Eric: humm i have a headache.
Sarah: you shoulda stopped drinking beer a long time ago.
Eric: the girl selling it was wearing a bikini!
Sarah: please you are a sucker for a bikini. What would Amber think.
Eric: probably congratulate me on getting out or something
Sarah: so now that you're back whats on the list...
fcasper wrote:
Since MSTing seems to be popular at the moment, would anyone be
interested in tearing apart this story of mine? ;)
Eric: this looks interesting.
Sarah: *sniff* i never really thought what we did was MSTing i mean I've
never actually seen the show.
Eric: i saw one with Godzilla in it. Made me laugh.
Sarah: A talking monkey makes you laugh.
Eric: *shrug*
Sincerely,
Megane 6.7
Sarah: oh he's the one thats evil...
Eric: evil why do you say that?
Sarah: cuz he does those really long scathing MSTs
Eric: i thought you would like those better.
Sarah: i do.
"THREE PAGES LONG"
(A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic)
>From the Desk of Megane 6.7
THE TENDO DOUJOU
8:25 A.M.
Sarah: good lemme synchronize my watch right about now, never can be to
sure when dealing with fanfics.
And the skies were filled with the sound of screams, screams
that ripped into the soul, like a hot samurai's sword through a tub of
cheap margarine. Amongst this chaos, stood one man, watching the
evening sky as it turned the color of blood....
Eric: oh prophetic.
Sarah: *cowering behind a couch* these seems so eeriely familiar, i
have dreams like this at night.
Eric: You have been reading my drafts havent you?
Sarah: no... no ... *screams*
"Damn, I wish I'd slept in today." exclaimed Ranma-Chan
as she watched a cockroach lying on the cracked pavement in it's
death throes. "I never should have let Genma set my alarm."
Eric: generally i just like to step on them but hey leaving them on
their back watching them die... well that can be fun too.
Sarah: oh no bugs are dying... *scream* this is so familiar. What have
you got planned for me?
Eric: why nothing, nothing at all... just calm down and enjoy the fic.
Ranma-Chan slowly rose to his feet and shielded his eyes
from the bright glare of the morning sun. "Another day in hell...."
he sighed as she rose to his feet and walked back inside the
Nekohanten.
Sarah: well the Nekohanten is often considered hell by a select few of
task masters.
Eric: Coincidentally you have been referring to Ranma-Chan as he and
this time you referred to her as a she.
Sarah: maybe its symoblic you know, hell the first sin all that. She
goes to hell, that sort of thing.
Eric: do you have any clue what you are saying?
Sarah: ummm no.
Nobody else was awake yet. Not surprising considering the
conditions of the Ut-Chan. There was a thick layer of dust covering
the wooden floor as Ranma made his way across it.
Eric: okay now i'm confused.
Sarah: so am I, whats the Ut-Chan? does he mean the Ucchan?
Eric: i havent the slightest. and whats with the dust? I thought the
road to hell was paved with good intentions.
Sarah: actually its paved with lawyers, frozen in ice, briefcases and
all.
Eric: and do the demons do ice shows on them.
Sarah: only of the disney variety.
"Shit! I broke another nail." Kasumi cursed out loud.
Sarah: well Kasumi is certainly in character here.
Eric: i like a foul talking woman.
"Like I care." Ranma-Chan replied as she sat down at
the counter and ordered an okonomiyaki. Kasumi glared at him for
a moment before returning her attention to the fried eggs that were
burning. "Damnit to hell, why can't I cook right?!?"
Eric: i can finally see what everyone finds so attractive about Kasumi!
Sarah: well thats okay, Kasumi, I can't even make fried eggs myself.
"What'ya say, Nabiki?"
Nabiki climbed through the window, wincing as her naked
body was cut on the broken glass. "You know, even though I sold all
of my clothes and worldly possessions to charity, I still think I could
do more!"
Sarah: this is very odd, you know role reversal.
Eric: I'm curious to take a look outside and see what kind of a crowd
Nabiki has attracted on her way home.
Sarah: she's soo sweet giving all her clothes to charity.
Eric: damn tootin.
"Then sell your body to those who would normally never
have a chance in hell of getting laid." Ranma suggested while
applying his tampon.
Eric: hahahahahahah, i'm sure she can find some buyers around here.
Sarah: you're feeling kinda desperate these days aren't you?
Eric: oh and one more thing, if its for charity *ahem* it should be
free.
Sarah: humph Ranma looks like a pad kinda person.
