On Mon, 20 Oct 1997, David Homerick wrote:

The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:

        The Senshi stared at Shampoo, eyebrows raised. For her part, Shampoo
didn't care much about current events in Japan, and so wasn't impressed by
the Senshi. "Hmph. Silly sailor girls in too-short skirts no keep Shampoo
from airen.

Shampoo has a dress that shows just as much leg as the sailor skirts, except
that it's (a) very tight and (b) slit up both sides to her hipbones.  I can't
see her making this comment. 

Shampoo tends short-descriptive terms that readily identify the person 
she's refering to [EG: Spatula Girl, Crazy Girl, Pervert Girl, etc..] and 
as a minor point, the manga Shampoo often even *gasp* uses peoples names!

Shampoo throw all four out, and stupid tux-boy too." She hefted
her bonbori.
        Ranma sighed. "Just great."
        Venus scowled. "You asked for it...VENUS LOVE-ME CHAIN!" The glowing
golden chain of hearts snaked out, and wrapped around Shampoo's bonbori.

She *aimed* at the bonbori?  Why?  In the first version, she aimed at Kodachi. 

The action here seems... very forced, as if the author is more concerned 
with showing the sailor senshi are overly powerful than having a 
believable scene.

I think that at this point it would actually be more appropriate for 
Ranma to confront Shampoo (or other iinazuke) and demand that they 
leave.  The senshi muscle-flexing seems overdone, after all, their powers 
are for fighting monsters, not humans.  Do remember that most senshi 
attacks are designed to kill/wound Youma, even angry, I have trouble 
seeing the senshi turning them on (as they would believe) a *mere* human.

The Amazon tugged on her weapons, while Venus tugged on the chain from the
opposite end.
        "SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!" Jupiter threw her thunder disc at Shampoo. 
The Amazon cried out in pain as the high-voltage attack struck her, 

Oh, come now.  Shampoo's not a dolt -- not about fighting, anyway.  I'm sure
she would drop her weapon and at least *try* to dodge.

Given how Ranma characters fight as opposed to Sailor-Moon characters, 
the senshi should only win after a prolonged brawl.  For ranma characters 
to be fighting is to be in motion, attacking defending or maneuvering.  
The senshi fight *MUCH* more set piece engagements, trying to get 
everything into position for their big guns to annhilate.

In straight hand-to-hand combat, most of the Ranma regulars can probably 
take any senshi simply through superior skill.  The senshi start coming 
out on top only when you factor in their *RANGED* mystic attacks.  While 
they would probably win in the end, a close-quarters battle with Shampoo 
should be *extremely* embarrassing for the senshi.

and she was
flung into the hallway through the hole she had made in the wall. 

Three words:  Kiss of Death.

An overrated custom, given how often Shampoo has failed to carry it 
through, but the thought is correct.  A defeated Shampoo would be back 
seeking revenge of some sort.

        Ranma sighed. "This is all my fault. I'm sorry everyone."
        Venus shook her head. "How could it be your fault?"

Why is Ranma claiming the blame here?  

General embarrassment... might be better to have Ranma say how he 
shouldn't have led them here / should have made sure he wasn't being 
followed.

        "They followed *me* here."

Old Scratch is probably used to the chill by now.

        Ami's brow furrowed. "Well, we had assumed when we heard that horrible
crash, that a monster had gotten in here. But it was just Ranm...err, those
people." Ranma winced.
        "Yeah? So?" Makoto said.
        "Think about it," Ami continued. "The Sailor Senshi show up in a hospital
room, and eject a group of unwanted intruders, claiming to be protecting a
friend."
        "I see," Mamoru said. "You're afraid that they're going to start wondering
what's so important about Usako."
        "And what Ranma's connection to us is," Ami added.

Ranma's connection to the Sailor Senshi is that they all want to marry him. 
This is the simple, obvious, and wrong conclusion that every single one of
Ranma's girls will instantly leap to. 

Perhaps... but Nabiki and Cologne will be hearing the story and they 
aren't as narrow minded.  

Kodachi will probably assume that her rivals are trying to enlist the 
senshi against her - leading to her either trying to win over the senshi, 
or to seeking allies of her own.

Kunou will eventually decide that this is a sign from the gods, beyond 
that it's hard to say.  I wouldn't be surprised if he thought this chance 
meeting meant that he was supposed to join the senshi... Kendo Kamen 
perhaps?  ;-)

        The group sat in silence for a moment. Finally, Ranma groaned.
        "Shit," he said. "Knowin' them, they're gonna figure out who Usagi is...oh
great."
        "Let's hope not," Minako said. "Let's hope not."

Knowin' them, they're not gonna figure out jack shit.  

Wrong.  They'll figure out lots.

How much of it is true... that's a more interesting question.  But the 
ranma-cast will be making deductions and reaching conclusions - the 
senshi just better hope that they don't ACT on those conclusions.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The Major"                     |  "Funny Games, Strange Cartoons, Confusing
David Bateson                   |     Computers and too many Books!  No 
                                |     wonder you're weird."
major@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au     |       - My Sister.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|******************  E N D  *  O F  *  M E S S A G E  ***********************|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------