Hi, y'all!  I know it's been a while since The Ill-Timed Cure hit the 
airwaves, so here's another story for ya.  Actually, I mentioned this 
one briefly in a previous post (let's see if you can figure out which 
story is goes along with: you'll find the answer at the end of this 
post, though...), and I believe I also made light of the fact that 
I wasn't satisfied with the title -- which, unfortunately, I still 
haven't been able to improve upon.  So, title suggestions, and all 
other C&C can be directed to me at

ukyoukwnji@aol.com

Hope you like what I've got, though...

*****

Ranma 5/2
(or, possibly, The Man of Our Dreams)

A Ranma1/2 fan fiction by Ukyou Kuonji

  6:00 a.m., Monday morning.  He sure as hell didn't enjoy these 
'breakfast club' detentions, but they did allow him to avoid the 
contentious scene that was the Tendo dojo breakfast table.  Between 
Pop swiping all the food, Mr. Tendo glaring and him and Akane, 
Kasumi's insufferable cheerfulness, Nabiki's constant scheming, 
and of course, that stupid tomboy herself, he figured that -- at 
least every so often -- he would be better off in detention hall 
on a given morning than having to deal with the 'family' he had 
acquired that made his life so miserable.
  He rooted quietly about the refrigerator, and dug out some carrots 
and celery.  He slipped a jar of bean paste from the pantry, and 
darted out of the kitchen and away to school before anyone else 
could wake up.  He couldn't recall if he'd done anything to offend 
anybody recently, but that usually didn't mean anything.  *Somebody* 
was bound to be upset at him this morning (why should today be any 
different, after all?), and it was better to avoid everyone than to 
risk finding out and having to explain what he didn't know anything 
about in the first place.

***

  At about the same time, the alarm clock in Ukyou's apartment went 
off.  She sleepily reached over, and turned it off.  Slowly, she 
hoisted herself out of bed, not quite willing to bring herself back 
to reality.  <But it was such a lovely dream!  Oh, well... I've got 
customers to see to, after all.>  She padded, barefoot, to the 
bathroom; maybe a hot shower would bring her around.
  She couldn't stop thinking about it.  She had dreamed about 
crossing a bridge from nowhere to nowhere over nothing.  A rumbling, 
gravelly voice, not unlike Genma's, actually, had instructed her to 
go forward, and not look back.  Why that mattered, she couldn't 
fathom.  But one she did cross the bridge, there on the other side 
stood Ranma.
  As she dried herself off, invigorated and happy, she hugged herself 
tightly, the way she remembered how Ran-chan had embraced her in her 
dream, and spoken the words she'd been longing to hear from him for 
over a decade.  Words that she thought she'd never hear from anyone, 
much less a boy, even less Ran-chan:
  "I love you, Ukyou."
  After that, the dream was rather blurry -- they often are -- but 
those words, those words she remembered as plainly as if he was 
standing there right now saying them.
  Which he was.

  Konatsu didn't have an alarm clock -- at five yen an hour, it 
wasn't as if he could afford one.  Of course, trained as he was 
in the ninja arts, he could tell his body to wake up at a certain 
hour of the day, so it wasn't a problem.  But before 6:30 a.m. 
rolled around, Ukyou-sama's scream jarred him awake.  Hurriedly 
tossing a kimono on (you'd be surprised how fast he could do that
-- and even have the obi tied correctly), he stormed up the stairs, 
ready to confront any threat to his beloved mistress.

