Yeah, I know, but after Mr. Lawson posted his again,
and after some talk about "round II" I got an idea last night,
which wouldn't leave me alone, so I wrote it down (something
guaranteed to get the ideas to leave, make them into something).
        Still, that's no reason to inflict this upon the rest of
the mailing list I suppose, but, what the hell? (hello cruel world)

        Apologies to all, any comments on this (or any other previous
work) are appreciated, as are any criticisms. Heck, even flames can 
be okay, as long as they show a little bit of originality and thought.
(yes, for your information I *AM* a strange little man ^_-)

Prologue:

	 Hmph. Possible second coming of the Revengefics.
If I were to do one, I might possibly drum up some more support
for Ice Cream (second part released as More Ice Cream, archive 
# 46130), but that would be rather crass of me, and they'd see
right through that pathetic attempt....

Conlogue: Another day in prison, and I'm... Wait, no such thing
as a con log, is there? Oops. Um, nevermind this then... Nothing
to see here, o/~ la lala o/~

	So here's the deal, see? I got the T.V.	tuned to a music
station, and a CD in the player, but I only notice these things
as white noise. Dinner is a cookin', and I'm on my computer, 
typing away at Ice Cream, when I hear a strange knock at the door.
	Strange, because I've got a basement apartment with a side
entrance, so it's not a case of mistaken address. Strange also, 
because I'm not expecting anyone, and beyond a few institutions, 
the only people who know my address are about one hundred and
eighty odd kilometers away. 

	Following me so far? Anyway, I open the door and see three 
women. Well, two women and a girl really. Okay, so really they're
all goddesses. Guess which three. Right. Like I was saying, I see
the Norns there, and, hey, hey, aren't they supposed to be, y'know,
not real and all?
	Two options, either I've finally gone off the deep end (and
through the bottom of the friggin' pool for that matter) like I've
jokingly predicted I always would (although some people I know 
would deny this, saying I've already 'been there, done that'), or
this was really happening.
	Sure, I joke about me snapping, but I know it ain't gonna
happen, eh? Even if I did go bonkers, I'm still going to react
pretty much the same way.

	"Aaah!" I let out a little scream, then pause. "I mean, oh
what the hell.... aaah!"

	Skuld speaks first, "So, you're wondering why we're here, 
aren't you?"

	"Of course not. I'm not a complete idiot, despite what you
may have heard (they're lies! lies I tell you! hahahahaha! uhm,
sorry about that)." I figure I might be able to worm my way out of
this one with my usual madcap charm, put into overdrive. You'd be
surprised how well it works... on the people it doesn't scare the
bejeezus out of. Anyway, "but I'm sorry to say that I'm very
comfortable with my faith, and have no desires to convert from 
Catholicism to worshipping the Norse pantheon. However, I'd love
to discuss it with you if you'd like. Just give me a number where
I can reach you, and I'll give you a call soon, promise."

	"Um, Matt..." Belldandy tries to get a word in edgewise, 
but I'm getting close to full rant/ramble mode, and that ain't gonna
stop me.

	"Oh, of course, just a second. How thoughtless of me," I say,
reaching for a pen and some paper I have by the entrance. "You 
probably want my number too. Well here you go." I write it down, the
real one, (mental shrug) what the hell, eh?

	"That's not what we're here about!" shouts an irate Skuld.
	Belldandy, polite, but forceful tells me, "Aren't you
going to invite us in." An order, not a question.

	So I'm not getting away that easily. Che, oh well, worth a 
shot. And now for try number two....
	"Of course, of course. Where are my manners?" I ask rhetorically.
	"I apologise for the mess, I wasn't expecting visitors." Now, 
the delicate part. Just a little righteous indignation as I lead them
past the Kenshin wallscroll, and into the main room.
	"If you had only let me know earlier, instead of just dropping
by unexpectedly, I would've...." Urd, who looked bored up until now, 
cut me off.

	"Ran away?"

