again, i'm just posting for this person.
No, -I- am _not_ Sarah Honeywell.

-rpm
--------------------------------------------

OPENING THEME SONG

Look out
Sunny sunny bright sky!

[A close up of a bright gleam zooms out to reveal that it 
is the glint of Ranma Saotome's eye, surrounded by the rest 
of the Ranma 1/2 cast.]

Let's shout!
There's a mischievous glint in your eye

[Cut to Ataru's ugly face, panning out to reveal that he 
is being chased by the entire UY cast.]

I ask a question
Whose answer I already know

[Nuku Nuku flies through the air on her bike, pink hair
streaming behind her.  She zooms by her brother and father,
who both give her enthusiastic thumbs ups.  We see her
through the crosshairs of a hidden Arisa for a split second
before she runs over the unfortunate office lady.]

A task performed 
Just strictly for show

[A pink mist fills the screen, then swirls to reveal Ayukawa
Madoka, who then morphs into Kasuga Kyosuke, who morphs
again, strobing through the entire KOR line up before
finally turning to Kasuga Akane, who winks at the camera
before she teleports]

//Chorus//

Zoom!  Zoom!
Let's fly into space
Vroom!  Vroom!
Let's pick up the chase!

[Ranma is seen fighting with Ryoga, Kuno, Mousse and the
others when he catches movement in the corner of his eye. 
Ranma turns his head and is immediately swarmed and beaten
up.  Before Kuno and the others could resume their violence,
Ataru runs smack into Ryoga, who turns around and is
flattened as the rest of the UY cast arrive.  Kasuga Akane
teleports in and Nuku Nuku skids to a halt.  Both stare
curiously at the pile of people in the middle of the
street.]

Together we'll be
birds on the wing

[A variety of scenes are shown:  Mendo and Kuno glaring at
each other, Nuku Nuku delivering food with Shampoo,
Ryunusuke and Ukyo playing pool, Kasuga Akane hanging around
the Tendo sisters.]

We'll soar and let
The world hear us sing

[Ataru is shown being slapped by all the women in the R1/2,
UY, KOR universes, one after the other, the final blow
coming from Lum herself, who hugs Ataru and pumps him with
electricity until he explodes.  Smoke and debris fill the
screen and swirl away to reveal the title.]

================================
FURINKAN CRASH!
story concept:  Sarah Honeywell
written by:  Sarah Honeywell
================================

Opening theme:  LoveMachineGo!
Performed by:  Say You
The Say You are:  Nuku Nuku, Akane Tendo and Lum

Ending theme:  Lover Blue
Performed by:  Saotome Ranma (chan)

Warning: For the sake of convenience (and to save the
readership and the writer from going stark-raving mad). 
Akane from Kimagure Orange Road shall be known as Kasuga
Akane.  Sorry.  Her last name isn't listed in the Guide to
KOR. 

I've only watched the subtitled version of Cat Girl Nuku Nuku and 
I am writing her speech pattern the way they did in the subtitles.

I don't like Ataru Moroboshi.  I mean I _really_don't like Ataru 
Moroboshi.

You have been warned.

===========================================================
EPISODE 001:  KUNO VS. MENDO!  A FAMILY TRADITION!  Part 1
===========================================================

--------------------------------------------
HATE AT FIRST SIGHT!  (If You Only Knew...)  
--------------------------------------------

Days fly by.  The school has quieted down from the initial
moving chaos and has gotten down to the getting-to-know-you
violence.  However, there are always exceptions. 

----------------------------------------------------------

"Part!  Cower and tremble before the Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High!"  Shouted Kuno, to no effect whatsoever.  The
crowd pushed and shoved around him paying him no heed School
was over and Kuno was trying to hurry home. 

"Peasants!  Part, I said!  Part!  Oww!"  Cried Kuno, as the
throng of students trod on his bare feet. 

"Hey, babe!  You wanna grab some tea later?"  Ataru crooned
at the local girls, sidling past Kuno. 