  Ukyou was hyperventilating, still trying to recover from the shock 
of stepping out of the shower only to find herself face-to-face with 
Ranma, when her apartment door burst open.
  "Konatsu!!" she yelped, leaping backwards.
  "Mistress!  What's the matter?!  I heard your scream, and I --"  
All at once, he realized that his mistress was naked.  Granted, she 
had wrapped herself in a rather large towel, which covered herself 
more than adequately, but it was quite clear that, underneath it, 
there was nothing more.  Immediately, he averted his eyes.  "Is there 
anything you need, Ukyou-sama?  Shall I eject this interloper?"
  <Eject Ran-chan?> thought Ukyou.  <Kami-sama!  This is my wish 
come true!  Even if it *does* catch me off guard, I'm not passing it 
up!  I'm not gonna let go!>  "Uhm... no, that's all right, Konatsu.  
I was just... surprised, is all.  Sorry if I alarmed you."
  By now, Konatsu was looking at Ranma with a rather perplexed 
expression.  It wasn't like Ranma to simply show up in a girl's 
bedroom out of the blue like this.  Sure, he'd heard stories about 
him and Akane, yes, but it was explained that that had more to do 
with P-chan than Akane per se.  But here Ranma stood, perhaps a bit
worried about the shock he'd apparently given Ukyou-sama, but 
otherwise, the best way to describe his attitude was 'nonchalant.' 
He was acting as if he belonged there.
  While Konatsu continued to stare at Ranma, trying to comprehend 
the meaning of this scene, Ukyou stepped into her closet to change. 
She emerged wearing one of her customary okonomi-yaki seller's 
outfits.  As she did so, Konatsu observed that she was attempting 
to adopt Ranma's attitude of nonchalance as well.  As if this were 
a normal, everyday occurrence. 
  "Well."  she announced.  "Let's go down there and open up, ne?"
  Konatsu, obeying his mistress' orders, turned and headed out of 
Ukyou-sama's apartment, followed shortly thereafter by Ranma and 
a beaming Ukyou.  <She's happy, I guess.  Looks like it's going to 
be a good day after all,> the kunoichi thought...

  Downstairs, one of the tables in the Ucchan's dining area caught 
sight of Ukyou-sama and... and... Ranma Saotome?  coming down the 
stairs, arm in arm.  He'd been in her apartment!  Probably in her 
bedroom!  They might have even... no, I don't want to *think* about 
it!
  If any of the three young people coming down the stairs noticed 
as the table inched its way to the door, they gave no sign of it, 
until it actually reached the door.  Then Tsubasa flipped his 
disguise over and tore off down the street, tears streaming down 
his girlish face.  At that point, they only turned toward the 
source of the commotion, then looked at each other and shrugged.
  "Konatsu-chan, could you right that table, and put it where it 
belongs?"
  "Right away, Ukyou-sama."

  Those that were up and about in Nerima's business district this 
early were surprised when a schoolgirl stormed out of the as-yet 
unopened Okonomiyaki-ya Ucchan and charged up the street, crying 
and cursing some guy named Ranma Saotome.  An ex-boyfriend, perhaps? 
The few people wandering the streets could only look at each other 
wonderingly.
  "How *dare* he!  How *dare* he!!"  Even though his heartbreak, 
Tsubasa continued to play the part of the jilted girlfriend.  He 
sobbed uncontrollably, then began to tremble with rage.  "I can't 
believe... he *slept* with her!!"  He had wanted to attack Ranma 
right then and there, but to do so in front of his beloved Ukyou-sama 
would only serve to make her that much angrier at him, so he had run 
off.  But he swore that if he ever got that pig-tailed Casanova 
alone... he would make him pay.

