On Sun, 12 Oct 1997 10:39:22 -0400, Emily Siazon
<emily9@bellatlantic.net> wrote:

    When Akane finally managed to open the door, she was almost
knocked off her feet by an enthusiastic Shinnosuke.

    o/~ Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you... o/~

He managed to remember that, I see....

    o/~ Happy birthday to you! o/~ he sang, ending the song with a
flourish that reminded Akane and Kasumi of lounge singers they'd seen
on tv. His eyes even sparkled, although the reason was thoughts of her
reaction to his present.

That last clause is a little clumsy I think.

    It was only 7:30, and the party was already going strong. Akane
had to admit that she was having fun despite her earlier reservations.

Yeah, her appointment had been for 6:00. *grin*

    "They're so in love it makes me sick," Nabiki continued, not
seeming to have heard Akane's remark. Her eyes, however, betrayed her
real feelings. It was obvious that she had feelings for Dr. Tofu.

    "You love him, don't you?" Akane wasn't really asking.

Sheesh, everyone loves Tofu.

    Nabiki thought about denying it, but a quick glance at Akane's
face informed her that the blue haired girl already knew the truth.

Blue-haired? Bleah. All Japanese have black hair, I tell you! Black!!
<Gary goes off in a corner to rant.>

"Yeah. As long as I can remember," she sighed. "It hurts, you know?
It's so obvious that they're in love, but I can't seem to let him go."

This bit is kind of hard for me tro believe. More explanation is needed
of how Nabsy, the girl with a heart of cold cash, could be in love with
Tofu. I also think she admitted it way too easily.

    "Honestly? Yeah, sometimes. But I'm not mad. I mean, how else
could we have become friends?"

    "I can think of other alternatives," he answered with a rueful
smile.

Ryoga seems a bit too confident here, unless his crush on Akane is not
as strong as in the original.

    The last time either had seen Shinnosuke, he was asking Ryoga for
directions to the bathroom, so they weren't expecting him to show up
any time soon.

That's a frightening combination: "Where was I going" and "How do I get
there?"

    Akane stood by the pond, staring at it's calm surface. She was

its

    She let out a gasp of surprise while she took out the contents of
the cheery red and yellow box. "My necklace! H-how did you find it?"

Aw, that's nice.

AUTHORS NOTES: Can anyone guess what Shinnosuke's other present is?

The same necklace? Maybe it's one of those kinds that's sold in stores
everywhere for $19.98.

  Hope you liked the waffy parts of this chapter because I'm going to

I did.

put the characters through emotional hell in the next part.

Cool! heh heh

  Why? I'm doing that because it's very important to the plot. Its
not like I _enjoy_ making them suffer <innocent look>

Hey, *I* do, I admit that freely.



Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics