!
Kunou. Kodachi. Gosunkugi. Mousse. Sasuke. Ryouga. Cologne. Children
of the pen, characters of Rumiko Takahashi - SUPPORTING CHARACTERS--
Ridiculed and hated by the readers they've sworn to entertain. These
are the weirdest heroes of all!
Bile-Animax Entertainment Studios Presents: SineRanma
[We fade into the Gym of St. Hebereke High School. We see the
gymnasts stretching, doing small jumps and stuff. There are two
girls that are talking to each other. One of the girls has a
Nabikiesq hair and the other has long, straight hair. The one
with the Nabikiesq hair is named Keiko, and the straight haired
one is named Kaori.]
Kaori: I wonder what harsh training Kodachi has in store for us
today?
Keiko: You got me.
Kaori: Maybe we don't have to practice today.
Keiko: Yeah, but our regional tournament is next week.
Kaori: Yeah, but you know her, she'll sabotage it and we'll win by
default.
Keiko: Yeah, but what if she doesn't?
Kaori: What makes you think that she won't? She attempted to
sabotage every tournament we had since she became captain. And she
succeeded on every single one of them, well, except when we went
against Furinkan.
[Keiko thinks for a second.]
Keiko: Yeah, she'll probably sabotage this one too. Come on, lets
skip practice and get some ice cream or something.
Kaori: All right . . . .
[Suddenly, the double doors to the gym slam open. The force of
the door makes a small breeze that makes some of the debris near
the door fly around. Behind the hallway, we hear a doppler
effect of Kodachi's laugh, and it's get's louder and louder.
Kodachi suddenly appears by jumping into the gym. She spins in
the air, and black roses drop from above as she continues to fly
over her students. While in air, she takes off her school
uniform (her leotard is underneath) and throws it towards her
open locker. It lands in it, perfectly folded. She than lands on
the balance beam, sitting down and legs crossed. She pulls out
a black rose and throws it in the air towards the gymnasts.]
Kodachi: Catch!
[A skinny, short haired gymnast named Kasumi catches it because
it just happened to come to her. Kodachi smiles and gets off the
balance beam, walks towards her, puts her arms around Kasumi,
and magically, a microphone appears in her hand.]
Kodachi[cont.]: Congratulations, Kasumi! You caught the black rose!
And for that, you're prize is to spar me!
Kasumi: Wha?! I . . . I just joined last week! I'm not good as
you!
Kodachi: HOHOHOHOHOHO! Of course you're not! But the regional
tournament is next week and YOU have to practice!
Kasumi: But, but . . . .
[Kodachi picks Kasumi up and throws her into the mat. Kasumi
gets up with holding her back in pain. Kodachi walks over to her
with her ribbon twirling. Kasumi throws a weak looking kick and
Kodachi dodges, wraps her leg with the ribbon, and pulls Kasumi
towards her. She then pulls out a black rose, and it sprays a
pink mist which knocks Kasumi out.]
Kodachi: Hmph, you only lasted twenty-four seconds. Next contestant!
It is going to be . . . . Yhoko Fuji! Come on down! HOHOHOHOHOHO!
[We see a timid looking girl walking slowly towards the mat. A
few seconds later, we see her drop onto the mat, knocked out. We
fade out and fade back in and see a pile of unconscious girls on
the mats. Slowly, they regain their consciousness.]
Kaori: Ohhh my head . . . .
Kodachi: Listen up girls! Because of the tournament next week,
we're gonna extend our practice session! No one except me is allowed
to leave till midnight!
Keiko: But aren't you going to sabotage the tournament?
Kodachi: Hmph, why should I? A few days ago, we fought a very
strong foe and defeated him. I found out that was extremely
satisfying. And I want to feel that feeling again! But all you girls
are not good enough for next week's tournament! That's why I'm making
you stay late and practice! No one is to leave till I say so!
Keiko: But you said midnight!
Kodachi: Well, I'm a very fickle person! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! Now
get your equipment and practice!
[The hallway of St. Hebereke that leads towards the gym is
echoed with Kodachi's laugh. Meanwhile black clouds form and the
soft growling of thunder can be heard.]
_____________________________________________________________________
SineRanma
A Production of Bile-Animax Entertainment Studios Inc.
SineRanma Created by Jang Choe and Chris Schumacher
Episode 2: Lightning and Sanity
Written By: Jang Choe
_____________________________________________________________________
[We cut to the living room of the Kuno mansion. The TV is on and
we see that a samurai soap opera is on. We see that Tatewaki
Kuno is laying on his sofa, watching it.]
Tatewaki: No Natsuko, dump that guy, he's all wrong for you.
[Suddenly, a special report interrupts the program.]
Tatewaki[cont.]: Hey!
NewsAnchor: We interrupt "Days of Our Samurai" to bring you this
special news bulletin. Our meteorologists say that what could be the
worst thunderstorm of Tokyo history is said to be heading this way.