	Oh good, couldn't hope for a better interuption. Scowl now, look
hurt for the pretty goddesses Matt. "No, of course not. How could you
think I would do something like that?" Indignant sniff, then continue
with the plan Stan, er Matt, which is to say, me.
	"For one, I would have cleaned," my hand sweeps across the room, 
noting the unmade bed, the piles of clothes in the corner, the books and
papers and everything else all haphazard, "and I could have defrosted the
roast I was going to cook tomorrow, so we could all have a nice dinner. I
would've got something for dessert too, a couple of liters of ice cream
or something. Not to mention I could have seen if I could get some sake
from the liquour store.
	"What do we have now? The place is a mess, only dinner for one, 
instead of four, and oh, who knows what else?" Skuld grins evilly, but
I barely notice it, cruising on full rant as I am. "Now, now I'm going
to look like an absolutely terrible host when I have no other choice,
all because of three thoughtless guests."

	Belldandy looks ashamed for a moment, but she quickly overcomes it.
Urd grabs a beer from my fridge, which I forgot I had. Skuld, she continues
to grin as she says, "We're here to grant you a wish Matt, whether you want
it or not." There goes that question. "We know what you're thinking."

	I wonder whether the desolation in me is written on my face,
or if it looks like something else (I can be confusing that way sometimes).
Still, there's hope, if I can just keep in full rant, I know I can talk
my way out of it, doing my thinking too deep for them to find.

	"We're aware of your brain telling your heart to beat Mat-hew,"
Belldandy says, not quite able to get the 'th' sound of my name.

	"You know what I plan for the ending then! How can you punish
me for that?" I plea desperately. "And what about you Urd? You don't
have anything to complain about in this one!"

	Urd shrugs non-commitally, sipping at her glass of beer.
Skuld says coyly, "Didn't you hear me Matt? We're not here too punish
you, we're going to give you what you most want."

	I pale at the thought, mainly because I know that a) I'm not
sure what the hell it is that I most want, and b) they're going to 
really make sure that whatever it is, it ain't good. Bugger. Well, if
you're gonna go, go big I say, so I start thinking a long string of
curse words, aimed at the goddesses, and let them know what I think
they can do, and where they can go, in the crudest, dirtiest, rudest 
way I can concieve of. That's worse than you might think, since I
can out-disgust anyone I know, or knew, and I've known some pretty
hot-damn unsavoury sods don'tcha know.

	Belldandy is close to being physically ill from the invective,
and the absolute fury in my thoughts. I picked her for the most
delicate of the three from the start. Skuld probably doesn't know
what at least half of those words/actions mean, so she's not as bad off
as Belldandy. Urd doesn't even flinch, making me wonder if she's poking
through my mind or what.

	"Well, I see we've overstayed our welcome, so here's your gift
Matt," Skuld says, pointing towards me.
	"You'd like to know more about everything, wouldn't you Matt?
Well, now you're going to know everything."

	Why am I getting a feeling of immense dread from that? Be boring,
but-- krrrhhk! And the wish takes effect.

	Suddenly, I know everything, and I mean EVERYTHING! All the
answers, and all the questions. The meaning of life, Grand Unified 
Field Theory, how many molecules of air are in front of my right eye,
what you're thinking, the past, the future, all possibilities. I know
what it feels like to be tortured, to go insane, to die (from anything),
to be crucified. I know if there's a God, heaven, hell. I know every form
of pain, and every form of pleasure, and everything in between. 
	I even know what it's like not to feel, or not to know, and
 oh god! it's all too much for me, so I ram my head into the wall 
repeatedly, hoping to cause some brain damage so that I won't know 
everything anymore, and I know that's useless too, because as Skuld is
thinking even now, and as she's gloating to me now:
	"Oh, that won't work Matt. We fixed it so that your brain fixes
itself. No permanent brain damage, so you won't lose any of your knowledge.
You won't forget anything either, for the same reason."

	But I already knew that.




<That's a not bad end right there, but if you want to see a bit more, 
 here's an epilogue, mainly because I've got a prologue and all....>


















Epilogue:

	 The goddesses leave me, as I knew they would. My mind can't
handle all the knowing, and so in three seconds I know I'll shutdown,
basically going autistic. 
	Two seconds now, and I sit crosslegged on the floor, slack-jawed
and my eyes start to glaze.
	One second, what's the point? I know (of course I do. I'm the
biggest damned database in the universe. In any universe for that matter).
	Zer--.