***

  6:30 a.m.  Ranma arrived at the detention hall.  Several boys were 
already there, some of whom weren't even required to be in detention. 
Miss Hinako could do that to a boy's thought processes, particularly 
when she was in her adult form.  Her fighting fish swam around in a 
circular bowl on her desk, so she could maintain that form -- she 
always felt she could control her students better that way.  Well, 
she certainly had the boys' undivided attention.
  Except for Ranma's.  With a casual "Heya, Teach" and the slam of 
a book bag on the desktop, Ranma slouched into his seat and prepared 
to take a brief siesta.  Ms. Hinomiya was not about to allow that. 
Besides, Ranma seemed to require special reproof; partly because he 
got into trouble so much more often than most, but mostly because 
she really wasn't able to control him entirely, not even in her 
adult form.  "Mr. Saotome, may I see you at my desk?"
  There were the inevitable murmurs as Ranma, eyes rolling, got out 
of his seat and approached Miss Hinako's desk: "See?  I told you 
she'd call him up..." "I tell ya, she's got the hots for him..." 
"No way!  That jerk?" "Yeah!  What do the girls *see* in him, 
anyway?"  <Geez, but this is embarrassing.  Okay, let's get this 
over with.>  "What's the problem, Teach?"
  "That's Ms. Hinomiya to you.  Or Miss Hinako, if I'm in a good 
mood."
  "I take it you're not in a good mood."
  "You're very observant, Mr. Saotome.  It may be early to be sitting
around in class, but I will not tolerate sleeping here.  I have to 
stay awake, so I expect you to, as well.  Understood?"
  Ranma made as if to shrug, then nodded.  Miss Hinako's expression 
softened a bit.
  "Ranma..."  His eyes popped open.  She never addressed a student 
by their first name; not while in class, anyway.  The other boys 
noticed as well, and the murmuring grew louder.  She paid no notice: 
"Do you know why it is you end up here in detention so often?"
  He shrugged.  "I dunno.  'Cause I get into so many fights?"
  She nodded.  "And you know, things would be easier for you if you 
wouldn't fight all the time..."
  "Well now, what am I *supposed* to do, Teach?  I was raised to be 
a martial artist.  Fighting's what I'm good at."  He saw her begin 
to finger a five-yen piece.  He backed away from her a step: <I'd 
better talk my way out of this one in a hurry.>  "Look, I know my 
life would be easier if there wasn't all this fighting going on.  
It's not like I'm going outta my way for it or nothin'.  I mean, 
the reason I'm here today is because Kuno attacked me over the 
pig-tailed girl!  Do you realize he still refuses to believe it 
about me and her?"  Now it was Miss Hinako's turn for her eyes to 
get wide.  She had found out about Ranma and Ranma-chan in rather 
short order after beginning her work at Furinkan.  To think that 
Tatewake Kuno, after all this time... "By the way, teach..." and 
Ranma leaned over the desk to face her eye to eye, "where *is* Kuno? 
He's as guilty as I am for yesterday's fight.  Even more so, 
really -- he's the one that challenged me.  So, how come he's not 
here?"
  Almost instantly, Hinako began to wring her hands nervously and 
transform into her child form.  "Um.. I.. well.."
  "I thought so.  You can't touch him, 'cause he's the principal's 
son, right?"  Ranma grinned mischievously.
  Chibi-Hinako grabbed a fifty-yen coin from her desk.  Ranma hit 
the floor.
  "Happo Go-jyu-en Satsu!"  A blue cloud of chi energy billowed up 
around the aquarium on her desk, and she quickly grew into her adult 
form.  The other boys in detention watched, fascinated, as her figure 
strained her dress very nearly to the bursting point.
  She reached down, and picked Ranma up from the floor by his collar. 
"Don't *ever* accuse me of favoring one student over another again." 
she hissed, "I simply don't have the *power* to..."
  "The power?"  Ranma whispered back.  "Teach, that Happo bit ya got 
there packs a darn good wallop.  You could handle Kuno one-handed. 
Or do you mean administrative power?"
  Miss Hinako let go of Ranma, and he scrambled to his feet.  She 
sighed and placed her head on her left arm.  "It's not easy being 
the school disciplinarian when your hands are tied."  That non-answer
was good enough for him.  It was almost enough to make him feel sorry 
for her.  Almost.

