Sarah: we realize that this is a bit old and stuff but here we go
anyways.

Eric: A week isnt that old now is it?

Sarah: I suppose we've reviewed fics older.

Eric: All right lets bounce on in.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scott Jamison <majks@cyberx.com>
To: Fanfic ML <fanfic@fanfic.com>
Cc: Robert Morrison <EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net>
Date: Friday, October 03, 1997 10:37 PM
Subject: [FFML] (Fanfic) (Ranma) (otakufic) Wedded Bliss

Sarah: *boing* Wedded Bliss sounds like the name of one of those
lemons you've read.

Eric: oh yeah.... *boink*

Warning!  Otakufic ahead!

Sarah: whats otakufic mean?

Eric: it means a self insertion fic.

Sarah: we've never reviewed one of these before.

WEDDED BLISS
     by Scott K Jamison
   (Takahashi disclaimer)

Scott's head exploded with pain.

Sarah: wow what an abrubt end to the story!

When he was able to focus on anything other than that, Scott

Eric: on what the flying shards of bone and blood?

noticed he was lying down.  Something cool, hard and smooth.

Felt
 like a

Sarah: after having you're head exploded you wouldnt expect to be
standing up now would you?

wood floor.  Someone was talking.
"--too hard, Ryouga."

Eric: *closes his eyes* ewww i dont like the turn this fic could
take here.

Sarah: there was nothing in this about it being a lemon.

"Naw, see?  He's waking up already."

Eric: *sniffs for ether*

Sarah: you do realize you are a COMPLETE pervert.

Or at least, that's what the things they were saying *meant*.

Sarah: oh well we're just chalk up that whole little lemon scene
to bad nerves.

They were actually talking in Japanese.  Scott forced his eyes

open.

Eric: putting eyedrops in them and made himself watch violent
movies while feeling sick.

There were two young men squatting near him.  Both looked

Sarah: ewwwww...

uncannily familiar, though Scott was pretty sure he'd never met

either of

them before.

Eric: we all know and love them, maybe the blow to his head hurt
more than we thought.

The closer one waved a hand above Scott's face.  "You okay,
buddy?  How many fingers am I holding up?"  He was a handsome

fellow with

his hair in a pigtail.

Sarah: can i yank on it?

"Two..."  Suddenly, Scott connected the dots.  "Ranma?!"

Eric: at which point did Scott pick up a pencil?

Sarah: and where did the activity book come from?

Eric: is the connect the dot sequence hard or was it one of the
easy ones?

Sarah: you found a hard connect the drop?

Eric: ...

"Guess you're right, Ryouga.  No brain damage here."

Sarah: debatable.

Scott looked over at the other boy.  Yes, he did look amazingly
like the Ryouga Hibiki from the manga, though not wearing his

trademark

bandana.  Perhaps because his crewcut really didn't need

restraining.

Sarah: yuck, Ryouga has that cute attractive scruffy look.

Eric: You like scroundrels dont you?

Sarah: I prefer nice men.

Come to think of it, both "Ranma" and "Ryouga" looked a bit

older than

16.

Sarah: humm... why is that?

Eric: he's been hit on the head way to hard.

"Um..." Scott started.  "I'm not so sure about that...  How did

I

get here?"  "Here" appeared to be the Tendou dojo training hall.
Complete with "iroha" banner.

Sarah: the what?

"Oh, the groom is faking amnesia, hmm?" smiled Ranma.  "Can't

let

you get cold feet now."

Sarah: and especially none of those cold hands... brr nothing
like being touched by a fish...

Eric: *looks questioningly at her*

Groom?  Scott was pretty sure he hadn't even been engaged.

Hell,

he'd never been on a real date.  "Is this some arranged marriage

thing?"

Sarah: yes you must carry on the name of the Tendo School.

"Oh, he's good, Ranma," chortled the other boy.  "Better start

>from the beginning."

"Okay, you're Scott K. Jamison."

