Eric: *dusting him self off, several miles away* cripes i've never seen
her get like that before. Even in the dream, she never managed
something like that. I wonder if she's all right. *Cubicle lands on him
crushing him flat*
Jonathan Burke wrote:
(back at Eric's now leveled workplace)
Sarah: that felt good... and i'm not even tired, i could probably do
that again. *glares at the sig* now lets finish this story.
�
Akane slid towards the front of the class, arm around Ranma's back.
Sarah: you can just say arm around Ranma
Ranma could feel the eyes of her classmates, some jealous, some envious,
some just plan lustful. She nuzzled her head against his shoulder as
Sarah: does everyone work off libido
she spoke.
"This is Saotome Ranma. He is my fianc�e."
The havoc that those four words created defied logic. Ranma expected
Sarah: the words themselves defy logic.
something like giggling teenagers bubbling romantic nonsense and perhaps
a few gasps of disappointment from the guys. He was dead wrong, as he
knew he should be. First utter, wrenching silence filled the room.
Then a girl in the back row broke the oppressive veil.
Sarah: it didnt cause havoc then
"You bitch, found another toy to break didn't you." Soon all the
females were shouting catcalls. Ranma instinctively pulled Akane in a
protective embrace. She just purred as the females grew more and more
enraged.
Sarah: humm... she purrs a lot, very cat like, i take it ranma has no
instictive fear. He's too much the victim, surrenders to easily.
"�fucked every guy in this school�" "In this school, try more like this
district�" "Ranma, can't you see how fouled she is�" "Corrupted bitch�"
Sarah: boy you like the words taint, fouled, and corrupt.
___________
Cubicle: ooopps sorry.
Eric: *twitch*
__________
"Ranma, you're to good for her!" "Akane, you whore, you can't let one of
Sarah: how would they know?
us get him first, can you" "Ensnared you in web of honey, hasn't she
Ranma?"
Ranma felt his ire rising to dangerous levels. Girls or no,
Sarah: humm he wants to see dangerous?
they were
speaking foul hatred towards his fianc�e, the only girl who ever made
him feel like a man. His rage escalated as the cries continued,
Sarah: ahh that makes sense as to why he's in love with her, though
considering everything he's been through he may have a slight sexual
identity problem.
uninterrupted by the teacher�
Suddenly, the door flew open. Into the room, light shining behind him,
was the Bible thumper. He opened his mouth and shouted his words like
the Nazarene from the mount.
"My children, spill not your bile on this lowly harlot. Remember that
it is God's love that can save the sinful. Even though she is so fouled
the Heaven's pearly gates would be tarnished by her touch, you can not
allow her own evil to spread the seeds of discontent. Rather, let you
love flow to the poor lost lamb who has been ensnared in her black pit
of corruption."
Sarah: humm Kuno might be more likeable if he didnt spout the bible and
spoke from his heart, but no...
Surprisingly, the class grew quiet at his speech. Most looked at least
a little guilty, while some crossed themselves and repented quietly.
Sarah: at least he inspires sensible thought.
Ranma blinked twice as the word registered in his mind. He was about to
say something to Kuno when Akane opened her lips.
Sarah: she just has to speak doesnt she.
_____
Eric: *twitch* owww that hurt.
Cubicle: *slips and falls on him again*
_____
"Mmmm�poor little Tatewaki. Are you still mad that you're girlfriend
would rather�pleasure� me than listen to you preach." Ranma felt his
gut clench as he listened to the words coming from his fianc�e. Then he
shook his head. How could he feel angry at her previous encounters when
he was so befouled, himself. No, he didn't deserve someone like her.
Sarah: oh sure you do, you two deserve each other, you who wallow in
self pity.
Kuno looked at Akane, contempt filling his features. The shear force
of his scorn seemed to weigh oppressively on the classroom, sending some
of the inhabitants into fits sobbing. Ranma decided he had had enough.
"Alright Kuno, you wanna save my soul�lets just take this outside."
Sarah: oh yes you two deserve each other more than anyone else in the
world. *her finger glows green and she flicks a stone*
Ranma stepped purposefully outside of the classroom and shut the door
behind him. He looked over at Kuno and clenched his hands into a fist.
"So Kuno, ya got exactly thirty seconds to apologize to me for speaking
that way about my fianc�e before I do something to you that you really
wont like."
Sarah: oh please, i'm getting real tired of him playing the victim here.
