Subject: [ffml][r1/2][fanfic]Ranma1/2PresentsShampoo1/2
From: "Theodore Sommer" <sommer@nb.net>
Date: 9/28/1997, 1:33 AM
To:
CC: <sommer@nb.net>
Reply-to:
<@nb.net>


As I feared, the first time was nearly impossible to decipher for many of
you. This is the second attempt to send this out as a text format. But I
have my doubts as to this being ascII and working. And thanks to those that
broke the code and sent C+C. (Sigh! The computer illiterates you people
have to put up with.)

Sommer@nb.net

RANMA 1/2 PRESENTS:
SHAMPOO 1/2

Standard disclaimer: 
I don't own any of these characters. They are owned by the Goddess
Takahashi and whomever she leased the rights to. Buy Ranma stuff. It's low
in fat and takes care of that annoying money people seem to give you for
work. Remember, Ranma is good food.


Chapter 1
BEGINNINGS

The scene opens at the Tendo Dojo in the middle of the day. We see Soun,
sitting in his brown gi, reading a postcard. He is crying.

Soun: (Shouting throughout the house) Girls! Come here.

Kasumi comes first from the kitchen She is wearing a dress. She is followed
by Nabiki who comes from the upstairs. She is dressed in shirt and pants.
Akane comes in last from the dojo. She is dressed in her white gi. He waits
for all of them to sit down.

Kasumi: What is it father?

Soun: We are going to have company daughters. A friend of mine is coming
back from a training trip from China. It is our intention that one of you
marries his son.

The girls mouths drop in shock.

Akane: I am not marrying someone I haven't even met.

Nabiki: Unless he's rich forget about it.

Kasumi: Oh my! I hope he is older than me.

We hear a crash come from the front of the house. Kasumi gets up to see who
it is. She returns accompanied by an older, slightly overweight, man,
wearing a white gi, a white bandanna on top of his head, and glasses. He is
followed by an attractive, red-haired girl that appears to be about sixteen
and is dressed in a red shirt and blue pants that are Chinese style. The
third member is an extremely attractive, black-haired boy, also about
sixteen. He is dressed in a purple outfit, also of Chinese design. We hear
that the girl talking is talking to the boy in a conversation that was
started out of earshot.

Girl: ...told you to let Pop or me open doors. You're too destructive.

Boy: Sorry.

Soun: (Crying) Saotome! It's good to see you again. You haven't changed a
bit. Except for the few extra pounds. Heh, heh. (Pokes Genma in the ribs.)

Genma: (Embracing his friend) Tendo, you've hardly changed at all.

Soun: (Turning to the two youths politely sitting at the table) Hello.

Girl: Hi.

Boy: Nihao.

Soun: (To the boy) So this must be Ranma. A fine looking young man Saotome.


Girl: Pop, you'd better tell them.

Genma: (Clearing throat and looking at the ceiling.) Well...

Soun: (Ignoring the two.) Allow me to introduce you to your prospective
brides. 

He introduces the girls. They all look over the boy with admiration, even
Nabiki. It is at this point Kasumi speaks up.

Kasumi: Father, since I am the oldest, I believe it is only right that I
accept the engagement. (She smiles at the boy.)

Soun: (Crying) Kasumi you do your father proud. (Turns to the boy.) Boy,
you've done well for yourself. Kasumi has taken care of the family since
her mother died. She is the one best suited for making you a good home. You
are a lucky man Ranma.

Boy: (Points to self) Shampoo.

Soun: (Looking confused for a moment.) Oh I see. Kasumi, our guests have no
doubt traveled a long time on their journey and desire to clean up. Why
don't you show Ranma where the bathroom is?

Kasumi: (Grabs the boys hand and leads him upstairs.) It's this way.

The boy looks confusedly at the girl. 

Girl: (Waves the boy on) You'd better go with her. Pop and I will explain.
(To Genma, very angrily) Won't we Pop? (Genma starts sweating.)

Soun: Saotome, you didn't tell me you had a girl. How old is she?

Genma: Sixteen

Girl: Pop.

Soun: Then she and Ranma are twins. Why didn't you tell me? What's your
name?

Girl: Ranma

Soun: You gave you're son and daughter the same name? Isn't that a bit
confusing?

Girl: POP!

Akane: (To Ranma-chan) Do you practice martial arts?

Ranma-chan: (Startled by the change of subject) Yeah.

Akane: Why don't we spar?

Ranma-chan: I don't fight girls.

Akane: (Confused) But you're a girl.

Ranma-chan: Look it's kind of hard to explain.

Akane: I see you're afraid you'd lose

Ranma-chan: (Angrily) Why you...

She is cut off my Genma.

Genma: You go on. I'll explain everything.

The girl looks incredulously at Genma but follows Akane to the dojo.

The scene changes to the upstairs. Kasumi has led the boy to the bathroom
door.

Kasumi: And here is the bathroom Ranma.

Boy: Shampoo

Kasumi: Yes. There is plenty of shampoo in the bath.

The boy looks as though he wants to say something else but doesn't know how
to say it. He finally gets an idea.

Boy: You come in wash back.

Kasumi: (Blushes) Oh No. I couldn't do that. We've just been engaged and
such things should not be done until after a proper wedding.

The boy gets a defeated look on his face. He enters the bath, while Kasumi
walks to her room.

Kasumi: (Thinking) He is quite the bold one. I believe this is going to be
one interesting engagement.

In the dojo we see Akane and Ranma-chan are sparring. Actually, Akane is
throwing punches and Ranma-chan is easily avoiding them.

Akane: Stand still and fight. (Swings) 

Ranma-chan: I already told you I don't fight girls. (Ducks.)

Akane: I'll make you fight. (Swings again) 

Ranma-chan: You asked for it.

He leaps over head and twist in mid-air and lands behind her in one fluid
motion. He then lightly pushes her over from behind.

Ranma-chan: I win.

Akane gets up looking ready to kill. The look quickly passes from her face.

Akane: You're pretty good. I'm glad you're a girl. I don't think I could
stand losing to a boy.