We advise you to stay home. If you happened to be driving . . . .
Sasuke [entering]: Master Kuno, I'm worried since Mistress Kodachi
is not here yet.
Tatewaki: Hmmm, I heard that her Regional Rhythmic Gymnastics
competition is next week. I am sure that she is staying a little late
to practice. Besides, they'll be inside a gym the whole time. The
storm cannot harm them
Sasuke: Yes, but may I go to check on her just in case?
Tatewaki: If you must, Sasuke.
Sasuke [bowing]: Thank you, I shall be off.
[Light rain starts to fall and the thunder growls louder as
Sasuke goes out side with his raincoat and umbrella.
We cut to St. Hebereke's gym and see exhausted girls practicing
their hearts out. On top of a pommel horse, we see Kodachi
giving orders through a megaphone.]
Kodachi: All right girls, forty five laps around the gym!
[As they obey her. Kodachi looks outside and sees the storm
coming. She gives a grin and turns on her megaphone again.]
Kodachi[cont.]: Okay everyone! Outside!
Girls: What?!
[Kodachi turns up the volume on the megaphone.]
Kodachi: I SAID, OUTSIDE!
Kasumi: We heard you! But why do we have to go outside?
Kaori: Yeah! It looks like it's going to rain!
Kodachi: And?! This is part of your training! I have to toughen you
up!
Natsuko: But this isn't Muay Thai! This is rhythmic gymnastics!
Kodachi: You all dare be insubordinate?! [picks up her mallet] I
guess I have to teach all of you a lesson!
[The girls cringe and slowly put on their jackets to go
outside.]
Kodachi[cont.]: No jackets!
Yhoko: But we'll catch colds if we . . . .
Kodachi: I said no jackets!
[The girls slowly put away their jackets and head outside.]
Kodachi[cont.]: Hohohoho! Won't this be fun girls?! HOHOHOHOHO!
HOHOHOHO!
[Kodachi bounces outside as the gymnasts slowly follow behind
her. A few minutes later, everyone is outside. Strong winds blow
through their hairs, and the rain is starting to fall stronger.
All the gymnasts are hugging themselves, shivering. Suddenly, a
lighting bolt strikes down and splits a tree in half a few yards
away from them. They scream in fright.]
Kodachi[cont.]: HOHOHOHOHO! What's wrong?! Are you all scared of a
little lighting bolt?!
[Meanwhile, we see Sasuke walking, fighting the wind towards St.
Hebereke. Thunder roars and lighting flashes all around. Sasuke
has his collar of his rain coat up to shied his face from the
rain. Suddenly, his umbrella flips inside out from the wind and
flies out of his hand.]
Sasuke: Shit!
[Sasuke gets pelted from rain drops and thrown back. The
umbrella flies into the streets and a car tries to avoid it,
skids and crashes into a truck. Then more cars put on their
breaks but they all crash into a massive pile up. Sasuke looks
at the wreck with guilt and goes to help them.
We cut to St. Hebereke and we see the girls doing pushups in the
mud. One falls in the mud from exhaustion. Kodachi comes up that
gymnast and whips her with her ribbon.]
Kodachi: How do you think you're going to win if you're so weak?!
Get up! I said get up!
[The thunder suddenly roars real loud. That causes fright to the
gymnasts and makes them all fall into the mud. However, Kodachi
is not fazed.]
Kodachi[cont.]: How are you all suppose to win if you're scared by
some thunder? It's nothing! It's just noise! It can't even hurt a
fly, and yet you're all scared of it?! How pathetic can you all be?!
Kaori: But Kodachi, weren't you afraid at all? Even as a child?
Kodachi: Of thunder?! HOHOHOHOH! Thunder is nothing compared to me!
It can't hurt me! If it was a living being, I'll make it kneel
before me! I was never afraid of that insignificant thing of nature!
Now get back to your push ups!
<~Commercial Break~>
[We cut to the gym of St. Hebereke High school. The gymnasts
are all doing some flips, finally, they all fall from
exhaustion.]
Kodachi: What's this?! Why can't you do that simple technique?!
Natsuko: But Kodachi, it's impossible!
Kaori: Yeah, no one has ever done it before! Not even you!
Kodachi: HOHOHOHOHO! Nothing is impossible! You're all going to
stay here till you all get it right!
Kaori: Yeah, but still, YOU never could do it either!
Kodachi: That's right! And that's why we're gonna stay here till we
ALL can do it! Now get back to practicing!
[The girls all groan.]
TVAnnouncer: Not going anywhere for a while? Grab a Snickers.
[We see Kodachi eating a Snickers bar. While behind her,
gymnasts are falling and hurting themselves, etc.]
<~End Commercial Break~>
[We cut to Gosunkugi's house. Gos is sitting on a mat with
several candles for lighting. Gos is studying a book of some
sort. Suddenly, a big thunder sounds and his window rattles. Gos
looks up from the book.]
Gos: Hmmm . . . .
[A huge thunderbolt shakes the window again. Gosunkugi walks
over to his window and looks outside.]
Gos[cont.]: Oh dear. I think he's angrier than ever.
[Gosunkugi opens the window; and the rain and wind blows in
through the room, extinguishing all of his candles. The room is
now pitch black. Suddenly, a lighting bolt shoots into his room
and lights a candle.
Gosunkugi looks at the candle with great interest. Even with the
wind blowing into his room, the fire does not extinguish. Gos
closes the window and walks over to the candle flame.]
Gos[cont.]: Is . . . is that you?
[The flame flickers, and suddenly it speaks into Gosunkugi's
mind.]
Flame: Yes it is.
Gos: Why did you come here?
Flame: I wanted to talk about my problems.
Gos: What do you think I am? A psychologist?
Flame: What?! You dare speak in that tone of voice with me?
Gos: Uh . . . I mean, sir . . . .
Flame: Never mind. I got into a quarrel with my wife.
Gos: Wow, what happened . . . Sir?
Flame: You know the usual stuff. Geeze, she can't handle me looking
at some mortal women. So we get into an argument and stuff.
Gos: I see. And I thought it was because her mother was going to
move in.
Flame: Gosunkugi!
Gos: Sorry sir.
Flame: Anyway, so I go and you know blow off some steam. I decided
to choose your little city.
Gos: Thank you sir.
Flame: Yeah, well, I'm venting my anger, minding my own business.
And then I get ridiculed again. By another woman!
Gos: Oh my.
Flame: I mean, not just another woman, a mortal woman!
Gos: Hmmm I think so that you should go teach her a lesson.
Flame: Yeah, I usually let these things slide. I mean, you are all
pathetic mortals anyway.
Gos: Um, of course.
Flame: But you know, I wasn't in mood for that stuff today. I mean,
I was pissed and this no name mortal says that I'm nothing compared
to her?! Come on! Give me a break here!
Gos: So, are you gonna striker her down with lighting?
Flame: Nah, I'm in a pissier mood than usual. I'll just torture her
a little.
Gos: And how are you going to do that, sir?
Flame: I decided to come down here personally and beat the shit out
of her.
Gos: That works.
Flame: Yeah, the thing is, I can't just come down here. I need a
host.
Gos: A host?
Flame: Yeah a host. And not those snobby guys that show you to your
tables. I need to borrow some unfortunate soul's body for a while
while I kick the shit our of her.
Gos: And who did you choose, Ol' Mighty One?
Flame: I was going to choose that doctor, but it was already taken.
So I decided to choose you.
Gos: Uh, wait a minute here.
Flame: Shut up and let me take you over. It's not gonna take a
while.
Gos: But . . . but.
Flame: Don't worry, it won't hurt. I'll just kick her ass and leave.
You won't remember anything after that.
Gos: Uh, this is very kind of you to choose my body. But I don't
think I'm a good candidate.
Flame: Why not?
Gos: Well, look how weak I look sir. People always told me to gain a
few pounds.
Flame: Don't worry, I can take care of everything. So hold on.
Gos: I don't think--
Flame: Listen up bag o bones. I can strike this house down with one
bolt got it? You like that? You wanna be struck down? Hmmm?
Gos [Cont.][timid]: No.
Flame: Good, now stand still.
[Suddenly, a huge thunderbolt sounds and shatters the window to
Gosunkugi's room. Then a lighting bolt flies in and hits Gos.
Gos's eyes bolt up, and he falls shaking while electricity is
all around him.
A few seconds later, he stops shivering and slowly gets up. Gos
cracks his back and neck and looks in the mirror. Through the
reflection, we see electric sparks go jump between his eyes.]
Gos: Hmph, this body ain't half bad. Well, time to do some ass
wuppin!
[Gos heads outside, but his mom sees him.]
G's Mom: Where are you going?
Gos: For some fresh air.
Mom: All right, be careful.
Gos: I shall. [leaves]
[We cut to the streets of Nerima. It is empty. All we see are
rain, lighting bolts, wind, and debris. As we get in closer, we
see a small figure walking very slowly, fighting the rain. We
get in closer, and it's Sasuke.]
Sasuke[thought]: Man, I can't even walk straight because of this
wind.
[The strong wind blows the Sasuke back and he grabs onto a
telephone poll to stop himself.]
Sasuke[cont.][thought]: Damn, this IS the worst storm Tokyo ever
had. I shoulda taken the car at least.
[Suddenly, we hear a loud screech and a car flips over and
crashes into a building, blowing up.]
Sasuke[cont.][thought]: Never mind. I can't go like this. I'll just
head back to the Kuno manor and hope that Mistress Kodachi will be
okay.