Kuno just looked at him like he was a tantrum-throwing toddler. "Poor
lamb, don't you know the evil that the harridan you call your betrothed
has spread amongst the simple students in this hall of education.
Repent of your sins and you can be saved."
Sarah: i'd be interested in some background history on Kuno, why is he
like this and so on.
Ranma barked out a short, harsh laughter. "Kuno, you fool�I have been
corrupted far worse than you can ever imagine. Even God cannot love me
anymore, but Akane does." In a flash, Ranma slammed Kuno up against
Sarah: ahhh Akane probably loves you more than you love yourself and
lemme tell you that aint to much.
the
wall, shaking the foundation of the school. His eyes flashed as he
Sarah: that has to hurt.
spoke. "I warned you, Kuno�" Ranma prepared to launch his most
devastating attack, one that hurt him as badly as it hurt the other.
Sarah: ahhh that seems very apropos.
_________
Eric: you fell on me twice on purpose
Cubicle: i did not, it was - *a rock traveling roughly the speed of
sound slams into cubicle causing him to fall on Eric*
He
brought his head closer to Kuno's, lips ready.
Suddenly a powerful blow to the head brought him to his knees. Ranma
looked up to see Kuno, sadness creasing his features, holding a Bible in
his hands. Ranma grinned, so this was going to be fun. He launched a
powerful blow at Kuno's gut, only to find his foot blocked by the
Bible. A counter attack followed, a wooden blur as Kuno swung his heavy
cross at Ranma's shoulder. Ranma dodged the attack easily, and launched
a punch at Kuno's face only to find his hand entangled in a rosary.
Kuno backhanded Ranma with his Bible, forcing Ranma to step back a few
feet. Kuno shook his head sadly and said "Violence is not the way. It
is a sin to strike your fellow man. But if strength is all you respect,
then I shall show you that the Church is far stronger than your sin.
You can still repent Ranma. Despite all you say, God loves even y---"
Sarah: humm very interesting, Kuno is a much better fighter with God on
his side. I'm actually cheering for him. *hand gathers energy again*
Kuno was cut off as Ranma, enraged, launched a fury of blows at Kuno's
torso. Kuno, dazed by the shear force of the attack, could only weakly
block as Ranma lashed out again and again at the one who reminded him of
his own self-loathing. Finally, Ranma left Kuno's battered body on
Sarah: at least he recognizes it for what it is, you'd think he'd have
some sort of realization.
the
floor and returned to class.
As he opened the door to step in, he heard Kuno behind him, praying for
his soul.
Sarah: i'm really intrigued to find out what the other fiancees are
like. *fires off a burst of her energy*
�
Ranma sighed. He should have known from that first day how truly
hopeless his life had become. He wept silent tears. Then he heard
Sarah: might sound better if he just wept silently.
footsteps outside of his door. He knew that stride by heart. Akane was
home. His Akane, his master. He silently rose and walked out to greet
her.
End chapter 1.
____
Eric: you just stand behind me and far enough away so that you cant fall
on me okay, i have to get back to work, the building is probably
leveled. *a green bolt of energy slams into Eric causing him to fly
backwards slam into Cubicle and collapse on the ground, cubicle stunned
and caught off balance sways back and forth and collapses on Eric*
Comments and Criticisms welcome.
Flames will be read and appreciated as long as you enclose at least some
proof that you read the story.
Send mail to: JoBurke3@vt.edu.
Sarah: humm flames... well personally after that little blast of mine i
feel quite numb and i've managed to keep Eric away from the little stuff
we write at the end here. I'm sure i've enclosed proof that i read the
story and this is my largest critique ever. You have a very warped mind
to have thought this out, but you capture some of the self loathing and
hatred that would be common in a fic like this. A couple of thoughts
though, Soun's daughters need more identity considering the family they
grew up in there might be more damage and disease within them. Akane
seems to be the only one affected but there might be more to the other
two. You are right the subject matter is very adult and the story
itself with the dislike and self loathing reminds me of Eric's Fic
Insignificant which is about Ukyou and her own self loathing and how she
comes to grips with Ranma's marriage to Akane, in some ways they are
similiar in how the characters deal with their hatred of themselves, i
would like to know if you've read it or what you thought of it if you
did. This is a well thought out story, well done and well plotted, the
characters as they are presented are believable for the most part and
stay within the guidelines you set. I can't say it was an enjoyable
read, but its was an intelligent read and very well done.