Ranma-chan: (Under breath) Oh Great.

A loud crash is heard in the direction of the house. Ranma-chan and Akane
rush to investigate. They come upon the living room which is in shambles.
We see Soun laying unconscious on the ground and a panda with glasses
beating up Genma.

Akane: I don't believe it! We're being attacked by a panda!

Ranma-chan: Mousse!

Akane: No, it's a panda.

Ranma-chan: I mean it's Mousse.

Akane: And I'm telling you it's a panda, baka!

Ranma-chan: Who're you calling a baka?

Akane: I'm calling you a baka, baka!

Ranma-chan: I don't have to take that from an uncute tomboy like you!

Akane: What did you just say?

The panda grows weary of the argument and shoots out several chains form
out of nowhere. The entangle Genma, Ranma-chan, and Akane.

Ranma-chan: (To Akane) I could have avoided this if you hadn't distracted
me. (Yells at the top of his lungs.) Shampoo!

Akane: Now is not the time to worry about your hair you egotistical jerk!

The scene cuts  to the upstairs. Kasumi comes out from her room. 

Kasumi: What is that noise? It sounds like they're having  a party. I
didn't have time to prepare any food. I wonder if Ranma wants anything
special?

Kasumi goes up to the bathroom door and raises her hand to knock on it. The
door suddenly opens and a purple haired girl rushes outside with nothing on
but a look of concern. She jumps over the railing to the downstairs. Kasumi
is motionless, having been frozen in place with her hand raised as if to
knock on the door.

Downstairs we see the girl rush into the room. She sees the panda is
jumping up and down on Ranma-chan, causing his eyes to pop out every time
it lands on her.

Girl: (Pointing to the panda.) Mousse no attack Ranma and Pop. Fight
Shampoo.

Akane: That is a panda!

Mousse and Ranma-chan both look At the naked Shampoo and promptly drop
their jaws. While Mousse is paralyzed by Shampoo's (Ahem) display she runs
over and belts him through the roof. We see by his trajectory that he will
land somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. 

Shampoo: Why Mousse no leave us alone? Is all his fault anyway.

Akane: (Yelling at the top of her lungs.) That was a panda. Why does
everyone keep calling it a moose?

Ranma-chan: (She has recovered slightly and has closed her eyes.) Shampoo,
could you put something on?

Shampoo: (Realizes she is in the buff.) Aiya!

She grabs a tablecloth and wraps it around her. The others unwrap
themselves from the chains. Kasumi and Nabiki finally come back from the
upstairs.

Nabiki: What is going on here?

Kasumi: Excuse me. Miss. You. The bimbo in the purple hair. (Points to
Shampoo.) What did you do with my fiancee?

The Tendo's look shocked at Kasumi's choice of words.

Ranma-chan: Pop you'd better explain this before it gets worse. Not that
I'm sure how it could get any worse.

A little time later we see the living room has been straightened up
somewhat. The Tendo's sit on one side of the table while, Ranma-chan, Genma
and Shampoo sit on the other.

Genma: It all started on our training trip. We arrived at the magical
training grounds  of Jusenkyo.

The scene wavers and the flashback officially begins. We see the familiar
sight of Jusenkyo. Poles in the air, each one next to a spring. Ranma-kun
and Genma stand next to one.

Genma: Time to see what you've learned boy.

Each jumps up to the top of a pole and begin sparring. Neither one notices
that there is already a fight occurring in the other side of the springs.
Two figures are working their way closer to where the Saotome's are
sparring. One is Shampoo-chan with bonboris (Metal maces that look like
beach ball with a handle.) in hand. She is being chased by a boy, about
sixteen, wearing thick glasses, a flowing white robe. He is throwing a
variety of knives at the girl.

Ranma: (Thinks) I'm going to jump off the pole behind me and kick that old
man's butt.

Shampoo: (<>In Chinese.) <I am going to jump off the pole behind me and
kick that stupid Mousse's head in.

Neither one watches out behind them so they both collide when they go for
their leap. Shampoo's bonbori go flying. Each of martial artists end up in
a different spring. Genma stands on top of a pole next to the pool
Ranma-kun fell in. Mousse stands on the one next to Shampoo's. Ranma-chan
sits up in her pool.

Mousse: (To Ranma-chan.) <I have beaten you at last Shampoo. Now you have
to marry me.>

Shampoo-kun leaps from his pool.

Shampoo-kun: <The fight's not over yet. >

He punches Mousse into a different spring, then lands on the pole Mousse
was on. Mousse-panda sits up in the pool. The Jusenkyo guide finally comes
out of hiding now that all the splashing has stopped.

Guide: (To Mousse-panda) You fall into Shonmaoniichuan. Very tragic story
of panda that drowned in pool over 2000 years ago.

Mousse: Grumph, grumph. (Incoherent panda talk.)

Guide: (Appears next to Ranma-chan.) And you fall into Nyanniichuan. Very
tragic story of young girl that drowned in pool over 1500 years ago.

Ranma-chan: (Opens gi and sees new additions to her chest.) AHHHHHH!

Guide: (Appears on the pole next to Shampoo-kun) And you fall into
Naniichaun. Very tragic story of young boy that drowned on pool 1500 years
ago.

Shampoo-kun feels his chest because his shirt is not as tight as it used to
be. He then looks down his pants to see what else has been substituted. 

Shampoo-kun: AHHHHHH!

(Writers note: From this point onward when Ranma is a man he will be
referred to as Ranma or Ranma-kun. Female Ranma will be referred to as
Ranma-chan. Same for Shampoo but opposite. Shampoo or Shampoo-chan for
girl, Shampoo-kun for male. Enjoy.)

Flashback officially ends. Both Ranma-chan and Shampoo-chan sit there
seething.

Shampoo: Is all Mousse's fault.

Ranma-chan: This is all your fault old man.

She sees Genma trying to sneak away. She grabs him and throws him into the
pond in back. He sits up wet, but otherwise unchanged.

