[I KNOW that Lurker is going to respond to the parts that concern him,
so I'll just stick to the parts I wrote...]
Here's the new version, with the OOC parts rewritten, so that the
episode culminates in pretty much the same ending...but no longer has
the questionable behavior which was the single downfall of this
episode.
All: YAY!
[(Flashman, Sakura and Trident join in the cheer.)]
Ranma 1/2 property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan, VIZ Sailormoon
property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha, Toei, PNIS...I mean DIC.
<snicker>
Cerina: Please tell me I didn't see that last part.
Michi: (laughing) Bwahahahahaha! You go Lurker!! Woohoo!
[Flashman: Wonder what Lurker had on his mind when he wrote THAT!
Sakura: PERVERT! SHO-OHKEN! (POW)
Flashman: ERK!]
Episode 5: Ill Met by Moonlight
All: (singing) Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight...
[(Sakura and Trident bop the other reviewers.)]
Screenplay by: Flashman
Edited and expanded by: The Eternal Lost Lurker
The sunlight of a new day poured into the hospital room,
highlighting the young woman in traction and the man who slept in the
chair beside her bed. The five o' clock shadow on the man's face
bore silent testament to how long he had remained by his true love's
side.
Michi: (gag) Romance, yuck!
Cerina: Hey! It's sweet! Haven't you ever stood by the bedside of
someone you loved as they lay suffering?
[(Sakura and Flashman applaud Cerina and Trident, who has only one
hand, nods and smiles.)]
As the light poured over the girl's face, her eyes squeezed
tightly and she groaned.
LilTigre: Get that damn spotlight out of my eyes!
[(Flashman groans)]
While the sound had been too soft for the man to hear, a sixth
sense told him to wake up and look beside him.
Michi: Yes, it's the Mamoru Chiba Psychic Network!
[Sakura: And if you call now, you'll recive one of these handy dandy
projectile roses! You can defend yourself and make up with your
significant other at the same time!]
What he saw looking back was a certain pair of blue eyes that he
thought would never look at him again. "USAKO," he cried for joy as
he knelt down towards her face.
Michi: I don't think she's in the mood for love, if ya know what I
mean.. huh huh huh huh...
Cerina: That's sick, Michi. Still, the "kneeling down to her face" IS
a bit sexually slanted....
[Trident: I don't understand...
Flashman: Good.]
"Mamo-chan..." Usagi managed to croak out before a fit of coughing
shook her frame.
"Usako," Mamoru repeated as tears trickled down his face, "I'm
sorry... if I had gotten to you a little sooner... I just got you
back, I didn't want to lose you again."
Cerina: Wait a second... if that's Mamoru, shouldn't the girl be
Momiji?
LilTigre: Wrong series, dear.
"Mamo-chan," Usagi replied softly as she smiled gently at him,
"just do me one favor."
"Anything."
All: (snicker)
"Stop worrying so much and SHAVE."
Michi: Uhhh.... oh, darn, I figured she'd want something else-
(A dot-matrix printer appears out of nowhere and clunks Michi on the
head)
[All: THANK YOU!]
Mamoru stared at her in disbelief as Usagi started to laugh but
she stopped as the laughter proved to be too painful for her abused
ribs. At her grimace, Mamoru picked up a nearby glass of water and
said, "Here. Drink this."
Cerina: Take, drink, for this is my blood...
[Sakura: You know, that's doubly funny because, from what I
understand from a series synopsis I read, Usagi IS Catholic... I
think.]
"When I was first injured... I was pretty out of it, but I kind of
remember being Princess Serenity for a bit... and something about
giving away my Sailor Moon powers..."
Cerina: I did remember to put a lease on my powers, didn't I?
[Flashman:(Imitating Ranma) YEAH! How long do you plan on me wearin'
this chilly thing anyway?!
Trident: 'Chilly thing'?]
"Yes," Mamoru replied, "until you get better there's a new Sailor
Moon."
"What's she like?"
"Well, from what the others say, he's pretty unique."
LilTigre: You can say that again...
[Trident: Well, from what the others say, he's pretty unique.
(Sakura and Flashman groan.)
Sakura: First time he tells a joke...]
Usagi looked up at him and asked, "Do you think it would be okay
if I met her?"
Mamoru stood and as he headed for the door, he said, "Sure. I'll
go contact the others and see if they can get her."
*****
LilTigre: Hey, look, snowflakes!
Kasumi walked towards the back door and called out to where Ranma
and Genma were having their morning sparring session, "Ranma-kun,
phone for you."
Michi: Lightly broiled, just the way you like it!
Cerina: *grumpht*
[(All nod in agrement with whatever Cerina tried to say.)]
