Ranma 1/2 - All mixed up chapter 1&2 (revised)

Disclaimer: The extremely funny and unique characters belong and are
copyrighted to the talanted and humourous Rumiko Takahashi, Viz
Communications, Shogakukan Inc. and other such clever companies who know
something good when they see it (ie, Ranma 1/2).

With thanks to SlayerNext, Emily Siazon, Soren Smith, Andrew M. Petalik and
of course, Lashawn M. Taylor!

(XXX) = actions/description       
~XXX~ = sound effects       
[XXX] = signs (mostly Genma-panda)

                                                   
Chapter 1: One fine day...

(It is a warm and breezy summers day. Birds flutter in and out of trees and
cars push themselves through the puzzle they call a road network. People walk
their dogs along the unusually quiet streets of Nerima. It is still quite an
early morning in the ward of Nerima. Two high school students are seen
running down the lane, together. What is unusual is that they are a half-hour
early for school and also they are not fighting. Neither of them is talking
but both seem quite contented.
     Coming up to the opened gate, the boy and girl sigh in relief as they
notice the schoolyard is empty. They run in, their feet tip-tapping on the
concrete.)

Boy: (with a chinese shirt on) it looks like we've missed them.
Girl: yeah, now let's get to class, I can't really face all the --

~RUMBLE~

Boy: or maybe not... c'mon, we can still make i - -
 
(A flood of students suddenly surround the two from no-where. The noise
distracts the two students and they back up against each other, the boys
crowd on one side of the pair, the girls on the other. It seems like the
whole school is facing the two. The pair each recognise familiar faces and
voices in the crowd, ready to interrogate them.)

Sayuri: -- hey Akane, what happened, are you alright?
Daisuke: -- Ranma, who are you marrying?! Me and Hiroshi will have the other
two fiancee's! I'll have the Chinese babe if you don't want he --
Hiroshi: (to Ranma) -- is there ever going to be a wedding or wha --
Yuka: (to Akane and Ranma) -- does this mean you two really love each other?
Ranma: well....
Akane: you see....
Crowd: (waiting) what?!
Ranma: bye! (grabs Akane's arm and leaps over the crowd and bounds away over
the school fence and down the street)
Akane: Ranma! What are you doing?! We have school!
Ranma: you call that school?! I'm not in the mood for interrogation!
Akane: (tugs her arm free) but I have an assignment due in!
Ranma: the teachers will thank us for it. We'll just be too much of a
disturbance for the class, the school asking questions an' all that.
Akane: (suspicious) you just want a day off...
Ranma: that's right!  
Akane: well I'm going back.
Ranma: are you sure you want to do that?
Akane: (Picture of earlier scene in schoolyard flashes past her eyes) I guess
I could do some work at home... (waits for insult, none comes) (she looks at
Ranma, surprised) 
Ranma: (smiles) what is it?
Akane: (a smile gradually appears, causing Ranma to lose a few hundred
heartbeats) nothing... nothing at all.

(They walk off towards home, together....
    It is now about 9.00am by the time they get back. Both go out to the
back. Nabiki is sunbathing, and  Genma in panda form is being scolded by
Nodoka for eating her breakfast.)  