"Great idea! Thanks!" Akane replied as she jammed the
needle just above her eyelid. "There! How does it look, Ranko?"
Sarah: Uhh akane thinks it a great idea?
Eric: ahh well she likes inflicting pain on herself now.
Sarah: you know i'm thoroughly confused as to where this fic is going.
"Spiffy. Simply Spiffy." Ranma replied as she spilt
her cup of coffee on her shoes. After a long moment, Ranma-Chan
rolled her eyes up at the ceiling and sighed.
Sarah: she WHAT?
Eric: she split her cup of coffee? On her shoes?
Sarah: Damn i know she's talented but with a pair of shoes nonetheless.
Eric: i'm confused though, are Ranma and Ranma Chan still the same
person.
"What's your problem?" Genma demanded while styling his
full lush head of hair. "Who gives a shit about honor and the school?
Just go out every night and have fun like I do!"
Eric: oh well at least Genma is in character, only now he's actually
voicing how he acts most of the time.
Sarah: this fic is giving me a headache.
"I was just thinking about Happosai and how much I would
love to cling tenaciously to his buttocks right now." Ranma-Chan
replied with a wistful look in his eyes, numerous tear spilling down
her face.
Sarah: ohhhhkay. you know this is getting really sick.
Eric: ummm...
"e....excuse me." Kodachi asked in a whisper of a voice.
"is...is my date ready?"
Sarah: I'm planning to make sure he's properly TENDERIZED, before i cook
him.
Eric: something tells me she's not quite insane in this one.
"Soun is ready to take Kodachi to date!" Soun replied as
he glomped onto Kunou and began to make out with him. "Make
Soun, Kunou's own!"
Sarah: gross!
Eric: Is Kunou, Kodachi in this one, i mean i know its her last name and
all. Ahhhh My head its getting bigger!
P-Chan! Be a good cat and get into the pot! We're starving
and we need the meat!" Akane warned as she pushed and shoved
P-Chan deeper into the boiling water.
Sarah: ummm....
Eric: uhhh....
"Excuse me, could you tell me where to find a chicken
cannon?" Ryouga asked as he walked in from the pouring rain,
taking a moment to pat his red locks back into place.
Eric: i'm really develping a huge headache.
Sarah: so am i and at least mine isn't from beer.
"G....G.....Genma!!!" Dr. Tofu glasses fogged up and he
accidentally stabbed Kasumi with a five inch nail.
Eric: ow a five inch nail?
Sarah: i wonder where he stabbed her. I hope this fic ends soon. My
head hurts.
"Oh my! Let me get that gosunkugi out of you!" Ryouga
offered as he tried to pull Hikaru off of her. "Damn! I wish I were
stronger!"
Eric: please someone stop this thing.
Sarah: gah!
"Hey, fuck off! I saw her first!" Gosunkugi growled as he
returned his attention to his partner. "Now where were we, Cologne
sweetie?"
Eric: Sweeto?
Sarah: Sweeto? Sweeto?
"About one step from boredom!" Cologne sighed as she
worked Mousse with her long slender fingers, her 7' 5" frame
making Mousse feel like a smurf.
Eric: Pitufo!
Sarah: Mousse has all the makings of a smurf, lets quickly splash him
with blue paint and send him skipping on his merry way and out of this
fic.
Eric: i wish i had never decided to do anything with this one.
"Can you hold this for me?" Kasumi handed her head to
Mousse. Mousse fanatically looked for space in his cloak. "I can
never carry anything!" he complained.
Eric: HER HEAD?
Sarah: HER HEAD?!?
"What's the date for today?" Azuza asked as Happosai
spread honey garlic sauce on her tongue.
Eric: now that sounds really fun. very erotic.. mmmm...
Sarah: snap out of it remember we're still stuck in this odd fic.
"Mousse looked at the calendar in the next house across the
street through the far window. "April 25, 1974!"
Sarah: does this day have some sort of signigicance.
Eric: I hope so, anything to explain this.
"Beg your pardon?" Sasuke asked as he twirled his white
polyester jacket around his head, spun around in a 360 circle and did
the splits while pointing his finger in the air.
Sarah: well at least Sasuke is staying alive.
Eric: did you really have to?
Sarah: you can tell he's a man by the way he walks...
"I said, April 25, 1924!"
Sarah: Well PARDON ME. *starts gathering energy to build to a blast*
Eric: wait! i wanna see how this ends! *dives in front of Sarah's
powerblast*
Sarah: gah i want out! HELP ME!
