what he 
had pondered.

"Stay back from my Ranchan," A fiery cook threatened,
"Or you shall meet the business end of my fury and my Spatula!"
"Ukyo!" Ranma uttered in dismay, right before by a stray bonbori he was 
flattened.
"You have hurt my Ranchan!" said the chef, "I shall turn you into 
Crapula!"

The first two minxes were surprised to see
another fiancee join the fray.
Bonboris soon mixed and twingled with spatulas and ribbons, not to the 
combatants glee
And the three fiancees made a knot of their arms and bodies, as if 
twister they would play.

The love-struck vixens lay entangled at Ranmas feet
And the boy could not believe his luck.
"Wow" he exclaimed, "Tis' the first time this happens: Neat!"
Out of the fight he was embroiled in he had become unstuck.

And thus he failed to sense the brightly-flowing ki,
The aggresive, blue shinning ki of that who approached, angry as a bull,
Of the one he used to taunt with phrases about her face, chest and knee,
such as "Marry that kawaiikunee, the chances are almost null!"

It resounded through the valley; it echoed in the dell,
It's volume was inhuman; the worst shriek ever seen;
Some people in Nekonron China swore they heard as well:
"RANMA! I WILL RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT AND SHATTER BOTH YOUR SPLEENS!"

The mallet impact was brutal; the bites were those of sharks.
A bucket of water fell on him; and then the bucket too.
"Whaddya do that for?" Came Ranma's impulsive, and an octave higher, 
bark.
Her shapely curves inadequately filling the tacky tuxedo, color blue.

Ranma's experience told him to run, and run he did so.
He was followed close behing by an angry mallet-wielding tomboy,
And a bevy of anxious fiancees who wouldn't take a "No."
Did Ranma think his troubles were over? He was dead wrong, hoo boy!

They say the troubled group traveled all through the night.
That Akane chased her fiancee well out of the limits of the city.
Yet there are those who say they witnessed their infamous flight
several days later, away from Tokyo and continuing the party.

There are others who say they were spotted in Jusenkyo, the cursed 
grounds.
And yet even others who pledge they were seen in New York,
Who said that they were cursed and had to travel the world round and 
round,
And that the pursuer, Akane, had grown horns, tail, and was now wielding 
a heavy fork.

There are many now who declare it as an old wive's tale.
Many who say it never happened; that it is all a lie.
Yet if listening carefully with a friend on Hallow's Eve, drinking beer 
or ale,
One is almost sure to hear the dammed screams of that dammed party as 
they pass nearby.

Now, gentle reader, do you comprehend
Why this singular night, in such a far-off place
No sane soul would dare to attend?

Why the residents of Nerima flee as if in race?
Why the cursed fiancees are doomed to walk the Earth
And make Ranma's love their case?

Pray, gentle reader, if you would be sitting in your room,
Lock the door and shut the windows, and to the deities pray,
Lest these persona non grata appear, and mistake you for their groom,
And disappear from your life all that is peaceful, nice and gay.

******

P.S.
To all with dirty minds: The last word should be taken in its contextual 
meaning.

P.S.S.
I know "Crapula" isn't a word, but I couldn't think of anything that 
would rhyme. So shoot me.

 



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