First off, I must open by saying:  "I did _not_ WRITE _THIS_!!!!!"

        This story was sent to me by a friend of mine who is not subscribed
to the FFML.  He asked me to post it, and I am posting it for him.  

        Please, do not send flames (or comments) to me.  Send them to:

                wkotas@utk.edu

        Thank you.  

        James "Phoenix" Jones

Return-Path: <wkotas@utk.edu.cas.utk.edu>
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 1997 23:42:44 -0400 (EDT)
X-Sender: kotas@popserver.utk.edu (Unverified)
To: jace@utkux.utcc.utk.edu
From: "William A. Kotas" <wkotas@utk.edu>
Subject: Spirit of Tenchi

Hey J.C., thought you would get a kick out of this...send it on to those
anime-lovin' friends of yours.

William "In this house we obey the laws of Thermodynamics!" Kotas

The Spirit of Tenchi
By William Kotas (wkotas@utk.edu)

Disclaimer:  This fanfic is based on Tenchi Muyo and South Park, neither of
which has given me permission to use any of the stuff to come later.  Don't
mistake this for an official document.  If you do, I've some swampland in
Florida to sell to you.

Description:  This story is based heavily on the short film "Spirit of
Christmas,"  and my roommate Adam, who thinks playing docter with Washu
would rock. Therefore, there is quite a bit of harsh language and crude
comments.  Anyone who is offended by this, you have been warned.
Personally, I think it's pretty funny.  This is what you get when you cross
2 liters of Coke, a copy of the Tenchi TV series, and a trial run of Real
Time Video with Ethernet.

SD = Super Deformed Character

Cast: (equivelents to Spirit of Christmas)
Tenchi(SD)  ----  Kyle	Ayeka ---- Jesus
Kiyonai(SD) ---- Stan	Ryoko ---- Santa Claus
Washu(SD) ---- Cartman	Ryo-ohki(SD) ---- The Squirrel, rats
Mihoshi(SD) ---- Kenny	Pretty Sammy(Sasami) ---- Brian Boitano

Opening:  [Pan in on the Masaki house, Ryo-ohki is nibbling on a carrot.  It
is winter.  The shot settles on Tenchi, Kiyonai, Washu and Mihoshi, all of
whom are dressed in winter clothing (Mihoshi's head is covered by a hood),
singing the Ranma opening from the 1st TV series.]

All: Ya papa, Ya papa....etc...
Kiyonai: Hey, wait a minute.
Others: What?
Kiyonai (Facing Tenchi): This isn't Ranma 1/2!  We're supposed to sing our
own theme!
Tenchi (starts singing the Tenchi TV theme):
Kiyonai (interrupts Tenchi):  You can't sing, Tenchi.
Washu:  Yeah, Juraians never could sing.
Tenchi (angrily faces Washu):  Don't you repress me, bitch!
Washu (Smiling as two puppets pop up): 
Puppet A: Don't call her a bitch, buttfucker!
Puppet B:  Yeah, you fucking bastard!
Tenchi: Then don't belittle my singing you spiky-haired slut!
Puppets (in unison, as Washu grins):  Goddamn it, don't call her a slut you
buttfucking genetic reject!

Scene II: {Pan back slightly, voice comes out of nowhere]

Ayeka:  Behold, Princess Ayeka of Planet Jurai!

[All turn to face Ayeka, clad in her long flowing robes, as she descends

>from the sky, closeup on Washu and Mihoshi as Mihoshi pulls the strings on

her hood more tightly]

Mihoshi: (Incoherent muffle)!

[Closeup on Kiyonai and Tenchi]

Kiyonai: Holy Shit!  It's Ayeka, Princess of Jurai!

[Closeup on Mihoshi and Washu]

Washu: What are you doing on Earth, Ayeka?

[Switch to Ayeka]

Ayeka: I come seeking...RETRIBUTION!

[Tenchi and Kiyonai]

Kiyonai: She's come to kill you because you can't sing, Tenchi!
Tenchi: Oh Fuck!  I'm sorry Ayeka!  Please don't kill me!

