[Author's note: The story so far... ahhh, skip it.]
Windir: Indeed?
[Um...]
Lyra: You really think people are going to remember everything from the
last part? You think you're that good?
[Uh, yeah, I was hoping... <Sigh> Oh, well, you're almost certainly
right.]
Windir: You mean to imply that such a... colorful... cast of characters
would slip the minds of our audience? For shame.
Frito: Ya know... now dat ya mention it... he he he... <Looks at Windir>
He's got a point --
Windir: Frito NO --
Lyra: CUT IT OUT! <Folds arms, glares at the others> Look, the story so
far: We're upset because we're afraid we might have helped frame the
Dirty Pair for murdering Ranma Saotome. After talking to Kaede, our
ex-ninja friend now setting up shop as an information broker, we paid a
visit to Studio Spry to talk to some of the Ranma cast. Kasumi dropped a
few hints about why someone might want to kill him, but couldn't suggest
who; a really snotty British guy made lots of mysterious insinuations
about something we were missing, but Windir dragged us off before we
could, ah, convince him <tapping fist> to say what it was. <Looks around>
Happy? Now, can we get on with it?
"Hello? Yes, Records? Yes... yes, I *know* I haven't done that reading
for you yet, I'm sorry, I've been busy... please, *please*, I promise
I'll come down and take care of everyone at the office as soon as I have
the chance, OK? Yes... thank you. Anyway, I've just been handed the
Lovely Angels case... what? No, from what little I've heard, I *don't*
think it would be safe to call them that. Could you send someone up with
whatever background you've got on this thing so far? Thanks."
With a sigh, the slight, blond-haired man hung up the phone, and tugged
absently on an empty patch of air above his head. Inaba sighed again.
Working in the prosecutor's office at the Court of Otaku Opinion had its
moments, but he really missed the old days back at the Destiny Production
Management Bureau. Well, Shinobu seemed happier; he *still* kept hearing
growled remarks about someone named 'Hefner'...
There was a knock at the door. A moment later, it opened to reveal a
figure in a trenchcoat. "Niccolo, from Records." He grinned sardonically.
"At your service."
Inaba blinked. "That was fast."
"I'm a fast worker." Niccolo grinned again, and set a folder down on the
desk. "Here ya go. I think you'll find it interesting."
"I suppose..." With a shrug, Inaba sat down, picked up the folder, and
began reading. "So, what are we dealing with... NANI?"
"Eh?"
"You mean they let him get away... and then they blew up... and let him
team up with them later? Wha -- the entire planet?!?"
"You didn't know that?" Niccolo sounded genuinely curious.
"It's not like they get much publicity these days, you know!"
"They were rather famous at the time, you know," Niccolo echoed dryly.
"How long have you been around here, anyway?"
"Well..." Inaba blushed a little. "I didn't come in until late in UY,
after all. By the time we were done... um, well."
"They were still pretty popular in 'fics for a while..." Niccolo's voice
trailed off suggestively.
"Look, I didn't get out much then, okay?" Inaba's blush grew fiery.
"All right... if you say so." Niccolo snickered to himself.
"Look, do you have a problem with that?" Inaba said angrily.
"Oh, aren't we touchy today? If I do havva problem, what are ya gonna do,
dress up in your bunny suit and hit me with carrots? Create some
alternate future where I end up marrying Minmei? Spare me."
Inaba said nothing in reply... just sank back in his chair, very angry
and blushing hard enough to warm the room. Niccolo seemed to notice this,
and softened. "Look, I know I shouldn't have been that hard on you. But
you *really* don't know that much about them?"
"They didn't encourage me looking at their records at the Destiny
Production Bureau," he replied with a sheepish smile. "Something about
them causing us too much work already, and not wanting me to get
involved."
"Heh. *That* I can... um. Um, well. So most of this will be news to you,
then." For some reason, Niccolo grinned, and patted his folder.
"That isn't really funny."
