well, it's been a while, but I finally got back in the
saddle again for this part. It's still quite raw, so
feel free to correct me on characterization,
aesthetics, plot, NOT SPELLING (that's what spellcheckers
are for, later), etc.
-rodM
----------------------------------------------------------------------
He wasn't sure what it was, but lately he'd felt like he had less
energy than he usually did. His sprint was half-hearted. The spring
in his step wasn't quite as springy.
Something had him in a funk.
It couldn't be because he missed _her_, could it?
No. Impossible.
=======================================================================
[SCENE: kitchen, early morning. Ranma and Ataru are there, looking
like they just woke up. The television is showing the morning
news, there's two cups of steaming coffee on the table, and Washu
is behind the grill, cooking something. A doorbell ringing
disrupts the tranquil scene, along with an odd sort of whirring
noise.]
RANMA: *yawn* I'll get it, I'll get it.
[SCENE: doorway, behind Ranma's back from ceiling mounted camera.
The doorbell rings again impatiently.]
RANMA: I'm comin' already, sheesh....
[CAMERA: Ranma opens the door. A large, seven foot tall purple
mecha-suit with two gun-mounted cannons stands patiently.
MECH-SUIT: excuse me, is Nuku-Nuku in?
RANMA: (with a surprisingly calm demeanor) Ah... yeah. Lemme check.
(closes the door very slowly, then heads off camera)
(Camera switches as Ranma makes his way up the stairs, through the
hallway, then knocks at Nuku's door. The door opens, revealing a
bright and ready Nuku)
NUKU: Yes?
RANMA: There's someone in a mech-suit downstairs for you.
NUKU: Mech-suit? Um... (thinks for a moment) Yay! Arisa-san!
(she bounds happily down the stairs. Ranma blinks, yawns,
then looks at the camera.)
RANMA: Okay, so maybe I should've fought the mech instead. (Pauses
for a moment) But she's used to it all the time and seems to
enjoy it. Should I interrupt? I don't think so.
ATARU: (from off-camera) Hey, who are you talking to?
RANMA: the camera.
ATARU: Ah. I see.
RANMA: (begins to head downstairs, but pauses, then looks at the
camera) Look, I ain't kidding. She'll be fine. Really. The
worst thing that could happen is that her friend will wreck the
house. (smiles and laughs to himself) You know, if that happens,
this place'll feel almost like home.
======================================================================
http://www.uh.edu/~rpm/sw1.htm
=The Surreal World=
Writer: RpM
Story Concept: Isabel A. "Izzy-chan"
Advisory Board: The Fanfic ML
-M- Productions
PART 6
Love and Robots
======================================================================
CAMERA: Urd, Washu, Ranma, & Kyosuke are seated at the table, eating
breakfast. At the moment, breakfast is a surprisingly large
boiled egg with a side of bacon and toast.
URD: Hey, where's the kid?
KYOSUKE: kid?
URD: Nuku, where is that girl? Mornings aren't quite as... I dunno...
peppy, without her.
RANMA: I think she's (pauses to listen. In the distance, there's the
sounds of explosions and cannonfire) playing with a friend of
hers.
URD: (nodding) Oh, that's nice.
RANMA: (tapping the large egg) What... exactly... is this?
WASHU: (frowning) It's a boiled egg.
RANMA: Well, yeah, but... egg of what?
WASHU: Oh. Juraian Spam. (She proceeds to crack it open, revealing
a perfectly ordinary, although ridiculously large boiled egg
inside. Urd shrugs and soon joins her in eating.)
RANMA: (blinks) spam? But this doesn't...
WASHU: Galactic coincidence.
KYOSUKE: (poking egg cautiously) Galactic what?
WASHU: Galactic coincidence. In Jurai, a spam is a type of flightless
bird. On earth it's canned and processed mammal. The name
is just coincidence.
KYOSUKE: Ah.... (sees that now even Ranma has gone ahead and started
eating. He shrugs and joins in.) This isn't bad.
(Suddenly, there's a *THWAP* sound and the camera goes black)
=======================================================================
"Hey," said Kasuga, "I don't know if the station is gonna put up
with that for much longer."
Ataru strode in, making sure that the silly putty was firmly in
place. "If SHE sees me, I'm in deep trouble," he replied. "I am NOT
in the mood for shock therapy."
"You know," said Urd casually, "they can still hear you."
Ataru froze. They _could_ still hear, couldn't they?
Uh oh.
And he'd spent the last several days satisfied with thwapping the
camera with silly putty. Damn damn damn... not good.
"I'm doomed, aren't I?"
The rest of the table nodded solemly.