Eric: okay we have the name straight... now about the past 26
years of my life.

Sarah: you're so called life.

Eric: mmmmm Claire Danes

Scott nodded.
"And one day about a year ago you fell out of the sky into the
Tendou's koi pond.  Something about a trandimensional rift

whatzis.

Sarah: thats where EVERYONE lands, its a transdimensional magnet.

Eric: have you ever noticed that no one actually lands anywhere
else, just the koi pond.

You

raved for a while about how we were all supposed to be anime

characters

or something, but once you settled down, you started showing

some

intelligence."  Ranma sat back.  Scott dragged himself to a

semi-upright

position.

Sarah: hehe well still thats debatable.

"You started giving me some good advice, and helping out around
the place, and before I knew it, you and Kasumi were on like
gangbusters!"

Eric: well what about poor mr tofu?

"Me and K-K-Kasumi?!"  Scott's brain threatened to melt down.
Ryouga gave his trademark fanged grin.  "Well, who did you
*think*?  Kodachi?"

Sarah: oh c'mon maybe he could've worked things out with Kodachi.

Eric: you know it might be a real intereting relationship

Sarah: and we've seen his how'd she do as your wife webpage and i
must admit his interpretation of her is most interesting.

Scott shuddered.  "I guess not.  But you called me `groom'..."
"Well, sure.  After all, the wedding is today."

Eric: oi the wedding...

Sarah: I remember that revengefic thing he has a softie for
Kasumi.

Scott's mind did melt down temporarily.  It slowly began to
congeal again.  "But what about Dr. Toufuu?"

Eric: my thoughts exactly.

"What about him?  He sent his congratulations from Antarctica,
said he was sorry the expedition couldn't spare him to come back

for the

wedding.  Not that you should be disappointed.  The guy went

bonkers

around Kasumi."  Ranma winced in remembered pain.

Eric: oh yes but why is he in antartica

Sarah: i hate mysteries

Dim: I find them depressing.

"Oh.  Right.  Wait a minute, how am I supposed to support

Kasumi,

I mean my salary--"
"Geez, willya stop worrying about that?  They pay English
teachers good money here in Japan, and you got a lock on the job

Eric: they do?  I'm outta here... Dim grab the clothes, Sarah get
my suitcases!

Dim: dont you think it'll be depressing over there?

Sarah: I am not leaving!

Eric: why not?

Dim: cuz its depressing.

Eric and Sarah: SHUT UP!

since

Hinako-sensei got promoted to vice-principal.  Man, am I glad I

Dim: Now THATS depressing.

graduated."
Ryouga looked at his wristwatch.  "Uh, guys?  We'd better get
cleaned up now if we want to be ready in time for the ceremony."

Sarah: thats right clean off the sweat so you dont look to bad
for your bride to be.

The headache had mostly faded, so Scott was able to stand and
follow the others (Ranma in the lead) across the yard, into the

house and

to the bathroom.

Eric: the bathroom is often safe.

Scott was a little, okay a lot, nervous about sharing a bath,

but

since the others seemed unconcerned, he played along.

Sarah: humm *whips out notebook* appears threatened about his
sexuality.

Eric: oh please you're a woman its easier for you, for men its
taboo.  havent you ever read the rules on urinals?

Ranma lathered up and poured a bucket of hot water over

himself.

Scott felt slightly disappointed.
"Hey, no free show for you today!  You're gonna see all you

want

of Kasumi tonight anyway."  Everyone chuckled, Scott a little

guiltily.

Sarah: thats right perv boy.  Sheez...

Eric: well c'mon... its a free show.

"Ever since Akane found out about P-chan, all the fun went out

of

my curse," sighed Ryouga.  "I mean, it's nice that Akari accepts

me for

who I am--"

Sarah: why dont you just go back to jusenkyo.

Eric: how he gets lost all the time.

Sarah: there must be a way.

"Hey, since we're not getting cured anytime soon, we might as
well be grateful for fiancees who can stand our curses."