Genma-panda: [but I thought it was Ranma's!]
Nodoka: Genma dear, how can you be a good male role model to (notices the
two) hi son! Hello Akane! You two are back early!
Ranma: yeah, mom, we're not feeling too well.
Kasumi: (comes out to the garden with lemonade for everyone) Yes, Nabiki's
feeling the same...
Nabiki: (in swimsuit, lying back on a lounger, listening to her CD Player and
reading "New Men ") yeah, I'm psychologically distressed by the failed
wedding and need recuperation. (gets handed a drink) Kasumi, do you know were
my Smoke City CD has gone?
Kasumi: I think you left it in the kitchen when you got those chocolate chip
cookies.
Ranma: (narrowed eyes) I can see its traumatic effect on you.
Nabiki: (sipping on her lemonade) I'm in deep shock.
Ranma: (looks around and notices someone missing) where'd Akane go?
Kasumi: I think she went for a little lie down...
Ranma: why, what's wrong?
Soun: you _do_ care? Oh joyous day!! (pats him on the back and starts crying)
Ranma: what are you talki --
Kasumi: daddy, you know you should take it easy, Dr. Tofu said that the
trauma of the wedding has made you more emotional than usual. I hope you have
been taking your medica -- 
Soun: (to Kasumi) -- will you get married, dear daughter? I would be so
proud! Just one wedding is all I ask !! Dr. Tofu is very nice and he does
like you...(turns away) Nabiki? You're a pretty girl, why don't you marry
that handsome gentlemen who's always round, what's his name, Tatewaki?
Kasumi: I think you should have a lie down....
Nabiki: amen to that!
Soun: you're always so right, my lovely Kasumi. What would I ever do without
you? (starts to cry and Kasumi gently leads him inside) 
Nodoka: now Genma, you are going to start to teach Ranma how to be more manly
and no tricks to get out of it!!
Genma-panda: [But I'm just a panda. I know nothing.]
Nodoka: (grits teeth) husband...   
 
(An hour later...
    In the living room...) 

Ranma: (flicking channels) nothing on.... nothing on... nothing on....
(switches TV off) (thinks) I wonder what's up with Akane? She's been awful
quiet these past few days...I'll go see her. (gets up and goes up to her
room, knocks on the door, no-one answers) (out loud) Ah well, what the heck.
(opens door slightly and looks in) Hey Akane, you awa -- (starts, when he
sees Akane sleeping on the bed, her hair all messed up and a smile on her
face) You really are beautiful, what took stupid me so long to see it? But do
you think of me the way I think of you? 
Nabiki: (behind him) (fully dressed) for 5000 yen I could find out.
Ranma: N-Nabiki! How much did you hear?  
Nabiki: oh, more than enough to pay for Oasis' new album...
Ranma: (grumbles) I'm going for a walk!
Nabiki: whatever you say... (watches Ranma leave house) (a smile grows on her
face) ...future brother-in-law.

(Ranma wanders aimlessly for a few hours, thinking mainly about Akane. He
doesn't notice the scenery changing from Nerima to a small woodland -- just
at the edge of the ward and Tokyo -- or his stomach grumbling for food. He's
_really_ deep in thought.)    

Ranma: (beside fringe of dark undergrowth) how'd I get here? Better leave!
(stops when he hears a voice calling from outside the woodland)
Shampoo: (carrying a strange piece of food) Today, husband marry me and no
have to deal with pervert girl anymore! Life so good! (skips away out of
sight)
Ranma: (comes out of shadow) close...I think I'll hole up in these woods for
a bit. Funny, I've never seen them before. (wanders more deeply into them,
the shadows getting more and more acute)

~rustle~

Ranma: ? (tenses) (pause) must have been my imagination.

~crack~

Ranma: who's there?

~sshhh~

Ranma: Gosunkugi?

~thunk~

Ranma: Ryoga?

~creek~

Ranma: Whoever you are, show yourself! 

~wooosh~

(Before he could react, Ranma sees a black object moving towards him at
incredible speed.)

Ranma: Ryoga?! Is that you? (prepares to strike when the black thing dives
under his legs and up to the back of his head) wha -- ? (looks around) 

~Clong!~

(Ranma unconscious now.)

Voice: (dragging Ranma away) it's for your own good, boy.

(Over Nerima.....
Clouds start to form....)

~plish~
~plash~

Kasumi: I think I'll take the washing in, it's starting to rain...
Nabiki: what kind of rain is that? I've never seen purple rain before. (goes
outside to investigate, Nodoka is helping Kasumi.)
Akane: (practising kicks on a pig-tailed dummy outside, around one side of
the dojo) weird? (puts out hand to catch the mutated water) Very wierd... 

(An hour later...in a hut somewhere in the mysterious woodland....)

Ranma: (starts to wake up, rubs back of head and sits up) Owww, where am I?