Ataru sighed. "Oh well, it couldn't last forever." He shrugged
and took a seat at the breakfast table, looking curiously at what was
on the plate.
"Hey," he asked, tapping the oversized egg, "what's this?"
"Galactic coincidence, I think," said Kyosuke.
Ataru mulled that over for a moment.
=======================================================================
(Camera is still black)
Ataru's voice: Hey, this ain't bad.
Washu's voice: You'd expect anything less from my cooking?
(moment of silence)
Ataru's voice: You cooked this?
Washu's voice: Why are you looking at it suspiciously?
Ataru's voice: I've had bad experiences with alien cooking. Hey, I'm
not going to turn into a wombat after eating this, am
I?
Washu's voice: Don't be ridiculous.
=======================================================================
As they settled down to eat breakfast, Nuku walked in looking a bit
dusty. She was her usual cheery self, just her usual cheery self
looking as if she'd survived a bomb blast.
"Good morning!" she cheerily said.
"Hey, Nuku," said Urd, "are you okay? What was all that noise?"
"Nuku's friend Arisa came to play!"
The group blinked for a moment, wondering about her definition of
'play', then mutually dropped the subject.
"Hey, let's go out tonite and do something," said Urd.
Kyosuke blinked. This bunch. As a group? In public? Oh boy.
"What do you suggest?" wondered Washu.
"Nightclubs!" suggested Urd happily.
"I dunno," said Ranma, "I'm not feelin' that energetic today."
Actually, he didn't feel like getting into trouble with women, or more
particularly Akane, who might end up hearing about anything that might
happen that tended to happen when he went out sometimes and totally
misunderstand it like she always did.
"Awww," said Urd, "how about you, Kyosuke? C'mon, hm?"
"I don't know," said Kyosuke, sounding doubtful. Actually, he
didn't feel like getting into any embarrasing situations, possibly
involving girls, that would get Madoka upset. The last thing he
needed now was an upset Ayukawa.
"Hey, sounds good to me!" said Ataru. "C'mon, guys!"
Urd winced. She'd forgotten about _him_. He could prove to be
embarrasing in a night club.
"Well, what else can we do?" she wondered.
"There is this thing you earthlings do that I'm curious about,"
said Washu.
"Oh?" wondered Urd. "What is it?"
*
Mamoru Chiba strolled into the house, whistling. Appointments to
keep, things to do, busy busy busy. He just didn't want to, er,
didn't have time to stick around the house.
"Oy, Tux-boy, where ya goin?" asked Ataru as he zoomed past.
"Rockin'the cradle again?"
"Shut up, you. I've just got some stuff to do and..."
Suddenly, Urd appeared behind him and took him by the arm
seductively. "Nonono, Tux-boy, we're going out tonight. I need to be
_entertained_."
Immediately, Mamoru looked at the camera. "I _swear_, this is NOT
what it sounds like. I hope."
*
Urd lovingly caressed the ball with her fingers, letting her breath
wash over its surface. She took it in both hands, gave it an odd sort
of kiss... for best results, she would say...
"Hey, Ataru, you're droolin'on the floor, man," said Ranma.
"Huh? Wha?"
Then she rolled the ball... gently... away.
"You know," said Ranma, "if someone had told me that I'd be in
weird situations like this, nobody would have believed me."
"Same here," said Kyosuke.
"Happens to me all the time," grumbled a surprisingly subdued
Ataru.
*CRASH*
"Oh yeah!" shouted Urd. "Another one!"
"Yay!" cheered Nuku.
"That's six in a row," muttered Washu. "Who's next?"
"Hey, Tux-boy! You're up next!" yelled Ataru.
"Bowling with aliens, woo-hoo," Mamoru muttered under his breath.
"Now if this was martial arts bowling..." said Ranma quietly.
"Don't be ridiculous. No such thing," said Ataru.
Ranma lifted an eyebrow. "Wanna bet?"
For the boys, this was yet another ego-crushing night. Urd and
Washu had displayed mind-boggling bowling skills, while Nuku had made
good use of her targeting systems (although the boys didn't know
this). Ranma never bowled in his life, and he hated losing in any
sort of sport, especially to GIRLS. Mamoru was just getting sick of
the 'Tux-boy' label. Ataru was just sulking, except for the times he
ogled Urd's form when she bowled.
Mamoru stared at the pins, determined to at least not lose by a
ridiculous margin again. Humiliation on public television was
bad enough. Humiliation live in public was something he didn't need.
He took a deep breath... approached the alley... pulled the ball
back... and...
"YO! GOFORITTUXBOY!" yelled Ataru.
...stumbled to a halt.
"Will you stop that?!?!"
*
Whoosh.
Something in the air.
Crackle.
