This post is a little different. Of course, it is a cross between
Sailor Moon, and the Parker Bros. board game 'Clue'. While there is
a murder story here, to get the killer, you have to go to our 'Sailor
Moon Clue' page, and play the game. Once you have, you can read the
each of the suspect's confessions, and the post-story at the end of
this post.
The URL for the Sailor Moon Clue page is:
http://cis-www.wtamu.edu/~webmaster/smclue
And now, the story:
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Sailor Moon Clue
by Christopher and Amy Jones
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Chibi-usa was dead. Not just dead, but *dead*. The kind of
dead that makes you wonder, 'How on Earth did they get such an
incredible spread'. There wasn't even the option to use the Ginzhou
on her, because there's only so much you can do for a pink smear on
the ground besides draw a pink chalk outline.
Overnight, the world had become a better place.
Sadly, however, justice must be done. Ami took it upon her
self to find the real killer, since no one was talking.
"I have gathered you all here, because I beleive I can deduce
the identity of the killer." She stated blandly.
They all looked at her as if she were a moron. All the
(remaining) Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen, the Dark Generals, the Black
Moon Sisters, Ail and Ann, The Tsukino family (who were wondering
just where Usagi was), Grandfather Hino and Yuuichiro, and finally,
Umino and Naru were there to round out the crowd.
"And why should that concern us?" Shingo asked.
Ami ignored him and continued. "I have narrowed the list of
suspects and motives down to six individuals, they are, in no
particular order, Sailor Moon--"
"Whahhh! Ami! How could you say such a thing! You know I'd
never kill the spore, no matter how much she made my life a living
hell, and got into my manga and trashed my room and... Okay. I had
plenty of reason, but I DIDN'T DO IT!"
"--Ahem. Tuxedo Kamen"
The dark suited warrior merely raised an eyebrow at the
pronouncement.
"--Nephrite--"
"I thought you died!" Naru cried aloud.
"I did. We're all back since Sailor Moon destroyed Metallia.
I'm working as a substitute teacher now."
"Hmph..." Zoicite turned his nose in the air. "Nephrite always
gets the best job and I'm stuck as night-security at a shopping
mall. Kunzite, make Nephrite stop irritating me!"
"Nephrite, stop irritating Zoicite."
"Okay."
"--As I was saying," Ami continued, "Cooan,--"
All four black moon sisters gasped, but the purple leotarded
woman stood her ground.
"--Ann,--"
The green skinned alien put her hands to her mouth and shook
her head.
"--and Umino."
Naru gasped and looked at her boyfriend in shock.
He polished his glasses and responed to the accusation without
any of the nervousness usually present in his nasal voice. "I had
reason, yes. She interrupted one of my earthworm progects, ruining
months worth of work. But I didn't kill her either. I'm too
intelligent to incur the wrath of her parents."
Ami nodded. "We've heard Umino's and Sailor Moon's reason, but
I think it's best that all the motives are out in the open. Nephrite
taught her class last week."
Everybody winced in sympathy and made 'ouch' noises.
Ami continued, "While shopping at the Black Moon Makeup Shack,
she broke a bottle of 'Pomegranite Pink' nail polish on Cooan's
tights."
"It's true!" The time-traveler cried. "But I wouldn't kill for
that, no matter *how* much the oufit costed!"
"Apparently, she also caused Ann to spill weed killer over the
roots of the Doom Tree." Ail looked at his sister in anger and
shock. Tears streaked down her face. "I didn't want you to know,
Brother! It broke my heart, but the tree lived, so I didn't do
anything about it, I swear!"
Ail clenched his fists, and shook his head. "I beleive my
sister."
"What about Tuxedo Mask?" Usagi asked.
"Well," he volunteered, "There *was* that time she walked in
on us while... *ahem*!"
Usagi blushed, a deep crimson color.
"Still, though, I *know* her father, and I *know* exactly what
he would do to me if I killed her."
"So there you have it. It only remains for us to match weapons
and places with people and we shall have the killer..."
