Stephen Tsai wrote:

RPM - acct 3/5 wrote:

[SCENE: kitchen, early morning.  Ranma and Ataru are there, looking
   like they just woke up.  The television is showing the morning
   news, there's two cups of steaming coffee on the table, and Washu
   is behind the grill, cooking something.  A doorbell ringing
   disrupts the tranquil scene, along with an odd sort of whirring
   noise.]

When did these two (Ranma/Ataru) drink coffee?Ranma drinks tea the times
I've seen him.
Don't know what Ataru drinks...

Ataru definitely drinks

[CAMERA: Ranma opens the door.  A large, seven foot tall purple
   mecha-suit with two gun-mounted cannons stands patiently.

MECH-SUIT: excuse me, is Nuku-Nuku in?

RANMA: (with a surprisingly calm demeanor) Ah... yeah.  Lemme check.
   (closes the door very slowly, then heads off camera)

I don't think I agree with this "calm demeanor".Ranma, despite his
experience with the abnormal,
is still often taken aback when confronted with events
beyond his experience.

It isn't.  He saw the same mecha show up to attack Nuku-Nuku
at the restaurant where they work.  

Ataru's voice:  I've had bad experiences with alien cooking.  Hey, I'm

                not going to turn into a wombat after eating this, am
                I?

Washu's voice:  Don't be ridiculous.

Oh come on...Given Washu's personality and the general
antipathy that Ataru has generated for himself
among the group, she should play with his
mind some...
("Wait a minute...wasn't that the egg over there?").

Yes, I agree. 

   "I don't know," said Kyosuke, sounding doubtful.  Actually, he
didn't feel like getting into any embarrasing situations, possibly
involving girls, that would get Madoka upset.  The last thing he
needed now was an upset Ayukawa.

Again, be consistent with the family/given names.It might confuse
readers.

Problem is, it's difficult to be consistent with those two, given
that Kasuga does call her Ayukawa and think of her as Madoka. And
Madoka does the same.  It's one of the most transparent indicators
that they are in love to an impartial observer.  

   Mamoru stared at the pins, determined to at least not lose by a
ridiculous margin again.  Humiliation on public television was
bad enough.  Humiliation live in public was something he didn't need.

In general, I disagree with the bowling sequence.Nuku^2 (with her
computer targetting) I can
accept.
Urd, unless she's cheating with "divine power", does not
necessarily know how to bowl, even if she is the "Goddess
of Love". (Granted, I don't think it's out of char for her
to cheat though...)
Similar for Washu, just because she's a "super-genius",
she doesn't necessarily know how to bowl.

Certainly she isn't going to know how to bowl better than
Ranma just because she's smarter than Ranma.  However,
bowling is a pretty obvious game.  Washu could easily be
familiar with a similar alien game in her 20,000 years of
history.  Urd also has had a good thousand years or more
to pick up the game if she felt like it.  

Also, I'd mention that Kyosuke himself is not
beyond a little cheating when being shown up
too hard (in tennis, skiing, boat rowing and
other events in the past in the real KOR).

Is true.  Wouldn't even be unfair given that he
knows that the girls have powers.  However, he
might be leery of letting Washu see what he can
do.  (Of course, that could be a good reason to
have him do it.)  However, Kyosuke is usually
tempted when the girlfriends are watching.