***

  At the Neko-Hanten, Mousse was already up and about, cleaning and 
setting up the dining area under the amazon matriarch's watchful eye,
when a strange series of sounds began to float from Shampoo's room 
in back.  It started off as a shriek, but quickly developed into a 
delighted squeal, followed by a sigh of... contentment?
  "That must be some dream she's having," commented the wizened 
old crone.  "Maybe I ought to check on her.  She really should be 
getting up by now.  It's nearly time to open up, after all..."  
And she hopped off to the girl's room.  
  In the brief silence, Mousse wondered what the meaning of her 
reactions could be.  What might she be dreaming about?  Or of whom? 
The thought danced in his mind, tantalizingly, that it might be him. 
Despite all outward appearances, he somehow knew she loved him.  
Maybe her subconscious mind was showing that to her right now.  
Maybe she would finally wake up (heh,heh) to the fact that he was 
truly the one for her, and not that idiotic Ranma.  A dopey grin 
began to crease his face...
  An expletive in Mandarin jolted him out of his own reverie.  
Cologne?  What's with her?  He dropped his broom, and rushed to 
Shampoo's room.
  The sight that greeted his eyes was one he did not wish to believe. 
In fact, he promptly removed his glasses and rubbed them vigorously 
with a corner of his robe, trying to clean them sufficiently to erase 
the sight he had just come upon.  But when he returned them, spotless,
to his face, everything was the same.  Ranma was still there, lying 
with Shampoo, arms around her.  Shampoo was resting her head on his 
chest, and once more a contented sigh escaped her lips.  Cologne, 
after her initial outburst, had apparently reconciled herself to 
Ranma's presence -- indeed, she seemed quite pleased with this turn 
of events.

  Mousse's face began to color itself beet-red, and while absolutely 
no one was paying any attention to him, had someone been doing so, 
they might have seen faint wisps of steam rising from his ears.  Too 
upset to deal with this sight, he draw himself up as haughtily as 
his severely wounded pride could manage, and strode out the door. 
Cologne, still beaming over the happy couple, barely noticed his 
departure, but upon hearing the slam of the front door, decided to 
hop over and hang up a "Closed for the Day" sign out front.  There 
was going to be a wedding to prepare, and that was more important 
to deal with than day-to-day business.

***

  Ranma made as if to stand up and return to his desk.
  Miss Hinako held up her index figure and motioned for him to sit
back down.  "It's not just Kuno, though, Mr. Saotome.  Or his sister. 
There's Ryoga, the Chinese couple..." Ranma smirked inwardly at the 
thought of Mousse and Shampoo being referred to as a couple.  In 
mayhem, perhaps, but little else. "...that little old man, and any 
number of outsiders whose names and faces I can't remember offhand." 
She leaned forward, looking Ranma square in the eyes.  "Ranma Saotome,
I realize this is your life, but could you see your way clear not to 
do this during school hours?"
  Ranma's eyes, for their part, merely rolled at the absurdity of 
such a suggestion.  "Look, Miss Hinako.  It's not like any of these 
are under my control.  *I'm* the one who's always getting attacked. 
I swear it.  Follow me around sometime, you'll see.  And when you're 
being attacked, you don't have the option to say to the other guy, 
'Uh... hey, could we reschedule this for another time?  I've got a 
class to attend, here.'  It just doesn't work.
  "And another thing; these fights aren't my fault, either.  Okay, 
with Akane I've got a smart mouth.  I'll admit that.  But that's 
not a fight -- I don't hit her back, 'cause I don't fight girls, 
okay?  So that don't count.  Anything else, I guarantee it: it's 
something that I have *no* control over.  Honest.  Like I said, 
you could follow me around, if you wanna."
  "Very well, Mr. Saotome.  I may just do that today."
  Ranma gulped.  Now he *knew* there was gonna be trouble.