"What a pig," Nabiki said, glancing over at him. 

"A-a pig," Ataru stuttered, going into his mock-noble voice. 
He stared off into space and continued.  "How can you say
that about a man?  A man who has so much love and passion in
his blood that he must share it with many others?  Right
Ryuu chan?"  He y elled in his more normal, high pitched
voice, zooming over to where Ryunusuke was coming out the
door.  He was flattened to the ground by Ryunusuke's fist
and the spatula of her new found friend, Ukyo. 

"That's what I thought would happen," Nabiki smirked,
walking away.  She headed for the usual place she found
Akane, sitting under a tree with Ranma. 

"Hello!"  Nabiki greeted.  Akane and Ranma were there, but
they also had a strange girl with them. 

"Nabiki," Akane said.  "This is Akane.  She just transferred
here.  Akane, this is my sister Nabiki." 

Nabiki smiled at the newly introduced Akane.  "Come from
Tomobiki High?" 

"Nuh-uh.  I was pretty shocked when I saw the crowd here,"
Akane replied.  She looked at Nabiki in a way Nabiki could
not place.  Kasuga Akane admired Nabiki's pretty face and
round curves. 

"Well I've gotta go," Ranma said standing up.  "I promised
my Pop I'd kick his butt after school.  See you guys back at
the house." 

One of Nabiki's most reliable spies walked up to her and
whispered in her ear.  Nabiki smiled and paid the girl. 

"Ah, just in time," Nabiki smiled, looking away.  They
followed her gaze to a student who was carrying a large sack
with sword handles clearly sticking out from the top. 

"What do you want with that?"  Akane asked her sister. 

Nabiki shrugged.  "There was a sale.  I'm sure I can unload
it on _somebody_." 

Ataru zoomed by, shouting and screaming at the top of his
lungs.  "MENDO!  HEY!  STOP!  YOU CAN'T STILL BE ANGRY ABOUT
YESTERDAY!  WHO'S ENOUGH OF A JERK TO HOLD A GRUDGE THAT
LONG!?" 

"Moroboshi!"  Mendo screamed, his voice breaking.  He had
his sword held high above his head, waving it around like a
man possessed.  "Come back and take your execution like a
man!"  Mendo screeched to a stop in front of Nabiki.  "So we
meet again," he sa id, smoothing his hair and sheathing his
katana.  He flashed a smile at her, irritating both Akanes. 

"Akane Tendo, my love!"  Kuno shouted running, well, more
like limping, towards them and screeching to a halt.  "Do
not fear my love!  I shall free you from the bonds of
enchantment that chain you to that wretch.  Ranma Saotome! 
Today you die!"  He shout ed at Ranma, who was just about a
tiny speck on the horizon. 

Mendo turned to look at the raving fool behind him. 

"Kuno." 

Mendo unsheathed his sword, its steely rasp filling the
sudden silence. 

Kuno narrowed his eyes, Ranma Saotome completely forgotten. 

"Mendo." 

The tension in the air was thick, hatred flashed in both
their eyes.  Everyone stepped back instinctively.  The
students of Furinkan High have had a lot of experience with
duels going on in their school.  The two began to circle
each other, like two jungl e cats.  Or more accurately, like
two people about to kick seven kinds of crap out of each
other. 

"Shutaro Mendo, of the House of Mendo," Kuno spat out
Mendo's name like venom.  "At last I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall
avenge my clan of the insult the House of Mendo has put upon
it." 

"Your memory is as foul as, ah," Mendo floundered. 
"Something very foul.  Sewers, garbage, rotten eggs and so
on.  It is the Kuno clan that has brought insult upon my
ancestors!"  Mendo rallied. 

"Enough lies!"  Kuno shouted, charging with bokken held
high.  "The sword of Kuno strikes for honor!" 

