Sarah: ahh another day.
Eric: oh you're just lucky you survived.
Sarah: dont remind me... coincidentally .... WHY DID YOU LET
LAURA LEAVE?
Eric: i didnt know you wanted to talk to her
Sarah: of course i wanted to talk to her, she's practically a
legend!
Eric: well she's gone now... besides i just needed a deus ex
machina
Sarah: a what?
Eric: well you see... i had gotten you in a situation where i had
no clue how to get you out of so i needed a touch of fate kinda
thing.
Sarah: uh huh....
Eric: humm... oh look mail... a letter from cubicle...
Sarah: and where is he these days?
Eric: oh he's in an office down at Lanham taking up space.
Sarah: whats the letter say?
Eric: Dear Eric and Sarah... I hate you both, Love Cubicle
Sarah: isn't that sweet.
Eric: I suppose, well lets get back to review more fics
Sarah: no more dark fics okay?
Eric: all right.
Sarah: so what do we have here...
-----Original Message-----
From: DAVID ANTHONY HOUGHTON <houghtod@spods.dcs.kcl.ac.uk>
To: fanfic@fanfic.com <fanfic@fanfic.com>
Date: Monday, October 06, 1997 8:06 AM
Subject: [FFML] [FANFIC][RANMA 1/2] Avaric pt 1/3
Eric: isn't it supposed to be avarice?
Credit to Chris Willmore for his idea((Ten commandments))
Seven Sins
Sarah: let he who is without sin try to survive...
Eric: i hope this doesnt take off after that movie seven.
Avarice(part 1 ).
by David Houghton
Nabiki wondered when Ranma would admit he sometimes thought of
himself
as female after all why else... would he call Akane a sexless
Sarah: well the arguement does rage...
Eric: Akane is a sexless tomboy...
Sarah: compared to Ukyou?
Eric: exactly.
tomboy
unless he feels that's what he is. And that would only make
sense
Sarah: well there could be other underlying reasons... latent
homosexuality, a sexual identity crisis, he doesnt think akane is
that cute, he thinks her hair could be longer...
if
he saw himself as female. Nabiki shook her head at that Ranma
was
Eric: i seriously dont think Ranma sees himself as a female.
Sarah: though he may take advantage of it at times.
Eric: btw, its Nabiki shook her head at the thought that Ranma
definitely male.
Eric: he has a penis thank you very much...
Sarah: I dunno those anime characters seem to lack in
genitalia...
Eric: kinda like barbie dolls?
Nabiki considered blackmailing Ryouga for money then decided
against
Sarah: woah, where did Ryouga pop up from?
the tack she was trying. Akane just had to know that Ryouga was
P-chan.
Eric: it would make sense unless she is a uncute, brainless
tomboy.
Sarah: you must think of yourself as a one as well...
So revealing it wasn't going to be much of a threat. Ryouga must
be
Eric: not if Ryouga thinks it.
playing dumb, and with Ranma and Akane both covering for him -
scratch
that.
Sarah: okay but why, it makes no sense, he seems petrified.
Eric: Nabiki doesnt seem that dumb and I thikn that if she knew
Ryouga was P-Chan she would definitely blackmail him.
Her father - A good source of money but he was approaching his
manic
phase again She did not want to see his demon head. That
Eric: see she is a demon...
Sarah: like father like daughter?
frightened even
her. Not that she'd ever let anyone know that of course. If he
was pushed
in that state she was not likely to get anything for the next
month.
Eric: Soun never struck me as the type to ahve a backbone.
Anyway she'd prefer something with less risk and bigger gains.
Sarah: okay so Ryouga is a poor little boy with hardly any money.
Genma - definitely out, he was far more cunning than anyone
gave him
credit for. It was only when she saw what Nodoka's beliefs about
Eric: okay so what? Nabiki would accept that as a challenge..
what
a man was, that she thought there might be method in Genma's
madness.
Sarah: she seems to be overestimating everyone.
The second thing is that it was no fun extorting Genma. He
surrendered
too quickly and then if you pressured him he would eat your
meals.
Sarah: *smirk* ahh the horrible fear of having your meals eaten.
Eric: it has often held me back from many an extortionist plan.