[Sasuke turns around and walks a few feet and opens the door to
the Kuno Mansion. Tatewaki walks by with a apple.]
Tatewaki: So, you get my sister?
[Sasuke shakes his head.]
Tatewaki: WHAT?! YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS?! GET OUT THERE RIGHT
NOW AND BRING HER BACK!
[Sasuke bows, and gets a new umbrella from the closet. Sasuke is
about to leave but turns towards Tatewaki.]
Sasuke: Master Kuno, the storm is too strong for me, I cannot go
even a few feet.
Tatewaki: Fine, I shall go with you then. [grabs his coat and
umbrella]
Sasuke: Be careful, you do not want to become wet.
Tatewaki: Oh yeah . . . . do not worry, I shall shield myself well.
[They get outside and Sasuke locks the door. Sasuke and Tatewaki
walk outside and suddenly, Sasuke trips and falls into a puddle,
splashing Tatewaki all over. As expected, his coats rip as he
turns into a bear.]
Sasuke: Oh dear, this is not going to so well.
[Despite the transformation, the bear just keeps on going.
Sasuke notices and quickly follows by holding the umbrella in
front of the bear as best as he could.
We cut back to the exterior of St. Hebereke High School. We see
one girl try a flip in the air, but the wind blows her away. She
flies into a thick tree branch and as she falls, she hits
another branch; then falls face first into a mudpuddle.]
Kaori: Kodachi! This is crazy! We can't practice any longer here!
Our ribbons are all wet and useless, we can't do any of our
techniques correctly, and . . . .
[We see Kodachi dancing in the rain. Laughing and stuff. Keiko,
all muddyied up and holding her shoulder in pain walks up to
Kaori.]
Keiko: Come on, she's crazy. Let's go inside while she's waltzing.
Kaori: Good idea.
[The girls signal for the other girls to go in the school while
Kodachi is continuing her ballet, not noticing what's going on.
As we focus on Kodachi, we see in the background, the gymnast
helping and carrying in the hurt and going in. Finally, they are
all inside the school, and the door shuts.
We cut to inside of the school, and we see a buncha wet,
leotard wearing, muddy, bleeding, bruised, sick, and hurt girls
huddled inside.
Kodachi finishes her pirouette and bows. Then she looks up and
sees no one with her.]
Kodachi: What the?!
[She looks around and notices one inside.]
Kodachi[cont.]: Why those little!
[We cut back inside and see Kaori looking out the window.
Through the window, we see Kodachi running towards us.]
Kaori: Shit, Kodachi spotted us.
Kasumi: Lock the doors!
[They do and Kodachi bangs on the window.]
Kodachi: You idiots! Come out here right now!
Keiko: No way! Some of us almost died out there!
Kodachi: If you don't come out now, I'll force you out!
[She punches the window and it cracks.]
Keiko: Uh oh.
Kasumi: Quick everyone! Get the empty desks and chairs! Lock her
out!
[They do and Kodachi becomes furious.]
Kodachi: Those pathetic fools! They can forget about winning that
tournament! Hmph, oh well, I'll just practice out here by myself.
[Kodachi walks up and picks up a club. She starts spinning it as
the rain continues to drench her. Suddenly, the thunder roars
loudly, but Kodachi doesn't faze. She feels a tap on her
shoulder.]
Kodachi[cont.]: Ah, so you have decided to come out . . . . huh?
[Dripping wet, we see Gosunkugi who just appeared out of
nowhere.]
Gos: What's up?
Kodachi: Hello Hikaru, what are you doing here?
[Gos gives a fiendish laugh, and after a few seconds Kodachi
laughs along with him. The rain drops heavily, the thunder
sounds, and the lighting lights. Gos and Kodachi stops laughing,
and they start conversing.]
Gosunkugi: Hello, Kodachi. How are you doing in this fine weather?
Kodachi: I am doing fine. What are you doing here?
Gosunkugi: To kick your pretty little ass.
Kodachi: Pretty? Thank you, but I don't think you'll be kicking it.
Gos: Maybe not, I'll just beat you to a pulp.
[Go sticks out his hand in front of Kodachi's stomach and gives
a small push. It sends Kodachi flying into a tree.]
Kodachi: Damnit, my back. That's it, Hikaru you're gonna pay!
[Gos walks up to Kodachi and hands her a 1000 yen bill.]
Kodachi[cont.]: Huh?
[Gos then puts the bill in front of her face and punches it.]
Gos [shaking hand]: Ohh, your face is pretty hard. Either that this
guy's hand is weak. Hey, you can keep that bill.
Kodachi: No thanks, it's wet.
Gos: Only to clean your blood off, my dear.
[Kodachi picks up five clubs and hurls it towards Gos. Gos jumps
up to avoid it.]
Gos[cont.]: I'm sorry, is this the best you can--
[Gos gets nailed with a club.]
Gos[cont.][holding nose]: Ah shit.
