At 12:56 PM 10/25/97 -0400, Reid Carson wrote:
Flushed with success at having managed to finish and
release a story, I press my luck by trying to do two in
a single week. This one is less polished than my previous
one, and has at least one significant problem I would
appreciate some comments on. Also, I con't decide if I
like it, or if it's unbearably pretentious and ludicrously
overwritten. Maybe both are true.
This story is less polished? Excuse me while I find a hat to put on so
that I can take it off to you. It is a well written story. It is not
overwritten. I would say that it is mannered, even stylized, which helps
give it an elegiac quality.
If this was inspired by anything, it came from my
rereading "The King of Elfland's Daughter" in connection
with another story I'm writing. Let me note that, although
it's a first person narrative, it's not a self-insertion
fic. The narrator is a Ranmaverse character.
Had you merely said that it was inspired by a Dunsany work, I would have
guessed "The Charwoman's Shadow" which has a more pronounced theme of magic
departing from the fields we know.
Finally, I'm sure some, probably most, of you will
object that the tone and the style of the narration seems
out of character for the person telling the story. In my
defense I will make three points. First, the story is
being written a year after the events portrayed herein,
a year that has seen many changes in the narrator. Second,
it is not unknown for someone to possess a more florid
writing style than that which he is accustomed to employ
while speaking. I myself have this selfsame quirk, and I
was even worse in high school, a time when I resembled the
narrator to an uncomfortable degree. Finally, I wanted
to write the story this way, and this is the way the idea
originally came to me. So there.
Perhaps if you set it more than a year later, the mature tone and style
would seem more fitting, that of a man looking back at the end of innocence
and of the world he knew. It was in such a spirit that the Belgian poet
Emile Verhaeren, writing in 1915 and looking back at pre-war Europe,
dedicated his book, "With emotion, to the man I used to be."
We arrived at the Tendos' house, and were ushered into the backyard
by Kasumi. There I was surprised to see Ranma's body laid out on a pyre
built of fragrant woods sprinkled with various type of incense. The
aroma was powerful without being cloying. The same group that had
witnessed Ranma's death was present here, all standing quietly together
gazing at the body. Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyo stood together near the
pyre bearing burning torches.
An Arthurian image, three queens mourning over the body of the king.
Intentional?
Akane looked at me for some moments; then her mouth twisted in an
odd smile as she said,
"Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Ye all which it inherit, shall dissolve
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life Is rounded with a sleep."
One of my favorite passages in literature.
return. Needless to say, this came as something of a surprise to me. I'd
been rather afraid of Kodachi before, but now - well, she was quite
beautiful, and there was a sad, lonely, somewhat bewildered air to her
now that pulled at me. She knew that something was missing from her
life; she just didn't know what. I seemed to help fill part of the void
she was dimly conscious of. In short, she needed me, and I'd never been
needed before. It didn't take long before I fell in love with her. I
was worried for a time that she'd tire of me as she adjusted to her
changed circumstances, but if anything our relationship has only gotten
stronger, to the point where we're now officially engaged.
I am puzzled that Kodachi is more forgetful than Gosunkugi, given that
she participated in the funeral.
For some time I thought I was immune to the strange forgetfulness
that was affecting everyone else. A few weeks ago, though, I was
looking through my photo albums, and found that I couldn't remember the
circumstances under which I had taken some of the pictures of Ranma and
Akane. In addition, there were empty spaces in the album, where some
photos were apparently removed, by what or whom I cannot guess. I'm
finding it harder and harder to recall the details of the adventures I
only heard about, and even the ones I witnessed are taking on an aura of
unreality in my memory. By trading shamelessly on my relationship with
the principal's daughter I managed to get in to check the school records
a while ago, and found that there was no information about Ranma, Ukyo,
or any of the Tendos. I don't know what's happening, but I fear I won't
be able to keep my promise to Ranma. Therefore I have evolved a plan.
Shades of AMS.
I have written to a certain manga creator I admire, and told her
the outlines of the story of Ranma, describing it as a dream I once
had. She has agreed to consider a manga based on the ideas I mentioned
to her. I have asked for nothing in return, simply saying that I felt an
odd compulsion to see this story in print. I have hopes that before I
completely forget Ranma and the others, if that should happen, I shall
be able to give her as much of their history as I can recall. Perhaps
Ranma and Akane, wherever they are, will know that Hikaru Gosunkugi did
his best to remember them, and to ensure that their story was not lost.
Good touch.
I can't help wondering about one thing, though. Ranma had taken the
Phoenix Pill, and before he died it had come to full potency. Was it
just a coincidence that they burned his body on the sort of pyre that -
no, it sounds mad even thinking it. Yet I remember that Akane and the
rest bore up under their grief very well. Could it be -? I don't know,
and I don't suppose I ever shall. Just on the off chance, though....
I've taken up the study of martial arts, and I'm brushing up on my
Chinese. I wonder if Kodachi would like to honeymoon in China. Say, the
Qinghai province.
Nice ending.
I have one question. How do you write so well?
I have one request. Please write more fanfics.
dml