Nabiki had been deceived by Ranma when he first came, twice in
fact.
First Nabiki had thought 'she' was a boy and then he turned out
to be
a male. A little voice, both familiar and strange as if from
long
ago, piped up 'Are you certain that he tricked you? Perhaps
you didn't
want to admit...'
Sarah: didnt want to admit what?
Eric: perhaps that she found him attractive as a girl?
Sarah: ahh another good ole Nabiki the Cold Lesbian Wench story.
Nabiki shut it up quickly. It was not that either of the Ranma's
Eric: Ranma's what?
was
unattractive more that he made a great fantasy but his reality
Eric: really what kinda fantasy?
Sarah: Pervert boy!
Eric: you uncute sexless tomboy!
Sarah:*splashes Eric with cold water* damn didnt work...
she found
grotesque, so she was surprised he had as many 'fiancees' as he
Eric: humm grotesque in what manner, how he treats women or the
fact that he becomes one?
had.
Suddenly she got an idea. No strings attached A film of him
Eric: no strings attached to what?
transforming
when naked would be a start. She smiled. This would be the best
Sarah: I'm sure it would make millions on the porn market alone.
Eric: *making a horrific face* geez bisexuals would gobble him
up.
profit
yet, no matter what happened.
She knew the reason that Ranma was easy to get money off was his
pride.
Sarah: oh come on blackmail him with this? there are tons more
stuff to blackmail him with rather then making a porn video.
Eric: not to mention she could make tons more money selling the
video too which she has not shown an aversion to doing.
She picked on Ranma because if he ever used his noggin that
would be a
challenge. The problem was he didn't and she was getting bored
with the
ease of which she got money off him. Now she needed to wait for
Cologne
to try something on. Not that she'd have to wait long,
especially
Eric: okay... she's waiting for cologne to start modeling stuff?
Sarah: I find this image..... disturbing.
Eric: sort of like your lack of faith?
Sarah: or you lack of pants...
Eric: ?
if she
got Akane into the kitchen. That would guarantee an attempt by
Shampoo.
Sarah: WHAT?!
Eric: I am so confused am I just not paying attention here or
something?
Shampoo was in the Neko-hanten. Then she spots a spice on which
Eric: where did Shampoo come from? what?
Sarah: *has several large question marks hovering over her head*
the
label says 'Truth Spice. Danger. NEVER EVER USE. Truth CAN
KILL.'
Eric: not unlike looks and lies and about anything else...
Next door to it is Merlin's Inhibition remover on which the
label
Eric: when did we switch to present tense?
Sarah: Inhibition remover... i think Amber had some of that
Eric: quiet you!
has
'use 1 tsp. every 20 years. Warning: Only works on females.'
Eric: it could be that you had it used on you...
Sarah: only works on females... see Amber DID use it..
Eric: grrr...
Sarah: maybe if you stick around for 20 years more...
Eric: *grows large demon head* okay enough about Amber!
Shampoo
shook her head, but then remembered that Ranma was a female some
of
the time. She picked up a serving spoon and put it in the
Eric: boy what a kitchen..
Sarah: is Shampoo a lesbian?
Eric: maybe she's just counting on Ranma to manifest desires for
everyone...
Sarah: he does have that sexual identity crisis...
Eric:*imitating Ranma-Chan* ohhhh Kuno....
inhibition
remover.
Cologne appeared and smiled. "This should catch son-in-law. But
are you
prepared to be kissed by a female."
Eric: *ponder* now what makes her think that Ranma would
necessarily kiss her...
Shampoo pointed to smaller print.<Once active stays so even if
sex
changes.> Cologne nodded at Shampoo. That was what let them down
Sarah: convenient..
Eric: paragraphs....
before. Not reading small print. This time son-in-law would not
escape
them.
Eric: *ponder* actually what let them down before is thinking
that they would be acting alone.
Sarah: exactly there are always unforseen events looming over the
horizon when you are dealing with Ranma.
Nabiki went out looking for someone powerful to hire to trash
the dojo
since that was usually the time Ryouga turned up. After all she
Eric: that sentence makes no sense.
Sarah: she wanted to hire someone to trash the dojo since Ryouga
usually showed up at this time?
needed
a back up plan in case the first one failed. It took a long
time before
she found a person powerful enough to risk even going into
Nerima. Somehow
Eric: hummm...