Ranma-chan: If I had any sense I would have thrown you in that spring of
drowned Yeti riding bull while carrying crane eating eel or something.

Genma: Is that anyway to talk to your father.

Ranma-chan: Yes!

Soun: Saotome. Are you sure that this isn't some ploy to get out of
marrying one of my daughters.

Genma: Allow me to demonstrate.

Genma heads into the kitchen and comes back bearing a kettle of boiling
water. He dumped the contents on Ranma-chan who becomes Ranma-kun. 

Ranma: (Writhing in pain.) That's too hot.

Genma: Let me help you cool off boy. (Picks up Ranma and tosses him into
the pool. Instant Ranma-chan.)

Akane: He really is a pervert!

Genma: Shampoo is the same way.

He picks up a glass of water that mysteriously avoided destruction and
dumps it on Shampoo, changing her to Shampoo-kun.

Genma: And now for the change back.

Shampoo-kun buries his fist in Genma's face to keep him from pouring the
boiling water on him.

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo no feel like change now. You keep water. (He dumps the
water over Genma who writhes in pain.)

Ranma-chan: (Rushing over) Let me help you cool off Pop. (Throws Genma into
pond again.)

Nabiki comes over and pokes Ranma-chan in the breast. 

Nabiki: They're real all right.

Ranma-chan: Please stop that.

Nabiki: (Goes over and gropes Shampoo-kun.) These are real too.

Shampoo-kun: No touch please.

Kasumi: Nabiki, that is my fiancee. Which means it's my job. (Goes over and
gropes Shampoo-kun.) They are real. I think.

Shampoo-kun: (Yelling) No touch Shampoo!

Nabiki: Oh relax. She is your fiancee.

Shampoo-kun looks confused and breaks out his Japanese to Chinese
dictionary. He looks up the word fiancee and then screams.

Shampoo-kun: Aiya! Shampoo not marry girl. Shampoo girl.

Nabiki: You look like a boy. (Tries to grab Shampoo-kun again but he gets
out of the way.) Felt like a boy. You sure? (Shampoo-kun nods head.)

Soun: Then I guess we'll have to call off Ran...I mean Shampoo's
engagement.

Shampoo-kun looks relieved. Kasumi looks disappointed.

Kasumi: (Sadly) Well that was short lived.

Soun: (To Ranma-chan) So Ranma, which do you prefer.

Ranma-chan: What do you mean?

Soun: Which one do you want as your fiancee my boy...er girl?

Ranma-chan: I ain't getting engaged to nobody.

Genma: How typical boy. Always thinking of yourself. Why don' you take
other peoples feelings into consideration?

Ranma-chan: Because other people ain't getting engaged!

Genma: It's a matter of honor boy. We swore you'd get engaged to one of the
girls and I meant it.

Ranma-chan: Engaged huh?

Soun and Genma: Yes.

Ranma-chan: (Out loud) Fine. (Thinks to self.) They said engaged. Didn't
say nothin' about married.

Soun: So which one is it my boy?

Kasumi: I think one engagement a day is enough for me father.

Nabiki: (Quickly) Akane is the same age and hates boys to boot. They are
obviously a perfect match.

Akane: Now wait just a minute...

Soun: I believe that would be for the best. After all we wanted to join the
two schools and Akane is the best martial artist.

Ranma-chan: She's the best? Hey, that's too bad.


Akane: Why you...RANMA NO BAKA! (Punches him through the roof)

Genma: See they already act like a married couple.

The next day we see Akane, Shampoo-chan, and Nabiki are waiting downstairs
for Ranma. Nabiki and Akane are in school uniforms and Shampoo is in her
purple outfit from yesterday.

Nabiki: So this Mousse has been chasing you since China.

Shampoo: Hiya.

Akane: Where is that pervert?

Ranma-kun runs downstairs. He is in his red and blue outfit from yesterday.

Nabiki: Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Ranma: What was that?

Akane: There isn't enough time. We'll be late for school. Come on.

Ranma: Ain't it supposed to rain today.

Akane: It rained last night, but most of it dried up already.

The four leave. Nabiki runs on ahead.

Akane: Wait up Nabiki.

Nabiki: No can do. I got people to meet. Besides that's your fiancee and
his friend. You should be the one to walk them to school. (She runs on
ahead.)

Ranma: I don't see why I have to go to school.

Shampoo: Shampoo not see either.

Akane: Because you need an education. Now quit whining. Remember you're
registered as Shampoo girl, Ranma boy, got it?

Together: Yes.

Akane: And none of that perverted sex changing stuff or I'll pretend I
don't know you. Got it?

Together: Yes.

The trio arrive across the street from the school. Akane sees two of her
friends on the school side start to enter the school yard.

Akane: (Shouting) Hey you guys!

The girls start to turn around. It is at this moment that a truck passes by
the trio and splashes Ranma and Shampoo with water from a nearby puddle. By
the time the truck has passed Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun are now standing
next to Akane. The two girls cross the street to join Akane and her
companions.

Chisa: Who're your friends?

Akane: (Who hasn't noticed the change.) Meet Ranma Saotome and Shampoo.

Chisa and Malia: He sure is cute.


Akane turns at this moment and her eyes bug out in horror.

Chisa: (To Shampoo-kun through starry eyes) So Ranma, do you have a
girlfriend?

Shampoo-kun: No.

Malia: Are you looking for one?

Shampoo-kun doesn't know how to answer. Ranma-chan quickly drags
Shampoo-kun away from the girls and to the school yard. Akane follows.

Ranma-chan: I cannot believe that just happened.

Akane: Me either. They are usually quiet and kind of shy.

Ranma-chan: That is not what I meant. We gotta change back.

Akane: Too late for that now.

We hear a huge shout for Akane Tendo from the school yard. We see a large
multitude of boys rushing forward to attack Akane.

Akane: Oh great. I forgot.

She rushes forward and starts taking out the boys. Most don't stand up to a
single blow.

Ranma-chan: (To Shampoo-kun) We better help her out.

Ranma-chan is stopped by Nabiki who emerges from a group of girls. 