Energy, surging in the skies.
Something's on its way.
*
[Later that night...]
He sat on the roof, staring blankly at the soda in his hand. There
was no doubt in his mind now, he was in a rut.
Maybe... maybe he did miss her. A part of his mind screamed in
horror at the possibility, and another part tried to rationalize it by
equating it with the way one misses a familiar building or an old
shoe - it wasn't important, but it just didn't seem right without it.
At least, that's what he told himself.
*
"Aaah, that was fun," sighed Urd, flopping down on the living room
couch. Urd was already seated and commanding the remote control.
Nuku was curled up at the end of one couch, looking rather content.
"What's on the tube, Washu?" asked Urd.
"Washu... what?" asked the diminutive mad scientist.
Urd sighed. "Washu... CHAN." Nearby, Nuku giggled at their
antics. They were so fun, her housemates.
"Much better. And for your information, I'm just trying to find my
favorite drama," replied Washu.
"The thing with the overly-dramatic lumps of protoplasm, right?"
asked Urd.
"Blorple," corrected Washu.
"Whatever. Isn't that a drink?"
"In North America, yes. Gonna watch?"
Urd shrugged. "Might as well. Besides, I gotta admit, it's kinda
addictive."
*
*RIIIIING*RIIIIIING*RIIIIING*RIIII-
//Tendo Residence.//
"Um... Akane?"
//R-Ranma? Is that you?//
"Yeah, s'me.
//Ah... so... what's up?//
"Not much. Just calling... to... er... say hi, I guess."
//Oh.//
"So... um... how are ya doin?"
//I'm okay, I guess. How about you?//
"Doing okay. Tell me, how're all the guys back in Furinkan?"
*
The Goddess and the Genius were surprised.
It wasn't an 'oh my gosh!' sort of surprise or a 'oh noooo!' sort
of surprise. It was more like a 'you're kidding, right?' sort of
surprise.
It was caused by Nuku's comments on the Blorple drama.
It started like this.
"That's kissing, right?"
Urd, being a self-styled Goddess of Love, reacted first. "Well...
yeah." She looked at Nuku's curious expression, then she realized
something. "You've never kissed anyone before, have you?"
Nuku shook her head, embarrased.
"Hey, it's nothing to be embarrased about," soothed Urd.
"You're... what.... four, five years old?"
Nuku shrugged. "Nuku-Nuku is just curious because Nuku-Nuku sees
it on tv all the time, and Mama-san and Papa-san kiss sometimes too
even though they yell and shout and shoot each other."
Urd grinned. She had a really fun idea. It might get the boys in
trouble, but no self-respecting Goddess of Love could resist.
Washu noticed the scheming look in Urd's eye and asked, "hey,
what're you planning?"
"Nothing! Nothing! Just thinking." Urd turned her attention back
to Nuku and smiled. "Well, basically, you're supposed to kiss people
you like."
"Um... oh, okay," said Nuku. It was easier putting things in
cat-like terms. She just licked the people who were nice.
Papa-san said not to do that anymore after she licked Mama-san.
So, did Papa-san mean to replace licking with kissing? Maybe.
Being a bit on the simplistic side, Nuku did exactly what she
had just seen on the television screen a moment ago.
She kissed Urd.
On the lips.
And it could be called a slightly passionate kiss.
Washu raised an eyebrow to the event happening on the couch and was
tempted to take notes. Kyosuke was on his way to the kitchen, caught
sight of what was happening, and immediately fainted with a nosebleed.
Finally, Urd managed to break the kiss, and was looking a little
surprised. "Um... well... that was nice, Nuku, but that isn't
exactly what I meant."
"Hey, I didn't know you were like that," said Washu.
"Well, I'm not," replied Urd, "at least... I haven't been for a
long time, anyways." She got a slightly wistful look in her eyes,
muttering, "yeah, Sappho, she was great."
Sensing her internal power sources needed a little recharge and
rest, Nuku slinked off to grab a bite to eat, then get some sleep.
*
//...and then Miss Hinako said, 'What stick?'//
"HAHAHA! Aw, man, wish I coulda been there for that."
//I... wish you were there too.//
"Um... Akane?"
//Yes, Ranma?//
"I... ah... mmmrrfffm?!?!"
//Ranma? Ranma? Hey, what's going on there?//
*
=======================================================================
SCENE: kitchen. Ranma is frozen like a statue, phone in hand,
Nuku on lips. Nuku finally breaks the kiss, while
Ranma is still frozen in shock, although he's turned an
unnatural shade of pale and his eyes are wide open in shock.
Nuku: Hihi, Ranma-kun!
Ranma: ah... um... I... well...
