Well, this is all I have done on 'BnB Return', so far.  
Tell me, should I continue to waste time on it, 
or let it drop, like a smart person would?

James

As usual, Ranma 1/2 characters were created by Takahashi
Rumiko and distributed in US by Viz, Beavis and Butthead 
belong to MTV, Ah My Goddess characters belong to a whole
bunch of guys in Japan but distributed in US by AnimEigo.
The list grows...



  CHAPTER TWO:  RETURN OF BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD ONE/HALF


TOUGH ENOUGH:

Nabiki was having a power businesswoman's lunch - as
usual.  Liquid - as usual, a concentrate of flavorings
and sweetenings mixed with chemicals and called a milk
shake - as usual.  The customer was paying for it - as
usual, only the customer did not know she was a customer
- as usual.

Nabiki leaned back against the post, arms behind her
head.

"Must be a rough life, in the gangs," she said
conversationally.

"Not bad," said Bull, "We see something we want, we take
it.  We're tough."

"Hmmm.  I was admiring your weapons.  You had quality
hand-made stuff, not cheap manufactured junk.  To really
get a hook in the old pervert, you had to go all out.
Expensive.  Well, I've been to Kyoto, and I can tell
you, you're being ripped off.  "

"Ha!" said Bull, "Nobody would dare!"

"Uh huh," Nabiki presented the slip of paper and began
to read the contents.

Bull paled and grabbed at it.  "Give me that!  Where did
you find it?" she hissed.

"You left it when you tackled our ogre in residence.
Must have stuffed it in your pockets when you filled
them with dainties to use against Happosai."

Bull lowered her blue eyes, defeated.  "All right," she
said, "How much do you want?"

"Oh, I'm not greedy.  I happen to know someone in Kyoto.
Say wholesale plus ten percent, and a nice commission
for me.  Not bad when you consider the markup these
stores are getting."

"You don't want blackmail?"  Bull's blue eyes were wide
with hope.

"Naaah.  Blackmail is such an ugly word.  Leaves a bad
taste, unless you have a really good reason for it.  As
an inducement, though, I *will* promise not to tell
anyone you didn't steal all your arsenal.  How do your
guys earn it?"

"Mostly take-out."

"You deliver take-out in Kyoto?  My respect for your
guys just went up a notch.  Very competitive."

"Lately they've been going off on their own.  They don't
need me anymore.  Not exactly a vicious gang, huh?
Everything about me is second-best.  Inferior."

"Oh, I don't know.  You have a bunch of guys who'd work
their hearts out for you.  That has to count for
something."




A LEARNING PROCESS:

Ranma and Akane were on their way to the dojo when they
beheld an unusual sight - the blond gaijin called Beavis
was seated in the yard with his eyes closed and
fingertips touching.

"<One one thousand, two one thousand, three one
thousand...>" [Count - one two three four, count the
breaths...]
"<Why do I have to count my breaths, anyway?  Hehehe...
I think I'll count sheep... no, that'll put me to sleep.
Ten one thousand, eleven one thousand, thirteen one
thousand... I gotta count something that'll keep me
awake.  One naked girl, two naked girl, hehehehee...
three naked girl, fournakedgirl,
fivenakedgirlsixnaked...>"

"Look out, Ranma!" Akane cried.  Ranma whirled to nab
Happosai who was sneaking along with a pail.

"Awright, you little creep!  Whaddya think you're doing
with that water?"

"Don't get your panties in a wad, Ranma m'boy," Happosai
shushed him, "I'm taking a vacation from trying to train
you, and taking on a couple of new students."

"New students?" said Akane, "Who could he possibly
mean...?"

"Oh, no!", said Ranam, "He wouldn't!"

"I most certainly would, Ranma m'boy.  These two really
appreciate me.  They know mastery when they see it."

"Then what are you doing with that water?"

"I can smell a Jhusenkyo curse a mile away," said
Happosai,  "And my nose tells me this one is a cutie!"

"<Twentylevennakedgirls, twentytwelvenaked...>"

   <splash!>  / <glomp!>

"Aaaiiieee!!!"

