Subject: [SM] Fun and Profit with Youma Generals
From: Chris Jones
Date: 10/1/1997, 10:51 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com


	The manager of the employement agency looked darkly at
the resume in front of him. It was one of *those*. He sighed
and pressed the intercom button.
	"Mika, send in the the next applicant please."
	The door opened and closed in a whoosh, as the pneumatic
spring worked to cushion its weight. No one came in though.
	A few seconds later, rose petals began to swirl around
the room, and an androgynous figure appeared, floating a foot
above the carpet.
	*Oh, wonderful. It's *Pat*. Lessee Mr.? Ms.? ...* The
manager cleared his throat. "Zoicite? Have a seat."
	"Why, thank you." The figure sat down, demurely covering
his(?) mouth with a white gloved hand.
	"You list your last occupation here as 'Youma General,
Minion of the Dark Kingdom'. Would you mind explaining your
duties for me?"
	"Certainly. I commanded Youma and did my best to drain
life energy from the earth in order to release glorious
Metallia."
	"Mmm-hmmm. I see. Leadership skills, then.  You have any
computer experience?"
	"Of course. I have trained with most models of Silver
Millenia era and Dark Kingdom computation devices. I must admit
though, that I have spent quite bit a more time with the 'Dark
Crystal' series.
	The manager nodded. "You're work record lists you as
deceased between August 27th through December 19th. Can you
tell me what you were doing during that time?"
	"Oh, that. That was that dreadful period when my last
employer blasted me for failing to recover the Silver Crystal
without damaging Tuxedo Mask. Awful business, that. I spent
most of the time until I was ressurected when Metallia was
destroyed playing cards with dead youma. I'm afraid there's not
much opportunity out there for a corpse."
	The manager nodded knowingly. "Sounds like the last time
I got laid off. I'll be honest with you, ... Zoicite. There's
not many openings out there for 'Energy Draining'. I do have a
spot managing night security at a shopping mall--"
	"I'll take it!"
	
* * *
	
	"Hi, I'm Jadeite. May I take your order?"
	"You're s'posed to say, 'May I spank your monkey?' U-huh
huh huh...'"
	The grey uniformed general glared darkly at his coworker.
	"I'll have a Wonder burger with no pickles, and a large
ice tea."
	"Would you like fries with that?"
	"No, dumbass! You're supposed to ask if they want to fish
the worms out of the fryer with that. U-huh huh huh... One
large worms, Beavis!"
	"Whoah! One large worms. Thankyoudrivethrough! Heh Heh
heh..."
	Jadeite turned and drained the mal-formed youth of every
last drop of energy he had. He used the build up to blast the
spastic fry cook through the wall.
	The few people in the dining room applauded. Jadeite
removed his paper hat and apron and smoothed the front of his
uniform. He motioned his customer to the door of the small
restaurant.
	"I really would suggest eating at a different
establishment. The help here is no good at all." He sighed and
shook his head. Almost impossibly, this was even worse than
sales job at 'Radio Shack'.
	"whoa.... that was cool... huh huh huh..."
	"do it again, butthead... heh heh heh..."

* * *

	"Class... attention class. Is that everybody? Okay, since
Haruna-sensei is out with severe energy drainage again, we have
a substitute today. Let's all give Mister Nephrite a big Juuban
welcome."
	The dark skinned man stepped around the chubby principal
and pointed at the black board. His name appeared in blood red
chalk. "Today we'll be talking about the stars. You all like
star-gazing don't you?"
	Umino definitely didn't like the way Naru had suddenly
started star-gazing.
	"Well, did you know that the stars can grant you power to
crush your enemies and drain your victims? That's right. If
you'll look here on this chart... Hey!"
	An eraser propelled itself off the desk and struck a
blonde girl across the top of her head.
	"Wake up, meatball head!"

* * *


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Chris Jones                      hamster@arn.net
The Hamster House of Animation   http://users.arn.net/~hamster
The Ranma 1/2 Gallery            http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/6413
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I'm the fat and ugly Sailor Panda. I fight for beer and pretzels, and 
because I'm afraid of my wife, I'll annoy you!