Sarah: oh yes or put up with your amazing egos.

"Weren't you going to get married first?" Scott asked Ranma.
"Still with the amnesia?  We still aren't through with the
counseling sessions you signed us up for.  Man, do we have

issues!

Sarah: heh. well at least they're still working through it.

But

soon, yeah."
The hot soak relaxed Scott, and his nervousness went to merely
twitchy.

Eric: *twitch*

Sarah: feeling twitchy today are we?

The trio then headed to an upstairs room, where a set of
suitcases was already packed.  There seemed to be an awful lot

of

Eric: cool we can borrow those for my trip to become a english
teacher in japan.

Sarah: shouldnt you learn the language first?

Eric: yeah right, we'll learn as we go.  you know by teaching
them english we'll learn by osmosis some japanese.

them,

but Scott was distracted by Ranma attempting to get him into a

tuxedo.

After a fair bit of struggle, all three men were dressed in
formal wear.  Scott adjusted his tie in the mirror.  "Hmm,

should have

gotten a haircut."  He brushed back his bangs.

Eric: yes haircuts... really they make people look better.

Sarah: thats right just ask amber.

Eric: Quiet you!

"Nah, you know Kasumi likes your hair that way."

Eric: really, she's so clean shaven.

"Really?"  It was longer than Scott had worn it for years,

almost

ready to be tied back.
An older man burst into the room, tears streaming from his

eyes.

"SON!"  He embraced Scott tightly, still weeping.  "Take care of

my baby

girl!"
"Uh, sure thing, Mr. Tendou."  Souun looked a lot more wrinkled
in person.  The events of the last couple of years must really

have taken

a toll on him.  Scott pried his soon-to-be father-in-law off.

Boy, I

really must have forgotten a lot, he thought.

Eric: you'd think his hair would've turned completely white.

Scott readjusted his outfit, and Souun ran off to do his own
preparing.
"Places, everyone!  The guests are arriving!" came a female

voice

Ranma reacted to.  Probably Nodoka, Scott decided.

Sarah: could've been Akane's maybe Ranma learned some manners.

Ranma and Ryouga took Scott to the family room, where they

waited

nervously for their cue.  Soon, music started, and one by one

they

walked out into the garden.
Scott began to sweat.  What was he doing?  He didn't remember

Sarah: great, just dont lift your arms.

Eric: yes we all saw Drew Carey the other night.

even meeting Kasumi, and he was about to marry her?

Sarah: dont let a little thing like getting to know a person
bother you.  Dont forget Ranma and Akane and look at how
wonderfully they turend out

Ranma tugged at his sleeve.  "C'mon, loverboy..."
The gathering was decent-sized, and Scott recognized quite a
number of the Ranma cast.  Most of them smiled as if they knew

and liked

him.  There weren't any of his family there, which was a

disappointment.

Eric: humm .

Something to rectify in the future.  Scott stopped in front of

the

Eric: shouldnt you put a paragraph here?

minister.
The music swelled as Souun, face now strangely tearless, walked

arm

in arm with a vision in white down the path.  It was Kasumi,

more

Sarah: well at least we are now sure he is not sightless.

beautiful than Scott had even imagined her.  He felt the sad

familiar

ache in his chest, the emptiness that told him no woman would

ever love

him.

Sarah: you are aware of that feeling arent you awake?  you know
the one taht you started feeling recently after your troubles
with Amber and yeonju?

Eric: grrrrrrrr QUIET YOU!

Dim: *goes and rains on Eric*

Then she smiled at him, and Scott realized the emptiness was a
keyhole, and Kasumi the key that unlocked his heart from

despair.

Sarah: i hope that we dont have one of those scenes from men in
tights.

His

misgivings vanished.  Just met or not, Kasumi was a woman he

could, no

*would* love.

Eric: thats right if you dont love her now, you could always GROW
to love her.

