(Ranma and Ryoga sit in silence. They are virtually speechless.)
(They are still speechless.)
(And again,--)
Ranma: What--the--HELL?
Ryoga: Well...
Ranma: What is *that* supposed to be? Is that is some kind of a joke?
Because if it is, man, I'm not laughing!
Ryoga: Umm...well...
Ranma: It's bad enough that I get roles that stretch my abilities to the
limits. Hell, I can do 10 dark fanfics on any given day without complaint,
man. Sure I get tired and edgy, but if it's darkfics people want, then hey,
I'll crank it out.
Ryoga: Well...
Ranma: But when the authors start parodying all my hard work...heck, all of
anime's characters hard work...then that just wrong! And what's worse, they
parodying my style using (Sur)Real World? With that crazy bunch? Who do they
think we are?!
Ryoga: Hey, Ranma, chill. I mean, I thought it was good (grumbling) Though I
never showed up in it.
(Ranma, however, is going on a roll. He stands on his chair, whips out a
bullhorn, and begins ranting while 'God Bless America' is being hummed in
the background.)
Ranma: I mean, we anime characters got to stand for our rights! We can't
let fanfic authors think we're some type of malleable clay able to do
whatever they want to do to us! I got rights! I got feelings! I got four
fiancees who love me! That doesn't mean that I'm some type of automatic
robot! Where is my say on how my story is done? Why, nowhere! That's why
I'm gonna put my foot down! We got to let those fanfic authors know that we
are not their petty little toys to be moved about to whatever little
cardboard scene they want us to stand at and then toss us into the trashcan
once they used us up! They can't do that to us! They *need* us to create
fanfics! That's why we fanfics characters, from the crowded avenues of
Nerima to the purple skies of Neo-Tokyo to the star-studded silence of space
over whatever scifi planet they want to use, need to band together and stand
up for our rights as actors not to be made fun of! We work hard for our
roles! We don't need no fanfic writers to mock us, the low-life scum! They
are mockers of true art! They are slugs, slime, overworked perverted lovers
of anime girls who write gratituitous breast shots whenever they can! They
are hentai baka idiots--
T-bone: <o.s.> who are paying you 50 yen each time your name was mentioned
in the fanfic.
Ranma: --and I am *damn* proud to be working for such a fine, hardworking
establishment of authors who obviously care about their subjects! They stay
up working late hours so we anime characters can get the most out of a
fanfic! What a bunch of creative, talented authors who definately knows a
good story when they see one! And the fact that they are humorous enough to
know a good joke and to make fun of themselves just shows how fun fanfic
writers are! Yes, sir, I've never been more happy working performing the
art of all these wonderful writers, who sacrifice their time, effort (and
especially) money to put out such beautiful prose that brings laughter to
one's heart or a tear to one eye! So, my fellow anime characters, let us
all give a huge hearty thanks to all the fanfic writers out there, and let
me just say that this fanfic was probably the best fanfic parody I've ever
read, and I would love to see more! In fact, I think I'll go look to see
what next role I have in store from these wonderful, talented group of
artists! Thank you, thank you all!
(Ranma leaps off the chair and runs out of the studio. Ryoga still sits
there, wearing a non-plussed expression.)
Ryoga: Uh, T-bone, offhand, do you know how much 50 yen amounts to?
T-bone: <o.s.> No, but it's all moot anyway. 110% of all the profits will
be going to his agent anyway, and most of that goes to...
Ryoga: Let me guess. Tendo dojo repairs? Nabiki Tendo may be a shark, but
I respect her.
T-bone: As much as a shark respects another shark.
Ryoga: And Ranma is the guppy, so to speak. Bwahaha. Now, if you excuse
me...(he whips out a cellular phone and dials a number) Hello? Nabiki? I
think we need to go over my contract a little bit more...
===================================================================
/===\ LaShawn M. Taylor (tbone@ccm.net) MSTie#83924
|^ ^|\ May you find meaning before you find death.
\v/\| -Ancient Kurdish Proverb
|\ "And I try not to think on things that can't be done.
\| Each day at a time, I never give up hope.
I've just begun."
-Phil Keaggy
T-bone's cafe will be opening real soon. Really. I mean it.
===================================================================