I know what your thinking. How can someone like me suffer so much during
the writing of one fanfic and immediately start on another. The answer 
is... I have too much free time. Though I did get a pretty good 
response, though at least one person thought the ending was a little 
clich�, though if the 'getting hit over the head' thing wasn't a 
giveaway about the ending I don't know what is. I actually came up with 
the idea for this fanfic over a year ago but I just never got around to 
writing it. So here I am with my latest item: Ranma 1/2: Four Weddings 
And A Catastrophe. I'd like to start by saying NO! THIS DOESN'T HAVE 
ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT STUPID MOVIE WITH HUGH GRANT!!! 
Anyway this is the story of how Genma and Mr. Tendo plotted to marry 
Akane and Ranma before Shampoo or Ukyo or anyone else had a chance to 
destroy the relationship. But they stupidly sent invitations top both 
Ukyo AND Shampoo. Of course Kodachi also finds out about this and 
devises a plot of her own. So what do you wind up with? Four girls all 
set up to marry the same guy who really doesn't want to get married at 
all. I'm not about to say whether Ranma gets married or not or if he 
does to who. One thing I will tell you is IT WON'T BE KODACHI!!! I may 
not be the most normal person in the world but that is just too insane a
concept to be workable, even for Ranma 1/2! Lastly, I have no idea about
weddings in Japan, so I had to go with the standard kind. So please 
refrain from sending me irate E-Mails about this. 
So here it is... The fanfic I've been waiting a year to write!

-The Emperor


Ranma 1/2: Four Weddings And A Catastrophe
By Stephen Schlueter

This story is dedicated to my cat, Shampoo. Without her continuous 
attempts to chew on my hands I never would have made absolutely certain 
she was not going to bite me be keeping my hands on my keyboard. 

Introduction:
At first glance the country of Japan seems to have an overpopulation 
problem. After all the city of Tokyo alone has roughly the same 
population as Canada. Maybe the Japanese just don't know when to stop 
having kids. 
But certain suburbs of Tokyo have a much lower population density. One 
in particular, which I have been told is called Nerima (though this may 
be an elaborate practical joke intended to screw me up). Anyway, 
needless to say, there is a very good reason why this particular suburb 
doesn't have a large population. Namely, if it did the majority of them 
would be dead by now. It would probably be safer living close to an 
active volcano. 
But I'm sure you already know all this and are asking: "What does this 
have to do with the story?" The answer is.. nothing. I thought it 
sounded clever so I put it in. 
Anyway, this is apparently one of the last places on earth where parents
arrange their children's marriages. Though these days most of the 
children express their disapproval of this by doing sever physical 
damage to their parents and/or their betrothed. Some of these parents 
are also fairly dimwitted. These are the types who set up the weddings 
in order to prevent the interference of say competitors for the groom 
but will still send the competitors invitations to the wedding. Which 
seems really dumb when you think about it. 
This is of course the story of such a problem between two people who are
engaged to each other and are not concerned in the slightest of 
expressing their hatred of each other. This often results in severe and 
permanent property damage as well as insults and people beating each 
other with large blunt objects such as tables, pieces of buildings and 
Upperclassman Kuno. This is also the story of the three competitors for 
the would-be groom, one of whom is a psycho who looks like one of the 
worst nightmares of Anne Rice. And finally this is the story of the 
dimwitted fathers and anyone else who happens to show up. 


Prologue:

"Tomorrow sees undone what happens not today. Indecision brings delays. 
Days lost lamenting lost days."-Ryoga Hibiki 

The cold night swept over the city of Tokyo. A cold, harsh wind rattled 
the windows of the Tendo Training Hall. 
All was essentially normal, if you could call life in the Tendo Hall 
normal. Happosai as off in his room taking inventory of what he had 
stolen during the week. The three Tendo girls sat in the living room 
talking about whatever it is that they usually talk about. Ranma-Chan, 
exhausted from the events of the day was off in a corner of the living 
room snoring quietly. 
Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo, however, were not up to their usual 
activities. They were standing out in the garden having an unusual 
conversation. 
"I think we've run out of options, Saotome." began Mr. Tendo "Shampoo 
and Ukyo are too great a threat to the relationship. Getting those two 
to get along is hard enough as it is without them as additional 
interference." 
"So what do you suggest we do, Tendo?" asked Genma.
Mr. Tendo began to explain his plan.