"No, no. It isn't," Niccolo replied; his grin held for a moment, turned
almost predatory, than vanished. "Trust me." He cleared his throat. "And
since you don't know much about them, we'd better get started."
"Yes. Still... I can't believe... D-did they *really* destroy Acheron on
purpose?"
Niccolo shrugged. "Well, I guess they must have figured it was easier to
just wipe out the planet instead of trying to kill off those vizorium
monsters one by one." He smiled that predatory smile again, this time
with a bitter edge to it. "It fits their pattern."
Inaba's face set in a look of determination. "All right, then." He paused
for emphasis. "Let's put them away."
* * * * * *
What do the prisons in Anime Town look like? Good question. Considering
the wide variety of people who hang arotnd, one might reasonably expect
anything from a medieval dungeon to a hi-tech fortress. Actually, you'll
find both of the above, with everything in between. Anime Town *likes*
fulfilling expectations. Well, most of the time. After all, Kyoko and
Godai *did* get married, eventually... right?
This particular example was a reasonably pleasant place, all things
considered. No dank moldy cells, no thumbscrews. No antiseptic
featureless white hallways. Reasonably homey... no, perhaps we're going
too far here. All in all, though, there are far worse places to be
incarcerated.
Not that this made Kei and Yuri any happier. Bad story cliche No.
2.5e7+03: the most comfortable hotel room in the world is a jail if
you're locked in. But I digress... um, where was this going? Anydehoodle,
Kei and Yuri are currently sitting in their cell, waiting to talk to
their Fan Defender for the first time.
"You? *You're* it?" Kei said incredulously.
"Huh? Me? No, I'm just the guard." The guard edged unobtrusively away
from the door. "Your Fan Defender will be along in a sec... ah, here he
is." The guard let him in quickly, then turned around and fast-walked to
the door.
"You? You're *it*?" Yuri said, just as incredulously.
Zen rolled his eyes. Some days, you just couldn't win. "Yes, that's me.
Zen no Itan-sha, at your service."
"Some service."
"Hey, look. If you'd rather have the Wizzard..."
"Who?"
"You know, from Oz?"
Kei and Yuri groaned. A moment later, when what he said actually sunk in,
they shuddered. "Gack!" Kei exclaimed. "You mean..."
"With defenders like that, who needs... well." Yuri smiled insincerely.
"Not that you don't have some talent for controversy, at least."
"At least." Zen smiled sourly. "As long as we're in this vein, just to
get it out of the way... You didn't really do it, did you?... Just
kidding! JUST KIDDING!"
Kei released the hammerlock. "Just so you know it."
"<Wheeze> I know it, I know it!" Zen felt gingerly around his neck.
"Trust me!"
Yuri nodded slowly.
"So... what did you have to do with it?"
"*Nothing*," Kei said forcefully. "I swear!"
"The first we heard about it was when that trio of investigators came
around, saying they found out that Ranma was being killed with a Bloody
Card, and asking us if we knew anyone else who used one." Yuri shook her
head. "Then they were back to arrest us, with those..." Her face screwed
up, as if she were about to spit. "...pictures."
"Pictures?" Zen's ears seemed to perk up. "What pictures?"
"They had some pictures they *said* were from a bank's surveillance
camera, showing Yuri attacking this street vendor."
"They did, did they?" His attention sharpened. "Really. And *were* they
of you?"
"They looked like it, but... it couldn't have been! I wasn't ever
anywhere near there!"
Zen looked curiously at her. "Can you prove that?"
"Are you doubting me?" Yuri shot him a dangerous look.
"N-no! No! Really!"
"Good."
"So... if it *wasn't* you in the photos... who was it?"
"Point," Kei said. "So, wouldn't it be a good idea to find out?"
Yuri applauded sarcastically. "Congratulations. You've just solved the
case. Now if we could just put actions to words..."
"I think that's my job, ne?" Zen nodded firmly. "See you in a little
while."