Nuku: (blinks) is something wrong?
Ranma: Er, no, um, nothing...
Nuku: (smiles) Oh? Good! (she grabs a bag of chips and bounds away
merrily)
Ranma: (he stands there, blinking, for a good solid minute.
finally, he snaps out of it.)
ah... ah... (looks at camera)
I SWEAR, this ISN'T my fault! It's NOT NOT NOT MY FAULT!
=======================================================================
//Ranma? Ranma? Hey, Ranma? Still there? Hello?//
"Ah... yeah."
//Hey, what happened?//
"N-nothing... ah... nothing at all."
*
Blade waving slowly.
Tracking down his nemesis.
This time he won't fail.
He grinned
Not bad.
Not bad at all.
His haiku wasn't too shabby either.
*
[the next morning]
In the backyard, Ataru and Kyosuke had discovered something
surprising.
They had something in common.
"How do they look?" asked Kyosuke from his lounge chair.
Ataru adjusted his sunglasses and squinted. "Hmm... nice'n tasty,
although I can't help but think I'm missing something. Oh, might
wanna flip that one over."
"Oh yeah, sorry. Ah... don't you think that's too hot?
"Nah, trust me, it's better that way."
"You do this often?" asked Kyosuke.
"Me? A little bit. Sometimes it was either that or eat _her_
cooking. You?"
"Always wanted to try something a little more skillfull than
instant ramen."
Atark grinned triumphantly. "Hey, we're not doing half bad, now
are we?"
"Well, it still looks good, so I guess we're doing alright."
Ataru grabbed his can of soda from a nearby table and reclined in a
lounge chair. "Yeah, doin'absolutely alright. All I need now is a
harem. Oh yeah..." His voice trailed off. A lecherous grin emerged.
He closed his eyes and sighed.
"You know, you really shouldn't be like that," said Kyosuke.
Ataru blinked. "Like what?" he wondered.
"Well... lecherous."
"Hey, I'm not some mindless pervert, y'know."
"No?" Kyosuke raised an eyebrow.
"Nope, not at all." Ataru put down his soda and sat up, looking
contemplative. "I live life to the fullest, that's what I do. I
mean, we're not young forever, and while we're in the springtime of
our lives we've _got_ to take that chance. Otherwise, you'll spend
the rest of your life wondering what could have been."
"And that's why you chase after anything with a skirt?" asked
Kyosuke.
"Hey, I have my standards," said Ataru, clearly offended.
"Okay, anything cute in a skirt."
"AHEM."
"Any cute GIRL in a... no, I guess you wouldn't care what they're
wearing."
"Bingo."
"So that's why you chase after girls, huh?"
"Nono, not just girls," said Ataru. "Beautiful girls."
"Beautiful girls?"
"Beautiful girls." Ataru took a moment to chug more of his soda,
then continued. "Beautiful girls, Kyosuke, are more than just beauty.
They're more than just objects to stare at. They're what causes men
to set out on noble quests. They can start a war or stop it. They
can make a poor man feel rich and make a rich man beg. A beautiful
girl is a shining light, a ray of hope, a promise of a better
tomorrow. Beautiful girls, my friend, make the world go 'round."
"So... you're really chasing after a better tomorrow?"
"Now you're beginning to understand."
"That's deep."
"What can I say," said Ataru, "I'm just this guy..."
From the kitchen door, Nuku emerged.
"Aaaand speaking of beautiful girls," muttered Ataru.
"Good morning! What are you doing?" she asked.
"Grilling!" they yelled merrily.
"Haven't had true grilled barbecue in a long while," said Kyosuke.
Ataru sighed happily. "Yeah, some nice, normal earth cooking."
Nuku blinked. "Kyosuke and Ataru cook?"
Kyosuke grinned. "Well, before today, just a little. Always
wanted to experiment a little."
"Same here," said Ataru. "I mean, it doesn't look too hard, does it?"
"And it seems to be going well," added Kyosuke. "Doesn't it?"
Nuku sniffed at the grill and its assortment of meats. Then she
blinked. "Fish?" she asked.
"Yeah, that one's fish," answered Kyosuke, " but I don't think it's
done ye-"
She ate the fish.
"-et. Um..."
"It was good! Thanks!" said Nuku happily.
"Ah... no problem," said Kyosuke.
"Anything for a beautiful girl," added Ataru with a grin.
The back door opened again, and this time Ranma stepped through.
"Hey guys, what's going on? I smell barb-"
He saw Nuku.
"Hi Ranma-kun!" she said merrily.
He froze.
"Hey, Saotome, something wrong?" asked Ataru, eyebrow raised.