"Who is it?" Ranma called back without taking his attention off
his father.
"I don't know, but they told me to say 'Luna sent me.'"
Michi: Yeah, a cat's calling on the phone for you....
[Flashman: Haven't these people hear of "Film Noir" before?]
As Genma fell into the koi pond, Ranma ran off to where Kasumi had
left the phone off the hook for him. With all the female traffic
that came to the Tendo Dojo, compounded by the fact that Ranma didn't
have a communicator yet, it had been decided that if they needed
Ranma for Sailor business, they would call the Tendo Dojo and say
"Luna sent me." This idea had been suggested by Minako and after
everyone had looked at her funny, they realized that, until such time
as they could get him a communicator, it would work as well as
anything.
Michi: That's Minako for ya...
Cerina: Hey, I thought Ami was the smart one!
[Flashman: Yeah, but this was a silly but workable idea.
Trident: Minakos specialty.]
Ranma hung up the phone and ran for the stairs, colliding with
Akane on the way up. They both fell down the stairs and as they sat
up Akane snapped, "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING YOU IDIOT!"
LilTigre: Ukyo's SO much better for him healthwise...
[Flashman: Not really. All those okinomiyaki are gonna go straight
to his heart valves.]
"Sorry Akane," Ranma said quickly, "I'm in a bit of a rush."
As Ranma got up and bolted up the stairs, Akane blinked. Ranma
APOLOGIZED?!!
All: (facefault)
In the bowels of Hell, Satan roared at the little white ball that
was the source of his frustration. No matter how much heat he used
on it, the snowball refused to melt.
Cerina: Saban? In Hell? Somehow, that's appropriate...
Michi: No, that's SaTan....
Cerina: OK, so there's one letter's difference...
[Flashman: HEY! They're doing a pretty good job with the DBZ dub.
Sakura: Except that damn "other dimension" must be filled to the brim
by now.]
Akane was even more confused as she saw onna-Ranma bolt back down
the stairs, P-chan in her hands. "HEY," Akane yelled, "where are you
GOING?! And you're not picking on P-chan again, are you?!"
Michi: P-chan is MY sex toy, you hear-
(An Apple computer pops into the air and lands on her head)
[All: THANK YOU AGAIN!]
"What is it?" the possessed pig asked.
"Nothing really. I just hear that it's polite to bring flowers
when visiting someone in the hospital."
In the combined mind that Charon and Ryoga shared, Ryoga muttered,
<Since when have YOU been polite, Ranma?>
LilTigre: Yeah!
[Flashman:(Shrug) It's happened.]
Akane caught her breath as she leaned against the building, which
just happened to be Ucchan's Okonomiyaki-ya. Ukyou looked out the
door to regard her rival fiancee. She had been preparing to open the
restaurant but the presence of Akane usually meant that Ranchan was
close by. "Hey Akane," she said in greeting, "what's up?"
Michi: Not much, considering that she's female-
Cerina: No more sex jokes, either.
[All: THANK YOU ONCE MORE!]
"What's Shampoo up to THIS time?" Akane groaned.
"Someone say Shampoo name?"
Cerina: No.... They said conditioner...
[Sakura: You sure? Maybe they said tonic?]
"That's weird," Akane muttered, "he at LEAST shudders when he
hears her laugh."
LilTigre: EVERYONE shudders when Kodachi laughs
[(All nod.)]
Ukyou noticed something out of the corner of her eye and when she
turned, she saw Ranma walking out of a flower shop with a bunch of
lilies and lilacs in her hands. "Hey Ranchan," Ukyou called out,
"where are you going and what are the flowers for?"
Michi: Are they for me??
[Flashman: To quote an earlier review....
Sakura: NOT BLOODEY LIKELY!]
To her surprise, Ranma completely ignored her and ran down the
street, P-chan following her. "Where is he GOING?!" Akane growled in
frustration.
Cerina: I thought you hated him, Akane...
[Trident: I am also confused, what ARE this girls true feelings for
Ranma?
Sakura&Flashman: Too long to go into here.]
Tatewaki Kunou looked up as he walked down the streets of Nerima.
What he saw made his heart beat faster. His red-haired love raced
down the street toward him, a bundle of beautiful flowers in her arms.
"Ah Pigtailed Girl," he cried as he threw open his arms, "it gives
my heart such joy that you have finally decided to bestow your
affections on me. YES, I SHALL DA...."
Michi: Come to Butt-head....
[(Flashman sends Butt-head to glomp onto Michi.)]
The great Blue Thunder dismissed the "hallucination" as the price
of spending so much time perfecting his Kendo skills and decided that
NOW would be a good time for a much deserved rest.
Michi: Rest up at Sunnydale Psychiatric Center..