~Click~

Ranma: (rushes to closed door and opens it) Where...who? (looks around and
sees the forest) What? (sees note stuck to door) What's going on? 

Note: [ Please forgive me. But if I hadn't kidnapped you would have met a
horrible fate. I would have liked to save your friends but you are the only
hope now. A strange rain will have, by now, fallen onto the ward of Nerima
and only the ward of Nerima because of it's paranormal attracting force. Take
the pills attached to this and you will suffer none of the side-effects of
this rain. It will fall once more and then never. Just be careful, your
friends personalities will have been twisted and you have to discover the
antidote. With deepest sympathy, 
Mr. X ]

Ranma: (disbelieving) oh really? Where's Mulder then? (turns over the piece
of paper)

Note: [By the way, in a matter of great urgency and importance....who plays
the dum guy in Friends? Write it here if you know. 
           P.S. this isn't the X-Files, dummy, it's real.]

Ranma: (not quite sure what to make of this) I'll just play it as it goes...
(Puts box of pills in pocket) (walks off)

(Fifteen minutes later...)

Ranma: (running down street at his "normal" speed) Finally, back in Nerima!
(looks at ground and sees purple patches of water) hmm...maybe that guy was
right. (swallows pill) Can't hurt. (enters the Tendo's) Hey everyone!
(no-one's in the front room) (looks round house) That's odd. (hears talking)
Sounds like Mr. Tendo... (goes to Tendo's room)
Soun: (lying on futon, flat out) (murmuring) Akane, Ranma, do have a piece of
your own wedding cake. It's so nice you got a cure and Ukyo, Kodachi and
Shampoo left willingly. Here, have some sake, I'm so happy you two got
married... 
Ranma: at least something seems normal... (leaves room) (walks down the
corridor) 

~Whump~

Ranma: (accidently bumps into someone) s-sorry! (steps back and looks at the
sight before him, the leather-jacketed, short-haired girl smoking a
ciggarette in his face) K-Kasumi?
Kasumi: if the name fits....y'know? (chews some gum) You gotta problem?
Ranma: yeah, what happened to you? Is this some wierd nightmare?
Kasumi: the only thing that was a nightmare was my life! Jeez, I was dull.
Now things are gonna change. I'm gonna get a Smashing Turnip's album and then
trash a few stores. See ya'!

~Boo-oom!~

Kasumi: oh yeah, that's right! I put something in the oven, a tin of beans.
Forgot about it. Well, have to go! I'm outy! (leaves with a swagger)
Ranma: Kasumi can't cook?! Why?!! Of all people?! Does this mean I have to
put up with Akane's cooking?! Oh, the inhumanity of it all!!! Get a grip
Ranma, stop talking to yourself. (smells the burning kitchen) Guess I'll have
to call the firemen. Unless they've gone wacko Jacko on me, too!

~slam!~

Ranma: (sees Akane running in, upset) what's the matter?
Akane: (with a half disgusted, half upset look on her face) I loathe you on
site! (starts crying and runs upstairs) 
Ranma: somethings never change. (follows her upstairs and is about to knock
on her closed door...)
Akane: (in her room) (talking to no-one in particular) Why Kuno-chan? Why?! I
wuv you, can't you see that?! (cries even more) I luvvy wuvvy you!!! I'll be
a good wife and cook for you and do the housework and even give up martial
arts for my _darling_!
Ranma: (a couple of major electrical storms in his soul later)
K-Kuno-_chan_?! Kuno-chan? I mean, c'mon, Kuno-chan?!  Luvvy-wuvvy?! (takes a
couple more pills) Is there anyone sane left? (hears noises in Nabiki's room)
Nabiki? (knocks on her door)
Nabiki: come in!! Please do, oh yes! (starts singing)
Ranma: uh right. (thinks) Please do? (opens door) (outloud) Nabiki! What's
happened to you?! 

End of chapter 1.....

C&C of any kind needed! This sort of thing's never been my thing! ^_^ Hope
you like the revisions!

Chapter 2: School daze.