Beavette windmilled ineffectively, trying to knock off
the letch glomped on to her, until she connected a lucky
blow.  Happosai was letting go anyway, and as he rolled
forcibly up against the fence he was smiling.

"A good glomp," he said reflectively, "Not outstanding,
but promising, with a certain air of impertinance."

"I... have... never... been... so... *disgusted*!!!"
raged Beavette.

"Now *there's* a shocker," said Akane.

"Join the club," said Ranma, "I just wish there was some
way we could get back at him."

"He's going after your friend," Akane told Beavette.

"Uh-oh," said Ranma, "Doesn't he remember what happened
that night?"

"I guess not.  He was still woozy from the herbs Cologne
had been dosing him so he could play sick."

"I oughta stop him," said Beavette, "Nawww. Hehheheh...
I think I'll watch!"

"That's strange," mused Happosai, "I have never run
across this one before, but it smells familiar."  He
sniffed again.  "His cursed form is <sniff> female, and
<sniff> spends time in the kitchen <sniff> like...
<gleeful grin> Kasumi!"

He crept up on Butthead, who appeared to be deep in
transcendental meditation, sitting upright in a Daisy
position (which was cheaper than a lotus), hands by his
side, ...snoring...

Beavette made a half-hearted attempt to grab the old
pervert, but Happosai was too quick.  He threw the water and
followed it with a perfectly executed flying glomp.

[This feels strange,] thought Happosai. The darling was
wearing a lizardskin jacket, an awful purple color, and
was looking down at him with an expression of
exasperation... a rather odd looking face, from this
angle... wait... a look of exasperation and patience
and... love?

Happosai's eyes grew round as saucers as he beheld the
dinosaur he was caressing.

"Aaaagggghhh!!" he cried, released his glomp, and
catapulted over the fence, running for his life.

"Hmmm," mused Ranma, "Maybe he didn't remember, after
all!"




A DARKNESS AT THE DOOR:

It was a lovely child, with only the faintest of hint of a
blurriness to it, bright eyes and a cheerful smile copied
from a advertisement poster.

In the market, Kasumi stopped to smile at the child and a
blue-white spark jumped from her finger to the child's hair.
She collapsed.

The child jumped back in shock, its features blurring as
if smoky for an instant.  Then it seemed to pull itself
together, looked about in surprise, and scampered away.

"Is this wise?" asked Akane as Ranma hurried into Dr.
Tofu's office carrying Kasumi's limp body.

"It's our only choice," said Ranma, "There is no one
else close by.  If he freaks out, we'll just have to
call an ambulance."

Tofou Ono lost his cheerful demeanor when he saw the
patient, but his glasses did not fog over.  Instead, he
bent over Kasumi with more concern than he would show
for an ordinary patient.  "This is dreadful!" he said,
"Where did it happen?"

"A few minutes ago at the market.  She just fainted."

Ono ran his hands about four inches above her body, and
began to apply acupressure at a few points on her
shoulder and neck.

"What she needs right now is rest.  I've done all I can
for her.  Put her to bed and let her sleep."  He stepped
away from the treatment table and removed his smock.
"There is something I must attend to."

"??? Okay, Sensei."

After he was gone, Ranma turned to Akane.

"Did you see that?  He didn't blink!  No deliriums!"

"He was furious!  I have never seen him so angry!"



TAG:

The ancient crone paused as she hopped down the market
street.  "Odd," she said to herself, "I feel someone
watching."  So she hesitated long enough to send her
senses out and investigate.  Nothing, though she refused
to disregard the warning as a false alarm.  As she
hopped around a corner, someone spoke.

"Old woman, I wish to have a word with you."  She
recognized the young doctor Tofu, though he was not
being meek and gentle as he usually seemed.  There was
something dangerous about him, something that set her
nerves on edge.

"I'm busy," she snapped, "My shopping must come first."

Dr. Tofu remained still as she hopped away, but she
heard him utter one more word.

"Now," he said.

When she turned to glare at him, he was not at the
corner.

"Where did that young fool go?" wondered Cologne, "He
was right... aaayyh!"

