I recently recieved an item from someone who said they really
hated the last fanfic I sent out. If this person is reading this
I have sent a couple of guys in Italian suits to... discuss the
particular viewpoint. I'm not saying that if you disagree with
the Empire or me that I'll have you lined up against a wall and
shot several times with .22 assault rifles. Ha! Ha! Of course
not! We usually use .38s.

-The Emperor


Ranma 1/2: Four Weddings And A Catastrophe
By Stephen Schlueter

Chapter Three: We're here today to join Ranma Saotome and....

     "I don't care who is... or isn't your fiancee."
	                         -Akane Tendo
     
     Ryoga stumbled his way up the church stairs. He had been
wandering for days trying to find the address on the invitation.
It had been a good thing he had left a week ago.
     He had managed to beat everyone else there. Something that
would probably never happen again.

     "What?!" shouted Kodachi loud enough to be heard in other
towns "Ranma darling is getting married to HER?!! And he didn't
tell me?!!"
"I don't understand it myself..." began Kuno "Oh, Akane Tendo..
How could you marry one such as him."
     It's a well-known fact that the Kuno family is not known for
it's alertness or it's modesty. Though it is known for it's
occasional and uncommonly frequent acts of stupidity.
     Kodachi had a plan. She was going to have to take Akane's
place at the wedding. This was the same plan concocted by Ukyo
and Shampoo. Fortunatly, Kodachi had not thought of the marriage
license angle. 

"You did what?!!!" shouted Soun Tendo "How could you send them 
invitations?!!! We planned this to AVOID them!!!" 
"Well..." began Genma trying desperately to come up with an explanation.
He had obviously screwed up yet again. 

It took roughly two hours for Genma and Mr. Tendo to drag Akane and 
Ranma to the church. Every mailbox, street light and pretty much every 
large blunt object along the way had been picked up by someone and used 
as a weapon. These were hardly the actions of a happy, or even sane, 
couple. 
The majority of the people who had shown up had some kind of agenda 
intended to serve their own purpose. Those who didn't wanted to see what
was actually going to happen. Events involving Ranma and Akane were big 
entertainment to those in the community who were not afraid of dying 
should something go wrong. Those who avoided the wedding did so because 
they really liked living and did not want to get caught up in whatever 
was going to happen. Some individuals planned to be in other countries 
that day. There was obviously not a lot of confidence in how this 
wedding would turn out. 
Akane was in the dressing room dusting herself off from the struggle on 
the way to the church. She had to think of some way to get out of this. 
She couldn't see many options to get out of it, but, unknown to her, 
three options were sneaking up behind her. None of whom were conciously 
aware of the other two. This is the kind of narrow mindedness that keeps
these people from ever accomplishing anything. 

Everyone looked towards the back of the church. It sounded like someone 
was fighting out in the foyer. Just then, four girls, all in wedding 
dresses, burst through the closed doors, each one trying to beat the 
other three senseless. One of whom was using a spatula the size of a 
snow shovel. Ranma decided to take advantage of this. Since everyone's 
attention was on the four brawling brides he decided to make a break for
the exit on the left side of the church. 


Chapter Four: The Race For Glory, Happiness And The Exit.

"Are you going to let some girl come out of nowhere and claim your 
fiancee?!!" 
			-Ukyo Kuonji (to Ryoga)

It took Genma a couple of seconds to notice Ranma running towards the 
exit. The remarkable thing was that he was the first to notice it. This 
was an uncommon occurance for someone like him. 
Ranma had just gotten outside of the church when he noticed that Genma 
was following him. This, unfortunately, diverted his attention from 
where he was going, namely towards the water fountain. SPLASH! 

Ryoga, who had put on a tux so that he could blend in, wandered into the
dressing room. Akane wasn't there! He stopped and noticed three 
envelopes with Ranma's name on them. He shrugged, picked the envelopes 
up and left to find Akane. 

