At 19:55 10/08/1997 -0500, Holly wrote:

Ok, here's my *first* attempt at a posted fic. It's from Sailormoon,
because Ranma fics tend to have to be long. Evantually, I'll post my Ranma
fic in progress, White Day Blues, and THEN you can see my real style. But
here's chapter one of "Chibimako?!" There may be as many as 15 or 20
chapters, but I think I can do this in 10 or so. 

I don't know, I've read a lot of short Ranma fics that were good.

Legal stuff:
Sailor Moon characters property of Naoko Takeuchi. I claim no rights to
any. Please don't sue me-I'm poor like most of us. 
Chibimako is my property. If you want to use her character, contact me.

That almost sounded like MY disclaimer :)

	"Oh this is great, just great..." Makoto Kino dashed along the
sidewalk, her schoolbag over her head. "I'm gonna be late again!!!" She
stopped at a red light. Makoto sighed. She scanned the street, and spotted 
Usagi. "Usagi-chan!!!!" Thepigtailed blonde stopped her mad dash, and looked 
across the street. She waved, running across the street, dodging cars."Hey
Mako-chan!!" Usagi stopped in front of her friend, and, grabbing Mako's 
arm, picked up speed again. "Missed the alar..." Mako began to say, as
Usagi dragged her along the pavement, but was immediately interrupted by
Usagi. "C'mon Mako! Or we're gonna be late!"

Wouldn't that be difficult, running with a schoolbag over her head? And
what the heck is a "Thepigtailed"?

	They turned into the courtyard of Juuban High, and Usagi came to
a screeching halt. Mako, who didn't stop quite as fast, went flying
forward, landing in a large bush. She stuck her head out, shocked and
slightly pissed off. "Hey what'd you do that for, Usagi???" Usagi gasped,
and pointed to a steadily approaching object with... green hair??!!!
Makoto gasped, as if remembering something. She gawked. "Masaka..." The
object grew closer and closer to the ground, and landed in a bush. Mako
and Usagi peered into the low bush, the same one Makoto had removed
herself from moments before.

Um... Green hair? Are you sure you aren't doing Chibi-Setsuna? or
chibi-Neptune?
The first person is rather rough to read. Also her mother taught her to go
into a battle stance upon meeting strangers?!? I take it she doesn't have
many friends.	

buildings were...Ugh....Brown. And they were boxy. Not at all pretty as
the Crystal buildings we had back home. I looked around at all the people.
They were not from Crystal Tokyo. "Maybe I'm in Crystal Kyoto..." I don't
know if there ever was such a place as Crystal Kyoto, but I was scared,
and reason wasn't going to help me now.

That's the silliest thing I've ever seen, even from a kid. Crystal Kyoto...
Sheesh!
I agree with one of the other C&C it does look like a remake of R.




Doug

"I write in broad tapestries, interweaving characters lives leaving
 the little details to the reader unless the detials are important."
	- Anne McCafrey

http://log.on.ca/users/helm/anime/index.htm
http://log.on.ca/users/helm/sako/sakohome.htm
http://log.on.ca/gbaac/index.htm