"I... ah... just remembered I needa be somewhere seeya later!" As
quick as he appeared, he disappeared, leaving the others in confusion.
"Wonder what's bothering him," said Kyosuke.
"Don't know, don't care." Ataru stood up briefly and scraped some of
the darker bits of grilled meat.
"Is it ready?" asked Kyosuke.
Ataru sniffed at it cautiously, then ate it.
He chewed.
Then his face began looking a bit odd.
"Ugh, I knew we forgot something," he muttered.
"We did? What?" asked Kyosuke.
"Seasonings," answered Ataru. "This stuff has no flavor. It's
like eating cardboard. Ah, well, guess we'll just order ou..." Ataru
stopped, blinked, and watched as Nuku quickly ate everything.
"You ah... like it?" asked Kyosuke.
"Mm-hm!" Then Nuku paused. "Oh. Nuku-nuku forgot to leave some
for Kyosuke-kun and Ataru-kun!"
"Oh, er, that's okay, we weren't gonna eat anyways," said Ataru.
"No?"
"No, but we're glad you liked it," answered Kyosuke.
"Thanks!" said Nuku cheerily.
Then she kissed Kyosuke, and in a somewhat passionate manner too.
Ataru blinked. "Ano..."
Nuku released Kyosuke, who was sporting an astounding blush and a
slight nosebleed. In her mind the equation of 'cat lick = human
kiss' was still firmly in place.
And since Ataru was nice enough to also let her have some of that
barbecue...
Nuku sprang towards Ataru in a rather cat-like fashon. Being a
letcher, he already was imagining what she was going to do. He just
didn't expect her to really do it, which is why he was frozen in
incomprehension as her lips went towards his.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!"
There was a poof of smoke. A flash of light.
When everything cleared, Nuku was gone.
Ataru sighed. "Typical!"
*
Nuku blinked. She wasn't in the backyard, but in Urd's bedroom.
"Ano... what happened?" she asked.
"You were about to kiss HIM?" said Urd.
"But Ataru was nice and let me eat fish he cooked himself and-"
"Trust me, you don't wanna kiss him, okay?" said Urd sagely.
"Why not?"
"Once you get him started, he's hard to stop," muttered Urd. "I
mean, it's one thing for him to chase after girls, it's another thing
entirely when a girl ACTUALLY goes to him and... well..."
Nuku blinked, not quite understanding what Urd was trying to say.
"Goes and what?" she asked.
Urd sighed. The kid was ridiculously innocent. "Nuku, y-"
*
Somewhere in her lab, Washu turned on a tv.
It was a new tv.
She made it herself, just now.
It had some ridiculously powerful features for a tv.
*
*POOF*
"Ano... Urd? Urd? Where did Urd go?"
*
*POOF*
//-ou gotta... ah... HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON?!//
Washu stared at her television.
Urd stared back at her.
"Aheh, oops!" said Washu.
//OOPS?!//
"I wonder how you got in there in the first place. Hmm." She idly
patted her television. "Yeah, much more powerful than I thought."
//Don't just sit there looking impressed! Get me out of here!//
*
Nuku frowned.
"Urd? Urd? Where'd Urd go?"
She looked under the bed, in the closet, outside the window...
With nothing else to do, Nuku slinked back downstairs. She hoped
there was something good on television.
As she reached the living room, she saw Ranma was already there,
watching the all martial arts channel like he usually did when he
managed to get the remote control.
She could tell he was bored.
She was bored.
When cats were bored, they usually played.
"Ranma-kun wanna play?"
"EYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Nuku blinked. "Ranma-kun, why are you on the ceiling?"
"Um... p-practice! Yeah!"
"Practicing what?" she asked curiously as she gazed up at him.
"Um... Martial Arts... ah... Ceiling Climbing."
"Oh! That looks fun!" With a quick leap, she attached herself to
the ceiling too.
"AAAAAAGH!" *thud*
"Is Ranma-kun okay?"
"Ow.... yeah."
"Why Ranma fall?"
"I was... a bit distracted."
"Why?"
"Ah... aheheh... nothin."
Nuku scanned over Ranma's features. A slight redness. Nervous
laughter. Scratching the back of his head.
"Is something wrong?" she asked.
"Wrong? Ah, well, NO, nothing's _wrong_, exactly," said Ranma,
backing away nervously.
"Oh, okay." Nuku let go of the ceiling and flipped to the ground
with ease. Ranma took another step back as Nuku sighed and looked at
him. "Nuku-Nuku's bored," she whined.
"Ah... bored?"
"Ne, Ranma-kun, let's play!"
"W-w-what!?!"
Nuku pouted cutely. "You know. Play! Like Nuku plays with Arisa
and Kyoko!"