[Sakura: We could only hope...]
*****
The bus ride to Juuban had been uneventful, except that at a stop
in Nerima, the bus driver could have sworn that he had heard three
loud bangs on the roof. Ranma and Charon got off at the appropriate
stop and, with their three tails at an appropriate distance
Cerina: Tails? I thought pigs only had one tail..
[Flashman: Doesn't ANYONE understand spy terms?
Trident:(Pats Flashman on shoulder) I understood.
Flashman: I was being sarcastic.
Trident: Oh.]
Cerina: Jason David Frank..... *sigh*
LilTigre: You're lusting after a Power Ranger?
Cerina: You should see how he fills out the spandex!
Michi: (piku)
[Flashman:(Singing) We are strong! We are tough! We're Invincible!
Sakura: JINPUKEN!
(WHACK!)
Flashman: OUCH!
Sakura: I'm SICK of that song!]
Kunou thought, "After awakening from my short slumber, I realized
that the Pigtailed Girl must have accidently missed me and is now
searching all of Japan for me. I will not disappoint her."
LilTigre: In your dreams...
[Sakura:(Imitating Ranko) ... and my nightmares.]
*****
Ranma took a deep breath as she prepared to open the door. "Well,
" she thought, "here goes. I'm about to meet what many consider a
living legend. The original Sailor Moon."
All: (starry-eyed) WOW!
[Flashman: Glad I didn't forget my autograph book.
Trident:(With deep respect) I had always hoped to see Serenity-sama
again.
Sakura: Serenity... SAMA?!!?
Flashman: Looooooong story.]
kissed the girl on the bed on the forehead. "That must be the
Mamoru guy they told me about," Ranko noted. "Poor guy. He must feel
really bad about what happened."
Michi: Ranma has feelings? NO!
[Flashman: Hey! This isn't Ryoga we're talking about here!]
Ranko approached the bed and sat down in a chair. Usagi looked up
at her and as their eyes met, for a brief moment, the crescent moon
sigil flared brightly on both of their foreheads. "So you're the one,
" Usagi said, stating the obvious.
All: (again) DUH!
[Flashman: That's why she was "stating the obvious'.]
Usagi smiled as brightly as she could without making her head hurt,
which wasn't as much as she usually could and replied, "Thank you
Ranko-chan. Mamo-chan, could you put them in the vase over there?"
Michi: She's awful lovey-dovey with him... I mean her...
[Sakura: For girls, the ending of "-chan" when used for other girls,
remember, Usagi doesn't know the truth about Ranma yet, is to mean
that they are good friends.]
Usagi looked at the others and said, "Could you all leave me with
Ranko-chan for a little bit?"
Cerina: I want to get to know her a little better....
[Trident: A prudent course of action.]
LilTigre: Are you feeling ok?
Cerina: Michi's not the only one who can use sexually slanted lines,
ya know...
[Trident: .....
Flashman: I DON'T think that's what you thought she meant, right?]
"Compared to mine, anything you can come up with I can probably
top. I'd tell you a few of them, but I don't think someone in your
condition could handle them."
"Really?"
"Yeah...." Ranko squirmed, "could we drop this subject?"
Usagi smiled, "Sure."
Silence filled the room as Usagi tried to think up her next
question. Finally, as she strove to come up with something better,
she said, "You got here pretty quick."
Ranko replied, "Yeah. Who says you can never catch a bus in Tokyo.
"
LilTigre: WHOA! Good one, Ranma!
[Sakura: The Saotome School of Anything Goes, "Compasion Attack"
strikes again!]
Usagi's face suddenly brightened again and she replied, "None
taken."
The hospitalized girl sighed and she said, "To think of all the
times I wanted to have someone else be Sailor Moon.... if I had known
that THIS is what it would take, I never would have wanted to."
Ranko laughed and thought, "Nice kid."
Usagi said, "You're a nice girl Ranko. Do you want to be friends?
"
Usagi was surprised when Ranko grimaced. It took a minute, but
finally Ranko replied, "Okay."
Inwardly, Ranma sighed, "Oh well. I guess it could be worse."
Then, things got worse.
Michi: NEVER say it could be worse, cuz it always does...
[Flashman: Murphy's Law does tends to be attracted to areas where
people use the words "It could be worse."]
Usagi, feeling overwhelmed by all that was happening at once, said
the
only thing she could come up with.
"Hi. Are you friends of Ranko-chan?"
Cerina: She's taking it awfully well....
[F&S:(Mr. Rogers imitation) Can you say... shock?
Trident: Shock.]
+++++++++++
And that's the end of my involvement...
Lurker can take it from here.
The Flashman
May The Spirit Preserve You!