* * * * * *
"All right," Lyra said in the insufferably cheerful voice used by
kindergarden teachers across the universe. "Brainstorming time!" She
slung a pad of paper and a pencil in front of Windir and Frito as the
three sat down, then pulled a third set over in front of her own chair.
She shuffled a stack of notes and tapped them into a neat stack, then
looked at the others with a bright, innocent, businesslike look that
fooled neither of them.
"Indeed?" Windir looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Is there any
particular reason we are being asked to revert to grade school, or is
this merely an attempt to bring the tone of the proceedings down to a
level which our compatriot can comprehend?"
Lyra heaved a sigh, then silenced Frito as he was opening his mouth.
"Look," she said. "We've been running around for a couple of days now
trying to figure this thing out. How far have we gotten?"
"Precisely nowhere."
"Bingo," she replied dryly, cocking a finger at Windir and pulling the
trigger. "Give the man a cigar." She reached over to silence Frito again.
"We've been going at this without any kind of plan, hoping to stumble
across something to solve the case, and we've come up empty. Don't you
think it's about time to sit down and actually plan something?"
"EeeYOUCH!" There was a ripping sound as Frito pulled the duck tape off
his mouth. "That *hurt*!"
Windir looked distinctly unsympathetic. "Perhaps if you attempted to
shave off that growth of body hair which goes under the colloquial
appellation of, ahem, a '5-o'clock shadow' --"
"More like a '7-o'clock shadow,'" Lyra put in, lips twitching into a
slight grin against her will.
"AHEM... then, perhaps, one might experience less bodily distress in
these moments."
"Oh, yeah? Well, if some people didn't try 'n put a gag on people --"
"Look... *stop it*, OK?" Lyra folded her arms. "We've got a couple of
people stuck in jail right now, who might be staying there unless we can
find out that they didn't do it. Let's just get to work, all right?"
With a grumble that was only half-feigned, Frito settled down and started
staring at his legal pad; a moment later Lyra joined him, followed
reluctantly by Windir. They sat like that for several minutes, shifting
position occasionally.
"AARGH!" Frito burst out. "I ain't gettin' *nothin'* done here -- I mean,
ya can even hear the clock tickin'! And it's a digital clock!" he added.
"It's drivin' me crazy! How about we go find somethin' ta eat, an' maybe
somethin'll give us an idea while we're out there."
With a noncommittal shrug, Lyra glanced over at Windir, then stood up.
"Couldn't hurt," she said. "We're certainly not getting anything done
here."
* * * * * *
Lyra grimaced as they entered, and shook her head ruefully. I hate theme
restaurants, she thought. Especially celebrity ones. I never should have
let Frito pick where we were going.
"Hi, welcome to Ucchan's!" the girl standing behind the counter said in
her best fun-professional voice. "Three?" At Windir's stiff nod, she
gestured out towards the outdoor terrace. "Right this way."
As they threaded their way between the tables, they bumped into a waiter
in an obviously phony mailbox costume. "Excuse me," he said in a falsetto
voice, side-stepping into another aisle.
"I heard he actually works at one of these," said a diner at a nearby
table, a scholarly-looking fellow in a black satin hakama, with a bokken
at his side. "The *real* Tsubasa, I mean."
"Naah," his companion, a large, bearlike man with reddish-brown hair and
beard, said. "Think about it -- he's getting pretty steady work, why
would he want to work at one of these joints? Now Konatsu, on the other
hand..." The conversation faded as they stepped through a wide opening
into an outdoor patio.
As they seated themselves, a teenage girl with a bandolier of
mini-spatulas came up. "Hi, my name's Candy, and I'll be your waitress,"
she said, smiling brightly. She pulled out one of the spatulas, which had
an order pad worked into the backside. "Would you like something to
drink, or are you ready to order? Today's special is Taco Okonomiyaki --"
"Look," Frito interrupted, "Just get us three Mountain Dews, three
barbecue Okos, and a barrel of fries, OK?"
