[AMS][UY] "Chaos and Death" (4/?)
Chapter Four: "Rituals"
By Henry J. Cobb
$Id: chaos_death4.txt,v 1.3 1997/10/01 03:33:19 hcobb Exp hcobb $

The Ah! Megami-sama! characters and situations are the creation of Kosuke
Fujishima.

The Urusei Yatsura characters and situations are the creation of Rumiko
Takahashi.

No infringement of their copyrights is intended.

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Saturday afternoon, Skuld read the latest issue of Cyborg Zero Zero None.
"They call that an F-14?  The flaps are all wrong!"

Ataru looked down from his desk to where Skuld was lying on the floor of
his room.  "If you don't like it, why don't you read your own manga?"

"Can't.  Peorth swiped mine.  Maybe I should introduce you to
auntie-Peorth.  I think she'd like you."

Ataru didn't like the way she smiled at that.  "Then go buy some new
ones.  You keep saying how loaded you are."

"I'm also frugal.  It's a habit you should take up.  Say, who's this
Bernice who gets killed in this crossfire?"

"What!  I haven't read that yet!"

"Just kidding."

"Don't you have homework too?"

"Already finished it."

"Even the history?"

"I'll handle that later."

"Do you have to read that here?"

"Yes.  I need to keep an eye on you and make sure you finish your
homework."

"Lucky me."

"You are you know.  Very few mortals have goddesses assigned to personally
watch over them."

"Were they asked if they wanted it?"

"You were."

"This isn't what I asked for."

"No, but it's what you need.  What!  They call that a AK-47?!?"

Ataru turned back to his books and tried to ignore Skuld's giggles.

The doorbell rang and a minute later Ataru's mom called upstairs.  "Ataru,
you have a visitor."

Ataru hopped over Skuld and sprinted out his door.  She got up and
followed him.

Ataru's mother was talking to somebody at the door.  "I'm sorry about
whatever my idiot son did, but we're broke."

"Oh he didn't do anything Mrs Moroboshi."  Miss Sakura was wearing a red
dress.  "I'm here to ask him out to the disco."

"Y-you're asking my son out?" Mrs Moroboshi swooned.  Skuld caught her and
helped her into a chair.

"Let's go!"  Ataru jumped into his shoes.

"What about your homework?"  Skuld asked.

"Oh, I'll handle that later."

"Skuld, could you come along also?"

"Yes, I must keep an eye on this fool."

"See you mom!"  Ataru waved at his mother, who just sat there slack jawed.

Skuld followed behind Ataru as he walked alongside Miss Sakura.  They
turned a corner and Ataru attempted to double back but Skuld caught his
arm.

"Ataru!"  Shinobu was carrying two bags of groceries.  "Where are you
going with Skuld and that woman?"

"Uh, I'm going to the disco with Miss Sakura."

"You what?"  Tension bunched in Shinobu's shoulders.

"Are you a friend of Ataru's?"

"You might say that!"

"Good, why don't you come along with us then?"

"Huh, OK I guess.  I need to put my groceries away first."

"No problem, I have a few minutes to spare."  Sakura glanced at her
diver's wristwatch.

Shinobu rushed out of her house and they set off again.

"You have to be at the disco at a certain time?"  Skuld asked.

"Yes, I'm meeting some people there."

A man in a black suit with a cape jumped out from behind a telephone pole
and threw himself at Skuld's feet.  "Master!"

"I'm over here Tsubame."  Sakura sighed.

"Master, I pledge from this day forth to turn over a new leaf!"  Tsubame
groveled.  "Please forgive me master!"

"Tsubame!"  Sakura complained, while Skuld backed off a step.

"She's the one!"  Tsubame pointed at Skuld.  "The Lord of Death!"

Sakura yanked Tsubame to his feet.  "You are mistaken.  Look closer."

Skuld shook her head.  "No, I'm Skuld, the goddess of the future."

"Well, in the long run we're all dead, right?  Pleased to meet you Skuld."
He shook her hand.

"Who is this bozo?"  Ataru asked Sakura.

"This is my fiancee, Tsubame Ozuno.  He's been studying Voodoo Economics
in the west."

"Fu-fu-fu-fiancee?  No, I won't let him have you!"  Ataru latched onto the
priestess.

"Let go of her you!"  Shinobu pried Ataru off of Sakura while Skuld bonked
him on the head with her hammer, returning it to hyperspace in one fluid
motion.

"Master!"  Tsubame stared at Skuld's hands.  "You do have the power!"

"Give it a rest!"  Sakura grabbed Tsubame's arm.

When they reached the disco, Tsubame insisted on covering everybody's
cover fees.

"Sakura!"  Cherry appeared right in front of Skuld.  "Why did you bring
this creature?"

"Skuld is my friend."

"This is highly irregular, but you may proceed with the demonstration."

"Demonstration?"  Shinobu asked.

"Yes, I can only give my consent to my niece's engagement if Mr Ozuno can
demonstrate a high level of mystical powers."