Nabiki: Don't worry about it. She goes through this every morning.

Ranma-chan: A horde attacks her every morning?

Nabiki: Right, now c'mon. 

She drags Ranma-chan to the school doors. Shampoo-kun follows. Ranma-chan
pauses outside the doors as Akane finishes off the last of her attackers. 

Ranma-chan: (Admiringly) Not bad. Why do they attack you every morning?

Akane: Some moron said that anyone that wanted to date me had to defeat me
in combat first. Since then I have to fight my way to school every morning.

Ranma-chan: That's stupid.

Shampoo-kun: Hiya. Should attack one at a time like Joketsuzoku.

Nabiki suddenly gets a calculating look in her eye.

Ranma-chan: You gotta fight for dates there too?

Any further questions are cut off by a bokken wielding high schooler. 

Kunoe: Once again you have defeated all those that would seek to date you
Akane Tendo. Now you must face me. Tatewaki Kunoe. He who is known as the
"Blue Thunder" of Furinkan High.

Akane moves to attack. Ranma-chan puts a restraining hand on her shoulder.

Ranma-chan: Let me handle this one.

Akane: I can take him.

Ranma-chan: He's different from the others. He's dangerous. I can tell.

Akane: I can handle him like I always do, baka!

Ranma-chan: How dare you call me that you violent gorilla!

The two engage in a heated debate. This has not unnoticed by Kunoe.

Kunoe: To be fought over by two such lovelies. Very well. Both of you may
date me. 

He leaps forward to attack. The two are arguing so much that neither
notices the assault. Fortunately Shampoo-kun does. She strikes Kunoe in the
face before he reaches them.

Shampoo-kun: We no have time for this. Be late for class.

She drags Akane and Ranma-chan into the school. Kunoe sits up.

Kunoe: I shall remain here. (He passes out.)

We see the inside of the homeroom. Akane is at her desk and Ranma-chan and
Shampoo-kun are standing in front of the class. All the girls are making
goo-goo eyes at Shampoo-kun except for Akane.

Godai-sensai: Class. I would like to introduce two new students. (To the
duo) Introduce yourselves.

Shampoo-kun: (Points to self) Am Shampoo.

Godai-sensai: That's funny. I could have sworn it said Shampoo was a girl.

Ranma-chan nudges Shampoo-kun in the ribs with her elbow.

Shampoo-kun:  Oh right. Am Ranma Saotome. Not Shampoo. (Points to
Ranma-chan.) That Shampoo.

Ranma-chan: I am Shampoo...um.

Shampoo-kun: Just Shampoo.

Ranma-chan: Right. Just Shampoo.

Akane: Those two bakas are going to blow it. I just know it.

Godai-sensai: (Thinks) Well it looks like there isn't going to be another
Yagami incident. All the girls have eyes for this Ranma fellow. Good thing
too. Kyoko would never understand.

At lunch Nabiki joins the trio:

Nabiki: So what do you guys think of school so far?

Shampoo-kun:  Have trouble understanding teachers and girls keep making
funny faces at Shampoo.

Ranma-chan: It stinks. I'm bored already.

Akane: If you stayed awake it wouldn't be boring.

Ranma-chan: If it wasn't so boring I could stay awake.

Nabiki: So what was this about having to fight like Akane?

Shampoo-kun: In Amazon village if want to marry must challenge and defeat
person want be wife. If challenged can no back out, must accept. No way
out.

Ranma-chan: That's stupid.

Nabiki: What if you just want to date?

Shampoo-kun: Same thing. But only need win once, then have to date all
time. 

Nabiki: Can only guys challenge?

Shampoo-kun: No. Girl can challenge too.

Akane: I agree with Ranma. That's stupid.

Ranma-chan: (Looking at Akane) Yeah. Next thing you know the guys at this
school might do that for some uncute tomboy.

Akane: Exactly guys at this school might...(Realizes who she is talking
about.) Why you! RANMA NO BAKA! (Punching Ranma-chan through the window
attracts everyone's attention.)

Malia: Akane. Why did you call Ranma a baka then hit Shampoo?

Akane is at a loss for words.

Nabiki: She missed. 

Nabiki turns to go. We see the gears in her mind are already turning.

School ends and the trio return home. Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun grab some
hot water and change. 

Shampoo: Ranma want spar with Shampoo?

Ranma: Yeah, sure.

Akane: I thought you didn't fight girls.

Ranma: Shampoo's different.

Akane: How?

Ranma: Well, she's a guy half the time.

Akane: Well you're a girl half the time.

Ranma: (Frustrated) Never mind. C'mon Shampoo.

Akane: Can I come too?

Ranma: Sure. If you think it will do you any good.

Akane just growls as she follows the duo to the dojo. Since Shampoo
challenged Ranma first, she starts with him. Akane has to admit, both
combatants are good. Very good. Shampoo manages to press Ranma hard, even
going so far as to put him on the defensive a few times. Eventually, though
Ranma, who is the better fighter, wins. 

Ranma: (Catching his breath.) That was tough. You did a few new moves on
me.

Shampoo: (Also catching breath.) Hiya. But Ranma still better than Shampoo.
Akane want try now?

Since Akane stands up and starts to spar with Shampoo. The fight does not
last anywhere as long as Shampoo's did with Ranma. Akane is defeated
easily.

Akane: (Depressed) Great. I guess everyone is better than me.

Shampoo: Akane have good strength and skill. Just need work harder. Make
deal with you. Same deal Shampoo have with Ranma. Shampoo help you with
Amazon techniques if you help Shampoo with Anything Goes Martial Arts.

Akane: Sure. Wait a minute. Ranma is teaching you?

Shampoo: Hiya. Ranma and Pop teach Shampoo.

Akane: Why do you call Mr. Saotome Pop?

Ranma: When we first met Shampoo her Japanese was really bad, even worse
than it is now. (Shampoo scowls at Ranma.) She heard me call him Pop and
thought it was his name. She just calls him that ever since. He doesn't
seem to mind. 

