The raven, black against the bright burning sky. A tiny dot in the vast
heaven, distinct and unmoving. Cold and as unforgiving, as the winds that
blow from the troubled winds, that churned and tossed the restless sea
below it, foaming at the brim. Enticing like a lover that beckons the
other, that they may clasp each other in an unending embrace. The raven,
untouched, flies onward - pass the burning ball that is the sun. It's warm
light bouncing off the raven's array of feathers like water shunning the
touch of black oil. Flying on, sickened by the sea below it, it yearned for
the sight of land. The land of its destination that of the lands of China. 

I'm not sure what to tell you, except that this is some *excellent* prose.
Seriously, these detailed, descriptive scenes add a lot to the story,
especially the way the entire prologue was written - that, folks, is how a
prologue should be written! <g>

	Storm clouds cover the sun in the far horizon. Bathed in crimson and grey
like a wounded animal from a fray. Absorbing what little light the sun has

This is a nice descriptive phrase, but there's two problems that I can see:

-Stay constant in either past or present tense, preferably past, as that's
what people are used to.
-The first two sentences struck me as sort of choppy.  You might want to
change it to 'Storm clouds covered the sun in the far horizon, bathed in
crimson and grey like a wounded animal from a fray.'  

left to shed, before the halo of the night comes to bring the sun to its
end. The mountains like giant sentinels parted and tore the heavens for the
sun, with their sharp frost covered peaks like swords slashing the shroud
of darkness in the sky. 

More nice prose. <g>

	The sun giving away what little light it could pass through the vale of
clouds to bless the fertile child cradled in the womb of the mountains.
Green and pure nestled in its very heart; the forest grew from the
struggles of the elements. The eye of the storm has long since passed hours
ago. And with it the fury of it's awesome power. Yet a trickle of that

                               its (no apostrophe; not a contraction)

power is still evident as the lifeblood of the storm seeped out from its
arms to drench the valley with its life giving blood.  And the forest is
thankful for it. 

Very nicely written, but the sentences, again, seem sort of choppy, and
you're switching between past and present tenses again.  You might want to
try:

'The eye of the storm had long since passed hours ago, and with it the fury
of its awesome power.  Yet a trickle of that power was still evident as the
lifeblood of the storm seeped out from its arms to drench the valley with
its life giving blood, and the forest was thankful for it.'

	The ground, still filled with moisture from the rain, is soft. Growing
colder by the minute as night grew on. Mist slowly rose from the ground,
playing by the suns dying light. Darting in between the trees and rocks as
it slowly blanketed the ground in soft wisp of white mist. Plants and grass
swayed equally with the wind that gently passed. Lifting in its wake, the
few dead leaves on the ground making them tumble and dance as the wind
wills them. While the sounds of various animals and forest life, blended in
with the soft whispers of the winds gentle moan.

I'm not going to correct the choppy sentence deal again, but this paragraph
could use a little work in that respect, also.

<snip rest of story>

I really liked this story, and I hope it's continued.  I'll be looking out
for chapter 2. :)

Hunter Kid
http://www.serve.com/guilds/ranma/
guilds@mail.serve.com