"Oh... oooooh... you wanna spar, yeah?"
Nuku nodded.
"Well... I dunno..."
"Pleeeeeeeeeease?"
Ranma sighed. He was, after all, a martial artist at heart, and a
martial artist couldn't resist an opportunity to flex his skills when
an opportunity comes.
"Okay," he said, then added, "but no kissing!"
"Okay."
*
==================================================================
SCENE: kitchen. Ataru and Kyosuke are at the sink, cleaning various
utensils and dishes.
ATARU: Well, that wasn't so bad.
KYOSUKE: Are there any toothpicks around?
ATARU: Got something stuck, huh?
KYOSUKE: Yeah. It's one of those hard to reach spots.
ATARU: Aw, man, I hate it when that happens. Here ya go.
KYOSUKE: Thanks.
(Kyosuke takes a moment to dig in his mouth with a toothpick while
Ataru stacks the dishes up)
ATARU: Say, notice how much Ranma hates dishwashing duty?
KYOSUKE: Well, now that you mention it...
ATARU: S'like he's got some fear of water or something, eh?
KYOSUKE: Yeah, that's true. He always wears those big arm-length
gloves whenever it's his turn to do the dishes.
ATARU: Yeah, and he washes'em in hot water all the time too.
KYOSUKE: How do you know?
ATARU: (scowls) I was taking a show once while he was dishwashing.
(Ranma enters, followed by Nuku. Kyosuke becomes noticably
a bit more nervous.)
NUKU: Hi!
RANMA: You guys talking about me again?
ATARU: Well, actually...
(Ataru fills a glass with water and grins at Ranma wickedly.
Ranma tenses slightly and takes a half-step back)
ATARU: We were wondering why you're so uncomfortable around
water, ne?
RANMA: What? You guys are just imagining things.
ATARU: If ya say so. (glances at Nuku) Sooo... what're you two
up to?
NUKU: Nuku and Ranma are going to play!
ATARU: Oh-ho!
(Ataru grins lecherously)
NUKU: Does Ataru want to play too?
ATARU: Why... _yes_, yes I do.
RANMA: Heheheh. (cracks knuckles)
==================================================================
*POW*
"OOW! What kinda game is this?!"
"S'called 'sparring', Ataru. Thought ya wanted to play"
"Waitase-"
"NukuNukuKIIIIIICK!"
*WHAM*
"Uh oh. Is Ataru-kun okay?"
"Um... I think so."
***
[A couple of hours later]
"Say, who's supposed to cook lunch today?" asked Kyosuke.
"I did it yesterday, so it ain't me," said Ranma.
"Well, Ataru certainly won't be doing it," said Kyosuke. Ataru was
sprawled out on the floor, bruised badly and unconscious.
"Yeah, that's too bad," said Ranma. "He cooks a great beef bowl."
"Can Nuku-Nuku cook? Pleeeeease?"
Ranma and Kyosuke looked at each other, then at her.
"Fish again?" asked Ranma.
"Hai!"
"I'll cook," said Kyosuke.
***
"Okay, I think I have this figured out," muttered Washu.
//I'm worrying.//
"Nothing to worry about! The situation is under control."
//The last time you said that I was in black and white!!!//
"Hey hey, A minor setback. You're in color now, aren't you?"
//I do not remember my hair being red.//
"Again, a minor detail," said Washu casually. "Hmm... what's
that?"
//What? What's what?//
*WHAM*WHAM*
//Ow! Stop hitting the TV!//
"Sorry. A bit was sticking out."
-knock-knock-knock-
Washu tapped the tv. "Hey, I'll be right back. Someone's at the
door."
//Don't take too long!//
What awaited Washu at the door was a (as usual) cheerful Nuku.
"Oh, Nuku, what's going on?"
"Kyosuke wanted Nuku to tell Washu and Urd lunch was ready!"
//Damn, I'm hungry.//
Nuku blinked, then approached the television curiously. "Ano...
Urd?"
//Hi kid.// The Urd-In-The-Box waved casually.
Nuku looked at Washu. "Is that Urd? Nuku doesn't remember Urd's
hair being red."
"She's fine," soothed Washu. "Just stuck in the television, that's
all!"
//Oh, yes, that's all. Otherwise, I'm just fine// said Urd
sarcastically.
"Oh," said Nuku, totally missing the sarcasm. "Okay."
"Don't wait for us, ne?" said Washu, scratching Nuku's head as if
she was a cat. Nuku really seemed to enjoy it. "We might be a
while."
"Oh, okay!" Grateful for the head scratch, Nuku repayed the favor.
"Hey, what're you," said Washu, "No, nowaitdonmmmmmfff?!?!"