Akane: Why do you travel with them?

Shampoo: (Depressed) Shampoo have nowhere else to go.

Ranma: Hey, like me and Pop said, you can stay with us as long as you want.
We're happy to have you.

Shampoo: Shampoo thank Ranma.

Akane: We're happy to have you here as well.

Shampoo: (Nearly crying) Thank you. Thank you very much.

Ranma: Now why don't you show us how you do that move. You know that kick
you do in mid-air.

The three have a vigorous sparring session. Afterwards the go back into the
house. 

Ranma: Hey Kasumi. Got anything to eat?

Nabiki: (Calling out from around the corner.) Kasumi left to return some
books to Dr. Tofu.

Akane: I'll cook us dinner.

Shampoo: You no mind?

Akane: No I love to cook.

Akane retires to the kitchen. After about an hour everyone but Kasumi is
sitting at the table waiting for dinner. Akane comes in from the kitchen
bearing a tray.

Soun: (Nervously) A...Akane, did you make this?

Akane: Yep.

Nabiki: I just remembered, daddy asked me to fix the roof.

Akane: He asked you that two months ago.

Nabiki: Which means I had better get on it. (Leaves.)

Soun: I have to teach some students.

Akane: Dad, you don't have any students.

Soun: Time to get some. (Leaves.)

Genma: If I didn't know better it would seem they are leaving to avoid your
cooking.

Akane: They are. Some people think I'm a pretty bad cook.

Ranma: Don't worry. It can't be as bad as Pop's cooking.

Shampoo: Hiya. Pop cook awful.

Genma: I didn't hear you complain boy.

Ranma: (Angrily) That's because you never listened.

Akane: Then you're willing to try it.

The trio nod. Akane sets down a tray with an unrecognizable dish on it.

Shampoo: Oh. Akane cook armadillo for us.

Akane: That's not an armadillo. It's cod.

Ranma: What's this armor plate on it?

Akane: Those are noodles.

Genma: They look a bit hard. Are you sure you followed the recipe?

Akane: Yep. It's my own. Dig in.

The three look at each other and shrug their shoulders. They have had bad
cooking before. Ranma attempts to cut through the armorlike substance with
a knife. That doesn't work so Shampoo pulls her sword from out of nowhere
and brings it down hard on the armor. She cracks the shell and withdraws
her sword. Upon examining it, she sees there are nicks and chinks missing
from the blade. Each one gets a serving. All three take a bite at the same
time as Akane watches them expectantly. A similar look crosses their faces.
Terror. Genma turns green, Ranma belches fire, and Shampoo sees spots
before her eyes. She manages to shake off the effects and grabs Akane by
the collar. 

Shampoo: Why you poison Shampoo? Shampoo thought we friends.

Akane: Poison? You have go to be kidding.

She takes a bite of the substance. As soon as she swallows she falls over
and passes out. Fortunately, Shampoo and Ranma catch her before she hits
the ground.

Ranma: Guess she even she doesn't know how bad she cooks.

Later Kasumi comes home. She walks down the hall and sees Soun and Nabiki
looking into the Saotome's makeshift bedroom.

Kasumi: What's going on?

Nabiki: They tried some of Akane's cooking. She tried some too, but she's
feeling better now. Guess she's building up a resistance to the poisoning.

Kasumi: Oh No. I'd better help Shampoo. (Pauses realizing what she just
said.) And the Saotome's as well.

Kasumi gets something to settle their stomachs. Nabiki notes she helps
Shampoo first and dotes on her the most.

The next day the trio have recovered and leave for school. Nabiki has left
ahead of them. 

Akane: Boy, am I beat.

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo know what mean. Ranma and Pop work us hard.

The boys are waiting for Akane as usual. Just as they are about to make
their move, a group of girls twice as big as the boys appear behind them.

Girl #1: There he is.

Girl #2: Ranma, is it true?

Shampoo-kun: Is what true?

Girl #3: That if someone defeats you in combat you have to date them?

Shampoo-kun: Yes. But no can date you.

Nabiki: (Appearing out of nowhere.) Au contraire, you can and you do. 

Shampoo-kun: But Shampoo can no go out with girl, Shampoo girl.

Nabiki: Not now you aren't. You're a boy. And you said if a girl challenges
a boy, they have to accept. You can't refuse. Unless you have no honor.
Besides it won't matter unless you lose.

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo have honor. Can no afford to lose.

Girl #4: Well is it true?

Shampoo-kun: Yes. It true.

Girls: All right!

The girls race forward and trample the group of boys in their haste to
attack Shampoo-kun. The fight goes on a bit longer than the fights Akane
had with the boys. This is largely because the group is bigger. But after a
while an exhausted, Shampoo-kun manages to defeat the group. After
defeating them Kunoe appears.

Kunoe: So Saotome, truly you have no honor. Beating up defenseless women so
that they fall into your clutches. 

Nabiki: Don't sound so envious Kunoe baby.

Kunoe: I consider it my, no, any civilized persons duty to stop you. I will
smite thee. 

Shampoo-kun must fight a defensive battle since he is exhausted from
fighting the girls.

Ranma-chan: We don't have time for this. (He back kicks Kunoe into Akane,
who reflexively catches him.)

Kunoe: Ah! Akane Tendo. To go to such great lengths to save me I have no
choice. You may date me.

Akane: No thanks. (Belts Kunoe into the stratosphere. Everyone heads to
class.)

The next day the cycle is repeated. We hear the boys complain that getting
beaten up before facing Akane is just not worth it. The fight with
Shampoo-kun does not last as long either. Today he was prepared and has
brought his bonbori. Kunoe, of course, makes his appearance.

Kunoe: Saotome. Once again it falls to me to defend the honor of those too
helpless to defend themselves. I will smite thee.

Akane: My turn. (She punches Kunoe into Ranma-chan who reflexively catches
him.)

Kunoe: Ah! Shampoo. To go to such great lengths to save me I have no
choice. You may date me.

Ranma-chan: Couldn't you at least come up with something original? (She
belts him into the stratosphere. The three go to class.)