Kuno's downward slash missed as Mendo leaped high into the
air.  Mendo landed and slashed savagely at his opponent. 
They attacked each other with gusto.  Each showing his
agility by completely evading the other's assault.  Finally,
Mendo made a lazy slas h and Kuno slipped under the blade
and drew first blood with a slash at Mendo's midsection. 
Mendo grunted and kicked Kuno in the hip, Making him lose
his balance and fall away from Mendo. 

They circled each other again, Kuno limping slightly, Mendo
holding his side. 

"Tachi tachi tachi," Mendo taunted Kuno.  Kuno's mouth
foamed with rage as he swung his bokken without direction. 

"Foul enemy of Kuno!  Insolent blight upon the unblighted! 
Pompadour wearing, seventies styling, sword wielding
bastard!"  Attacked Kuno, swinging indiscriminately. 

Akane noticed that Nabiki was watching the match intently,
like she was waiting for something to happen.

"It's only a matter of time," she muttered. 

Akane studied the two combatants, trying to discern what she
was seeing.  Let's see, two combatants, both sword wielders,
that's if you counted Kuno's stick as a sword..... 

It clicked in his head, moments before it happened.  Kuno
and Mendo, who had both been warily eyeing each other
charged, as if from an unheard signal.  Time seemed to slow
down as the distance between the two became shorter.  And
when their blades met, an
 eternity later, the inevitable happened. 

Kuno's sword was sliced neatly in half. 

"HALF PRICED SWORDS!  GET YOUR HALF PRICED SWORDS HERE!" 
Nabiki hollered, startling those students who were standing
around her.  "AUTHENTIC WEAPONRY!  PERFECT FOR ANY OCCASION! 
LOW, LOW PRICES!"

-------------------------------------------

We'll skip the part where Kuno gets the crap beaten out of
him because each and every sword, mace, and pike that Nabiki
sold him (for thrice their values, if truth be told) broke,
bent and generally fell apart in his hands.  Trust me, it
was that ugly.  I t was the kind of beating where the words
'inhumane' and 'barbaric' are used. 

"It's not always this exciting around here, is it?"  Kasuga
Akane asked Akane as they, along with Nabiki, who was busily
counting her money, walked down one of Nerima's little
streets. 

"If you want exciting, you've found the right person," Ataru
said, appearing out of nowhere and putting his arms around
the Tendo sisters.  "Now, how about some tea?" 

"cn I tayk that as a no?"  Ataru moaned from under the
collective might of the Tendo sisters.

"I get the feeling it's gonna get mighty interesting around
here,"  Kasuga Akane grinned. 

"Why is it?"  Akane huffed angrily.  "Why is it everyone I
meet is a pervert?" 

---------------------------------------------

Interlude. 

The clock tower of Furinkan High was not unlike that of
Tomobiki's.  It worked, it tolled the hour, it had gears,
and now, it had Stormtroopers.

"The number of those vying for Mistress Lum's affection has
more than doubled," Megane said grimly. 

The other three nodded. 

"We must now, more than ever, be ever vigilant on our duty
to Miss Lum," Kakugari added. 

----------------------------------------------- Interlude
two. 

"I, Shin, of the Chemistry Club, formally welcome you all,"
he said to the dark assembly before him.  "Welcome to the
official Nuku Nuku Fan Club." 


------------------------------------------------- THE WORLD
ACCORDING TO DORKS (He Said / He Said) 
-------------------------------------------------

Tendo Dojo. 

Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo (who came under the pretext of
bringing Ranma some food), listened to Akane (who was pissed
about them being there, but couldn't find an excuse to kick
them out yet) relate the incident at school. 

Ranma listened with mild interest as Akane babbled on about
Kuno getting beat up.  Or something.  He really didn't care
that much what Kuno did as long as it didn't involve

a)  Akane, which involved reasons he couldn't really admit
to even to himself, or

b)  Himself, which involved Kuno either
     1.  Groping him when he's in his girl form or
     2.  Fighting him for a variety of usually stupid
reasons. 

"What I don't get," Kasumi said as she walked into the room. 
"Is why they were fighting." 

