Warning!  Otakufic ahead!

<Lurker, Hikaru, Chichiri, and Gendou show up in a police car with purple
flashing lights. The four are wearing purple police uniforms.>

Lurker: STOP!

Hikaru: ...in the name of love...

Lurker: <whaps Hikaru> I'm afraid we're going to have to impound this
otakufic for inspection...

	Scott's head exploded with pain.

Lurker: There should be a "The End" right here.

Gendou: Amen.

	When he was able to focus on anything other than that, Scott 
noticed he was lying down.  Something cool, hard and smooth.  Felt like a

wood floor.  Someone was talking.
	"--too hard, Ryouga."
	"Naw, see?  He's waking up already."
	Or at least, that's what the things they were saying *meant*.  
They were actually talking in Japanese.  

Chichiri: For your viewing convenience, this otakufic has been dubbed in
English, no da.

Scott forced his eyes open. 

Lurker: (Impression of Scott's eyes) No! No! Not the crowbar again!
AAAHHH!!

	There were two young men squatting near him.  Both looked 
uncannily familiar, though Scott was pretty sure he'd never met either of

them before.

Hikaru: I hate it when that happens.

	The closer one waved a hand above Scott's face.  "You okay, 
buddy?  How many fingers am I holding up?"  He was a handsome fellow with

his hair in a pigtail.
	"Two..."  Suddenly, Scott connected the dots.  "Ranma?!"

Lurker: How many dots would you have to connect to write Ranma's name?

Chichiri: Depends on if you're writing it in hiragana or kanji na no da.

	"Guess you're right, Ryouga.  No brain damage here."

Lurker: That would be a first.

	Scott looked over at the other boy.  Yes, he did look amazingly 
like the Ryouga Hibiki from the manga, though not wearing his trademark 
bandana.  Perhaps because his crewcut really didn't need restraining.  
Come to think of it, both "Ranma" and "Ryouga" looked a bit older than 
16. 
	"Um..." Scott started.  "I'm not so sure about that...  How did I 
get here?"  "Here" appeared to be the Tendou dojo training hall.  
Complete with "iroha" banner.

Lurker: You died, and this is your personal ideal of Heaven.

Gendou: <scowls> Why couldn't he just Ascend like the rest of us?

Lurker: <sweatdrop>

	"Oh, the groom is faking amnesia, hmm?" smiled Ranma.  "Can't let 
you get cold feet now."
	Groom?  Scott was pretty sure he hadn't even been engaged.  Hell, 
he'd never been on a real date.  "Is this some arranged marriage thing?" 

Lurker: AAAHHH! RUN!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

	"Oh, he's good, Ranma," chortled the other boy.  "Better start 
from the beginning."
	"Okay, you're Scott K. Jamison."
	Scott nodded.
	"And one day about a year ago you fell out of the sky into the 
Tendou's koi pond.  Something about a trandimensional rift whatzis.  You 
raved for a while about how we were all supposed to be anime characters 
or something, but once you settled down, you started showing some 
intelligence."  Ranma sat back.  Scott dragged himself to a semi-upright 
position.

Lurker: Intelligence? Nah. Couldn't be. Probably just gas.

	"You started giving me some good advice, and helping out around 
the place, and before I knew it, you and Kasumi were on like 
gangbusters!" 

Lurker: O_o

	"Me and K-K-Kasumi?!"  Scott's brain threatened to melt down.

Hikaru: Uh-oh...he's turning into Tofuu-sensei...

	Ryouga gave his trademark fanged grin.  "Well, who did you 
*think*?  Kodachi?"
	Scott shuddered.  "I guess not.  But you called me `groom'..."
	"Well, sure.  After all, the wedding is today."
	Scott's mind did melt down temporarily.  It slowly began to 
congeal again.  "But what about Dr. Toufuu?"
	"What about him?  He sent his congratulations from Antarctica, 
said he was sorry the expedition couldn't spare him to come back for the 
wedding.  Not that you should be disappointed.  The guy went bonkers 
around Kasumi."  Ranma winced in remembered pain.

Lurker: O_O!!!!!

Gendou: <pushes his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose, and grins>

	"Oh.  Right.  Wait a minute, how am I supposed to support Kasumi, 
I mean my salary--"
	"Geez, willya stop worrying about that?  They pay English 
teachers good money here in Japan, and you got a lock on the job since 
Hinako-sensei got promoted to vice-principal.  Man, am I glad I 
graduated." 

Lurker: Who wouldn't be?

	Ryouga looked at his wristwatch.  "Uh, guys?  We'd better get 
cleaned up now if we want to be ready in time for the ceremony."
	The headache had mostly faded, so Scott was able to stand and 
follow the others (Ranma in the lead) across the yard, into the house and

to the bathroom. 
	Scott was a little, okay a lot, nervous about sharing a bath, but 
since the others seemed unconcerned, he played along.
	Ranma lathered up and poured a bucket of hot water over himself.  
Scott felt slightly disappointed.