Sarah: lots of ordinary people live in Nerima
Eric: I have this image of Nabiki wandering the world looking for
people.
she looked familiar but Nabiki couldn't place her. She then
decided
against hiring her it would be far too expensive but she might
Eric: she looked all over finally found someone then decided to
not hire her?
have
what she wanted. She needed some
'Passion Spice?' the woman asked.
Eric: hummm... this sentence still makes no sense.
Sarah: i think the ... ummm... i dunno...
'Yes, how did you know?' asked Nabiki.
'You'll know. Passion Spice never works as expected, Nabiki, I'm
surprised
you have forgotten that.'
Eric: oh joy back to more passion spice.
Sarah: well she is plotting on making a porn video.
'But this is my first...' Nabiki tried to point out.
Eric: Well at least we know Nabiki's a version.
The woman has gone before she finished speaking, leaving a jar
of
Eric: the woman WAS gone
passion
spice and having emptied Nabiki's pockets. Nabiki looks sad. All
Eric: you're getting all jumbled here.
that was
needed was to get it into food. Problem was how to get Ryouga to
Eric: wait why did she look sad?
Sarah: she's probably sad cuz this fic make her look like an
idiot.
eat it
as well. The only thing they both ate was Akane's food. Now that
Sarah: Ryouga only eats Akane's food?
was
another problem. Looking at the instructions on the passion
spice jar
Nabiki breathes a sigh of relief. It should hide the flavour to
s
Eric: the jar is going to hide the flavor?
ome
extent. She decided to dilute the spice. After all she didn't
want it
instant There was no way of setting up the cameras in that
case.
Sarah: umm this is eerily familiar to the first draft of
Hellraisers style wise.
Eric: shhh...de ye wanna git flamed?
She
headed off wondering what the woman had warned her for. After
all
she was going to take precautions. Anyway passion spice needed
to be
Sarah: nabiki never struck me as this stupid.
swallowed. Checking the book for precautions she saw that she
would have
to swallow some of Akane's cooking. Was it really worth it?
Sarah: I am so confused and this is giving me a headache.
Once Nabiki walks home she considers what to do. Every alarm
bell in
her head is ringing. She forced them down. This would net her a
lot of
money. No, she'd have well lets say beyond imagination and
Nabiki
Eric: Beyond Imagination!
Sarah: Beyond Imagination!
Eric: nothing happened...
Sarah: much like this story...
can
imagine a fair bit. Okay not quite that much but pretty near her
Sarah: do you get the feeling the author just saw star wars?
limits.
Akane is at the moment trying to cook dinner (and was failing as
usual).
Eric: i always thought Akane's cooking looked tasty..
She was muttering a mantra. 'He'll like my cooking even if it
kills him.'
Sarah: famouse last words.
Once she has finished, Shampoo sneaked in and put in inhibition
remover.
Eric: oh this is going to work...
Sarah: I hope Cologne didnt think of this plan.
Nabiki smiled because this played right into her hands. Once
Shampoo had
vanished Nabiki ate some of Akane's cooking and poured in the
passion spice.
Sarah: boy Whats akane doing during all this...
Eric: passion spice and inhibition remover... Nabiki is trying to
make the oddest porn ever..
Sarah: stop sweating boy...
Eric: i'm giddy with anticipation.
This should work well. Now time to set up her camera-in her own
room.
Eric: ahhh start things off with a masturbation scene?
Sarah: you are SUCH a pervert
Eric: Uncute Sexless Tomboy!
Sarah: *splashes Eric with water* damn still nothing.
After all no-one would use Kasumi's. Definitely not Akane's.
Eric: geez, i can see why no one would Kasumi's but not Akane's?
Genma would
be in the guest room and where would you not expect Nabiki to
Eric: why wouldnt i expect Nabiki to set up camera's there
Sarah: it would make a perfect image.. Soun and Genma dancing
around Akane and Ranma cavorting like minxes
set up
the cameras. She was ahead of them all.
Sarah: How so?
Time to head to the kitchen. This would be fun. Nabiki then
realised a
flaw in her plan. Akane never ate her own cooking. Deep down she
knew
it was bad but refused to admit it.