[Ayeka]

Ayeka (light laughter): Don't be afraid Tenchi, I find you...(eyes glint)
intriguing.

[Tenchi and Kiyonai]

Tenchi: Whew!...I think...

[Ayeka]

Ayeka: I am looking for a place known as...the Masaki Shrine.

[All in shot, backs of Tenchi and company to the camera]

Tenchi: We can take you to the shrine, Ayeka.

[All walk off except Washu and Kiyonai, upon exiting the screen, Mihoshi
steps on Washu's foot.]

Washu: OUCH!  You stepped on my foot you Orion Pleasure Slave!
Puppet A: Yeah, you fucking whore!
Kiyonai:  Washu, don't let your puppets say whore in front of Ayeka!

[Kiyonai exits]

Washu:  Ah, fuck you.

Scene III: [Group enters the Masaki Shrine, all lined up the way they were
before]

Tenchi:  Well, here we are...the Masaki Shrine.  Who are you looking for Ayeka?
Ayeka (Angrily, points into distance): HER!

[Pan to Ryoko sitting on the steps of the shrine, in her usual outfit, a
smirk on her lips]

Ryoko: Oh Ho! We meet again Ayeka!
Ayeka: You have spoiled my happiness for the last time, Ryoko!
Ryoko (vanishes, only to reappear behind Tenchi, grinning): Tenchi is going
to be just fine with me, Ayeka.

[Sweatdrop on Tenchi, Ayeka fuming with rage]

Ayeka:  You get away from him, you rogue!
Ryoko (pressing up against Tenchi, grinning):  Just because he chose me over
you is no reason to get mad...
Ayeka: Oh, you are such a lying bitch!  This is just like when we were kids....

[Flashback fadeout]

Scene IV: [Scene changes to SD Ayeka sitting in a field of flowers, frolicing.]

Ayeka:  La lala lala lala...(laughs)
Ryoko: Hi there.  

[SD Ryoko appears near Ayeka, Ayeka stops laughing, looks pensive]

Ayeka: Who are you? 
Ryoko: I'm Ryoko, and I've got something for you.
Ayeka: Really?  (smiles)  What is it?
Ryoko: It's a surprise...close your eyes.
Ayeka (closes eyes: Okay...now what is it?

[Ryoko puts a dead mouse in Ayeka's hands]

Ryoko: There you go!  (laughing)
Ayeka (opens eyes):  AAAAAAHHHHHH! (Drops mouse, starts bawling)
Ryoko: (flies off, laughing)  See ya around, stupidhead!
Ayeka (tears streaming down face, watching Ryoko fly off)  You're mean....

[Flashback fadein]

Ryoko: I'm a lying bitch?  What the hell was that?!  This is what really
happened...

[Flashback Fadeout]

[Scene is now SD Ryoko frolicing in field, laughing]

Ryoko: La lala lala lala...(laughs)
Ayeka: Hey!  What are you doing here?

[Ryoko turns to see an evil-looking Ayeka smiling, Ryoko looks pensive]

Ryoko: Who are you?
Ayeka: I'm Princess Ayeka of Planet Jurai, and this entire field is part of
the royal park.
Ryoko: Oh....
Ayeka:  That means you can't stay here.  Get out, peasent! (shoves Ryoko away)
Ryoko (bursts into tears): You're mean...

[Flashback fadein]

Ayeka: I can't believe you Ryoko!  You've interfered with me and my life
long enough!
Ryoko (flies in front of Tenchi and the gang, facing Ayeka): This ends now.
There can be only one!

[Eye sparks between Ayeka and Ryoko.  Switch to Tenchi and Kiyonai]

Kiyonai:  Tenchi, this is pretty fucked up.
Tenchi: What the hell are you talking about Kiyonai?  This happens all the

time!

[Switch to Ayeka, who summons her little wooden blocks o' doom]

Ayeka:  Take this! (Zaps Ryoko with the blocks)

[Ryoko avoids the zap, but it destroys a little pagoda, which falls over and
crushes the SD cast of Gall Force into pulp]

Ryoko: Oh yeah?  Back at ya!  (summons one of her energy orbs)

[Ryoko throws the orb at Ayeka, who deftly dodges.]

