On Mon, 27 Oct 1997 21:08:26 -0700 (MST), Raphael See <raphael@asu.edu>
wrote:

	Ukyo finished wiping the countertop and sighed. Ranma had left 
some twenty minutes ago, not heeding her hints for him to stay. This time 
of day was always the worst part for Ukyo: the lull between the departure 
of the after-school regulars and the arrival of the dinner crowd. 
Homework was a welcome distraction during this time, but all too often, 
Ukyo found herself spending the lonely hour daydreaming, usually about 
Ranma and her together. Today was no exception...

	A faint knock at the door, almost more like scratching, snapped 
Ukyo out of her reverie. *Funny; no one ever knocks before coming into 
the restaurant.* She grabbed her battle spatula from behind the counter, 
just in case, and answered the door.

	Ukyo was greeted by the sight of a rather battered-looking 
brown-haired girl standing in front of her. She looked like she had gone 
through a major disaster; scrapes and smears of dirt abounded, and her 
school uniform was a tattered and dirty version of itself. She was 
leaning heavily on the door frame, as if she were about to collapse at 
any moment. "Is...is Ranma here?" she asked weakly.

	"I'm sorry; he left about half an hour ago."

	"Okay," the girl said. Her knees began to give way. "You 
mind...if I just...lie down for a--"

	Ukyo managed to catch the smaller girl just before she hit the 
sidewalk, staring intently at the girl now lying unconscious in her arms. 

This sounds like there are two different girls. You may want to reword
this.

*So this is the infamous Noriko,* she thought, putting two and two 
together. *I've been wondering just what kind of girl could give him so 
much grief, and here she is, fainted on my doorstep.* Ukyo furrowed her 
brow, trying to figure out what to do with her "guest."

Fortunately, Ukyo has read "Ukyo Can Cook" by Susan Doemine. :-)

It was true that 
Noriko had printed some ugly things about her beloved Ranchan, and just a 
few hours ago, Ukyo would just as soon have barred her from the 
restaurant. She looked so helpless lying there, though. Surely this 
sleeping girl wasn't the same Noriko who had tried to kill Ranma in the 
journalism room...?

	She sighed with resignation and began to pull the unconscious 
journalist inside to tend to her injuries. *People may think a lot of 
things about me, but I'm no monster,* she thought grimly.

	

	Some time later, Noriko found herself walking back home after 
spending an hour or two recuperating at the restaurant. All things 
considered, the afternoon had been a complete waste of time. "No, Ranma 
isn't here," Ukyo had said while handing her a bandage for the wound on 
her side, "and I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want to see you, 
either." Still not in a condition to walk home, Noriko had stayed in the 
restaurant, slowly eating an okonomiyaki in silence while Ukyo buried her 
nose in a book ("Zen and the Art of Okonomiyaki").

Heh! Is that the Zen we know? :)

Any attempts to start 
conversation were only met with short, noncommittal replies from the 
okonomiyaki chef. Alhtough Ukyo acted civilly enough, her demeanor made 
it rather clear that she would be much more comfortable when Noriko was 
out of the restaurant, and the sooner the better. Finally, there was 
nothing else to do but head home.

	*Martial arts,* she thought glumly as she slowly made her way 
home, the dipping sun beginning to lengthen the shadows on the ground. 
*I'm never going to get away, am I?* She paused her train of thought to 
listlessly kick a pebble on the sidewalk. With a humorless smile, Noriko 
realized that some years ago, she would never had asked such a question. 
She used to love the activity, eagerly going to lessons each week, until...

	Had it been so long ago? It was in the sixth grade, and some big 
eighth grader and a couple of his friends had cornered her behind the 
school when the teacher wasn't around, demanding her lunch money. *So 
cliche,* Noriko thought wryly as she remembered the incident. The leader, 
or whatever, had grabbed her arm in an attempt to wrest the paltry sum 

>from her hand; out of desperation, Noriko performed a deft movement she 

had practiced in class the day before.

	Everything was hazy after that. Noriko remembered only an odd 
popping sound, and the horrified looks on the others' faces as the kid 
lay sprawled on the ground, screaming in pain, his arm bent at a curious 
angle. The other kids eagerly rushed to the scene, teachers quickly 
following. Terrified, Noriko ran away, her lunch money forgotten as she 
hid in an empty classroom, sobbing uncontrollably.

	It turned out, of course, that she had only dislocated his elbow. 
Given the already outstanding record that particular group of kids had 
for bullying, the principal let her off with a reprimand for not alerting 
a teacher instead of resorting to force.

That last bit seems a bit clumsy. Maybe if you reversed it:

"... the principal let her off with a reprimand for resorting to force
instead of alerting a teacher."

I REALLY liked this scene, BTW. Nicely written, and great character
development for Noriko. It also justifies having the fight with Kuno in
the last chapter, at least somewhat.

	"You know...," Suzuki began, unsure about exactly how he should 
phrase his next remark. "I think your problem might be that you've been 
trying to simply run away, rather than face up to the problem."

Bleah.

Suzuki's characterization is the weak point in this series for me. He
seems ever insightful, knowing the best thing to say and wanting what's
best for all concerned. You've done such a great job with Noriko's
characterization, but this guy just seems bland.

	"Point," Suzuki agreed. "So...what do you think will happen?" he 
asked, gesturing towards the newspaper on the desk.

	"Oh, Kuno-kouchou will probably send me a notice soon telling me 
that our funding has been cut off," she answered with a studied casualness.

	Suzuki looked at Noriko carefully. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

	"Yeah...I think so," she answered, meeting Suzuki's gaze and 
smiling sadly. "It was the only thing I could do."

Not a bad way to end; maybe you might add something about them deciding
to carry on as best they can if the funding does get cut.

   And here is where it ends. For now. For months, I had planned to keep 
going, launch some convoluted plan that would save the Informer, get Kuno 
off of Noriko's back, pound some appreciation of the martial arts back 
into Noriko, and finally get Suzuki and Noriko together. Yeah. I started 
the ball rolling way back in August last year, and tried keeping it 
rolling... and it's stopped rolling. Well, maybe the spark will ignite 
again someday.

We can only hope!

   Anyway, that's it for my going-away present! Happy writing, and 
remember, at all times, have fun! :)

You too; come back and see us when you can.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics