Zen is sitting at the desk in his dorm room on Academy, staring morosely at
the screen of his word processor.

Zen:  Dammit, why won't this scene come out right?  <bangs head on keyboard>

There is a tap at the door, which opens to reveal;

Kei:  Hey, Zen!  Got time for a quicky?

Zen:  <facefaults>

Yuri: Now, Kei, don't tease the animals!

Kei:  <shrugs> Who's teasing?

Yuri: <baps Kei>  Hush!  <looks back to Zen>  We have another piece for you
to review!

Zen:  But... but... Zen is *working* on his fics!

Kei:  Ah, don't get so melodramatic.  It's not THAT bad...

Zen:  But this scene...

Yuri: <singsong> It's by Lurker...

Zen:  Oh, hell.  All right.  It's not like this scene is getting anywhere
anyway.

Yuri: <produces isolinear chip from the usual place to Zen's continued
amazement and slips it into the display unit>

Kei:  I'll grab the snacks.

Zen:  NO peanut butter this time!  You hear Zen?

[screen clears]


At 4:59 10/30/97, The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:

<Scene opens on a theater overlooking a theater.Standing before the large
viewing windows is a figure wearing dark purple robes. His hair is
lavender, and his skin looks somewhat like granite. A violet eyepatch
covers his right eye. He smiles evilly down at the theater below. Behind
him, a petite girl with long braided red hair looks confused.>

Zen:  Well, Zen recognizes Hikaru-chan, but who's the fossil?

Yuri: <baps Zen> Stop that.

Hikaru: We're doing an MST of an MST, Lurker-kun?

Zen:  Ye Ghods!  Zen has been sitting here cursing this scene, and you want
him to RE-curse?!

Figure: <evil chuckle> Yes. I figured it would be...fun. And the name's not
Lurker, it's...<pauses dramatically> ...Lurkadis.

Kei:  Lurkatwhat?  I don't see anything.

Hikaru: <rolls eyes> Oh wonderful. Now it's a Slayers phase...

<Lurkadis sweatdrops>

Yuri: Zen, the first word you say about 'Inverse Proportions' will be the
LAST word you say...

Zen:  <sweatdrops>

Chris: [looking at the Norns] What happened to you three?
Dark Queen Skuld:[spooning ice cream into her mouth between words] He's
been reading Biles again.
Chris: [whining] Lemon Sherbert?  [sighs] MAKEUP!

Lurkadis: Since when is he a Sailor Senshi?

[A huge black cloud flies in the theatre, obscuring Chris.  Seconds

later,

it leaves, leaving Chris in a white and orange.]

Hikaru: Eeew.

Yuri: <eyes wide>  Gotta agree with Hikaru-chan here...

Lurkadis: I prefer purple myself...

Kei:  Eeeeeeeewww.  Now *blue* on the other hand...

Zen:  But Kei, Zen thought you *liked* mayhem and violets...

Yuri: <growls>

DK Chris: [stabbing the intercom button] What are you doing with the

Saber

Marionettes up there?
Male Voice: [petulant tone] If Biles can do it, so can I.  Now, leave me
alone and get reviewing, or I'll make you life even more lousy.  [pause]
And get out of that uniform.  We look lousy in white. [pause]  Now...it
was Lime's turn last time I checked...

Hikaru: <smirks>

Kei:  Cool.  Hikaru-chan is developing quite the ecchi mind.

Lurkadis: Obviously, he has no taste in women. <takes Hikaru's hand and
kisses it>

Yuri: Dunno about that... Limes taste pretty good with tequila...

Zen:  ...

Hikaru: <blushes, smiles> (Thinks: Okay, the stone lips have *got* to go.
Cold!)

Yuri: DON'T go there, Zen.

Zen:  <innocent>  Go where?

Kei:  <whispers in Zen's ear>

Zen:  O_O  Maaaaa.....

[Chris frantically releases the button]

DK Chris: He has GOT to get out more.  MAKEUP!

Kei:  This clown is starting to remind me of Daffy Duck.

[In moments, all of them are back to normal.]

Lurkadis: Normal? Normal, he says? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! <regains his
stony demeanor>

Hikaru: <winces> (Thinks: Yep, he still does the puns...)

Yuri: Don't rock the boat, dear.

    A beeping sound made the blue haired girl sit up, throwing off the
covers and turn her head back to her table.  It was her communicator.
 The sound made Ami fully wake up and she grabbed the beeping object.
 She looked down uncomprehendingly as Makoto appeared on the view
screen.  "Sorry," Makoto said, "I know you're still getting over your
trip, but we need your help."

Chris: Of course they need her help.  She's the only one with brains in
her head.
Skuld: I thought you liked Rei-chan.
Chris: That was Crimson.  [pause] I wonder if he's done being evil yet.

Hikaru: Hmmm....(Thinks: Wonder if whatever hit Crimson hit Lurker-kun?
..nah.)

Zen:  Nah.  Just too much Gorgon-zola cheese...