"Three Dews, three BBQ's, and a barrel of fries. Okay!" She pulled the
top sheet off the pad, tucked it into the holder built into another
spatula, and flung it at a corkboard mounted next to the cooking griddle.
The cook pulled the spatula out and removed the order, grunted, and
fussed with her long brown wig for a moment before pouring the next order.
* * * * * *
Lyra brushed aside the barbecue sauce, and looked dubiously at the bits
of 'meat' underneath. "I thought they had regulations about this kind of
thing," she muttered. "Oh, well." She shrugged, grimaced slightly, and
started eating.
Frito had no such qualms, and tore into his okonomiyaki with every
appearance of relish. "So, where d'ya wanna start with this thing?"
"One might assume that we would *start* at the beginning, n'est-ce pas?"
Windir said, studying the item on his fork as if it were the results of a
particularly unsuccessful culinary experiment. In a sense, perhaps, it
was. "Where *is* the beginning, would you say?" He leaned back in his
chair, dropping the bite as a bad job, and crossed his arms.
"It all comes down to those pictures," Lyra said, slapping one of them
down on the table. "Without them... well, there's still a good chance
they'd suspect the Pair -- there aren't *that* many people who use a Card
-- but not confirmation." She frowned, and tapped another picture against
the table. "If it wasn't them, we need to find out who that really was in
the picture. It sure looked like Yuri, enough to seal things with the
Card being used. But if we could prove that it *wasn't* her in the
photos..."
"And that is where I can be of service to you, Lady and Gentlemen," a
voice rolled out confidently. The voice sounded like it belonged to a
professor, and in fact this wasn't far off; its owner was a stout man in
a brown tweed jacket, with grey hair and a great walrus-like moustache,
wearing half-moon spectacles. Any resemblance to a gentleman of learning
was purely noncoincidental.
The group stared at him for a moment, as he pulled out a chair and sat
with a self-confidence bordering on arrogance, folding his arms across
his chest. Frito recovered first. "Sez who?" he demanded. Lyra looked at
him with narrowed eyes, a thoughtful expression on her face.
"More to the point," Windir added, "who are you, and what are you doing
here? For that matter, why *are* you here?"
"I," the man said pontifically, "am Dr. Breckenridge."
Lyra nodded slightly, as if he'd confirmed something.
"As to why I'm here... well, let us just say that a young lady knew you
needed help, and suggested I find you."
"Kaede." Lyra shook her head ruefully. "I know you were only trying to
help," she continued half to herself, "but next time we see you, we're
going to have a little talk."
"Is there a particular reason for this reaction?" Windir asked with a
slight frown.
Lyra turned to Breckenridge in answer. "Did you ever get the Breckenridge
Reciprocating Autogyro to work, professor?" she asked with a raised
eyebrow. Breckenridge blushed a little. "Or the Metatronic Reflex
Exothermic Simulator?"
"Th-that was just a design concept!" Breckenridge blustered.
"Really?" Lyra gave him a sardonic smile. "I'm sure the investors you
involved were happy to hear that."
"I begin to see," Windir said thoughtfully. "A scientific charlatan... or
'quack'," he grimaced, "as the vernacular would have it."
"Balderdash!" Breckenridge burst out, sputtering a bit as his face turned
red. "The theories were perfect!" he continued, thumping his chest for
emphasis. "If my designs hadn't been compromised by... funding
difficulties... well!"
"Since we have raised the issue of financing..." Windir said. "What, in
particular, were you expecting from us in return for the 'help' you have
offered?"
"Hurrm, well. The young lady did mention that I could not expect a
substantial monetary recompense; however, that will not be a problem."
"Oh, yeah?" Frito's words said little; his skeptical expression said
rather more.
Breckenridge reddened. "Not *all* is money, young... er, man," he said
after a second look, waggling a finger in Frito's face. "There are two
admirable young ladies currently sitting in jail because they need our
assistance to prove their innocence." He paused for a moment, before
continuing a little faster. "Besides which, you know how much attention
this case has had -- the people associated with it are going to be
famous!"