"You're going to demonstrate black magic in this uncontrolled
environment?"  Skuld looked around the packed disco.  "No, I won't allow
it!"

Cherry evaded her hammer strike and circled around behind Tsubame.
"To prove yourself in my eyes, simply defeat this creature."

"Forgive me master."  Tsubame bowed to Skuld then began his enchantment.
"Central planning, state control, I call upon the powers of Stalin!"  He
gestured at Ataru.

Ataru expanded, he sprouted a mustache and his clothing flowed into a grey
military uniform with matching cap but then the cap turned red and grew
longer with a white ball at the end.  The rest of his outfit turned red
with white trim as his mustache grew long and white with matching beard
and hair.

"Ho ho ho, have you been a good girl?"  The now overweight Ataru asked
Shinobu.  "And what would you like for Christmas?"

"For you to stop being so weird."

"Now, now, just sit in my lap and tell me all about it!"  Ataru had a
lecherous glint in his eyes.

"Stop it!  Ataru is messed up enough, without you turning him into a
capitalistic icon!"

Tsubame backpedled away from Skuld's hammer swings through the crowd.
"Power comes from a barrel of Pork!  Let the Russian bear be superseded by
the Chinese dragon of Mao!"

Ataru's form shifted again.  His cap shortened and his trim disappeared as
his outfit faded to gray in a simple style, but then this suit spread over
his entire body and grew pointed ears with long whiskers with goofy
looking eyes that bounced around independently.  "Meow!"  Ataru in the cat
suit leapt up and perched on top of Skuld's head.

Skuld span around but failed to dislodge Ataru.  She brought her hammer up
but only beaned herself as Ataru jumped away. "Ow!"

"Meow!"  Ataru rubbed against Skuld's legs.

Tsubame walked up with his hands in a guard position.  "Do you yield?"

"No.  Look, there's Catwoman!"

"Meow!"  Ataru happily bounded off in the direction Skuld pointed.

Tsubame also looked in that direction and so didn't see Skuld's
hammerstrike.  Sakura lifted him up from the floor.

"Very well, you are the victor."  Cherry announced to Skuld.  "You have my
agreement to your engagement."

Skuld KOed him and they left him in the crowd and moved to the wall where
Sakura placed Tsubame on a couch.

"But what about Ataru?"  Shinobu asked.

"Don't worry, my hammer has special effect against magical spells.  I'm
sure he's back to his old self by now."

Ataru was standing upright again and dancing with a woman in a much less
concealing cat costume than his own.

"Ataru!" Shinobu stalked over towards the couple.

"Ow!"  Tsubame came to with his head cradled in Sakura's lap.  "I'm sorry,
I have failed you, my love."

"Don't worry about it."

"I shall go back to the west to study again!"  Tsubame sat up.  "I hear
that Chairman Greenmail has a staff opening.  I shall return and the
victory will be mine!  Be seeing you Skuld."  Tsubame circled his fingers
around his eye, tipped his hand towards the goddess, then turned and
walked away.

"Damn!"  Sakura muttered.  "I was hoping to get married this decade."

Skuld saw that even though Ataru was dancing next to Shinobu, his gaze
tended to drift elsewhere, but it was hard to tell with the bouncing eyes
on his cat costume.  "If you will excuse me.  I need to go look after
Ataru."

The next weekend the school had a trip, Skuld got Ataru's mother to sign
the release form.  Skuld was tempted to submit it to her own father, if
just for the humourous effect, but he was several millennia behind in
paperwork as it was.  She had offered to computerize the process of
sorting out the dead, but he preferred a direct hand in the matter.  After
all, they weren't going anywhere.

Friday evening, the class had gathered around a campfire.

"Skuld," Shinobu asked the girl sitting on the other side of Ataru. "Is it
true that if you make a wish three times before a shooting star fades,
it'll come true?"

"Well, it can't hurt.  Do you want to try it together on the next one?"

"Sure."

Just then a light appeared in the sky.

"We wish that Ataru would behave himself!"  Shinobu and Skuld shouted in
unison. "We wish that Ataru would behave himself!  We wish that Ataru
would..."

"Hit the dirt!"  Skuld warned as the light grew brighter and passed right
overhead.

"Ha, I did it!" Ataru stood up and was knocked over by the slipstream.

The light went over a hill and landed with a loud crash.

"There where intelligent creatures on that craft!"  Skuld announced.

"It was an airplane?"  Shinobu asked.

"No, they weren't human."

"What?" Kumiko asked.  "How can you joke like that at a time like this?"

"Let's go check it out!"  Ataru lit a torch in the fire and set out.

"Where are you going?"  Their teacher, Onsen-Mark, asked.

"There's probably people hurt on that plane.  We need to go help."

Skuld didn't need to read his mind to tell that he really meant that there
might be beautiful women who would be grateful for a rescue.  If the
self-images she had glimpsed were correct, he was going to be very
disappointed.

	Henry J. Cobb	hcobb@slip.net          http://www.io.com/~hcobb
    next time: "Vanity and Prophecy."