"I wish to have a word with you," he repeated, at her
elbow.

"Leave me alone!" she demanded, and disgusted at herself
for allowing the young whippersnapper to surprise her,
she bounded away, over the roof of the nearest shop.
"The impertinance of that little..."

"I *will* speak to you," said Tofu, again at her side in
the narrow side alley.

"Aaa!  What do you want!  Can't you leave an old woman
alone?"  The old crone was not accustomed to being
badgered, and she allowed a tiny fraction of her anger
to flicker into her aura, as a warning.

"It is about the Tendous," said Tofu.

"I'll not speak to you about them," she glared.  "Now
go!"  With that she bounced to the rooftop, and away she
pogoed over the tile and concrete roofs.  The September
wind tore at her scraggly hair and brought tears to her
eyes with the speed she was travelling.  Looking behind,
she saw nothing, so she slowed to a stop and looked more
carefully.  The young upstart was nowhere to be seen.
Until she turned around.

"I will speak to you," he said, again.

"Then I must use the <happadarushken>(chi-draining
attack)!"  Cologne directed her efforts toward the young
doctor, but to no avail.  It was as though he were not
there, as indeed he was not.  The image gradually faded
until nothing remained.  "He is *very* determined!"  she
said, "But what could have made him come after me?"

"Old woman!"

"What do you *want*?" she demanded.

"Obaba, you have unleashed a demon against Akane
Tendou."

"What of it?"  demanded the old crone, "It is not like I
have any control over this demon.  Ranma and Happosai
freed it when they disturbed the shrine seal."

"You pointed it toward the youngest Tendou daughter, and
pretended that it had attacked the sensei Happosai.  I
know, for I sensed your work when I checked on him.
Now, this morning Kasumi lies stricken."

"I repeat, I do not control this being," she spoke
sullenly.

"You are more correct than you know, old ghoul.  In
attacking Akane, the demon has found a keystone to the
entire household.  Everyone who tries to help her will
get drawn into its grasp... including Kasumi.  Obaba, I
said nothing while you were trying to trick Ranma,
because I felt you two were well matched.  But now you
have endangered Kasumi, and *that* I will NOT allow!"

"I will not accept the blame for this!  Besides, this
demon is not strong enough to kill anyone!"

"Old woman, are you willing to bet your life on that?"

She smoothed the tangles from her hair before answering,
to give him time to think over what he had said.

"Young man, are you threatening me?  Because if you are,
then we can make this a formal challenge."

"That was not a threat, merely a question.  Come with me
to the Tendou household."

Nearing the Tendou dojo, she felt a twinge of unease at
a faint stench.

"I smell demon spoor!" she cried.

"I admit I need your help, grandmother," spoke Ono in a
more respectful voice, "Demons are a little outside my
specialty."

"Understandable.  This is not a powerful being - I
should have no trouble with it.  Indeed, I was expecting
the boy Ranma to call for help when it came after
Akane."

"I do not understand.  Did you not set it after her?"

"It is simple, young physician.  The only other person
around when the seal was disturbed - other than Happosai
and Ranma - was Akane.  The demon should have fixated on her
and tried to get close to her.  It is a very predictable
demon.  That is, it *should* have been.  Now, why did it
attack the child Kasumi?"

"She is going to be all right, she was just drained of
chi for a while.  In fact, she..."

Cologne peered at him with a pained expression.  "You,
on the other hand, are remarkably predictable.  Would
you mind stepping away from me?"

"... oh, yes, what were we talking about?"

"Almost any subject will do.  [She must be recovering,
for him to loose control just thinking about her.]"

"We're at the Tendou dojo.  I must have been going to
check up on Ranma, or Akane.  They are always developing
training injuries."

Cologne swatted at a tiny creature buzzing about, and
missed.  "I may as well leave.  You have showed me quite
enough, and there are a few articles I need to get if I
am to handle this demon."

"... Oh, yes... The demon."  Ono regained his focus.
Around the corner of the dojo strolled two boys, who
gawked curiously about.

"What are *those* two doing here?" wondered Cologne.

