I opened the door.  Standing there were two Asian girls, both 
very young and attractive, except that one of them looked very
odd with hair dyed red and braided into a pigtail.  I blinked in 
confusion, and noted that now her hair was black.  They looked
at me.  "David Johnston?", the taller one asked.

"AAAAH!"  I jumped back and hid behind behind the wood stove
located in our living room.  (Bizarre architecture?  You don't want
to know.)  "I didn't DO anything to you!  I've been nice to you!"

The pigtailed one sighed and said something in Japanese to the other.
The only part of it I could make out was something about "Lichard Rawson".
Then she turned to me and said, "Nice?  You trapped me, or half of me, 
as a girl."

"No I didn't.  I just wrote the sequels where you learn how to tough it
out and make a life for yourself anyway!  Blame Benares for the initial
situation.  I just felt sorry for you left on the floor that way!."

The taller one said, "What about cursing me?"

"That'll last maybe a week, tops!  Please don't hit me with a hammer,
I'll die."  I whimpered.

The pigtailed girl snapped, "Oh calm down.  Act like a man...or something.
We're not here to hurt you."

"That's what Nuku-Nuku said, and look how that turned out." I whined.

"Geez, that guy's sick.  But he couldn'ta wrote that fic if it was
real, ya know.  We're gonna have ta drop by and ask him to cut it out,
though.  People screaming when they see me is startin' to get on my
nerves."

"So why are you here?"

The taller one spoke again, smiling cheerfully, "FFML Welcome Wagon duty.  
Here's your complementary bucket of Jyusenkyo water.  Use it in health."
Out of nowhere she pulled a bucket of water and placed it on top of
the stove (which hasn't been lit since I was their age).

"Uh gee, thanks."

"Our pleasure, except of course when you screamed in our faces."

"Would you like to come in and have some lemonade?"

The pig-tailed girl answered, "Thanks but we've got a few more deliveries
to make.  Seeya!" and they departed.  I went back to bed.  You know, 
in retrospect, I should have done something about that bucket first.  
Oh well.