[Kodachi kicks him in the family jewels and he doubles up
holding his groin. Kodachi then grabs him be his hair and
throws some knee bashes into his head and throws him into a
tree.]
Kodachi: Hmph.
Gos [getting up]: Sorry Gos, I didn't mean to dent your car. But
don't blame me.
[Kodachi does a flying side kick towards Gos. Gos grabs her leg
and with her momentum, throws her towards St. Hebereke. She
crashes through the window, through the chairs and tables, and
into one of the classrooms. The gymnasts, who are now changed
into their normal clothes come and watch.]
Keiko: Wow, she actually made it in.
[Suddenly, the wall behind them blows up and boulders, debris,
glass, tables, and such ram into the gymnast's back, head, legs,
side, etc., knocking them out.]
Gos: Sorry girls. I'll make it up to you by choosing Fabio as a host
next time, and if my wife lets me--
[Gos just avoids a chair thrown by Kodachi.]
Kodachi: Geeze Hikaru, when did you become this strong?
Gos[Cont.]: Why, you feel intimidated?
Kodachi[smile]: No, I like it.
Gos: Hey, you're my kinda gal! Since I like ya, I'll just finish
off this right now.
[Gos closes his eyes and a field of electricity surrounds him.
After a few seconds, he sticks his hand out and a bolt of
lighting is shot towards Kodachi. Since lighting is speed of
light, Kodachi gets hit. Her hair sticks up, she shakes around,
and falls towards the ground, with smoke coming out of her.]
Gos: Hmmm, was I too harsh on her?
[Kodachi closes her eyes tight and we get a little flashback FX
happening. We cut to the interior of the Kuno Mansion. It is
obviously in the past. How do we know? Because we see Mrs. Kuno.
Mrs. Kuno is holding a baby girl.]
Mrs. Kuno: Oh Kodachi, you're a beautiful baby aren't you? Aren't
you?
[Mrs. Kuno tickles her baby and the baby gives a giggle. Then,
the door to the nursery opens and Mr. Kuno comes in.]
Mr. Kuno: Hey, where's my baby girl?
Mrs. Kuno: Here she is!
[Mrs. Kuno tosses Kodachi towards Mr. Kuno. Mr. Kuno catches
her, but his hands slip and accidentally drops her on her head.
The parents gasp, but the baby doesn't cry. Mrs. Kuno quickly
picks her up.]
Mrs. Kuno: Are you okay, my darling baby?
[The baby turns to her with the most evil looking smile a baby
can make. Mrs. Kuno gasps.
We are now back to our time. Kodachi opens her eyes and slowly
sits up. Gosunkugi is meanwhile looking under the skirts of the
unconscious girls.]
Kodachi: Hikaru, you pervert.
Gos: Huh? You're awake already?
Kodachi: Yes, why are you attacking me Hikaru? Did I do something
wrong?
Gos: Yeah, you insulted me! You said I couldn't hurt a fly!
Kodachi: I don't remember saying that, but if I did, I'm sorry.
Gos: Huh?
Kodachi: Please, forgive me for insulting you.
Gos: No! Now prepare to die, mortal woman!
Kodachi: Very well.
[Kodachi stands with her eyes closed. Gos gives a smile and
goes over to punch her, but stops.]
Gos: Oh forget it, you look too pitiful.
Kodachi: Thank you for forgiving me.
[Suddenly, Gos's eyes shoots open and then closes. Then he
faints. Kodachi runs up to catch him. Then a loud thunderboom is
heard. And a voice booms out of nowhere.]
Voice: Well Kodachi, you're a remarkable mortal. Since I am not that
of a vengeful god, I'll forgive you. Tell Hikaru that you're sorry on
what you did to his body. Okay?
Kodachi: Yes, I shall. But who are you?
Voice: The god of thunder.
Kodachi: Oh yes, I remember ridiculing you. I am sorry, that will
not happen again. I shall respect you from now on, lord Raiden.
Voice: Raiden? Ha, don't make me laugh!
Kodachi: You're not Raiden?
Voice: No way.
Kodachi: Uh, Zeus?
Voice: Please, I taught him everything I know.
Kodachi: Thor?
Voice: Thor? That guy is nothing but a long haired hippy.
Kodachi: Then may I ask who are you?
Voice: I AM INDRA.
Kodachi: Um, okay.
Voice: Yeah well, I gotta get going, my wife is hunting me down
again.
Kodachi: Yes, and thank you.
Voice: For what?
Kodachi: For helping me.
Voice: Help you? Hmph, yeah whatever.
[Suddenly, the storm disappears and the sun comes up, birds are
singing, and so on. Kodachi raises her head, the sun shining on
her face. Suddenly the storm clouds reappear and there is a
crash of thunder and a bolt of lightning strikes the ground
nearby, and a ball of lightning floats near Kodachi and forms
into a figure of an old man with a long beard and carrying a
staff. He is surrounded by a golden aura, and his voice sounds
like thunder.]