Eric: *embedded in a wall* ...
"That's what I thought you said! Ok kittens, let's swing!
Oh ain't she sweet, driving it down the street" Soun and Genma sang
while dressed in identical zoot suits.
Sarah: help me! i'm confused I can't make head or tails of this fic!
Eric: *still embedded in the wall* ...
"23 Skidoo!" Ryouga snapped his fingers to the beat.
Sarah: is that the number of skid marks on your underwear Ryouga? I
mean i know you get lost and all but i would hope you carry a change of
underwear.
Eric: *pulls himself free* finally, now how much do i have to go back
over.
Sarah: you will do no such thing! *builds to some more power*
Eric: just kidding, really, kidding.
Ranma-Chan couldn't take any more of this. He sat back down
on the stool and walked up the stairs to the patio. There, she quickly
ripped off all of her clothes and jumped into the pond. The piranha
were swift and chewed on his flesh while Ranko searched the surface of
the warm water until she found what she was looking for.
Sarah: huh? what?
Eric: what? huh?
Then she broke the surface of the pond and started to climb out only to
have the bank crumble under her fingers. He fell back into the pond and
then fell through the bottom. She quietly whistled to herself as she
fell thousands upon thousands of feet only to stop an inch above the
hard ground.
Sarah: well so much for the bottomless pit theory.
Eric: oh look thats where those nude pictures of whoopy goldberg got to.
Sarah: you were a fool to think anyone would want those.
Eric: and there's guido!
Sarah: and he's still wearing cement shoes.
* * *
"ARGGHHHHHH!!!"
Sarah: my sentiments exactly.
Eric: its like he read my mind.
Ranma sat up in his futon, covered with sweat. He waited a
long time for his heartrate to return to normal and then glances at the
empty tray next to his pillow.
Sarah: more of Akane's cooking I'm sure
Eric: yes i hope there is some reasonable explanation for this madness
that Megane threw us into.
Sarah: we sort of threw ourselves into it.
"Oh man....That is absolutely the LAST time I have triple
portions of Akane's squid surprise. Another dream like that will kill
me!"
Sarah: Mental note, never eat anything with squid.
Eric: mental note, never eat anything with the word surprise in it.
Ranma slowly rose to his feet and gazed out into the sky. It
was a peaceful night, the stars were bright and shinning. Ranma
smiled to himself before walking to the door to go to the bathroom.
Sarah: now i wonder what vile plots he has planned for his trip to the
bathroom, taking plenty of kleenex i see and his right hand always did
seem stronger.
Eric: maybe thats why he's smiling to himself.
Sarah: at least normality has descended on this fic.
Eric: dont say it. Knock on word the next paragraph my shock us.
"Hello, father." Nabiki bowed politely to Ranma as she
passed by.
Sarah: *SCREAMS*
Eric: *SCREAMS*
"Like I care." Ranma Hibiki replied as he climbed the rope
ladder to the treehouse, being careful to bribe the man with a sharp
pointy stick....
Eric: umm..
Sarah: and fangs and sharp pointy teeth?
THE END.
What the hell was I thinking when I wrote this? I have no idea. If
you find symbolism and deeper meaning in this story, it was
completely unintentional, really, I swear....
Sarah: yeah sure you had no clue. Are you tripping or something?
Eric: Sarah... power blast this boy.
Sarah: with pleasure! *disappears to go look for Megane 6.7*
Eric: teach him to trick us into reading his fic. Really.
C&C is welcome as always. If you really want to have fun, try and
find all of the mistakes and OCC references in the story. The first
person who finds them all can pat himself/herself on the back and
say "Damn I'm good!"
Eric: *listens satisfyingly to the sound of screams*
Sarah: *suddenly returns*
Eric: Did you get him?
Sarah: I havent the slightest clue. I mean i have no idea what he
looks like so i just beat up and power blasted the first guy i found.
Eric: well, in case Megane survives, we'll find you... err actually
Sarah will. Sarah please glow a proper menacing green for mr 6.7
Sarah: with pleasure *glows a bright green allowing some of it to store
in the ground*
Eric: as for this fic... well... the only thing i have to say about is
...ummm....uhhh...my head hurts.
Sarah: ditto.
--
"I always hated stories that ended poorly. I
always felt cheated. But you can't feel cheated
forever. And then she woke up...
I suppose there are worse endings."
--Rose Walker, Lost Hearts
http://www.erols.com/eda104/