Kei:  Too much cheese period.

    The villain reached into an unseen pocket and pulled out a small,
purple, oval shaped object.  He threw it and when it landed, the
object grew to human size, grew arms and legs, and a demon face
appeared on the little LCD screen in the middle.  "Tamaganchin,"
Raksis ordered, "ATTACK!"

Chris: KILL IT!
Urd: I think I'm going to be ill.
Belldandy: [frowning] Those things are so annoying.
SKuld: [sniffs] Cheaply made pieces of junk. [cheers] I'll invent
something better!
Chris/Urd: NO!

Lurkadis: That thing is as annoying as my last real pet.
Hikaru: <blinks> Lurker-ku...err, Lurkadis...you had a pet?
Lurkadis: <nods> A chihuahua. Annoying as hell.
Hikaru: What happened to it?
Lurkadis: <evil smile> I ate it.

Kei:  Speaking of annoying pets, what happened to the marshmallow of
Hikaru-chan's?

Zen:  <shrugs>  Maybe Lurker-ku... er... Lurkadis toasted it.

Yuri: Oh, pu.

    "Yes," Luna replied, "we don't know what his motives are but he
always shows up every two days or so, steals toys and turns them into
monsters."

Chris: If this is a replacement for R and S....I like it. Anything to

kill

Super S.
Skuld: What's wrong with SuperS.
Chris: Two words.  Chibi. Usa.

Kei:  <banging beer bottle on tabletop>  Hear hear!

Urd: Better not let those four guys hear that.

Lurkadis: Chibi-usa...so...annoying...<licks lips>
Hikaru: <shudders>

Zen:  <shudders>  Lurkadis appears to like chicken...

Yuri: <pale> Eeeeeewwwww!

Kei:  Not to worry.  The Pink Haired Horror has enough sugar and saccharine
to kill a platoon.

    Amis' sudden outburst made the others look at her with confusion and
Makoto asked, "Come again?"

Urd: I thought she liked Gohan.
Belldandy: [blushing] Urd...

Yuri: You mean Bel-chan actually GOT that joke?  O_o

Chris: [shaking his head in dismay] Urd, that was really perverted, and
really obscure.  [smirks] Well done.
Skuld: [confused] Huh?

Lurkadis: <smirk>
Hikaru: (Thinks: At least now he's not a pervert...)

Zen:  Oh, Hikaru-chan, you *have* to know better than that. ^_^

    "Because," Ami licked her lips, "one of those people was Usagi."

Urd: I thought she would have liked her lips at Gohan...
Chris: Urd, get off that already!

Yuri:  Though, you'd think that she'd have told them the instant she got
back.  Seems pretty inconsiderate not to have done...

Lurkadis: I thought *Ami* was the one who got off on that...
Hikaru: Lurkadis no HENTAI! <bonks Lurkadis with her sword.>

Zen:  See?!  Zen *told* you so!

Sword: *gonnnnnnnnnng*
Hikaru: O_O
Lurkadis: <slight evil smile>

Yuri: Like... he's stoned, yah know?

    It was a bar.

Chris: Oh PLEASE.  Just because Mamoru is of drinking age, why does
everyone think every time something goes wrong in his life he gets drunk?

I don't think he'd EVER drink.
Urd: Umm....Chris...he thinks Usagi's dead.
Chris: [sighs] Look, if one of you died, or Rachel, or Ami, I wouldn't go
drinking.  [pause] But then, I don't drink.  [long pause, shakes his

head]

There are other ways to deal with sadness than alcohol.

Lurkadis: Yes. Like...
Hikaru: <CLAMPs hand over Lurkadis' mouth> We don't need to hear this.

Yuri: <smirking> Afraid he'll let a few secrets slip?

Zen:  Yuri!  Be nice!

    The man burst into tears and people at the tables around him backed
away from the extreme velocity of water that came out of the eyes of
Soun Tendo.

Chris: Well that answers that question.  Ryouga hasn't made it there.
Urd: Or he's gone pig.
Belldandy: Or he can't tell Akane.
Skuld:  Or he's waiting for Ranma to come back so he can dishonor him.
Chris: HEY! So the guy has a few problems. [pause] Skuld, I thought you
liked Ryouga.
Skuld: [disgusted] He pretends to be Akane's pet pig.  He SLEEPS with

her.

 He's a creep!
Chris: [pouting] No one understands him...

Kei:  *I* understand him.  He's a creep!

Lurkadis: <raised eyebrow> You expected the goddess of mallets to take
anyone's side other than the tomboy of mallets?
Hikaru: <blinks> Did that make sense to anyone?

Zen:  Of course not, Hikaru-chan.  Lurkadis-kun reacted with mallets 'afore
thought.

    Ami decided, then and there, not to mention what was happening with
Ranma.

Belldandy: Wise decision.
Urd: Smart girl.
Skuld: Very smart girl.
Chris: [smirks] Hey, I told you, she's the brains of that outfit.