Scott barely noticed the rest of the ceremony, drowning in
Kasumi's loving gaze.  Still, he managed to say "I do" in all

the proper

spots, didn't fumble the ring, and was ready when he was told to

kiss the

bride.  His first real kiss, and it was all the sweeter for

being so long

delayed.

Eric: mmmmmm Ukyou...

Sarah: *powerblasts Eric* Snap out of Loserboy!

The reception was both joy and torture, as he tried to enjoy

the

Eric: no no the torture comes later.

Sarah: Gutterboy.... *glows menancingly*

occasion, yet found himself bored by the endless speeches.  At

least he

seemed to be popular with his students.  He listened with

growing horror

as Ranma described an epic battle with Chinese hopping vampires

Eric: or the evil fight with the 142 Mexican Whooping Llamas?

summoned

by Cologne's rival Maybe, in which Scott had apparently risked

life, limb

and soul to save Ranma.

Sarah: *sniff*

I really have to find out what all I did this last year, he
thought.
He felt a tapping on his shoulder.  Scott turned around to
see...oh yes, Nabiki standing there.  She held up an envelope.
"Okay, the limo is waiting to take you to the station.  Here's
your tickets, your reservations and just a little extra money in

case.

Eric: Nabiki being generous?!?

Sarah: she probably took a cut of it already.

You take good care of Kasumi, now.  It's going to be rough

enough trying

to keep the house clean for a week without her."
"Uh...thanks, Nabiki.  I promise."
The middle Tendou sister smiled, surprisingly

non-threateningly.

"I know."  She hugged Scott.

Sarah: non threatening... wow it IS a special occasion *hugs
Eric*

Eric: Stop it you uncute sexless tomboy!

Sarah: *splashes Eric with cold water* damn still doesnt work!

After a quick change to slightly less formal clothing, Scott

and

Kasumi were bundled into a limo by Daisuke and Hiroshi, who

Eric: mmm bundled...

Sarah: uh huh i dont think he meant it sexually.

apparently

had gone into business together.  The couple mostly exchanged

hugs and

giggles on the short trip to the railway station.
They were just in time for their train, and left D&H struggling

to get the luggage (an *awful* lot of it, Scott thought) into

the baggage

car while Scott and Kasumi found their seats.

Sarah: theres something with that luggage.

Kasumi waved out the window, and Scott realized Ranma and Akane

Eric: do you realize that Kasumi has yet to speak?

Sarah: humm this story is a male created fantasy.

Eric: how so?

Sarah: kasumi represents the ultimate male fantasy.  Quiet,
demure, attractive seemingly without a mind of her own.  The
perfect male fantasy!

Eric: oh my now wonder you glow green

Sarah: *attempts to powerblast Eric*

Eric: *dives near the cage and unleashes his Ferrets Whiskey and
Tequilla who immediately swarm at Sarah and bite her feet.*

Sarah: Curse You Eric!  I'll get you for this! *pulled under the
bed by the rampaging ferrets*

had somehow managed to arrive at the station at the same time.

He waved

as the train pulled out of the station.

Eric: this sounds like a dream.

Sarah: mmmffmmmmph. *ferrets bite at her shoes, Whiskey drags off
her socks into the corner, Tequilla makes off with her shoes*

Scott stared at the passing scenery for a while, never having
been to Tokyo before, while Kasumi looked at the brochures in

the

Eric: having only lived there for awhile but he cant remember.

envelope.
"Oh, look, Scott!  There's a zoo, and an amusement park, and an
Aqua World, all within walking distance of the hotel!  We'll

have so much

fun!"  Kasumi sounded positively bubbly.

Sarah: she speaks... but yet bubbly!

Scott realized that this was probably the first time Kasumi had
done something for *herself* in years, since she'd taken over

the

Sarah: huh thats debatable, think about the fantasy... she's
married, its a doomed marriage i tell you, wouldnt you think so?

Eric: grrr shut up!

household duties.  He resolved to do whatever it took to make

her happy.

Eric: oh i can think of several things.