Hikaru: HENTAI! <sizzles SKJAM!>

	"Hey, no free show for you today!  You're gonna see all you want 
of Kasumi tonight anyway."  Everyone chuckled, Scott a little guiltily. 
	"Ever since Akane found out about P-chan, all the fun went out of 
my curse," sighed Ryouga.  "I mean, it's nice that Akari accepts me for 
who I am--"

Lurker: Look at it this way. You get to bring home the bacon for Akari now.

	"Hey, since we're not getting cured anytime soon, we might as 
well be grateful for fiancees who can stand our curses." 
	"Weren't you going to get married first?" Scott asked Ranma. 
	"Still with the amnesia?  We still aren't through with the 
counseling sessions you signed us up for.  Man, do we have issues!  But 
soon, yeah."  

Lurker: "Issues"? Akane's mallet alone could take up ten tankouban!

	After a fair bit of struggle, all three men were dressed in 
formal wear.  Scott adjusted his tie in the mirror.  "Hmm, should have 
gotten a haircut."  He brushed back his bangs.

Lurker: Get a haircut ya hippie!

	"Places, everyone!  The guests are arriving!" came a female voice 
Ranma reacted to.  Probably Nodoka, Scott decided.
	Ranma and Ryouga took Scott to the family room, where they waited 
nervously for their cue.  Soon, music started, and one by one they 
walked out into the garden.
	Scott began to sweat.  What was he doing?  He didn't remember 
even meeting Kasumi, and he was about to marry her?

Lurker: You'd think he wouldn't have a problem with that, all things
considered...

	Then she smiled at him, and Scott realized the emptiness was a 
keyhole, and Kasumi the key that unlocked his heart from despair.  His 
misgivings vanished.  Just met or not, Kasumi was a woman he could, no 
*would* love.

Lurker: <horrified gasp> AAAHHHHH!!! Kasumi's KEY!!!! 

Chichiri: <sweatdrop> Daaaa....not *that* Key, na no da...

	Scott barely noticed the rest of the ceremony, drowning in 
Kasumi's loving gaze.  Still, he managed to say "I do" in all the proper 
spots, didn't fumble the ring, and was ready when he was told to kiss the

bride.  His first real kiss, and it was all the sweeter for being so long

delayed.

Hikaru: <smile> I love weddings...

	The reception was both joy and torture, as he tried to enjoy the 
occasion, yet found himself bored by the endless speeches.  At least he 
seemed to be popular with his students.  He listened with growing horror 
as Ranma described an epic battle with Chinese hopping vampires summoned 
by Cologne's rival Maybe, in which Scott had apparently risked life, limb

and soul to save Ranma.

Lurker: Maybe? (s)he from the tribe of the maxi pad people?

	"Okay, the limo is waiting to take you to the station.  Here's 
your tickets, your reservations and just a little extra money in case.  
You take good care of Kasumi, now.  It's going to be rough enough trying 
to keep the house clean for a week without her."

Lurker: <smirk>

	"Oh, look, Scott!  There's a zoo, and an amusement park, and an 
Aqua World, all within walking distance of the hotel!  We'll have so much

fun!"  Kasumi sounded positively bubbly.

Lurker: She sounds happy!

Chichiri: Must have been the pot, no da...

Hikaru: <giggle>

	Anyone who doesn't know what couples usually do on their wedding 
night certainly shouldn't be reading a story where it's described.  
Suffice it to say Scott and Kasumi did a lot of it, and it was quite 
enjoyable.  Not perfect, given a total lack of experience on both sides, 
but enjoyable.

Hikaru: <giggle>

Lurker: <eyes Hikaru warily> 

	As Scott let the steaming water sluice away the effects of the 
previous night, Kasumi stepped into the shower with him.
	"Oh, saucy, aren't you?"

Lurker: We have allusion to prior otakufic...

Hikaru: <writes it down on the ticket>

	She smiled and moved up next to Scott, then twisted the 
temperature control from hot to cold.

Lurker: Uh-oh...

	His brain seemed to be melting down again too, because Kasumi 
seemed to have gotten a lot bigger.  He felt a wave of 
love/lust/security/annoyance/worry/love as Kasumi wrapped him in her arms

and pulled him out of the shower.
	"There you go, honey, all kirei!"  She started toweling him down.

Lurker: <pale> Oh no...

Hikaru: Anything but...

	He stood unable to quite grasp what was going on.  Kasumi 
definitely was bigger, and there was something weird feeling about the 
way the towel was going between his legs.
	"So, would you like to go to the zoo today, or the amusement 
park?" Kasumi cooed.  
	"Ah...er..."  Scott let her lead him by the hand to the main 
room.  She'd obviously been unpacking, and had outfits already laid out 
for both of them.
	As Scott stared in horror at the frilly pink dress with the lace 
kitten pattern, he could only come to one conclusion.
	"I've been *had*."
	"Oh my, yes!  But we'll have such fun together, Scott-chan!" 

Lurker: <busts out laughing>

Hikaru: <snicker>

Chichiri: ROFLMAO no daaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Gendou: <chuckle>

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Zankoku na tenshi no TEEZE
Madobe kara yagate tobitatsu
Hotobashiru atsui PATOSU de
Omoide wo uragiru nara
Kono sora wo daite kagayaku
Shounen yo shinwa ni nare

The Eternal Lost Lurker
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net

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