"Somehow the second one rings truer," Lyra said dryly.
"And, well..." Breckenridge coughed embarrassedly. "When the young lady
asks you, and smiles like *that*, it's hard to refuse."
"All right, all right," Lyra said, shaking her head and chuckling a
little. "So just what is it you can do to help?"
"As you said, these pictures are the key, yes? If you could find out for
sure whether or not this person is Yuri, that would solve the problem,
right?"
"Yes..." Lyra said. "And?"
"And I can do it."
Lyra sighed. "Deus... well, hardly Deus, but definitely ex Machina."
"Eh?"
"Forget it. Supposing you can... what do we need to do?"
"Come with me to my laboratory, and I'll show you!" Breckenridge gestured
grandly to the trio... a gesture lost somewhat in the performance, as he
appeared to be showing the way straight into Ucchan's trash pickup area.
The three sighed, then followed him as he found the correct way out of
the restaurant.
* * * * * *
Breckenridge looked around as they came up to a restaurant; the sign hung
over the door read "Ten-Kai". He peered carefully into the common room,
then hustled the trio across the side of the room and up a staircase. The
door he led them to looked rather the worse for wear, as if it'd been
knocked down and patched together several times; a sign on it read
"Breckenridge Labs". Unlocking the door and leading them inside, he
called out "Jim? Jim!" After flipping on the light, he glanced around.
"Hmmm... must not be back yet. Ah, well." He clapped his hands, and
rubbed them together briskly. "We'll just have to set up what we can
while we wait for him to get back."
"Which involves?" Windir inquired, looking dubiously at the heaps of junk
strewn around the apartment.
"Ah. The heart of the device is right over here..."
"Huh. Just looks like a big microfiche machine ta me," Frito said
disdainfully. "What happens if I touch dis thing --"
"No! DON'T!--"
There was a small explosion, filling the room with smoke. When it
cleared, the room was empty.
End part 2.
Annotations:
------------
Since a couple of the prereaders had questions about them:
Inaba: A character from Urusei Yatsura; he appears in the "Inaba the
Dreammaker" OAV, as well as the later manga (not translated by Viz as of
11/97). He's a member of the Destiny Production Management Bureau, the
group in charge of creating all the alternate futures so beloved of
SF/Fantasy writers. :) Unfortunately, though he's very dutiful and
idealistic, he's also very naive and kind of inept; when he ran into
Shinobu (literally!), he dropped the key to the Room of Destiny... and
thus gives Ataru, Shinobu and Lum access to their futures. The male
uniform for the Destiny Production Bureau is a rabbit costume; you can
imagine what the female costume is... Really, you need to watch the
video. ;>
Niccolo: You get to figure this one out. ;>
The 'Wizzard': For those of you who've not read _Interesting Times_, um,
minor spoiler warning:
<SPOILER>
At the end of _IT_, Rincewind ends up in a place where he gets called
'Kangaroo Bloke'...
</SPOILER>
Dr. Breckenridge: From "Spirit of Wonder". Despite the, ah, rumors
floated in this story, he *does* make devices that work. It's just that
no one ever believes they do...
Acknowledgements:
-----------------
Many thanks to Raphael See for lending me Noriko for a brief cameo.
Should have put this one in Part 1, but I forgot. :(
Thanks to Mike Loader, Zen, Kergma, John Biles, and Trisha Sebastian for
prereading. A dirty job, but *someone*'s gotta do it... :)
Thanks to John and Chris Davies for a pair of fun reviews of Part 1. :)
And finally, thanks to the authors of all the series mentioned here --
that's, what, Dirty Pair, Urusei Yatsura, Ranma, You're Under Arrest,
Nuku Nuku, the Prisoner, and Spirit of Wonder so far, with El Hazard and
possibly Tenchi to come? Anyway, profound thanks to all of them for
writing such wonderful work. May the *real* Anime Town exist for all of
you, out there, somewhere.
Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
<http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)
...Classified Ads: The Final Frontier.