"Oh dear..." began Kasumi in her typical motherly fashion "Look at the 
time. I never realized it was so late." 
Akane yawned. "I can believe it."
"Oh, what are we going to do about Ranma?" asked Kasumi "I'd hate to 
wake him up but he can't spend the whole evening down here." 
"Well, unless he starts sleepwalking it's going to have to be one or the
other." said Nabiki looking over at the snoring lump that was 
Ranma-Chan. 

"I don't know, Tendo.." said Genma trying to ignore the cold wind "They 
really aren't going to like it." 
"Maybe so.." said Tendo "but it's the only option left... and we can't 
let Akane or Ranma know about this until the plans are set." 
Genma grumbled slightly. "I never did like planning weddings..."

Nabiki and Akane carried Ranma across the room. Akane had his feet and 
Nabiki had his shoulders. Ranma-Chan however didn't wake up. 
"At least he's lighter as a girl." said Nabiki.
Akane grumbled something to the extent of 'We should have just dumped 
cold water on him'. 
Just then Akane, not paying attention to what she was doing, tripped and
fell over backwards launching Ranma-Chan out of Nabiki's hands and 
though the sliding door out into the pond in the garden causing a 
tremendous splash that caused Genma and Mr. Tendo to stop talking and 
turn towards the pond. The three girls rushed to see what had happened 
just as Ranma-Chan came sputtering to the surface. 
"You know..." she grumbled to the three girls staring out from the 
doorway "some people take slightly less drastic measures when they try 
and wake someone up." 
Genma and Mr. Tendo went over to help Ranma out of the pond.


Chapter One: The Guy Is Always The Last One To Know.

	"What fates impose that men must needs abide."
					-Upperclassman Tatewaki Kuno

	"Miss Kuonji... your mail!" 
Ukyo came from behind the grill to pick up the three or four envelopes 
that had been delivered. 
The morning was quiet, which to anyone else might have been a blessing 
considering the usual chaos that runs rampant around the neighborhood. 
Ukyo just found it boring. Tsubasa, who Ukyo normally banished from her 
sight, was out picking up shipments for the restaurant. Ukyo figured if 
he, not that it was easy to refer to Tsubasa as 'he', was going to be 
around so much he may as well be doing something useful. The early hours
had proven to be incredibly quiet or specifically dull. Ukyo began to 
wish she had gone out to get the supplies herself. 
Ukyo flipped through the letters, most were junk mail. The fourth was an
invitation of some kind. The return address was the Tendo Hall. Why 
would she get an invitation from them? Ranma hadn't mentioned any formal
events to her. 

Ranma walked down the street towards Uuchan's restaurant. He decided to 
get out of the house early that morning for fear of how Akane would wake
him up. This was a serious fear considering last night's incident. Then 
there was the matter of the nightmare. 
Ranma had a recurring nightmare that came around every so often. It 
always started the same and ended the same... 
Qinghai province, China. The mountain ridge and dense foliage of trees 
stretches off into the distance. In the center of the whole scene is 
Jusenkyo, the legendary training ground of accursed springs. 
Ranma stands on one foot n one of the numerous bamboo poles sticking out
of the springs. There's no one else there. 
The water level starts to rise...
The springs start to flood the plains until the land slowly disappears 
into the water.... 
But the water level doesn't seem any higher. It's almost as though the 
water level stayed the same and the land had sunk under it. Ranma looks 
around him. No signs of life anywhere. The sky seems to grow darker. The
rest of the bamboo poles sink into the springs. 
A large form launches itself from the spring. Ranma looks up as the form
slows. It's a panda. The panda attacks. Ranma desperately tries to dodge
that attacks but there's nowhere else to go.... 
Nowhere to run....
Nowhere to hide...
Ranma is knocked from his perch by the enraged panda. While the distance
between the top of the pole and the spring is only a few feet it seems 
like more. SPLASH! The water seems to be attacking him. Ranma flails his
arms about as the water tries to suck him under. He yells for help but 
some how his voice is different, a higher, more feminine pitch. The 
water that splashes on his head leaves streaks of bright red in his 
black hair. Suddenly his clothes seem bigger. But they're not he's 
gotten smaller. Ranma makes a final desperate attempt to get a hold of 
something, anything. But he doesn't and sinks into the dark waters of 
the spring. 
This had been a particularly creepy nightmare last night since around 
the time the nightmare was at it's end he had suddenly been launched 
into the spring in the Tendo garden. Ranma sighed and continued down the
street. 

