Rampant <snip>ing throughout the following...

        Ranma was a little taken aback by her bluntness.  "Be that way," he
said.  "It's not like I care."  His mind raced for an insult,
something that would really get to her.  "You are so uncute, anyway."

Sarah: now that seems out of place the uncute statement.  I mean this is
very serious and thats what he says?

Ranma doesn't think it's very serious at this point.  

Eric: no one every accused Ranma of intelligence.

Sarah: even so.

        Akane's face turned red.  She walked towards him, her hands clenched
into fists.  "Half-girl pervert!" she shouted as she swung wildly at
her husband.  Ranma dodged easily and ran out the door.

Sarah: oh fading in to old stereotypes i see.

Hey, I had to put them in somewhere.

        He wandered the Tendo home for a few minutes, admiring the
furnishings.  It was really a nice place; he wouldn't have minded
living here.

Eric: he is living there.  after all he's married to Akane.

But as you'll see, he thinks he's not going to be there very long...
 

Eric: but Ranma was expecting his dad.  He is callous.

Not callous so much as selfish.
 

        "Just let me set up in the kitchen," Kasumi said as she made her way
there.  "Is Akane awake yet?"
        "She's in the dojo," Ranma said.  He watched Kasumi cook for less
than a minute before becoming bored.  "I guess I'll go watch TV," he
said.

Sarah: you know even the worse attention span is 6 minutes or so.

But this _is_ Ranma.
 

        Ranma blushed.  "I'm not much good at talking," he said.
        Kasumi busily chopped some carrots.  "What are you good at, then?"
she said.
        "Martial arts, for one thing," Ranma said.  "I'm probably
the best martial artist in the world."

Sarah: at this point?  I mean cologne hasn't even shown up yet.

Eric: Ranma does have an ego though..

Sarah: even so.

I guess this sentence needs to be adjusted.

        Ranma leapt to the next balcony, pausing only long enough to peek in
 the window before continuing on.  If she didn't find Pop soon, she

Eric: woah you should put some sort of transition here.  instead of
boom.

Sarah: you mean like a series of underscores?

Eric: yes like that!

Well, I put an extra space in between the paragraphs.

 would have to go talk to the desk clerk, and she was a girl.  She

Sarah: and as we all know, desk clerks dont talk to girls.  Besides its
funner to play peeping tom.  why in that past window, well lemme tell
you, a girl, a monkey and a pingpong ball.

 wasn't really comfortable talking to people as a girl, yet,and it was

Eric: hasnt she gotten used to it by now?  god knows she probably went
days at a time being a girl.

Only when she absolutely hasn't had a choice.  I believe she's only 
been cursed for two weeks or so now, anyway -- anybody know for 
certain?

        "Hey, Pop," Ranma called, rapping on the window.  The panda either
didn't hear her or pretended not to.  Scowling, Ranma forced it open
and jumped inside.  She found the bathroom and splashed herself with
hot water, then filled a cup and poured it on his sleeping father.
"Wake up, Pop.  I need to talk to you."
        "What is it, boy?" Genma said, pulling his clothes out of nowhere
and putting them on instantly.  "Why are you not with your wife?"

Sarah: humm it seems vaguely out of place to add something like this in
what has been a very serious fic.

Eric: *nods*

Magic is always going to be a part of Ranma; even in the most serious 
story, it has to be included.  Besides, would you prefer to have had 
Genma naked?:) 

        "What do you mean, son?"  Genma sounded irritated already, which was
not unusual but also not promising.
        "You know, leave.  Go off to continue our training, maybe look for a
cure.  Leave, like we always do."

Eric: oh no Ranma has begun to act like his father, he has no remorse.

Sarah: yeah its sad that he would want to leave like that.

It's not that he has no remorse; it's just that he really doesn't 
realize that his actions would have hurt anybody.  Not that that 
makes him any more likeable.

         Genma stood now, and there was a hint of regret in his voice.
"We're not going to leave," he said.
        Oh gods, Ranma thought.  The wedding.  The marriage.  He had
supported the marriage, forced it on her.  "Not ever?" he said, his
stomach turning.