"INDEED!  THE HATRED BETWEEN THE HOUSES OF KUNO AND MENDO
HAS LASTED MANY COUNTLESS GENERATIONS!"  Kuno burst out from
nowhere, megaphone in hand. 

----------------------------------------------

Kuno knelt in front of Ranma and the others and began to
tell his tale. 

"Thirty years ago," Kuno intoned.  "Kyotaro Mendo, through
deceit and trickery, bested my grandfather in a duel. 
Disgraced and defeated, Grandfather was forced into exile." 

"That's correct!"  Mendo shouted, dropping out of the sky,
his entrance marred only by the fact that his parachute got
caught in a tree.  "My grandfather avenged our family.  For
seventy years ago, a band of Kunos, without provocation,
attacked a party of
 peaceful, law abiding Mendos on the road!" 

"They were retaliating for the insult your family bestowed
upon mine a decade before that!"  Kuno shot back, getting to
his feet. 

"Who would not have bestowed such grievous, though I'm
certain well deserved insult upon your house if not for what
your greatgrandaunt did to my greatgrandfather!"  Mendo
yelled, raising his voice an octave higher. 

"Who would not have did such a deed, a deed needed to be
done, as well done deeds need doing, if not for what your
greatgrandmother-in-law said about my greatgranduncle's
second wife!"  Kuno roared, getting into the spirit of
things. 

Mendo paused, a confused expression crossed his face. 
"What?" 

"What do you mean 'what'?"  Kuno bellowed.  Now that he had
a good shout going, he'd be damned if he was going to let it
go to waste. 

"What did she say?"  Mendo asked, scratching his head. 

"That she had legs like that of frogs," Kuno answered
uncertainty creeping into his voice. 

"Are you sure?  I'm sure that's what my
greatgreatgrandfather's gardener said about your
greatgrandaunt's maid." 

"Gardener?"  Kuno wrinkled his brow.  "I thought it was his
personal ninja..." 

They both stood stupidly for a minute, not noticing that
Ranma and the others have long been gone, trying to remember
the accounts of their family rivalry.  This once again
proves what kind of trouble can escalate from a wayward
comment.  Actually, the wh ole thing started when an ancient
Kuno turned to one of Mendo's ancestors and said, "Pardon
me, but I believe that's my mango." 

Kuno, realizing that he was standing not five feet from his
mortal enemy (well, ok, ONE of his _many_ mortal enemies),
pointed his new, reinforced bokken at Mendo's nose.  "Let us
contest!  The victor emerging victoriously in his victory,
in full knowledg e that he, the victor, is victorious!" 

"What?" 

"LET'S FIGHT!" 

This is the part of the anime where they usually show
outdoor scenes like the fish pond, or the training hall, or
the gate or something.  It's usually used to indicate that
some time has past. 

The scene Soun Tendo walked into was not a pretty one.  The
battle was short and brutal.  Both (being the cheaters that
they were) had called in their personal battalions and laid
waste to their battlefield (to be known henceforth as the
Battle of the Ten do Living Room).  Assorted personnel were
scattered across broken furniture, through walls, and
hanging from broken ceiling fixtures. 

"Who are all these people?!"  Soun wailed.  "What have they
done to my house?  RANMA!!!" 

--------------------------------------------------------
MACHIAVEALOUAS.......  MACHOVILLAINOUS....... 
MACADAMIUS..... (Er... Really Smart Plots and Schemes) 
--------------------------------------------------------

Weeks later, at the Kuno Mansion. 

The Kuno dojo was an impressive sight.  Suits of armor stood
impressively in the corners.  Swords ranging from the simple
to the exquisite adorned many of its walls.  Portraits of
Kuno ancestors dating back to antiquity stared out from
their frames.  To tell the truth, they all look like they
just sniffed something unpleasant.  In fact, the only thing
that marred its perfection was the large pool of blood
sitting in the middle of the floor. 

The pool rippled and Kuno slowly emerged from it like Venus
rose from the sea.  That is, if Venus emerged from a sea of
blood dragging a corpse. 