"Hey! Uuchan!" Ranma said as he entered the small okonomiyaki shop. But 
Ukyo didn't seem very happy. 
	Actually she seemed really ticked off.
 "Why didn't you tell me about this??!!!!" Ukyo shouted.
"T-tell you what?!" asked Ranma stunned by the sudden outburst.
Ukyo thrust the invitation in his face.
It was a wedding invitation. HIS wedding. HIS wedding he didn't even 
know about. 
"This can't be right." said Ranma as he stared at the small card. Just 
then he noticed something. "This looks like pop's handwriting." 
Ukyo never trusted Genma Saotome. And with good reason. He had tried to 
pull a fast one on her before. 
Ranma, figuring he should go talk to is father about this and then kill 
him, snuck out of the shop. 
Ukyo went into a storage closet and took out a fairly old looking box. 
Inside the box were invitations. She had been saving them for her own 
wedding. If Genma Saotome wanted to con her gain he could go ahead and 
try. 
This was war....

Cologne looked over the invitation. She scratched her head. How stupid 
would someone have to be to send Shampoo an invitation to a wedding that
she was obviously going to try to stop? 
Shampoo was digging through the closets looking for certain wedding 
oriented items that had gone into storage. 
Cologne started copying the date, time and address from the invitation 
sent by Genma to the invitations she was sending out. 
Genma Saotome had made a crucial error... and they were going to take 
advantage of it. 

Ryoga Hibiki stumbled into his house. It had taken him roughly a week to
find his way home. This was one of the major reasons why he normally 
stayed near the Tendo Hall. The only reason he usually went home was so 
he could drop off whatever artifacts he had acquired during his travels 
and occasionally reading his mail. He decided to read his mail first. 
Most of it didn't look important but one letter had come from the Tendo 
Hall. So he read it first. 


Chapter Two: The Stupidity Of Genma Saotome

	"Don't you know I've got no idea from this point on."
		-Ranma-Chan (from the Ranma 1/2 OAV opening theme)

Two days later, after severe beatings from his son, Genma Saotome sat in
front of a pile of paperwork. By now he wasn't even reading it. He 
wouldn't have noticed if, say, two extra marriage licenses with 
different names on them had somehow gotten into the pile. He just signed
them and went on. It was getting late and he didn't care anymore. 
Ranma hadn't told Akane about the invitations that Genma had sent out. 
He figured that the wedding was just another doomed plan. After all, 
every plan that Genma and Mr. Tendo had come up with to date had been 
inexplicably stupid. 
Ranma often questioned the sanity of those who wanted to marry him. He 
was not normal. The nightmare was a constant reminder of that. Who on 
earth, in their right mind, would want to marry him? HE was half-girl!! 
Ranma recalled the time Ukyo had found out about his curse. It had been 
during his attempt to break up Ryoga and Akane by pretending to be 
Ryoga's fiancee. 
"You're not Ranma, are you?" Ukyo had said accusingly.
"I'm not?" said Ranma-Chan.
"My Ranma's twice the man he oughta be...." Ukyo had said.
This had been good news since that meant that he still had a normal 
amount of masculinity. 

"They'll never go through with it..." Ranma grumbled to himself. It had 
been three weeks since the invitaion incident and now Ranma was standing
in his room wearing a tux. He could hear Akane shouting several things 
from down the hall, none of which he could make out. 
Genma had ordered the tux custom made with material that was resistant 
to water damage for obvious reasons. On the lapel was a small gold pin 
with the initials RS. 
Ranma's mind raced. How was he going to get out of this? How did he get 
into this? Why hadn't he done something earlier?! Because his father was
an idiot! That's why! He had never expected the old man to get this far 
with this stupid plan. 
Now he was trapped...
Nowhere to run...
Nowhere to hide....
And he didn't even have the slightest clue as to what was going to 
happen next... 

TO BE CONTINUED...

Note: This fanfic has nothing to do with 'The Wedding: For And Against' 
which was posted a couple of days ago. I didn't even know about this 
item since when I'm writing a fanfic I rarely have time for anything 
else such as planning on how to torture every idiot who wrote a book 
about the OJ Simpson trial by forcing them to listen to five staraight 
hours of the worst songs of Barry Manilow. This usually results in about
nine hundred thousand E-Mails that I don't even know about. 
 







 

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emperor Stephen "The Mega Man" Schlueter
Leader Of The Crimson Empire
"It's not like I start the fights or anything.She just overreacts to 
every little thing!" -Ranma Saotome
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