//Oh my.//
*
"So how're things back home?"
//Hikaru misses you a lot and Madoka seems to be more subdued
lately and Komatsu and Hatta wanna say hi.//
"Komatsu and Hatta are there?!"
//Heyhey, Mr. TV star!//
"Komatsu, hey there."
//How's things going, Kyosuke? Must be havin'fun over there, ne?//
"What do you mean?"
//Come on! That girl Nuku is cute! And your lady friend Urd seems
to be real sweet on you too. Yeah?//
*
//Achoo!//
"What, you're stuck in the TV _and_ catching a cold?"
//Just hurry up, Washu!//
*
"Hey, it isn't like that!" protested Kyosuke.
//Riiiight. Hey, here's Hatta.//
"Waita-"
//Kyosuke, you casanova! Howyadoin?//
"Just fine, just fine. Hey, what are you guys doing over there
anyways?"
//Us? Oh, we're just... hanging out. You know. Nothing
special.//
"Hey, if you do anything to my sisters..."
//Hey, trust us! C'mon, you know me-//
"And that's why I'm worried."
//Hahah! Good one! Aaaanywas, gotta go. We're headed to the
pool.//
"THE WHAT?! Not with my sisters!"
//Ja!//
-click-
Ranma looked at Kyosuke, impressed. "Wow, man, that's some battle
aura."
"Perverts," grumbled Kyosuke.
That, thought Ranma, sounds all too familiar.
"So, what's for lunch?" asked Ataru.
"Lots of frozen food," said Kyosuke.
"Erh... ah, well, I guess it could be worse," said Ataru.
"Could've been more fish."
"Washu and Urd will be here later," said Nuku, entering the
kitchen.
Ataru grinned. "Nuku-chaaaaaaaan!" *GLOMP*
*
Deep in the recesses of Nuku's brain, there was a bit of a
processing error. The organics of her mind quite happily accepted the
new terms of kissing and such, but the Anti-Hentai program Kyuusaku
had installed was having some problems agreeing with that.
For example: Nuku liked Ataru. Therefore, she should kiss him.
*
"Ugh, I don't believe this," said Ranma.
"Um... Nuku... I don't think you should-" said Kyosuke timidly.
Ataru broke the kiss and yelled, "DON'T INTERRUPT!" The lecher's
grin returned and he turned his attention to Nuku once more. "Now,
where were we?"
Somewhere out there, Urd was feeling nauseated.
*
After the kiss, insisted the Anti-Hentai program, she would have to
punch him through a wall.
*
**POW**
The boys stared at the Ataru-shaped hole, then at Nuku. She seemed
terribly surprised by what just happened. "Oh no! Ataru-kun!"
"Had it coming," said Ranma.
Kyosuke nodded solemly.
"Hey, don't feel bad about it," said Ranma, reaching over to pat
Nuku on the shoulder...
*
It should be noted at this point that the A-H program was feeling
really paranoid at this point. After all, the biological matter
decided that Ataru was kissable. That was a point the A-H program was
clearly disagreeing on, and it began to consider what else might be in
error.
*
**WHAM**
"Oh no! Ranma-kun!" shrieked Nuku.
Kyosuke's eyes bulged, staring at the now Ranma-shaped hole in the
wall, then at Nuku. She was looking even more startled than before.
"Are... are you feeling okay?" asked Kyosuke, keeping a fair
distance between himself and Nuku.
"I heard a loud noise," said Washu, walking into the kitchen, "is
there something... ah... hey, that hole in the wall kind of looks like
Ranma, doesn't it?"
"Nuku punched Ranma through the wall!" said Nuku fearfully.
"Is that so?"
"And Nuku punched Ataru through the wall too!" added Nuku.
"Pffeh, big deal." The Universe's (self-proclaimed) Most
Intelligent Being pulled out something from nowhere, a kind of
see-through thing with colorful buttons, and waved it at Nuku several
times.
"What are you doing?" asked Kyosuke.
"Diagnostic," said Washu. "Hmmmm... I see... something odd there,
alright. Nuku, follow me. And _don't_ get too close."
*
====================================================================
SCENE: the kitchen. ATARU, RANMA, and KYOSUKE are sitting at the
table, each having a cola in hand. KYOSUKE is fiddling with
the television while RANMA holds an ice pack to his cheek
and ATARU holds an ice pack to his eye. MAMORU enters,
whistling happily. He reachhes into the refrigerator, pulls
out a cola, then pauses as he finally notices the state of
the other boys.
MAMORU: What happened here?
RANMA: Nothin.
ATARU: (slight grin) Nuku-chan kissed me!
MAMORU: Uh... huh. And how does this explain the black eye?