Indra: I almost forgot. The spoils of war.
[Indra raises his left hand a ball of golden light detaches
itself from Indra's aura and floats over to Kodachi. Kodachi
raises her hand and the ball lights on it. It transforms into
a golden signet ring.]
Indra: From now on, as long as you retain that ring, you shall be
under the protection of Indra.
Kodachi [confused]: Why?
Indra: Why, for you fighting spirit, of course! Very few people your
age even believe in me, much less take the time to curse and fight
me. I shall not forget you, Kodachi.
[Indra vanishes, and the sky clears again, and sunlight shines
on Kodachi's face, giving it an angelic appearence. But
suddenly the sky turns dark again. But then it quickly turns
back.]
Booming Voice: Just kidding.
<~Commercial Break~>
[We cut to an office with a lot of thick books in the
background. We see this Asian guy with sunglasses, hair parted
in the middle, and a black overcoat sitting on his desk. The
guy's name is Hiroshi]
Hiroshi: Hi, my name is Hiroshi, and I represent the Lucky Star's
Law Firm. If you've ever been in an accident, need to sue, or
committed a crime. We can help. Did they say that the accident was
your fault? Don't worry, we'll make the realize that it was actually
their fault. You need to sue because you spilled hot coffee on your
lap? Don't worry, you'll get the money you deserve. You committed a
crime? Killed someone or robbed a bank for instance? Don't worry.
Our highly trained and educated lawyers will produce witnesses that
saw you anywhere except for the scene of the crime. How do we do
this? Well, we have people working for us that has been in this
business for years. So if you need a lawyer, be sure to call Lucky
Star's Law Firm. You'll be glad that you did.
<~End Commercial Break~>
[We cut to the streets of Nerima. We see Sasuke and the bear
walking.]
Sasuke: My my, Master Kuno. It seems that the rain has stopped.
Bear: GROOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
Sasuke: Right Master, I shall fetch the hot water for you. [exits]
Bear[thought]: It wasn't that, he was standing on my paw.
[The bear sits down and rubs its paws. Suddenly, a big shadow
comes and covers him. The bear looks up and sees a massive
figure.]
MassiveFigure[in Russian accent]: Ah, I thought I would never find a
bear to practice with here. But I am fortunate that I am wrong. This
vacation is not big waste after all.
Bear: Wua?
[The massive figure is wearing a cloak. It takes it off and
underneath it is a huge, hulk like mass of a body. Attached to
it is a fierce looking bearded Russian face with a mohawke. All
around his body are scars.]
Figure: Don't worry Bear, I won't hurt you, just want to hurt.
Wait, that didn't come out right.
Bear[thought]: Hmph, so this is his game huh? This pathetic being
thinks he can beat me?!
[The Kuno-bear and the massive figure circle each other. All of
a sudden, the massive figure grabs the bear and headbutts it.
Kuno-bear smiles and headbutts him back and he flies backward.
The figure gets up grabbing his head.]
Figure: Ooh, I like this, you very special bear.
[The figure charges and does a drop kick to Kuno-bear. Kuno-bear
backs up and the figure runs up grabs Kuno-bear, jumps up, spins
and screwdrivers its head into the pavement. Then the figure
kicks Kuno-bear away for good measure.]
Figure[cont.]: Ho ho ho!
[Kuno-bear gets up dazed but luckily, sees the massive figure
running towards him again. Kuno-bear assumes his positions,
jumps up and does a spinning kick to the figure's head. The
figure slides back from the force of the kick and from the
surprise that a bear can actually do that. Kuno-bear raises its
arms and gives a mighty yell.]
Bear: GRRROOOOOWWWWLLLLL!
Figure: You very special bear. This very fun, no?
[Kuno-bear charges and swipes at the figure, the figure ducks,
punches it in its stomach, picks it up and backdrops Kuno-bear
into the asphalt.
While the figure still has a hold of Kuno-bear, he jumps and
backdrops Kuno-bear into the asphalt more. As it staggers up,
the figure punches Kuno-bear into a car, crushing the car from
the force.]
Bear[thought]: Goddamnit! This person is much tougher than I
thought. If only I was in my human form and had my bokken, he would
be through by now.
Figure: Come on little bear, you already tired?
[Kuno-bear storms up and throws a mean punch. The figure ducks
under it, but Kuno-bear is one step ahead of him. Kuno-bear
throws an uppercut and sends the figure flying through the air.
As the huge figure is still in hangtime, Kuno-bear jumps and
kicks him into the air more. Then Kuno-bear roots a telephone
pole and bats him into a stone fence.
Kuno-bear then charges up and beats the figure with the
telephone pole. After ten or eleven poundings, the figure
blocks the pole and desperately shoves Kuno-bear away.