Ranma: (to Nabiki in her room) y-you're (looks at the newly decorated room)
_nice_! (the room is all pink and full of fluffy animals and posters for
charity organisations) (Nabiki is wearing a long, white dress with flowers on
it and a daisy chain in her hair) 
Nabiki: (stands up and grins at him, handing him an envelope) for you!! 
Ranma: that's more like i -- (thinks) What does she want to blackmail me into
this time? 
Nabiki: -- it's all the money my old self took off you! I don't know if it's
the right amount, I'm quite ditzy with numbers you see? (giggles) I'm giving
all the money I have to charitable causes!! 
Ranma: (holding thousands of yen) Nabiki? Charitable? (jumps for joy) There
is a Kami-sama!! (leaves and pauses past Akane's room)
Akane: why did you refuse my kiss, Kuno baby? You hurt me! Waaaaaahhhhhh!!! 
Ranma: (rushes in) are you OK, Akane?
Akane: (sitting on her bed, clutching a teddy bear) oh, it's the ugly, weak
guy! Ewwwww! Sush a sissy also! I need a real, strong man, like dear
Tatewaki! If only he didn't hurt me....
Ranma: (clenches fist) he hurt Akane?! I'll kill 'im!! (runs out the front
door in a couple of milliseconds)
Akane: ...by rejecting my love, oh dear Tatewaki!! (sighs)

(Ranma zooms towards the school, blind rage covering his vision. The streets
are nearly dry and the sun is smiling again. The road he's racing along is
deserted.)

~Wham!~

Boy: (having knocked over Ranma, helps him up) excuse me, could you tell me
the way to Ner -- Ranma! It's you!!

(Kind of....)

Ranma: hey Ryoga! You feeling fine? No sudden bouts of happiness, p-chan?
Ryoga: (swipes him with umbrella) why you...! How dare you mock my life!
Ranma: (grabs hold of umbrella) I _never_ thought I'd say this... but you
seem to be the only normal person 'round here! Normal for you, anyhow...
Ryoga: what are you going on about? Just because I haven't been able to find
Tokyo for the last three days gives you no right to joke about my cruel and
harsh suffering! I've only just arrived in Nerima after being stuck in some
strange forest all night! This _is_ Nerima, isn't it? 
Ranma: yes, you idiot. The thing is, everyone's acting really strange because
of some cursed rain or somethin'. 
Ryoga: Ranma...! Did you have anything to do with this?! 
Ranma: (offended) hey! Why'd you think everything's my fault? (starts to get
all worked up) Why does everyone seem to think everything's my fault!
Ryoga: why? Because everything _is_ your fault, you womanising deviant! The
way you treat Akane-san is awful, giving her no respect at all!! 
Ranma: I do so! Kind of... Uh... (thinks about it) actually I don't....
(thinks about this a bit more)
Ryoga: (rattles on) ...And you just can't make up your mind, you even got
Shampoo and Ukyo along to ruin your wedding and break Akane's heart! And --
Ranma: -- I had nothin' to do with that! Look, would you just shut up for a
second and listen! This purple rain has had a weird effect on everyone.
Ryoga: purple rain? That sounds like a Prince song.
Ranma: that English guy, Charles, is a singer now? I thought he would be too
old for that.
Ryoga: (narrowed eyes) .....
Ranma: what's your prob -- ? 
Ryoga: -- so, what's it done to everyone, this rain? Is Akane OK? She better
not be, or you're in deep trouble...!
Ranma: just zip up, will ya'? You want to help Akane or not? First of all,
Kasumi's a rebel and can't cook... Kasumi!! Nabiki's even being _generous_!
And Akane's upset because Kuno hurt her! My dad might even be an honorable
and truthful person who regrets his past and has a conscience. (shakes head)
It doesn't bear thinking of...
Ryoga: (angry) I shall destroy Kuno's happiness for hurting my dear, sweet
Akane!! (thinks) ...Then I'll crush you, Ranma, for letting this atrocity
happen in the first place!
Ranma: so, we agree on something? Things _are_ going warped around here!
C'mon Ryoga! Let's go beat Kuno to a pulp! (starts to run when he realises
something) Hey Ryoga, Furinkan High's this way! 
Ryoga: don't you insult me, Ranma! (runs)
Ranma: I said this way!