Sarah: oh sure NOW you feel remorse.  

After he realizes that something bad has happened to him, he sees 
that other people might also not have been too happy.
 

        "What did you think it meant when you said 'I do,' boy?  You must!"
        "I didn't mean it!" Ranma practically shouted.  "I thought it was a
sham, I thought we would use it to bum a couple of meals and go,
leave her behind!  It's not like I've never been engaged before."

Sarah: oh you're a cold one Ranma.  I dont like you in this one at all. 
*glows green with power*

At this point, you're not supposed to like him, really.

Sarah: what made you think they would work out, they're only 16. did you
think they would be grateful?

That's what they seem to think throughout the original series.

Eric: this fic is making me mad.  Mind you its good, but its still
making me mad!

Good.

 

Sarah: akane should've slugged him right then and there.

Has Akane ever actually attacked her father? (this is not a 
rhetorical question; I'd really like to know.)

Eric: i thought Nabiki had protested.

She protested the marriage.  But she was more than happy to choose 
Akane (instead of her) for the engagement.

        "Some girls would relish the security," Kasumi said.

Sarah: and some girls would be stifled and such an early age.  Think
kasumi i know you're dense in this one but i would think even you could
grasp that!

At this point Kasumi is trying to help Akane make the best of the 
situation.  What's she supposed to do, agree with her?  As far as 
Kasumi can see, Akane has no way out of the marriage.  Therefore, 
Kasumi's responsibility is to make Akane as happy in it as she can.

        "I'm sure he'll understand if you have reservations," Kasumi said.
"He seems like a nice boy."

Sarah: oh yes the brief three minute conversation we had with him
conveyed to me a general feeling of goodnaturedness.

Kasumi thinks _everyone_ is nice.

Sarah: she's just cornballing you!  she just doesnt want to accept
responsibility.

That's part of it, yes.

        "I would say you have to learn to talk to him if you want things to
ever get better."

Sarah: you could just run away and never look back.  You're being
awfully quiet Eric.

Kasumi would never consider this as something Akane could do, 
though.

         "But look what he did to me," Akane finished lamely.

Sarah: no not lamely.  you have EVERY right to be angry.

But what does she do after that?  Anger can only carry her so far; 
she can't make a life out of anger.  Not a happy one, anyway.

        "I just think you should concentrate on making the future better,"
Kasumi said.

Sarah: even if its one you didnt pick?

Again -- what other options does she have?  

it looked like.  "Hello?" Ranma tried.
        "Oh my!" Kasumi exclaimed, dropping a plate to the floor with a
crash.
        "Sorry!" Ranma said quickly, leaping to Kasumi's aide.  "Are
you okay?"

Sarah: what does he care, he's the one who wanted to ditch Akane.

That's kind of the point.  Ranma isn't _quite_ as bad as he's 
appeared so far.

        "He was afraid you two were having too much wedded bliss,"
Nabiki answered from the bathroom.
        Kasumi walked into the room with a pot of warm water and handed it
to Genma, who grunted his thanks before pouring it on himself.
"Ranma," he said, changing the subject none too smoothly, "tomorrow
you must begin to attend school."

Sarah: oh yeah sure school, act like nothigns happened.

That's the essence of their plan.  Soun and Genma are smart guys.

Sarah: okay several things first of all.  I loved it.

Good, good.

Eric: so did i.  I mean it pissed me off to no end but i liked it. 
You characterization are well within character and everything, very
nicely done.  I look forward to the rest.

Sarah: so do I, *glows green with immense power building up to a
detonation the likes of which she has never attempted before* BUT 
YOU BETTER NOT PUT THOSE TWO TOGETHER OR ELSE!!!!!

Uh-oh...Really, they already _are_ together.  The only question is 
whether they'll ever be happy.

Eric: one of the major problems of the story though is that its 
truly hard to sympathize with most of the characters. 

At this point, I suppose that's true.  I can tell I'm going to have 
some real work to do making everybody more sympathetic in later 
chapters. (except Genma.  No sympathy for him.)

I'm really glad you did this MSTing.  It makes me feel 
special.:)

Thomas Schmidt
Tschmidt@trader.com