At  lunch we see Akane is sitting with a couple of her friends.

Akane: Why did you guys attack Ranma?

Malia: Well. He is the most handsome guy in the school.

Chisa: I just love it the way he refers to himself in the third person.

Malia: That reminds me Akane. Just what connection do you have with Ranma?

Akane: (Angrily) Our dumb fathers decided to engage us. But I hate it.

Chisa: Then you don't mind if we go out with Ranma?

Akane: (Not thinking things through.) I don't care about him. I don't!
(Shouting) The whole school could date Ranma! It doesn't matter!

Ranma-chan: (Muttering to self) Great. So much for using the engagement as
defense. 

At the end of the day we see the trio walking home.

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo think Great Grandmother wrong.

Ranma-chan: What do you mean?

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo ask Great Grandmother why no go to school. Great
Grandmother say school make people weak. She teach all Shampoo need to
know. But Great Grandmother wrong. Shampoo fight harder in school than when
train.

Akane: If she knew which school you went to, I am sure she would fear for
your life.

Shampoo-kun: Great Grandmother care about many things. Shampoo life not one
of them.

Ranma-chan: (Looking up.) Look out.

He grabs both of them in her arms and jumps out of the way just in time to
avoid a girl jumping down from some wires above the street and bringing a
club down on top of them. She shatters the street where they were a moment
ago.

Girl: Darn! I almost had him.

Ranma-chan: Why did you attack us?

Girl: I wasn't trying to attack you Shampoo. I was trying to hit Ranma.

Ranma-chan: Why?

Girl: I figured of I could ambush him, I could knock him out and date him.

Shampoo-kun: Ranma no think so. (Belts her a few streets away.) Shampoo
think Japanese girls too persistent. Remind Shampoo of Mousse.

A little ways down the street they see a rope snare laying in the middle of
the road. The rope leads down to a closed manhole cover. 

Ranma-chan: I don't believe this.

Akane: Who would be stupid enough to fall for that?

It is at this moment that Mousse jumps down from out of nowhere.

Mousse: At last I have found you Saotome. Prepare to die.

He has, of course, landed in the middle of the rope snare. The rope catches
his ankle and he is dragged into the manhole. We hear the sounds of
pounding from below.

Girls voices: At last we have you Ranma. Now you must date us.

Akane: It was meant to be a rhetorical question.

The trio arrive home. They enter the Tendo house.

Ranma-chan: I can't believe we were attacked like that.

Shampoo-kun: No need worry. We safe at home now.

A girl hidden behind the door swings a poker at Shampoo-kun's head. It is
only his quick reflexes that save him from being struck. He then punches
the girl out. A table suddenly launches itself at Shampoo-kun. As
Shampoo-kun catches the table Ranma-chan leaps over it and knocks out the
girl that threw it.

Ranma-chan: I don't believe this. We are being attacked in our own home.
Let's see if there are any more surprises.

Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun grab some hot water and change. They then sweep
the house and find five more girls laying in wait. They escort them out of
the house. Kasumi and Nabiki look amused.

Ranma: How the heck did they get in here?

Kasumi: Oh I let them in.

Ranma: (Incredulously) Why?

Kasumi: They asked if they could ambush Ranma. They were so polite and nice
I just couldn't say no.

Ranma: I can't believe you did that.

Nabiki: I can't believe you didn't charge them.

Akane: You do realize they mean Shampoo, don't  you?

Kasumi: Oh my! That's different. I can't let them do that.

Ranma: How is it different they attack her instead of me?

Nabiki: How indeed?

The doorbell rings.

Ranma: It could be a trick. I say we don't any chances. Let's take 'em out.

Kasumi: Now Ranma. It is impolite to attack someone without finding out why
they are here for first.

Ranma: All right. (Shouts) Who is it?

Voice: Dolphin-gram.

Ranma: Oh. O.K. (Goes to open door.)

Akane: (Shouting) Ranma don't!

Too late. He opens the door and we see the huge head of a shark burst
through the opening and try to swallow Ranma whole. He manages to pry open
the mouth with his feet and hands. We see Shampoo starts pounding it with
her bonbori and Akane striking it with her transdimensional mallet. They
manage to beat it off as the shark spits out Ranma. The door shuts behind
it.

Akane: I can't believe you fell for that.

Shampoo: Yes. Is oldest trick in book.

Ranma: (Terrified) WHAT WAS THAT THING?

Kasumi: That was a landshark. A predator that goes door to door, searching
for those foolish enough to let it in.


Shampoo: We have those in China, but very rare.

Kasumi: I haven't seen one around here in years. 

Kasumi goes to the closet and brings out an elaborate case. She opens it up
and pulls out a customized spear gun.

Kasumi: I suppose if it comes back I will just have to take care of it like
I did the last one.

Ranma: The last one?

Kasumi points to a wall where we see a huge shark head hanging that is
identical to the one that attacked Ranma.

Ranma: So that's where that came from.

The doorbell rings again.

Ranma: I'll take care of it. (Goes for the spear gun.)

Kasumi: Wait. Who is it?

Voice: Floral delivery.

Kasumi: All right.

Ranma: (Hiding behind an annoyed Akane) Wait! How do you know it ain't the
shark?

Kasumi: Because they only use water based excuses for coming in. If it was
a fish delivery then I would be nervous. (She opens the door.)

Delivery Man: (Bearing a beautiful bouquet of flowers.) Flowers for Akane
Tendo.

Akane: (Enchanted) Oh, they're beautiful. (Tips the man, then reads the
card. Becomes annoyed) Oh, they're from Kunoe. (Slams the door in the
delivery man's face.)

The doorbell rings again.

Kasumi: Who is it? (Makes Ranma put down the spear gun.)

Same Voice: Floral delivery. 

Everyone looks confused. Kasumi opens the door.

Delivery Man: (Bearing a bouquet once again.) Flowers for Shampoo. 

Shampoo: Hiya. (Shampoo takes them.)

Akane: Why didn't you deliver both of them before?

Delivery Man: I didn't know they were for the same house...

Shampoo: (Reads the card) These from Kunoe too. That mean they for
Ranma-Shampoo, not Shampoo-Ranma. (Gives them to Ranma.)

Deliver Guy: ...or from the same guy.

Ranma: (Dryly) Thanks.

Delivery Guy: He sends flowers to a man and woman living in the same house?
Weird. (Leaves.)

Akane: (To Ranma sarcastically) You look so cute with those flowers in your
hand.

Ranma: At least he didn't waste them on a violent gorilla like you this
time.

Akane: Why You! (Picks up a vase and throws it at Ranma. It brakes over his
face and water from it splashes on Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun behind her.
The doorbell rings again.)

Delivery guy: Flowers for Ranma. (This time he holds a bouquet of dead
flowers.)

Shampoo-kun: (Takes the flowers. Reads card) These from Kunoe too. Says
want fight Ranma behind school two days from now.

Ranma-chan: I'll kill him.

Akane: He means Shampoo.

Ranma-chan: Oh!

Delivery Guy: (Realizes Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun are wearing the same
clothes but are different sexes. To Ranma-chan.) Weren't you a guy before?

Ranma-chan: Yeah! So?

Delivery Guy: Never Mind. (Hands Akane back her tip.) You keep it. (Runs
back to his truck.) Man I get all the weirdo deliveries.) Where to next?
(Looks it up.)  Somewhere named Maison Ikkoku and then a Tomobiki High.
They can't get any weirder than this. (Drives off.)

Ranma-chan: Let's go spar.

Ranma-chan, and Shampoo-kun get some hot water then go to the dojo, with
Akane, to spar. After about a half hour Ranma and Shampoo are sparring when
Nabiki comes in and throws some cold water on them.

Ranma-chan: Whad'ya do that for?

Nabiki: You two should get used to fighting in your opposite forms since
you have to spend so much time in them.

Shampoo-kun: Nabiki right.

Ranma-chan: Yeah. Thanks for looking out for us.

Nabiki: (Leaves. Then to self.) I'll be doing more than looking out.

She grabs a camera then hides under one of the windows and starts taking
pictures of Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun sparring. Eventually day turns to
night and everyone gets ready for bed. Ranma goes to retire.

Genma: What do you think you are doing boy?

Ranma: Heading for bed. (Opens the door.) Is that all right? 

Ranma is distracted by his father and fails to see the ball bat swung at
his head by the girl standing behind the door. He is knocked unconscious.

Malia: I got you now Ran...(Trails off.) This isn't Ranma. (Genma comes
up.) I thought I heard you call out Ranma's name.

Genma: I did that's Ranma. (Realizes something.) Are you from Furinkan?
(Girl nods head.) Then this Ranma, Shampoo's brother. 

Malia: He's Shampoo's brother? (Takes a closer look.) Looks like her. Tell
him I'm sorry for knocking him out. (She heads further in the house and
eventually comes to the kitchen where Kasumi and Shampoo-chan are. Points
to Shampoo.) Who're you?  

Shampoo: (Points to self) Shampoo. (Realizes where the girl is from.)
Shampoo Saotome. Ranma Saotome sister.

Malia: Ranma has a sister named Shampoo and Shampoo has a brother named
Ranma? What a coincidence. You do look a lot like your brother. (Walks off
terribly confused. She doesn't even realize that she didn't find the Ranma
she was looking for.)

The scene cuts to Akane's bedroom as she is getting ready for bed. She lays
down and looks up. A girl is hanging up in the rafters and descends with
club in hand.

Chisa: I got you now Ranma!

Akane barely has enough time to get out of the way as the girl hits the
mattress with her club.

Akane: What on earth do you think you are doing?

Chisa: This isn't Ranma's room?

Akane: NO!

Chisa: Sorry.

Akane: At least you got one thing right. (Belts Chisa out the window.)

The scene is the Tendo household the next morning. Akane, Ranma-chan,
Shampoo-kun are leaving for school. 

Ranma-chan: Where's Nabiki?

Akane: She left early again.

The trio arrive at school.. There is a podium and microphone set up in the
school yard. There are dozens of girl and Kunoe standing in front of it.
Nabiki is at the podium and using the mike.

Nabiki: I have here pictures of the handsome and bold Ranma in intense
physical workouts. Now who will start?

Girl #1: 250 yen.

Girl #2: 500 yen.

Girl #3: 700 yen.

Kunoe: Why have you summoned me here Nabiki Tendo? I have no desire to
purchase pictures of the accursed Ranma Saotome.

Nabiki: I also have pictures of Akane and Shampoo.

Kunoe: Sold! No price can be too much for portraits of my two true loves.

Nabiki: Music to my ears Kunoe baby.

Akane: I think I see why Nabiki is leaving early.

Ranma-chan: Where are our morning playmates?

The yard is devoid of the usual horde of attackers.

Akane: I got a bad feeling about this.

Secret Sub-basement level three, Furinkan High.
We see a standard boiler room in the bottom of Furinkan. There are dozens
of folding chairs set up and dozens of girls sitting in them. The chairs
are pointed at the head of the room where there is a table and viewscreen
behind it. Two girls are sitting at the table. They have chess piece
insignias on their jackets. One has a queen on hers, the other a king.

King: We members of the Girls Who Want to Date Ranma Organization (GWWDRO)
have initiated a plan which will bring about the downfall of Ranma Saotome.
Slides.

The slide show starts. Each slide corresponds to the subject being talked
about.

Queen: The problem is several fold. Ranma is an accomplished martial artist
that brute force alone will not overcome. He has friends that are also
martial artists, in Shampoo and Akane Tendo. He also has a safe haven, the
Tendo Dojo which provides him sanctuary.

King: Steps have been taken to ensure that Tendo and Shampoo will not be
allowed to interfere in today's action. The sanctuary has also been
compromised. Our agent in there cost us a pretty penny, but she was worth
it. A strike team will be stationed there, if Ranma makes it there, which
is unlikely. We will overcome Ranma by attacking in  strategic waves which
will spell his downfall. (King starts cackling insanely.)

