<Lurker yawns and stumbles into the theater. More stubble than usual covers
his chin. Hikaru and Skuld walk in, both obviously barely awake.>

Lurker: 'Mornin. We figured we'd get this one taken care of first thing
since it's short. That way I can have my coffee and these two can make
themselves beautiful before we move on to the next review. 

<Skuld and Hikaru scowl at Lurker, who isn't awake enough to notice>

Ranma vs. MTV - by Chris Jones

	"Ms. Rumiko..." He looked at the sheet. 'Takahashi Rumiko'.
"May I call you Takahashi?"
	The short japanese woman before him scowled. Snobby Japanese,
he thought.

Lurker: Whoever 'he' is, 'he' is obviously stupid...

Hikaru: Hell yeah...<realizes how surly she sounds, and blushes>

Skuld: <sweetly> Rough night, red?

Lurker: <glares at them blearily> Knock it off. We're supposed to keep this
crap off-camera.

Skuld: Yes, *sir*. <gives Lurker the one-finger salute>

	"Yes," she replied in heavily accented English. "You may call
me Takahashi... sama."

Lurker: Full of herself, ain't she?

Hikaru: <snicker>

	"Okay, Takahashi-sama." He still managed to make it sound
diminutive. "I need to talk to you about 'Ranma'. Frankly, the show
just isn't performing on MTV as well as either Viacom or MTV
Networks thought it would." He shuffled the papers meaninglessly
around his desk.

Lurker: At this point, you have to wonder why they'd call Takahashi-san in
about the anime. The anime isn't really even her department.

Hikaru: Oh, shut up. It's just a silly 'fic anyway. No need to be anal.

	"Do you think it could possibly be the cuts you've made to
the program?" she asked, crossing her legs. The executive swore
that he could see a long canine fang as she grimaced at him.

Lurker: AaAHHHHHH!!!! She's been sleeping with Ryouga! She's mutating into
a Hibiki! 

Skuld: <whacks Lurker with her mallet> Shaddap.

	"Heavens, no! Did you see it before? All sorts of gratuitous
nudity and jokes that us Americans are just too mature for." He
shook his head. "The concept just doesn't work here in the
'States'."

Lurker: This from the kind of idiots that inflicted Beavis and Buttmunch on
the world...

	"Well, since our contract with Kodansha doesn't expire until
2002, we really do need to revitalize the show. We've come up with
several ideas that we want you to take a look at as creative
producer."

Hikaru: <blink> I thought Ranma 1/2 was a Shogakukan publication.

Lurker: It is.

	"You want to... change my show?" She asked incredulously.
	"Yeah, we'll make it great! Just watch," He pulled a remote
out of his desk, and the video monitors across the room sprang to
life. Characters on the screen appeared that she could only vaguely
recognize as squiggly caractures of her characters.
	"Whaaaa!" The small red head child screamed. "My diaper's wet
in two places!"
	"We call this one 'Ranma-Babies', Takahashi-sama. What do you
think?"

Lurker, Hikaru, Skuld: O_O

	"You don't like it? Try this one. We call it 'My So-called
Curse'.
	On the screen, a red hairded girl in American school clothes
spoke with another girl wearing jeans with the knees worn out and a
large egg turner strapped to her back.
	"Gee, Ran-Honey. I don't know what to tell you about Ryouga."
	The redhead sighed and mooned longingly at the camera. "If
only he would notice me, Uk-Honey. We could finally get together
and laugh at the foreign students like all the other couples."

Lurker, Hikaru, Skuld: -_-*

	Takahashi-sama's knuckles begin to whiten against the arm-
rests	of her chair.

Lurker: I don't doubt it.

	"Or... we have this one. It seems to be the one kind of show
we CAN sell to the sponsors. We call it 'Neon Genesis Ranma 1/2'.

Lurker: <growls> *I* have the copyrights to that, thank you very much...

Hikaru: Calm down, Lurker-kun...

	"Something else you might consider... Since the success of
their movie, we've thought of bringing these two back."
	"NO! NO BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD AND RANMA!" She shuddered and
tried to keep her stomach under control.

Lurker: <hands Takahashi-sama a digestive and a katana>

	Jeez! Doesn't like quality programming, he thought. "Oh,
well. There's one more option we have." He clicked the remote,
showing a beautiful green haired girl in a tiger striped bikini.

Lurker: <pale> Uh-oh...

"She's appeared in a few of our videos here at MTV. Name's 'Rum' I
think. We don't know where we got her, but she sure does seem to be
popular with the fans, if you know what I mean. I think it would
really boost the ratings if we were to add her to the cast. What do
you think?"
	"I think.... I think I have had quite enough... RUMIKO KICK!"

Lurker, Hikaru, Skuld: <cheer>

	*Ah, damn! The silly @#$@# *kicked* me!* When the executive
managed to make it to his feet, he saw not only Takahashi-sama
infront of him, but the green haired girl too, as well as several
others. A pigtailed redhead cracking her knuckles menacingly,
another girl holding a giant cartoon mallet, a girl holding a kick-
ass spatula, a purple haired girl with what looked like beachballs
on the end of short handles, a medium length haired girl in a
volley ball outfit, a girl with icy hair and a long white robe, a
short haired girl who seemed to be wearing a metal bikini, and
several others, each looking menacing in some way.

Lurker, Hikaru, Skuld:
KILLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

	The intercom disintegrated in a hail of lightning, spatulas,
mallet, ice, and gunfire.
	"W-what are you going to do to me?" he asked nervously,
cowering behind his desk.

Lurker: Things you do not want to ask a pissed-off Takahashi Rumiko...

	"I take it you've never appeared in a fanfic or doujinshi
before, Executive-san."
	He shook his head in terror.
	"This is what you get for changing the artist's vision."
	The executive learned at length what it meant to cross short
Japanese women.

Lurker: <cackle>

	After they finished, Ranma held up his(her) fist. "Now lets
go kill Beavis and Butthead."

Lurker: YES! KILL! KILL!

Hikaru: Huh huh huh, uh, killing's cool, huh huh huh

Skuld: <whacks Hikaru> Shut up, Beavette.

Lurker: <flatly> This isn't *that* fanfic, you guys...

	The group cheered, and as a trained fighting unit, they
destroyed the Viacom building, and much of New York City.

Lurker: Paint the town blood red, why dontcha.

	Then they went to Canda and did the same to VIZ and DIC, just
for good measure.

Lurker: Nani kore...!?

Hikaru: Uh-oh. We'd better get out of here before...

<Suddenly, the Eternal Lost Lurker expands into a 50-story tall Demon Head,
aimed at Chris Jones>

Demon Head Lurker: ArE yOu SaYiNg ViZ iS sCrEwInG uP rAnMa ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ?
ExPlAiN yOuRsElF aT oNcE !!!!!!!!!!!!

Skuld, Hikaru, Chris Jones: <roadkill>

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Kunou makes a challenge to Rei, while more than 
one person is snooping around for information on the 
enigmatic albino. 
Jikai ni: ReGenesis: Half Impact, 3:3. 
Saabisu, saabisu!

---
Reunions and tearful farewells in Tokyo, and the
start of a dangerous trek to find the Escudo, as
the young defenders of Cephiro prepare for the
dangerous battle to come.
Jikai ni: Onna: Red Side, Chapter 20.
Don't miss it!

---
Also coming soon:
BlueSeed: Rainbow of Souls chapter 2
JenSutoun III: Into Elanthia

---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net

DIC's next project: Sailor Moo. "Cud Regurgitation!"
Adaptation my ass...

Crack kills. Remember that next time you eat chili.

Ich bin ein Leberkase.
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