Mihoshi: (muffled cries of "Oh No!", then dying sounds)

[The orb hits Mihoshi, killing her, and sending her head flying into a
statue of Minmei, knocking it down, and crushing the SD cast of Ranma 1/2
into pulp.  Tenchi turns to look at Mihoshi's headless body]

Tenchi: Oh my God!  They killed Mihoshi!
Kiyonai (dancing for joy): Yippee!  And they knocked down that damn statue!
Tenchi: Shut up, Kiyonai!

[Behind Tenchi and company, facing Ayeka and Ryoko, who are now wrestling on
the ground]

Tenchi: You Bastards!

[Zoom in on Ayeka and Ryoko, locked in a wrestle hold]

Ayeka: Come on, all!  Help me get rid of her once and for all!
Ryoko: No, help me get rid of her!

[Cut to Kiyonai and Tenchi, who glace at each other]

Ayeka: Tsunami is watching you all, I know you'll make the right choice.
Ryoko: Tenchi, remember that time down by the lake, when we played "doctor?"

[Cut to Washu, begin flipping between Washu and Tenchi]

Washu: I think we should help Ryoko.
Tenchi: You just want to help her 'cause you made her, you slut!
Washu: Hey, I don't have to take this kind of shit from a lower lifeform!
Puppet A: Yay Washu!
Puppet B: Stick it to him, Washu!
Tenchi: GODDAMN it Washu!  You are such a fucking slut, when you walk down
the street, people say Goddamn that bitch is a fucking slut!

[Degenerate into yelling and screaming obscenities by all, then Kiyonai
intervenes]

Kiyonai: Wait, wait!  Now we've got to think here!  What would Magical Girl
Pretty Sammy do?
Washu: Yeah, what would Magical Girl Pretty Sammy do?
Pretty Sammy: Did someone call my name?

[Tenchi and company turn to see Pretty Sammy skate up, cut to Tenchi and
Kiyonai, then flip to Pretty Sammy and back.]

Tenchi: What incredible Irony, it's Magical Girl Pretty Sammy!
Washu: Yeah, it's Magical Girl Pretty Sammy.
Pretty Sammy: What seems to be the Trouble?
Kiyonai: Pretty Sammy, who would you help in a fight, Ayeka or Ryoko?
Pretty Sammy: You should think of fighting.  Fighting is wrong.  (BIG smile)
I'll help them!

[Pretty Sammy pulls out her magic staff, spinning it around.  Ayeka and
Ryoko are scratching and fighting, yelling obscenities at one another]

Pretty Sammy: Be friends, you two!

[Pretty Sammy blasts Ayeka and Ryoko with her magic wand(bow), then skates off]

Pretty Sammy: Byyiiiiiieeee!

[Close up on Ryoko and Ayeka, who have paused in their wrestling hold, eyes
shining]

Ayeka: Oh, I'm so sorry!  I can't believe I've been so mean!
Ryoko: No, no!  I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused!  Please forgive me! 

[They stand up, Ryoko picks up Ayeka, and they wander off.  Cut to Kiyonai
and Tenchi.]

Kiyonai: Wow.  That sucked.  
Tenchi: Yeah, but think we saw...we actually _spoke_ ...to _the_....Magical
Girl Pretty Sammy.
Kiyonai: Yeah, but I think I've learned something important today about you
Tenchi...
Washu (interrupts): Yeah, he can't sing worth a damn.
Kiyonai (Screaming): NO, You FUCKING BITCH!  We already knew that! What I
mean, is that Tenchi likes to play doctor.

[All transform back from SD to normal, Tenchi with a large Sweat drop on his
forehead]

Washu: Yeah...(devilish grin) Doctor!
Kiyonai: Hey!  We can go play doctor right now!
Washu (transforming from Washu-chan to Washu): Hey, let's see what those
Lighthawk wings can really do!.

[Washu flings Tenchi over her shoulder, and they all walk off, singing the
Tenchi theme.  Ryo-ohki appears and nibbles on Mihoshi's dead SD body]

Fin