Kuno dropped Mendo's lifeless body onto the floor.  Still
dripping with blood, Kuno faced the stares of his ancestors. 

"I have done what none of you have done!"  Kuno grinned
maniacally.  "I have ended the cursed Mendo line!"  Kuno's
eyes gleamed madly, staring at his forefathers. 

"Praises be!"  Boomed one. 

"A glorious victory!"  Thundered another. 

And as each of his ascendants heaped praises upon him, the
corpse of Shutaro Mendo sprang up and started dancing. 

"You can't kill me!"  Mendo singsonged, hopping onto one
foot, then the other. 

Kuno, flecks of foam spraying from his mouth, slashed and
hacked until the corpse was nothing more than ribbons of
flesh on the floor. 

"You can't kill me!"  Shouted the legions of tiny Mendos
that the gore on the floor turned into.  "Can't kill me! 
CAN'T KILL ME!  CAN'T!  KILL!  ME!!!" 

Kuno screamed. 

Kuno awoke and shot upright. 

"Curf fat accurfed Meno!"  He shouted. 

"What was that, Brother dear?"  Kodachi inquired, walking up
to her older sibling.  "I couldn't make it out because of
the bandages." 

"I said 'curse that accursed Mendo!'"  Kuno repeated,
untangling himself from his mummylike wrappings.  "Who
wrapped me, pray?" 

"Why it was I, Brother dear!"  Kodachi replied.  "Who else
but your dear, loving sister would take care of you in your
time of need?"  Kodachi continued, emitting her trademark
psychotic laugh. 

Kuno sighed.  He should have recognized her handiwork from
the fact that he had on not only a body cast, but splints
along each extremity and all covered with bandages.  He got
up with great difficulty and ambled to the window, his arms
spread wide apart,
 walking like a scarecrow come to life. 

Kuno mulled over the events of the last few days.  He'd been
investing all his time and energy into the destruction of
the Heir of the Mendo Conglomerate.  He had tried many
diverse schemes which, owing to the fact that it's Tatewaki
Kuno we're talking ab out here, had failed to destroy Mendo
utterly.  True, he did get Mendo with the ingenious
Stinkbomb Attack (which basically meant that he slipped one
in Mendo's back pocket), but Mendo retaliated with a devious
Tar-and-Feathers trick (which involved a buc ket of tar on
top of a doorway and Mendo waiting nearby with a bucket of
feathers).  Yet for as many of his schemes that succeeded,
there was the same number that Mendo had successfully pulled
on him.  Including this last one that put him in his current
s tate. 

It was time to ask for his sister's help. 

"Sister," Kuno declared.  "It is time for us to bear the
Kuno standard!" 

"You mean like good grooming and a tendency to be
psychotic?"  Asked Sasuke, falling through the ceiling. 
Sasuke had the misfortune of being Kodachi's guinea pig for
the day and was still quite heavily drugged, explaining his
loose tongue. 

"Silence fool!  If I could smite you I would!"  Kuno
hollered ineffectively.  "I mean we must now go forth and
conquer our ancient enemies!" 

"Chronic halitosis?"  Sasuke grinned dreamily. 

"The Mendos!"  Kuno cried, hopping up and down like a mad
puppet.  "What's wrong with you, Sasuke?" 

"He's been helping me with some experiments,"  Kodachi
replied, grabbing Sasuke and shoving some pills down his
throat.  "This should turn him back." 

Sasuke's bewildered eyes grew as large as saucers.  Then his
face went through a rigorous workout involving much
constriction and spasms before returning to a stunned,
half-awake expression. 

"I think the thing with the hole goes in front!"  Sasuke
smiled happily. 

"Or not," Kuno sighed.  It was going to be quite hard
without Sasuke around the house. 

"It was supposed to be a love potion for my darling Ranma,"
Kodachi swooned, going into a daydream until Kuno snapped
her out of it.  "Anyway, it still has a few things to work
out." 