Lurkadis: Even when wearing an brainless outfit.
Hikaru: <groan>

Kei:  There ARE better ways to make a girl groan.  <smirks> Right Zen?

Zen:  <startled> What?  <mutters>  Sukebe...

    "Usagi and martial arts?" Rei asked incredulously, before she
snorted and added sarcastically,  "THAT'S something I'd like to see.
"

Chris: I want to see Usagi kick Rei's butt!

Zen:  Yah, Zen'd pay to see that fight.

Kei:  In Jello.

Yuri: <innocent>  LIME Jello, perhaps?

[A small statue appears above Chris and lands on him]

Voice: Watch it, boyo...*I* happen to like Rei.

Kei:  YOU'VE never had to deal with the bimbo on the weapons range.

Zen:  <snorts>  Yah, they don't call her Miss Fire for nothing.

Yuri: <confused>  But isn't that her name?

Zen & Kei: ...

Lurkadis: <snicker><blinks at the statue>
Hikaru: <frowns> If you *dare* say you're related to it...

Zen:  Never.  It's a statue of limitations.

Lurkadis: <shakes his head> Nope. It's limestone. I'm granite. No possible
relation.
Hikaru: <facefault>

Zen:  Well, at least he won't take his family for granite...

Yuri: Stop that, or the schist is gonna hit the fan...

    Ami blushed further but all three girls looked up as Mamoru
exclaimed, "So what are we waiting around here for?!  Let's teleport
to New York and help her!"

    "I am afraid," a new voice, that came from the person who entered
the room said, "that is not possible."

[the goddesses growl]
Chris: You have to admit, she knows how to make an entrance.

Lurkadis, Hikaru: <nod>

Yuri: That she does.

    Inwardly, Setsuna added, "At least to me, it is important."

Chris: You don't think...her and Trunks?

[Chris and the goddesses exchange a look]

C/U/B/S: NAHHH.

Lurkadis: She's not Trunks' type.
Hikaru: How do you figure?

Zen:  Until he runs out of fingers and toes... ^_^

Yuri: Be nice, Zen.

Zen:  Gomen nasai!

    The others nodded in agreement and Mamoru said, "I have been lax in
my duties.  You're Usako's friends, she would probably throw a fit if
she ever found out that I didn't do all that I could to protect you
as well.  If you need me, call and I'll be there."

Urd: Go lift weights. Get a tattoo. You're on vacation!
Chris: THis is Sailor Moon, not the Merchant Marines.

Lurkadis: <nod> In the Merchant Marines, you just moon sailors.

Zen:  Mako-chan!  Wai!  O_O

Yuri: Hentai! <baps Zen>

    Raksis grew pale as the meaning behind the emphasis on the word
"see" hit home.  "You mean... he's HERE."

Skuld: [giggling] He's in trouble! He's in trouble!
Belldandy: Skuld, don't pick up bad habits from Chris.
Chris: HEY!

Lurkadis, Hikaru: <snicker>

Z/K/Y:  <<chortle>>

    Eclipse Lord looked down at his servant and said, "You grovel well.
What do you wish to ask of me?"

Chris: [nodding] Nothing worse than minions that grovel poorly.
Urd: Yes there is.
Chris: [arches an eyebrow] Hmm?
Urd: Read Lemon Sherbert. [shudders] Fabioite?

Lurkadis: <snarl>
Hikaru: <backs away nervously>
Lurkadis: Fabio...that beefbutt buffoon wrecked a perfectly good
statue...to say "I con't beleef iss naht bahtah..."
Hikaru: <holds back a snicker>

Zen:  Looks like he has a concrete reason not to like him.

    "Good.  Now, I must leave, I have business in Nemira that need
attending too."

Chris: COOL! The Nerima crew get trashed!

[they all stand]

Belldandy:  Very interesting reading.
Urd: I still think they need my help...
C/B/S: NO.
Skuld: I hope Ranma-kun and Usagi-chan stay together. They're a much

nicer

couple than Usagi-chan and Mamoru-kun.

Zen:  OR Ranma 'n Akane...

Kei:  Yah.  Let 'em swap.  Then Akane can have TWO rose slinging maniacs.

Chris: Good work, Flashman.

Lurkadis: Agreed.

Zen:  Hai!

[They leave.  A few moments later, the intercom cracks to life.]

Voice: [breathless] Uhh...girls...gimme a break here...
Female Voice 1: But's it's my turn!

Lurkadis: <throws a Mono Bolt at the intercom>
Hikaru: <cheers>

Zen:  If you can't take the heat, stay out of the...

Kei:  <with Peanut-butter jar>  You were saying, Zen-chan?

Zen:  ...

Yuri: That's it.  Look you two...

Kei:  Oh, don't be such a stiff, Yuri!  You can play too!

Zen:  Eeeeeep!  <smallvoice>>  Tasukete, kudasai!

[Fade to Black]

Keivoice:  Hey!  Come back here!

<<click>>