{This is where you're supposed to download the cards and and play
'Sailor Moon Clue'. Again the URL is:
http://cis-www.wtamu.edu/~webmaster/smclue
Enjoy!}
And now for the verdicts:
Guilty - Ann:
"The Doom Tree needed a human life to survive being poisoned.
It was either her or us."
Ail shook his head in grief.
"While she only barely qualified as human, it still had to be
done. I just couldn't kill an innocent!"
Guilty - Umino:
"Damnitt! Earthworms are expensive! That doesn't even include
the cost of all the effort I put into that project. The little runt
had to *die*. I don't regret doing it, not for a second!"
Guilty - Nephrite:
"You've all had to deal with her before. Can you imagine what
I had to go through? I subbed that class for a week!"
With a pitying expression, Zoicited patted him on the back
while Jadeite made "Tsk, tsk" noises.
"Every day, I came a little closer to killing her. By the last
day, It was all I could do to keep from doing the deed in front of
the other students. But finally, when she was all alone, I had to
strike."
Guilty - Cooan:
"It wasn't just the nail polish, it was the lipstick, and the
eyeliner, and the rou-uge" She bawled. "When she came into the shop,
she would take the lids off all the perfumes and just leave them out
to evaporate. She broke all the wax pencils, and drew all over the
displays. Then..."
Tears rolled down her face.
"S-she d-dumped a bottle of Clorox in my laundry hamper!!
Whaaaa!"
Her sisters all shook in stifled rage and tried to comfort
their sibling.
Guilty - Sailor Moon:
All right! I did it! I admit it and I'm proud! The little
virus had been a thorn in my side ever since she fell out of the sky
and tried to steal my Mamo-chan! If I had the chance to do it again,
I would! Ha-ha, lock me up! I don't care now that she's gone."
Guilty - Tuxedo Mask:
"You don't know what's it's like to have your life run by a
snotty little...." He inhaled sharply. "I never got a moment's rest.
It was either 'I wanna go somwhere', 'I want this', 'I want that',
and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't keep from obeying.
It had to end. It was worth any cost!"
Closing Arguments:
Ami shook her head sadly. "Now that we all know who did it,
it's up to us to punish the killer, since Chibi-usa had no legal
status in Japan."
"Awww, do we have to?" Kenji Tsukino asked. "I mean..."
Makoto spoke up as well. "I agree. The way *I* see things,
Justice has been done. Think about it for a second. *Everybody*
hated the little gorf's guts. Even her *own parents* sent her back
in time because they didn't feel like dealing with her." She pointed
at Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon. "They even knew what and when it was
going to happen!"
"I've met thousands of people in my travels around the world,"
Minako interjected, "But Chibi-usa was the most--" She choked on her
own tears for a second. "--Evil... Soul I have ever known. I'm glad
she's dead!"
A chourus of agreement went up around the crowd while Setsuuna
was leading the Outer Senshi in a 'Touchdown' dance.
"It really was for the best, Ami," Naru prompted. "It'll be so
nice around here without her. Don't you think so too?"
Ami sighed, and dropped the sheaf of papers she had been
holding. "I... I guess you are all right. This really is for the
best, isn't it?"
A song went up, and the assembled threw a great big party, and
everyone lived happily ever after.... until the thirtieth century,
when the brat was born and they had to deal with her all over again.
END.
Thanks to all the great Sailor Moon sites and Doi-sama, who's
provided the best SM translation site around.
If you have any better ideas for the 'Confessions' or the followup
story, don't hesitate to let us know.
Comments, and highres screen captures of anyone else you want to see
in Sailor Moon Clue to hamster@arn.net
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Chris Jones hamster@arn.net
The Hamster House of Animation http://users.arn.net/~hamster
The Ranma 1/2 Gallery http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/6413
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I'm the fat and ugly Sailor Panda. I fight for beer and pretzels, and
because I'm afraid of my wife, I'll annoy you!