Kuno-bear stands up and twirls the telephone pole around, then
twirls it around his body, spins and gets into a Kendo fighting
stance.]
Figure[cont.]: Hmmm, [gives thumbs up] very good, fuzzy bear. But
I'm afraid for you that warmup is over!
Bear[thought]: Damn Sasuke! What is taking him so long?! This
infernal telephone pole is getting very heavy.
<~Commercial Break~>
[We cut to a news desk. The anchor is PETER JENNINGS.]
Peter: We interrupt SineRanma #2 for this special bulletin. To
retaliate from American Onlines's recent buying of Compuserve, which
caused Microsoft's own network called MSN to drop to a distant
second in the world of on-line providers, Microsoft has bought the
biggest company in the computer industry today. It has bought
Microsoft. Thought it might sound crazy, but who knows what weird
schemes fluctuate in Bill Gate's brilliant mind. Here, we have an
interview with Gates himself on this recent purchase. Hello Mr.
Gates, are you there?
Gates: Please Peter, call me Bill.
Peter: Okay, Bill. What made you buy your own company?
Gates: Well, we were really angry being second. So we decided to go
shopping on our own. Windows 98 and Windows NT version 5.0 are going
to come out pretty soon, and you know, they are the most anticipated
products in 1998.
Peters: Yes.
Gates: Well, with those factors, we decided to figure out how we can
make up for those losses we made when we stupidly didn't buy out
Compuserve before American On hell. Since Microsoft are going to
make billions of money with Windows 98 and Windows NT, we decided to
buy them out so we can get their profits.
Peters: That doesn't make any sense, Mr. Gates. Err, Bill.
Gates: It makes perfect sense, since now we at Microsoft owns
Microsoft now, we'll make twice as much money than before! We no
longer have millions of Windows users, we'll have billions of Windows
users.
Peters: Wouldn't that be two million users not billion?
Gates: Peter, this is higher math we're talking about, something
that you journalists are too stupid to understand. This is where two
plus two no long equal zero.
Peters: Uhh, yeah . . . ahem that is a brilliant plan, Bill.
Gates: Hey, I'm not worth 40 billion dollars for being stupid, hee
heee hee.
Peter: And I think we have some comments from Steve Case.
Steve: We're still kickin' your ass in the Cyberspace.
Gates: Oh go suck an egg.
[Steve Jobs walks in.]
Jobs: Hey Bill, I need more money for Apple.
[Gates fishes out wads of million dollar bills out of his pocket
and throws it on the ground.]
Gates: Here, now go away.
[Jobs drops to his hands and knees to retrieve the million
dollar bills.]
Jobs: Thank you Bill, the world is now a better place [exits]
Peter. Well, there you have it folks, the Microsoft buys Microsoft.
One of the biggest buyouts of this century. Now we bring you back to
your regularly scheduled program.
<~End Commercial Break~>
[We cut to St. Hebereke High School. Sasuke is boiling the
kettle of hot water and Kodachi is with him. Kodachi is all
cleaned up, is wearing her school uniform, but her bruises are
cuts are still apparent.]
Sasuke: Wow, so the god of thunder actually came down to teach you a
lesson?
Kodachi: Yes, thanks to him, I don't feel psychotic anymore.
Sasuke: But Mistress Kodachi, you were never psychotic.
Kodachi [smiles]: Thanks, but don't call me "Mistress" anymore.
Call me "Miss Kodachi," or better yet, just "Kodachi" will suffice.
Sasuke: Yes Mistr . . . I mean Kodachi. Hey, can I call you
Kotchi?
Kodachi: You are still my servant, are you not?
Sasuke: Sorry, [kneels down] how many wacks is it this time?
Kodachi: Please get up Sasuke, I'm sure you only mean in jest.
[The whistle on the kettle blows.]
Sasuke: Huh? Oh yes, the hot water for Master Kuno! I have
completely forgotten about him since I was so glad that you are okay,
Mist . . . Kodachi. Come on, we got to see if he is okay.
Kodachi: All right, lets go.
[Sasuke grabs the kettle, but it is too hot and accidentally
drops it. The lid pops off and the scalding hot water splashes
Kodachi and Sasuke. Sasuke shrinks, grows hairy, and turns into
a monkey. Meanwhile, Kodachi just gets first degree burns and
yelps.
Kodachi turns on the cold water faucet and splashes Sasuke with
it and then runs the cold water on her burns.]
Sasuke: I am sorry, Kodachi.
Kodachi: That is okay, accidents do happen. Ah god, that's hot.
Hurry and burn some more water for brother. This time, just make it
warm. Not boiling.
Sasuke: Yes ma'am.
[We cut to the battlefield of Kuno-bear and the huge figure with
scars and a mowhawke. Both are bleeding, bruised, and are
panting heavily, leaning against a wall.]
Figure: This is very very good. I haven't gotten this much workout
in ages. Well, except when I fought that guy with big scar on chest.