***

  "Spirits of darkness, release this troubled soul!"
  Kodachi was accustomed to hearing voices in her head, but this 
was different.  This wasn't one of the many she had grown accustomed 
to.  The voices she usually heard in her dreams were myriad and 
muddled, like the voices of a crowd before a sporting event.  This 
was a single voice, ringing clear and loud, demanding her... release?
  Release from what?  It made no sense to her dreaming mind, and even 
less so as she felt a weight -- a harness of some sort? -- being 
pressed down upon her, extending from her shoulder to her opposite 
hip.  Far from being released, it was as if she was being restrained. 
With a deep breath, she forced herself to wake up.  There was 
something draped across her, an... arm?
  She pushed the arm off, and turned herself over to face...
  Ranma-sama?
  All at once she understood the voice.  She was to be freed from 
her lonely, obsessive pursuit of her darling.  Her efforts were to 
be rewarded, and he was to be hers.  It was all she could do not to 
laugh with delight at this wonderful surprise, as she joyfully threw 
her arms around her dearest Ranma-sama.
  Then... the security alarm went off.  First, with a buzz, then with 
the crackling, static-marred voice of the Kuno family manservant. 
  "Mistress Kodachi!  According to the security sensors, there is an 
intruder in your room!"  She grinned at the alarm in Sasuke's voice. 
Holding a finger to her lip, she motioned for her Ranma-sama to keep 
quiet; then, she turned on the intercom.
  "It's all right, Sasuke.  I'm fully aware of the situation, and 
I have the matter well in hand.  It's nothing I can't handle on my 
own."  <'Well in hand...'>  It was all she could do to keep from 
laughing out loud, as she caressed the darling boy in her arms.  Such 
a choice of words.  She switched the intercom to 'Do Not Disturb,' 
and returned her attentions to her Ranma-sama.

  Something in her tone seemed strange to Sasuke.  Well, strange 
insofar as it was different from the way she would normally respond. 
It wasn't standard procedure to activate the security cameras once 
the Kunos had been alerted of intruders, but something told Sasuke 
that mistress Kodachi was not telling him the whole story.
  What he saw was almost beyond belief.  He reached for the other 
intercom buzzer.
  "Master Kuno!  Master Kuno!  I think there's something you ought 
to know, sir..."  The intercom went off before his alarm did.  Kuno 
Tatewake was not pleased.
  "This had better be good, Sasuke.."
  "I wish it were, Master Kuno.  Your sister is in bed with that 
young Saotome boy!"
  Who needs coffee when you've got news like that first thing in 
the morning?
  Kuno bolted out of bed and threw on his regular outfit.  Grabbing 
his trusty bokken, he stalked over to the security station where 
Sasuke was apparently monitoring Kodachi's room.
  Sasuke jumped in alarm when the door was thrown open.  "Master 
Kuno!  Please!  He was there when I turned the monitor on!  I don't 
know how he got in!"  Kuno paid his servant no heed as he stared at 
the screen.  Kodachi was still demurely dressed in her customary 
frilly nightgown.  So, at least the cur had not forced himself upon 
her, or it surely would have been rent asunder.  But she did not 
seem as if she had been so victimized.  Indeed, she was smiling 
almost maniacally.  It was quite clear to him that she was actually
...happy.
  Kuno considered the sight before him.  It was my own fault, he 
thought with some regret.  I did give my consent for the two of them 
to date each other.  The knave... give him an inch, and he gives her 
six or seven.  And I still have no idea what she sees in him.  On 
the other hand, mayhap he has chosen her above Akane Tendo and the 
pigtailed girl!  I should seek them out this morning, and once again 
claim them as my own.  A broad smile crossed his lips.  He shouldered 
his bokken and sauntered off, whistling an old samurai tune.
  A puzzled expression crossed Sasuke's face as he watched his master 
depart.  Master Tatewake had reacted as if it had been *good* news.  
Oh well... who am I to question his motives?

***

  "Psst!  Ranma!"
  Ranma turned to face Hiroshi.  What the heck was *he* doing here? 
Ordinarily, he was a respectable, if not model, student.  Then it 
clicked: Oh yeah... Hinako.  Anyway, it was plain that Hiroshi's 
attention was on him for the moment.  He might as well respond.  
"Yeah, what is it?"
  "What'd she say to ya?"
  "She just told me if I'd stop getting into fights at school, I 
wouldn't be in so much trouble.  What of it?"
  Hiroshi waved his hands defensively.  "Hey, hey... I wasn't trying 
to start something.  Just wondering.  I mean, how d'ya do it, man?"
  "Do what?"
  "Do what?  What are you, stupid?  You've got women hanging all over 
ya, and you act as if it's no big deal.  In fact, you act as if it's 
some kinda major pain or something."
  "Well, it is.  I guess if I had just one fiancee or something, it 
wouldn't be so bad, but they *all* want a piece of me.  You think 
that's a *good* thing?"
  Hiroshi assumed a pained look.  "The score's four to nothing, Ranma.
Maybe even five, counting Hinako.  You tell me who's winning."
  "Hinako?" Ranma hissed. "Are you nuts or something?"  There was a 
tapping noise from the front of the classroom.
  "Ahem.  Gentlemen...?"  Both Hiroshi and Ranma spun around to face 
the front.  "I heard my name, gentlemen.  Was there something you 
wanted to say to me?"
  "Erm... no, nothing.  Sorry about that, Teach."
  Hiroshi, for his part, shook his head vigorously.
  "Very well.  Detention period will be over shortly.  I would hate 
to see you two have to come back tomorrow for a mistake this late in 
the game."  Ranma gulped.  Hiroshi just shrugged.  What did he care 
about being given a detention like this?  *He'd* come here this 
morning of his own free will.  If Miss Hinako thought he'd consider 
what she'd just said a threat, the joke would be on her...