ATARU: She seems to enjoy violence after passion.
MAMORU: Sure she did, suuure.
KYOSUKE: Ah... well... she really did kiss him, and then she punched
him through the wall.
MAMORU: You're not kidding.
RANMA/KYOSUKE/ATARU: (nod)
MAMORU: Wait, why does Saotome have a...
RANMA: I don't wanna talk about it.
<KYOSUKE points to the Ranma-shaped hole in the wall>
MAMORU: (staring at the wall) Oh my.
ATARU: Hey, no shame in getting kissed by a beautiful girl.
RANMA: Certain PEOPLE (eyes camera warily) might think I was
bein'a pervert or something.
MAMORU: So, the two of you-
ATARU: (points at Kyosuke) And him.
MAMORU: Huh?
KYOSUKE: Ah... yeah.
MAMORU: And she didn't hit you?
KYOSUKE: (shrugs) Nope, she didn't.
ATARU: She might not like him as much.
MAMORU: (Blinks for a moment, then smirks) Good thing I'm not around
that much. Now if you gents'll excuse me, I've got
appointments to keep.
ATARU: Gonna find a date over at the junior high, eh?
MAMORU: (rolls eyes) Oh shut up.
<exit MAMORU. Ataru, frowning, watches him leave, then resumes
the sulking position.>
KYOSUKE: Well, at least I didn't get hit.
<RANMA and ATARU glare at him>
KYOSUKE: Aheh... heh... sorry.
RANMA: Why is it everywhere I go, violent girls...
ATARU: I know what you mean.
RANMA: Yeah, right.
ATARU: Hey, really, I do.
RANMA: So, what, you get girls misunderstandin'what you're doing
all the time, huh?
ATARU: Yep.
<KYOSUKE stays silent, but listens and nods ever so slightly>
ATARU: And, y'know, the way you just can't do anything right
when they're around?
RANMA: Mm-hm.
<KYOSUKE nods again>
RANMA: And the way they get obsessive about stuff, it's darn
creepy!
ATARU: And how they try to run your life!
RANMA: Take your feelings for granted!
ATARU: Can't take a joke!
RANMA: Overreact!
ATARU: Nag!
KYOSUKE: Slap you around when it isn't your fault!
ALL: Women!
The three solemly nod and take a chug from their sodas.
---------------------------------------------------------------
At one side of the room, sitting upright in a chair, was Nuku-Nuku.
"Does Washu-chan see what's wrong?" asked Nuku hopefully.
At the other side of the room (a safe distance, she called it),
Washu had several hostile-looking sensors aimed at Nuku and several
screens floating in mid-air with readouts flowing across them.
"Mm-hm... mm-hmm... hmmmmmmm..." she muttered. "Ah, I see."
"What is it?" asked Nuku, again, hopefully.
"Program conflict. There's something in there that's disagreeing
with your behaviour, and it's really confusing your reflexes. Easy
to fix, I'll just remove the-"
Just then, the television flickered on. //Hey, Washu! You done
with... oh, heya, Nuku!//
Nuku blinked, then smiled and waved at the nearby television set.
"Hi Urd!"
Then she punched it.
---CRASH---
Washu stared in disbelief. "Uh oh."
"Aaah! Nuku broke Washu's TV!" wailed Nuku apologetically.
This... might not be good.
*
"... and then she had the nerve to say it was MY fault!" said
Ranma, arms upraised in the universal signal for frustration.
"I feel your pain, man," said Ataru.
"Exactly," said Kyosuke.
Suddenly, the three of them got very harsh whaps to the back of
their heads. The television turned to static, then suddenly Urd
emerged, looking a little worse for wear.
"So, women-bashing, eh?!" she said angrily.
"Um... er..." stammered Ranma.
"Well... hey..." mumbled Ataru.
"..." said Kyosuke.
"And YOU!" she said, poking Kyosuke in the head, "I expected better
from YOU!"
"..." answered Kyosuke.
"Men!" Urd rolled her eyes and stalked off, leaving the three boys
feeling, once again, overly-pushed-around by a woman.
"Um... Urd," said Kyosuke carefully.
"Yeah, what?"
"Why is your hair red?"
Urd blinked, grabbed a length of hair, stared at it, scowled,
and fumed. Finally, she yelled, "WASHUUUUUUU!!!" and stalked off out
of the hallway.
"What's wrong with her?" asked Ataru.
"Must be a woman thing," said Ranma.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Kitchen. Again.
ATARU: Say, you guys DO realize there's a camera in here, yeah?
<RANMA and KYOSUKE stare into the camera, turning pale.>
RANMA/KYOSUKE: Uh oh.
-end-