Meanwhile the tiny buzzing creature circled about the
yard, covering the site of construction in a search
pattern.

---------------
     Voice-over narrator:  "Excuse me, what are you
doing here?"
     Tiny thing (in a tiny voice): "~~~~ ~~, ~~~~~! ~'~
~~~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~!"  (1)
     Narrator: "Well, what did you lose?"
     Tiny thing: "~ ~~~~~~, ~~~ ~~~~~!"
     Narrator: "You don't have to get huffy about it.
Now, leave, will you?  You're distracting from the
scene!"
     Tiny thing: "~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~~~~?"
     Narrator: "No, I don't want to be a frog.  Besides,
union rules state that goddesses can't turn narrators
into frogs.  Now, go look for your '~~~~~~' somewhere
else."
     (to audience: "Sorry about this, folks.")

_______________________________
(1)  Translation:
1) '~~~~~~' = 'laptop'
2) "~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~~~~?" = 'How would you
like to be a frog?'
3) "~ ~~~~~~, ~~~ ~~~~~!" = 'A laptop, you dummy!'
4) "~~~~ ~~, ~~~~~! ~'~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~!" = 'Buzz
off, idiot! I'm looking for something!'
---------------



TO BUILD A BETTER...:

[Begin run]

"Eh... What's that?"

"It's a computer terminal, asshole.  One of those remote
thingies."

"Cool!  Can we play Storm Trippers on it?"

"Sure you can, Dumass.  You just gotta know how to make
it work."

[Sign on]               [<Strm Tripers> (enter)]

"Hey, cool!  It's gonna sign us on!"

"I'm gonna be Axeman! Huhuhu..."

"Where'd you get this thing, anyway?" Beavis shoved his
head over the tiny screen.

"That goddess gal left it."

"No way!  I didn't get anything!"

"I didn't say she gave it to me, jerkwad!  I said she
*left* it."

"Oh...  That's cool."

[Are you new user?]     [<Y>(enter)]

"This is cool," said Beavis.

"Shaddup, asshole," replied Butthead as he studied the
menu which appeared.

---Select area of interest:----------------------
    Mortal Realm  ---
    Immortal Realm
    Nether Regions
    Really bad places (you *don't* want to go there)

"What's `Mortal Realm'?"  Beavis wondered.

"That's where you can kick ass and nobody can do
anything about it," said Butthead knowledgeably.

"Cool!"

---Areas Available:
    Natural
    Supernatural ---

---Supernatural Selections:
    Ghosts
    Deamons  ---
    Vampires
    Yuckystuff

---Select a Deamon:
    Design a Deamon
    Use new deamon
    Use existing Deamon ---

---Powers:
    Wimp
    Wuss
    Wow
    Wuggy
    Monster ---
    No way

"Lemme do some!" cried Beavis, knocking Butthead's
fingers against strange keys.  Somewhere nearby, a
relatively weak demon lifted its head in alarm.  It had
felt a tingle.

"Knock it off, Beavis!" cried his companion, pressing
more keys as he grabbed the keyboard back.  The demon
inhaled a mighty breath.  Something had just given it a
surge of strength.   Selections on the tiny screen
leaped into being as other keys were pressed, in no
particular order... the demon grew to skyscraper size,
shrank to no larger than a grain of sand, both before
anyone could notice it.  It finally stabilized at normal
size.  But there was something... different about it.
The air around it grew cold as it absorbed energy from
the sun, and expended a little bit of it toward a
formidable boulder.  The boulder blew into shards.  The
demon grimaced.  Never look a gift power in the mouth...
it might bite.

"There it is!"  Urd snatched the laptop from the ground
near the quarrelling boys.  "I hope you didn't... boy,
did you ever lock this thing up!"  She glared at the two
for a moment, then poofed away, muttering, "I can't
believe it.  Turn my back on them for one minute..."

"Wow!" cried Butthead, "Did you see her boobs fall out when
she bent over?"

"Yeah," drooled Beavis, "Yeah."

"Let's go find us a pizza parlor," suggested the more
intellectual of the pair.

"Yeah," said the other, "Pizza."