~boot!~

Ranma: (drags an unconscious Ryoga along) well, he might be useful against
Kuno. As something to throw at the thick-headed... wait! I didn't take that
into account! Kuno's probably intelligent now, he might even be a match!
(pause) Naaaaahhh...! 

(Ranma dragging an unconscious Ryoga make their way to the school gates, it
is now lunchtime and evryone seems to be sitting outside, eating lunch. He
looks around for any weird behaviour. He walks over to the playing fields
where he often fights Kuno and first fought Mousse.)

Ranma: nothing out of the ordinary, yet. (trips over two people, sitting on
the bank of the school fields.) Sorry! Jeez, studying?! At lunchtime?!
Nerds...
Nerd #1: we are trying to work here.
Nerd #2: please do not be so clumsy.
Ranma: (recognises them) Hiroshi?! Daisuke?! What has this rain done to you?
Hiroshi: (ignores Ranma) we have to finish this assignment if we want to make
it for band practice.
Daisuke: don't forget chess club after school. We shouldn't have taken the
morning off to look around the Nerima ward.
Hiroshi: will never do that again! Or think of the opposite sex in such a
perverted manner! Girls deserve respect. 
Daisuke: so immature were we... (shakes head at memory disapprovingly)
Ranma: if I were 20 years older, I would have had a couple of heart attacks
by now! It isn't the rain... it's aliens come to take over the world,
bodysnatchers, yeah! (looks pleased with himself)
Ryoga: are you sure the rain hasn't given you brain damage... scrub that,
you're always like this.
Ranma: when did you wake up?
Ryoga: you don't think that a little kick from you could keep me down for
long?
Ranma: you're right.
Ryoga: (disbelief) what?!
Ranma: with a head as thick as yours, who could kick you hard enough?
Ryoga: why you..! (they start fighting) (crowds look on, surprised for a
second, then disinterested)

(A few minutes later... Ranma and Ryoga still fighting and quite bruised.)

Voice: hey, chill out, dudes!
Ranma & Ryoga: (stop in mid-carnage) (look to the voice) huh? 
Ranma: The principal? No it's... Kuno!!! No way!
Kuno: (wearing moccasins, long, baggy flares, a tye-dye shirt and shades)
way, brother!
Ranma: this is some sort of dream, isn't it?
Kuno: my whole life's been a dream up to now, man! Now I've seen the true
way, through peace and love!! 
Ranma: where's your bokken?
Kuno: there's no need for violence, world peace is all we need!
Ranma: (to Ryoga) still some of the old Kuno left in him, he still speaks a
load of cr --
Kuno: -- see you later, brothers. (makes the peace sign)
Ranma: hang on a sec, what did you to to Akane? She said you hurt her?!
Kuno: who, man?
Ranma & Ryoga: who??!
Ranma: about a year younger than you, short-haired uncute tomboy? 
Ryoga: (hits him over head) hey, don't speak about Akane like that, you cad!
Kuno: (thinks for a few minutes) oh _her_! Uncute, yes.  She needs to catch a
few more positive vibes till I hang with her. She is one dull chick!
Ranma: (testing) what about "the pigtailed goddess"?
Kuno: Ranma, you're an OK sorta guy but you're totally no goddess!
Ranma: you know? 
Kuno: what kinda fazed-out idiot would I be if I didn't know?
Ranma & Ryoga: ....
Kuno: gotta go spread some happenin' vibes, check you later, dudes! (runs
off)
Sayuri: (chases after him) wait for me, Tatewaki!!!
Yuka: (baby voice) me too, Kuni-wuni!!!
Ranma: (wide-eyed) Akane's friends....
Ryoga: what can we do to get rid of this nightmare?
Ranma: but Kuno _is_ leaving me alone and Nabiki won't make me broke anymore!
We could just leave things...
Ryoga: (hits him) think of Akane, jerk!
Ranma: (recalls Akane's crush on Kuno) (shivers) you, for once, have a point
there.