"But the cow didn't want to put it on so Aunt Bin Bin left
in a huff!"  Sasuke added helpfully. 

They stared at him for a moment. 

Kuno's mind raced. 

Apparently, his sister had come up with a powerful new
hallucinogen.  If he could somehow make Mendo take the drug,
he thought.  And then while the arrogant cur was drowning in
the sick creations of his own mind, he, Tatewaki Kuno, shall
strike and end th e Mendo line. 

Kuno related this to his sister. 

"Why, it would be utter simplicity, dear Brother."  Kodachi
declared.  "I can also make it into a serum and load it into
a hypodermic dart!"  Kodachi laughed maniacally.  "We, the
Kuno siblings, shall rid ourselves of the Mendos!  Forever!" 
She added as they both laughed insanely. 

"We had one once, but the thing you pump fell off and got
lost!"  Sasuke whooped. 

---------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, at the Mendo Compound..... 

"Curse that accursed Moroboshi!"  Mendo yelled as he woke
up.  "No, wait.  It's Kuno, not Moroboshi." 

Shutaro Mendo stared into the mirror in disgust.  On his
head, destroying the perfection of his beauty, was a giant
multicolored clown wig. 

*squeak*

With a duck on it. 

Mendo seethed at the fact that Kuno got him this good.  He
stalked around the large conference room he was in.  The
duck squeaked every time he moved his head, which irritated
him even more.  Once more he tried to pull off the
ridiculous hairpiece, yieldi ng the same ineffective result. 

The door opened. 

*squeak*

"Yes?"  Mendo said, turning his head. 

His chief engineer walked in, not at all surprised by the
fact that his boss was wearing a rainbow clown wig with a
duck on it.  He'd served as the Mendo Family chief engineer
for the last four generations.  This was actually quite
mild, although the duck
 was annoying. 

He handed Mendo a large folder.  "The construction is
complete, My Lord." 

*squeak*

"Very good," Mendo replied, looking over the schematics and
the polaroids.  The plans and pictures were of an amusement
park.  A special one. 

*squeak*

"Is it built to my exact specifications?"  Mendo demanded. 

"uh, yessir," answered the distracted engineer, staring at
the duck. 

*squeak*

"You have done well,"  Mendo nodded.  "Now begone." 

"Uh, yessir," he replied, still staring. 

*squeak*

"Was there something else?"  Mendo demanded. 

"Uh, no sir,"  the engineer stopped staring and left. 

Mendo stared into the middle distance, eyes unfocused as he
envisioned the death of the most hated Kuno.  And the
instrument of his demise shall be the Mendo Family Amusement
Park. 

"Tatewaki Kuno,"  Mendo laughed maniacally.  "Your time has
come!  BWAHHAHAHAHHAAA!!" 

*squeak*

----------------------------------------------------


LOVER BLUE

Is it still us after all?  Still one after this? 

[Silhouetted against the sunset are two people with their
backs to each other]

Did you fall in love already, found someone to kiss? 

[We follow a tear as it tracks a path down the female's
cheek]

Isn't it enough that we are what we are? 

[Peach blossoms fill the air]

When was it when our love went sour

[They walk away from each other]

//Chorus//

It seems like forever and a day forever and a day forever
and a day

[The boy is shown outside of town taking one last look, then
he turns and walks away]

Oh you're so far away so far away so far away

[The girl fishes under her bed and pulls out a box]

I still have that red balloon you gave me I still have that
red balloon you gave me

[She pulls out a red balloon with the words "I Love You" on
it]

Farewell and Goodbye my Lovely Swan Perhaps my chance had
come and gone

[A split screen shot of him and her, looking at the endless
sky]

==================================================================
ENDOF EPISODE 001:  KUNO VS. MENDO!  A FAMILY TRADITION! 
Part 1
==================================================================

================================
 FURINKAN CRASH!
  story concept:  Sarah Honeywell
  written by:  Sarah Honeywell
=================================