Eric: sure she does, she sometimes tries it to prove to Ranma
that it was good...
Sarah: humm this is all very odd... actually no one else eats
Akane's cooking...
Eric: true they avoid it like the plague
Sarah: thats because it IS the plague.
Nabiki was wondering what had possessed her to come up with such
a mean
plan all for the sake of money. She beat the voice down again.
Eric: i'm sure everyone will enjoy it.
Sarah: it occurs to me all of a sudden... how did Nabiki know
that Shampoo put inhibition remover?
But it
returned stronger.
'The inhibition spice couldn't work on me. I don't have
inhibitions.'
Sarah: sure you do,
Eric: mmmm can i head over there?
'Oh yes you do' replied the voice, 'just a different sort. How
many
times have you refused love, and taken money,. How many times..'
Sarah: never?
Eric: what does taking money have to do with inhibitions.
Sarah: unless...
Eric: NABIKI'S A PROSTITUTE?!?!
The voice went on for a little while and then stopped as if it
knew her
patience was wearing thin. Nabiki realised she was hearing her
conscience.
Sarah: and a tiny little voice it was
Eric: it speaks like Marv Albert.
She didn't have one, this was blatantly impossible. It was time
to take
pictures.
Eric: but didnt she just realize she was hearing it?
Sarah: now she's denying its existance.
'You'll feel guilty you know.'
Sarah: it never stopped her before.
She wished the bloody thing would shut up. There was no way
she'd feel
Eric: just deny its existance.
guilty about this hit. After all it would get Ranma to fight
harder with
her. Oh she'd still win but this way it would be fun again. Yes,
Eric: she would? seems to me she would just get him incredibily
ticked off
Sarah: or incredibly happy and grinning from ear to ear.
Eric: it happens.
here
came Ranma-chan and Ryouga. Oh perfect blackmail material on
both of
them.. Brilliant. She didn't believe it. The plan had worked
better
than she thought. Three photos.
Sarah: GROSS!
Eric: boy I hope those R&R reviews dont get ahold of this. The
author would be dead meat.
Damn, no Akane but still she could wish. Suddenly something
Sarah: she always showed some loyalty to her family.
seemed to
be happening Ryouga and Ranma were separating. Nabiki cursed,
if Ryouga
got lost as usual. Ranma looked to the left, the right and
promptly
went catatonic. Ryouga had started to nosebleed and fainted.
Nabiki swore.
Sarah: what is happening?
Eric: and why are they together... usually they are fighting.
This was not as good as she wanted.
Sarah: no... usually people passing out during the making of a
porn is not what people want.
Ryouga would recover first, Nabiki thought, and if she didn't
vanish
Ryouga would beat her up if he found out what happened, that was
Sarah: Ryouga would NEVER hurt a girl.
Eric: and what is happening?
if he
didn't beat up Ranma first. Definitely time to cut her losses.
She forgot
how ingrained their attitudes were and how Ryouga reacted to
beautiful
girls. Better move out. Oh well at least she'd got some good
blackmail
Sarah: WHAT?
Eric: DID I MISS SOMETHING? NOTHING HAPPENED YET
material. Everybody would want to get their hands on it but how
to
get everybody buying it without anyone being tipped off?
Eric: what the hell is going on?
Sarah: I AM SO CONFUSED.....
End Part 1.
Comments: If you want to know what's on the picture- Wait.
Plenty of time yet.
Eric: ummm...
Sarah: uhhh...
Eric: my father always said...
Sarah: but we have to say something...
Eric: well...
Sarah: its like this, the plot seems incredibly weak.
Eric: the characters appear dumber then usual...
Sarah: Shampoo just puts the inhibition drug in and then pops off
whats with that?
Eric: and the plot makes NO sense...
Sarah: I dunno... this fic needs some serious work in the grammar
area.
Eric: say something good Sarah...
Sarah: uhhh....
Eric: *twiddles his thumbs*
Sarah: good effort?
Eric: i would suggest that you read over what you wrote and check
it before emailing it.
Authours notes: seem to have lost pre-readers over the summer.
anybody interested e-mail me at houghtod@dcs.kcl.ac.uk