On Tue, 28 Oct 1997, Keith g. Wood wrote:

okay, this is my very first fanfic.  well, it's the first one that i've

	Cool beans.

actually written down, at least.  i'm not sure about the "dark" tag
anymore.  (yes, Andrew Huang, i've been to your website.) 

	Hm? Hey, that's great. ^_^ What did you think?

	<snip dream sequence>
	Hmm...I see. Very depressing that's for sure. Poor Shayla. Poor
Nanami, too....

Shayla shot up in bed, awakened by her own screams.  Cold sweat had
plastered her nightgown to her back and made the chill of the room seem
even colder. 

	There is potential here for something more powerful. Describe
other sensations that she feels, such as her muscles tensing, her lungs
burning for air, stuff like that. Make the reader _feel_ what Shayla's
feeling.

When her racing hearbeat had subsided, Shayla lay down once again.

"Makoto..." she whispered to the darkness as a single tear stained her
pillow... 

	<nod> Good detail with the tear.

	Overall, great effort. Put a little more force into the end scene,
maybe some also in the dream sequence. Any El Hazard fics are very
welcome.

>From Andrew Huang, brought to you by his computer, Oddzilla
Oddzilla says, "Mmmmm...Evanjellydonut...."
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/
Harvard Anime Society, Secretary