***

  The way to my heart's desire, ne?  And all I have to is go straight 
forward without looking back?  Simple...
  Akane strode forward confidently into the blackness and fog.  She 
may not have felt confident, but she was not letting the voice that 
had compelled her on notice that weakness, if she could help it.  
Besides, if her heart's desire lay at the end of the road, why 
should she be afraid?
  She stopped.  All at once, she realized she really had no idea 
what her heart's desire *was*.  The air around her began to grow 
thicker and darker.  Where was she going?  And what would she find 
at the end?
  She felt a light tap on her head -- a mallet?  But that was *her* 
trademark.  Well, maybe it was her inner self urging her on.  There 
wasn't much point in standing still, now, was there?
  It seemed as if she had been walking forever.  Somehow, she knew 
this was a dream, and yet she could feel a dull ache in her feet. 
<I hope something happens soon.  What would happen if I gave up?> 
Just at that point, the fog began to lift, slowly.  Light began to 
filter into the scene.  A hint of red fabric here, a fleeting glance 
of black ponytail there...

  All Ryoga knew was that something -- or someone -- had bounced 
him off of Akane's bed.  When he came to, he couldn't believe his 
eyes!  Akane was lying there... with.. with.. with..
  He couldn't finish the thought.  With a squeal of despair, P-chan 
turned tail and ran off.

  This was her heart's desire?  Ranma?  Could it be?  But we don't 
even like each other!  And yet...
  The look in his eyes was one of affection and concern.  Affection,
pure and simple, for her and her alone.  And concern that she might 
not feel the same way about him.
  She wasn't able to understand how she could tell all this from a 
single look into his eyes, and even less could she believe what she 
was seeing in them.  He really likes me?  And he cares whether or 
not I do?
  Maybe it was time to test it out.  She set her hands on his 
shoulders, and pulled herself onto her tiptoes so that her face 
was level with his.  She cocked her head slightly, and slowly moved 
her lips toward his.  She felt his hands reach around her and clasp 
her waist.  She was being pulled toward him.  *He* was pulling her 
toward him.  And then..
  The kiss.  No tape, no tricks, no interruptions.  This was the 
real thing.  And in that moment, she felt all the love that he had 
for her pass into her, silently, wordlessly.  All the denials, all 
the insults, were being washed from her heart and memory by the 
flood of emotion conveyed in that dream kiss.
  Dream kiss?  But it felt so real!  Her eyes popped open.
  It *was* real!  She was kissing Ranma!  In... IN HER OWN BED?!
  She sat bolt upright.  "What are you *doing* in here, you pervert?!"
  Ranma merely lay next to her, head propped on his arm.  "You were 
dreaming about me, just now, weren't you?  So, here I am... I'm your 
dream come true."
  His tone of voice stopped her cold.  It wasn't as if he were 
bragging at all.  He was simply stating the facts.  She stared 
into his eyes.  It was that same look she'd seen in her dream. 
"I... But I... Ranma?  How...?"
  He said nothing, but his lips soon wore a small smile.  Akane's.

***

Hmm.  I'm gonna have to send this in two parts.  Sorry...

Ucchan