(Something horrible attatches itself to Ranma's leg.)

Ranma: Happosai, get offa me! (removes him violently)
Happosai: but I'm so scared; nasty girls are after me! I'm just an old man!
Ranma: (narrows eyes) oh right!
Ryoga: haven't you noticed something Ranma?
Ranma: what?
Ryoga: Happosai hasn't tried to splash and glomp you yet!
Ranma: he's probably trying to hide from some mob of crazed girls....
Happosai: you're so right, so clever, oh great one!
Ranma: see?

~rumble~

Ranma: here they come! (picks him up) Here he is!
Girl mob: ooh, thank you, thank you!
Happosai: (crying) noooooo!!!!
Girl #1: hey, I wanna hold him first! He's so _cute_!
Girl #2: (snatches him) no, me!
Girl #3: (grabs him) hey, I bags to cuddle him! (cuddles Happy, happily) 
Happosai: why is fate so cruel?! I just want a quiet life.
Ranma: this is strange...
Ryoga: too strange...
Ranma: cute girls want him...
Ryoga: and he doesn't want to be near them...
Ranma: we should just cure everyone but Kuno, Happosai and Nabiki. The world
would be a better place.  
Ryoga: remember, we have to find a cure first! But where do we look?
Ranma: ...The old ghoul!
Ryoga: huh?
Ranma: Cologne, dummy! Now, let's hope she's unaffected. C'mon, jerk!
Ryoga: what did you call me?! (chases after Ranma)
Ranma: a pig-headed jerk!! (thinks) One way to ensure that we get were we're
going.

(A few minutes later... they reach the Cat Cafe's entrance.)

Ryoga: Raaanmmmaaa!!! Diiieeeee --
Ranma: -- hey moron, we're here now! You care for Akane, don't you?
Ryoga: (calms) uh... yes of course I do.... Well, let's go inside then! 

(They open the door, unprepared for the sight they see.)

Ranma: what the --? (rubs eyes) No, it's true!
Ryoga: is that Shampoo?
Shampoo: (wearing a long, baggy dress and grey cardigan) Oh Mousse, you know
I'm desperately in love with you! My soul yearns for yours! (tries to hug
Mousse) Oh, marry me! I'm so sorry for the way I've so despicably treated
you! 
Mousse: (in jeans and t-shirt) Get off Mousse! Shampoo leave me alone! I no
want you so submissive! I prefer fiesty women! You odd and ugly! Go back to
China! (throws her across the room, she starts to cry and curls up in a ball)
Ranma: hey! You don't treat girls like that!!
Mousse: who...? Ah, it my good friends, Ranma and Ryoga! How you both doing?
Ramen on the house!
Ranma: (to Ryoga) this doesn't look too good for the dried-up old ghoul!
Voice: (behind them) it's so nice to see the groom has still retained his
manners.  
Ranma & Ryoga: huh? (turn round) Cologne!
Cologne: (on staff) I see the rain didn't get you, future groom.
Mousse: (interrupts) dear elder, may I interrupt?
Cologne: what is it, Mousse?  
Mousse: I have finished cleaning up. May I take break now?
Cologne: I suppose so. Be back to work in fifteen minutes _sharp_.
Mousse: (bows) anything you say, respectful elder of Chinese Amazon tribe.
(leaves with Shampoo wrapped round his one of his legs)
Ryoga: how did Shampoo and Mousse avoid it and not you?
Cologne: they were out on deliveries at the time and I was inside; cooking
for the lucky, unaffected ones. 
Ranma: What is it? Is there a cure? How can we get it? What're these weird
pills I was given?
Cologne: slow down, groom. Sit at this table and I'll explain as much as I
can. 

End of chapter 2...

Well? Any good?
If liked, next chapter should involve Nodoka and (possibly) Ryoga's
transformations. (and who knows  what else...?) As again, I hope the
revisions are to your liking!