After school in one of the classrooms.

Akane: Ranma and I have to stay after school to help clean up.

Ranma-chan: We won't be able to help you if you get attacked today. Maybe
you should stay.

Shampoo-kun: No. If stay then girls may attack. Best if go now.

He leaves the duo and heads downstairs. Ranma-chan and Akane watch from a
window  as Shampoo-kun leaves the building and heads toward the street. It
is quiet, too quiet.

Ranma-chan: It's a trap.

Akane: Shampoo can take care of himself.

Ranma-chan continues to look concerned out the window.

On street level the same thoughts go through Shampoo-kun's mind.

Shampoo-kun: Great Grandmother say if know trap there, then no can be
successful.

Shampoo-kun starts down the street. He is less than a quarter of the way
down it when he spots the Furinkan Girls archery team hidden in the trees
along the road. They open fire on Shampoo-kun, who deftly gets out of the
way of the flight of arrows. When he lands in the middle of the street he
feels something beneath his feet. He barely springs out of the way in time
to avoid a stun mine, planted by the military club, which sets off in the
street. Shampoo-kun runs to the end of the street only to be confronted by
a new menace. Two members of the equestrian team have stretched a net
between their horses and try to capture Shampoo-kun. He pulls his sword
seemingly from out of nowhere and slashes the net in half as the riders
pass by. He turns to see the girls Judo and Karate clubs have joined forces
to try to take him out.

Shampoo-kun: This too much. 

Shampoo-kun starts hopping over walls and buildings in an effort to elude
his pursuers. After a couple hours he manages to give them the slip and
heads home. He enters the building.
Shampoo-kun: Shampoo have no doubt. School make for better warrior than
before.

Shampoo-kun makes it halfway up the stairs when he comes running back down.
The strike team in hot pursuit. He runs into the kitchen and cries out to
Kasumi.

Shampoo-kun: Hot water. 

He dumps the everburning kettle over his head and changes just in time. The
strike team enters the kitchen.

Strike Team: Where did Ranma go?

Shampoo points outside.

Strike Team: You cannot escape us Ranma. 

They leap over the wall in pursuit of "Ranma". A little while later,
Ranma-chan and Akane finally arrive home and are informed of what happened.


Akane: How did they get in this time?

Kasumi: I did not do it.

Soun: I have no reason to.

Genma: Don't look at me.

All eyes turn toward Nabiki who is happily counting a huge wad of money.
She sees all the eyes staring at her.

Nabiki: What?

Ranma-chan: Where did you get the money?

Nabiki: I remembered to charge an entry fee for the Ranma festivities
today.

Ranma-chan: How could you...(She is cut off by Kasumi.)

Kasumi: I am very cross with you Nabiki.

Nabiki: (Surprised) You are?

Kasumi: Yes. I am. Shampoo and the Saotomes are our guests. You will treat
them with honor and respect. You will not allow anyone else in to ambush
Shampoo. You will help get rid of anyone that tries. Do I make myself
clear?

Nabiki: But..

Kasumi: Do I make myself clear? (She looks almost angry.)

Nabiki: (Ashamed) Yes big sister.

Kasumi: (Smiles) Good. Then why don't I get everyone's meal ready.

During the night the household is set upon by intruders that are thrown out
by Akane, Shampoo, or Ranma. By next day all three are very tired. They set
out to go to the school challenge. The stands are packed. We see Nabiki
working the crowd, taking bets and selling food at prices worse than most
movie theaters. Kunoe stands at one end of the field preparing for the
fight.

Kunoe: Ah! To hear the student body cheer me on is bliss.

Boy from the stands: We here to watch your arrogant head kicked in.

Girl from the stands: If you lay one hand on Ranma you'll be sorry.

Kunoe: (Seething) Saotome has somehow ensorcelled the crowd against me.
(Shouting) You will pay for this indignity Ranma.

On the other side we see Ranma-chan, Akane and Shampoo-kun preparing for
the fight.

Ranma-chan: You sure you feel up to this. You didn't get much sleep last
night.

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo could beat Stupid Sword Boy if not get sleep for week.
Shampoo ready.

The two opponents head to the middle of the field. Bokken and bonboris
drawn. Kunoe opens with a flurry of strikes which Shampoo-kun easily
blocks. Shampoo-kun takes the offensive which Kunoe manages to parry. He
then sees an opening in Shampoo-kun's defense. He manages to knock one of
the bonbori out of Shampoo-kun's hand.

Kunoe: Ah ha! I have disarmed you.

It was a trap. Shampoo-kun knocks Kunoes bokken out of his hand.

Shampoo-kun: Ah ha! Ranma disarm you.

Kunoe tries to knock the remaining bonbori out of Shampoo-kun's hand, and
fails.

Kunoe: Ah ha. I have not disarmed you.

Shampoo-kun: Stupid Sword Boy got that right. (Shampoo-kun thumps him in
the head knocking him out.)

Announcer: The winner is Ranma Saotome.

Kunoe starts to get back up. A chain suddenly circles around him and he is
lifted off the ground by Mousse.

Mousse: I have tracked you down at last Ranma. Now you will pay for
abducting Shampoo. (Mousse heads off with Kunoe in tow.)

Akane: Think we should tell him the truth.

Ranma-chan: Nah. Let him have his delusions of grandeur a little while
longer.

Epilogue

The scene is Paris. (Well at least the Eiffel Tower is in sight.) We see a
young boy of sixteen with a yellow and black striped bandanna, bamboo
umbrella, and backpack looking at the city.

Ryouga: This isn't Tokyo either. (Sighs) I guess I don't have any other
choice.

He walks up to a fountain and willingly jumps in.





End Notes: 
There are going to be more than a few tiny deviations from the mainstream
as this goes on. Some will be recognizable and understandable, others will
not be. Most are done for the sake of story flow or because they don't add
to the story I'm telling. I will try at some point to write an explanation
file.

You can send E-mail to sommer@nb.net