It was early evening by the time they arrived at the hotel.
Scott tipped the bellhop (it *was* a lot of luggage) and closed

the

door.
He looked at Kasumi.  She looked at Scott.  They both smiled.

Eric: i believe a wicked grin on his part would be more
appropriate

Sarah: i'm surprised he's actually remaining this calm...  first
time and all.. you'd think he'd just run up the stairs yelling
WOOO HAAA!
carrying the ultimate male fantasy on his shoulders.

Anyone who doesn't know what couples usually do on their

wedding

night certainly shouldn't be reading a story where it's

described.

Sarah: see i told you all they did was play parchesi!

Eric: i havent been married and i thought the writer hadnt
either.

Sarah: i'm telling you its parchesi!

Suffice it to say Scott and Kasumi did a lot of it, and it was

quite

enjoyable.  Not perfect, given a total lack of experience on

both

Sarah: umm...

Eric: well...

Sarah: umm

Eric: lets just drop the subject shall we?

sides,

but enjoyable.

Sarah: the lots of times too... i dunno.

Scott woke up early the next morning feeling very sticky.  The

Eric: that is a way apropriate image.

champagne the hotel had provided might have something to do with

that...

Sarah: i dont think its the chapagne Scott.

He discovered the suite came with a shower, and turned it on

hot.


Sarah: but you would think all suites came with a shower.

As Scott let the steaming water sluice away the effects of the
previous night, Kasumi stepped into the shower with him.

Eric: why would you want to get rid of the effects.

Sarah: see the fantasy hops into the shower.

"Oh, saucy, aren't you?"

Sarah: like ragu.

She smiled and moved up next to Scott, then twisted the
temperature control from hot to cold.

Sarah & Eric: here it comes.  *close their eyes*

"Aghk!"  Scott had never been too fond of cold showers, and

this

shock was a bit much.

eric: no cold showers SUCK

His brain seemed to be melting down again too, because Kasumi
seemed to have gotten a lot bigger.  He felt a wave of
love/lust/security/annoyance/worry/love as Kasumi wrapped him in

her

Sarah: oh yes one of those easy to describe feelings that Eric is
so fond of.

Eric: do you EVER stop?

Dim: no she's to depressed.

Eric and Sarah: SHUT UP!

arms

and pulled him out of the shower.
"There you go, honey, all kirei!"  She started toweling him

down.

Sarah: kirei?

He stood unable to quite grasp what was going on.  Kasumi

Eric: we all can.

definitely was bigger, and there was something weird feeling

about the

way the towel was going between his legs.

Sarah: is it as exciting for you as it was for Kasumi?

"So, would you like to go to the zoo today, or the amusement
park?" Kasumi cooed.

Eric: *ponder*

Sarah: the fantasy is teasing.

"Ah...er..."  Scott let her lead him by the hand to the main
room.  She'd obviously been unpacking, and had outfits already

laid out

for both of them.

Sarah: humm this is truly odd.

As Scott stared in horror at the frilly pink dress with the

lace

kitten pattern, he could only come to one conclusion.
"I've been *had*."
"Oh my, yes!  But we'll have such fun together, Scott-chan!"

Sarah: but at least you got laid.

Eric: hey who could ask for me... i mean think of all the fun you
could have and everything

THE END

Okay, how many of you spotted this as a revengefic from the

get-go?

SKJAM!
"Yes, I'm weird.  Your point?"

Sarah: Hummm everything is always weird.

Eric: not bad not bad.  cute

Sarah: yes you married the ultimate male fantasy and then she got
revenge on you... but even so, it wasnt the worst kinda revenge.
think about all the fun you had.  Not really a revenge if you ask
me.  You're married to the UMF, and i'm sure one night wont be
the last.

Eric: you know what they say about those UMF's.

Sarah: SHUT UP...

Eric: hehehe.

Sarah: i cant believe YOU thought me up... i'm sooo much more
intelligent then you.

Eric: you wish.

Dim: you are both depressing.

Sarah: I'll get you yet.