Hmm, he had one eye too.
Kuno-bear[thought]: What is taking Sasuke so long?! I would of
gotten rid of him if I only had my bokken and was in human form! I
shall punish him for this tardiness!
[The figure picks up a car and throws it at Kuno-bear.
Kuno-bear doesn't even bother to move since he is exhausted.
The car is way off anyway.]
Figure: Awww, you already tired? Here, let me make you feel better.
[The figure walks up and puts on a bear hug to Kuno bear.]
Bear[thought]: Hey, this actually feels good . . . ahhh.
[We hear his back pop.]
Bear[cont.][thought]: UGGG! Maybe not!
[Using all of his remaining strength, Kuno-bear frees himself
from the muscular figure's hold. Then it kicks him away.]
Bear[cont.][thought]: Damnit, what the hell is going on? I can last
longer than this. I guess, in this figure, my stamina goes down.
Either that, I've been laying around and watching too many "Days of
Our Samurai."
[Kuno-bear is kicked into a tree.]
Bear[cont.][thought]: Okay, bear or no bear. I have to get a second
wind and kick this guy's muscular butt.
[Kuno-bear gets up and the figure advances towards it.
Kuno-bear leans against a wall and gives a, "hold on for a
second" look. Then it gives a big sigh and does some mild
stretches. It pops its neck a couple of times and inhales
deeply. Then it lets out a big sigh and motions the figure to,
"come on." Suddenly, Sasuke and Kodachi run up; Sasuke is
holding a kettle.]
Sasuke: Master Kuno! Catch!
[Sasuke hurls the kettle towards Kuno-bear. Kuno-bear jumps and
catches it. As it was about to pour the water on itself, the
figure runs up and throws a punch. Kuno-bear twirls the kettle
in the air and dodges the punch. It catches the kettle and hits
the figure with it. Then as it was about to pour to water on
itself again, the figure charges up and tries to grab it.
Kuno-bear ducks under by doing a split, punches the figure's
stomach a couple of times and shoves him away.
Unfortunately, the huge figure just keeps on coming. The figure
knocks the kettle away from Kuno-bear's paws, but Sasuke makes a
diving catch, not spilling a drop.]
Bear [to Sasuke]: GROWL GORWL WORIWE RGOWRO!
Sasuke: I . . . I don't understand you, Master Kuno.
Kodachi: Oh for Indra's sake, I'll keep this brute busy while you
give my brother the hot water.
[Kodachi jumps in front of the figure.]
Kodachi[cont.]: Why are you attacking my brother?
Figure: Your brother? I never do such thing.
Kodachi: Yes you did. You hurt him! [points to the bear]
Figure: That bear is your brother?
Kodachi: Yes.
Figure: Boy, you Japanese have some weird religions. Hey, I'm sorry
if that bear is your dead ancestor, but a bear is a bear, and I out
of practice. Now, outta my way.
Kodachi: I don't think so!
[Kodachi throws a punch but the massive figure grabs the punch
and twists her wrist back.]
Kodachi[cont.]: Ahhh!
Figure: It hurts, no? Now, I don't want to hurt a girl, so how do
you say, buzz. off?
[Kodachi kicks the hulking figure in the groin. The figure
doubles over and Kodachi drives her elbow into the back of his
neck.]
Figure[cont.][getting up but holding his groin]: Very well, I'll
dispose of you first then.
[The figure grabs Kodachi and tosses her behind his back.
Kodachi flips and lands on her feet though.]
Figure[cont.]: Now, where is the bear?
[We cut to a worms eye view of the battlefield. A foot stomps
in front of us. As we pan upward and pan farther away, we see it
is Tatewaki Kuno, holding a bokken in front of him.]
Tatewaki: I believe you are looking for me?
Figure: No, what you do to that bear?
Tatewaki: I got rid of him, now you have to fight me.
[The mohawked figure looks Tatewaki up and down.]
Figure: You look too puny for me, since bear not here, I guess I'll
leave.
Tatewaki: Hmm?
Figure: My vacation is over, I have to go back to mother country and
train for next tournament.
[Tatewaki puts his bokken aside.]
Tatewaki: Oh right then, I'll let you live this time.
[A limo with a Russian flag drives up and the figure gets in.]
Figure: If you see bear again, say I said it gave good fight.
[raises tinted window]
Tatewaki: Very well, I shall!
[The limo drives away. Tatewaki walks up to Kodachi.]
Tatewaki[cont.]: Hello Kodachi, enjoyed the storm?
Kodachi: Very.
[We cut to a few days later in Moscow, Russia. We see the same
figure at his house, getting his mail. As he walks up to his
door, he gives a smile and tears open a letter. Then his smile
turns to anger.]
Figure: WHAT?! I'M NOT IN THE THIRD TOURNAMENT?!
[We fade out as we hear the figure's angry shouts.]
-FIN