It took the four girls several minutes to notice that Ranma, who was a 
fairly vital point in the ceremony, was not, technically, there. 
"Ran-Chan?" said Ukyo as she looked away from the people she had just 
been beating to a pulp. 
"Aiyaa!" shouted Shampoo "Where Ranma go?"
Akane got to her feet. Obviously wedding dresses we're not designed for 
fighting in. 
Ukyo, Shampoo and Kodachi looked around the room for Ranma but Akane was
the only one to notice the open door on the left side of the church. 

Ranma-Chan stumbled to her feet. This was not going well. Genma was only
a few feet away now. Ranma-Chan jumped towards Genma, bounced off his 
head and landed on the church roof. Genma stumbled for a moment and then
fell head first into the fountain. 
	Ranma paused to catch her breath. What could possibly happen next?
"Saotome!! Prepare to die!!!"
Ranma spun around just in time to see Ryoga charging towards him at what
had to be at least Mach one. 

Kodachi was about to follow Akane out the open door when Ukyo hit her 
over the head with her shovel sized spatula. Kodachi slumped to the 
floor as Ukyo and Shampoo chased after Akane. 

Naturally, Ryoga wasn't the only one who felt the need to pound the tar 
out of Ranma right now. About three seconds later, Mousse, who had shown
up specifically to kill Ranma before he could marry Shampoo, showed up. 
Ranma was having a lot of trouble fighting on the slanted rooftop. 
Mousse was about to attack when Ranma slammed his elbow into Mousse's 
face sending him flying off the roof into the fountain far below. 
	"I shall destroy you before I let you marry Akane!" shouted Ryoga.
	"Would you quit babbling, you moron!!" Ranma-Chan yelled back.
Ranma attempted to punch Ryoga but narrowly missed. The three envelopes 
that were in Ryoga's pocket fell out. 
Ranma gave Ryoga a swift kick to the head which sent him tumbling 
backwards. Ranma noticed the fallen envelopes. 
	"Hey! What're these?" she said as she picked them up.
	Just then, Ukyo, Shampoo and Akane climbed up onto the roof. 
"Jeez..." Ukyo grumbled trying to catch her breath "That's the last time
I climb a the wall of a building in this outfit." 
Ranma however wasn't paying attention to the minor conversation between 
the three would-be brides. She was to busy reading the contents of the 
envelopes. 
	"I'm definetly going to have to kill pop for this one." she grumbled.


Epilogue:
	"Do these eyes that lie?"
				-Shampoo

"What is it?" asked Akane as she looked over Ranma's shoulder trying to 
read what was in her hands. 
Ryoga had managed to get to his feet. "What are those anyway?" he asked.
"Marriage licences..." said Ranma. "Three of them..."
"Three??!!" said Akane.
"Yeah.." said Ranma as she handed Akane the papers "pop wasn't paying 
attention to what he was signing I think." 
	"Hold it." said Ukyo "Does this mean we're all married to Ranma?"
	"Is no fun have to share Ranma with Akane and Ukyo." grumbled Shampoo.
	"So, what now?" asked Ryoga.
Ranma thought about it for a moment. "These aren't legal if they aren't 
signed, right?" she asked. 
	"Yeah.." said Ryoga. "So?" Ranma looked towards the fountain. 
"Well.." she said sticking all three papers into an envelope "If 
something unfortunate were to happen that would cause the ink to run..."
Ranma let go of the envelope causing it to drift down and land in the 
fountain. "Oops.." she said casually. 
	A small black cloud of ink started to appear in the water.
"Why didn't I think of that?" said Ryoga.
Ranma sighed and started to walk off. "The next time any of you gets an 
invitation to something like this.." she said. "Do me a favor and just 
kill pop and leave it at that." 
 
THE END


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emperor Stephen "The Mega Man" Schlueter
Leader Of The Crimson Empire
"It's not like I start the fights or anything.She just overreacts to 
every little thing!" -Ranma Saotome
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