Since MSTing seems to be popular at the moment, would anyone be
interested in tearing apart this story of mine?  ;)

<Lurker, Hikaru, and Chichiri materialize in the theater.>

Lurker: Anyone seen Gendou?

Chichiri: He was jacking off in the toilet, no da.

Hikaru: Eeeewwwww....

Lurker: <shrug> We don't need him anyway.
 

"THREE PAGES LONG"

Lurker: Good, that means it'll be short and painful.

Hikaru: What's good about that?

Chichiri: It could be *long* and painful na no da.

	And the skies were filled with the sound of screams, screams 
that ripped into the soul, like a hot samurai's sword through a tub of
cheap margarine.  Amongst this chaos, stood one man, watching the
evening sky as it turned the color of blood....

Lurker: Ack! The sky fell in Nyanniichuan!

Hikaru: Very tragic story...

	"Damn, I wish I'd slept in today."  exclaimed Ranma-Chan
as she watched a cockroach lying on the cracked pavement in it's 
death throes.  "I never should have let Genma set my alarm."

Lurker: Gotta hate those Pandasonic alarm clocks...

	Ranma-Chan slowly rose to his feet and shielded his eyes 
from the bright glare of the morning sun.  "Another day in hell...."  
he sighed as she rose to his feet and walked back inside the 
Nekohanten.

Lurker: We have gender confusion...

	Nobody else was awake yet.  Not surprising considering the
conditions of the Ut-Chan.  There was a thick layer of dust covering
the wooden floor as Ranma made his way across it.

Chichiri: You know you're in a dive when the dust on the floor is the
carpet, no da...

	"Shit!  I broke another nail."  Kasumi cursed out loud.

Hikaru: Oh fuck!

Lurker: Was that *really* neccessary, Hikaru-chan?

Hikaru: Was this *fic* neccessary?

Lurker: Touche.

	"Like I care."  Ranma-Chan replied as she sat down at
the counter and ordered an okonomiyaki.  Kasumi glared at him for
a moment before returning her attention to the fried eggs that were
burning.  "Damnit to hell, why can't I cook right?!?"

Lurker: Damning the eggs to hell generally tends to burn them.

Hikaru: Hey, just pass it off as Cajun blackened eggs...

	"What'ya say, Nabiki?"

	Nabiki climbed through the window, wincing as her naked 
body was cut on the broken glass.  "You know, even though I sold all 
of my clothes and worldly possessions to charity, I still think I could
do more!"

Chichiri: Sell your...<Hikaru glares at him>...nevermind no da.

	"Then sell your body to those who would normally never 
have a chance in hell of getting laid."  Ranma suggested while 
applying his tampon.

Hikaru: <groans> Why do I bother?

	"Great idea!  Thanks!"  Akane replied as she jammed the
needle just above her eyelid.  "There!  How does it look, Ranko?"

Lurker: Looks like you just walked off the set of Hellraiser 1/2.

	"Spiffy.  Simply Spiffy."  Ranma replied as she spilt
her cup of coffee on her shoes.  After a long moment, Ranma-Chan 
rolled her eyes up at the ceiling and sighed.

Hikaru: <piku> Akane looks like Dustin-kun?

Lurker: Alright, who's the wiseass that drowned Spiffy?

	"What's your problem?"  Genma demanded while styling his
full lush head of hair.  "Who gives a shit about honor and the school?
Just go out every night and have fun like I do!"

Lurker: <Ranma voice> Eh, ya hung out in one transvestite bar, ya hung out
in all of 'em...

	 "I was just thinking about Happosai and how much I would 
love to cling tenaciously to his buttocks right now."  Ranma-Chan 
replied with a wistful look in his eyes, numerous tear spilling down 
her face.

Hikaru, Lurker, Chichiri: <barf>

	"e....excuse me."  Kodachi asked in a whisper of a voice.  
"is...is my date ready?"

Lurker: I think she's been hanging out with that Hooks girl from Police
Academy...

	"Soun is ready to take Kodachi to date!"   Soun replied as
he glomped onto Kunou and began to make out with him.  "Make 
Soun, Kunou's own!"    

Hikaru: O_O

Chichiri: Daaa...either Kunou fell in Kodachiniichuan, or Kodachi fell
in...

Lurker: ...Dipshitniichuan.

	P-Chan!  Be a good cat and get into the pot!  We're starving
and we need the meat!"  Akane warned as she pushed and shoved 
P-Chan deeper into the boiling water.

Lurker: <P-chan voice> So cut off your breast and cook it! Ya got two of
em!

Hikaru: <smolder> Honou no...

Lurker: Uh-oh...

Hikaru: YAAAAAAA!

<FWOOM>

	"Excuse me, could you tell me where to find a chicken 
cannon?"  Ryouga asked as he walked in from the pouring rain, 
taking a moment to pat his red locks back into place.

Lurker: <stuffs Ryouga into a chicken cannon and fires him at this fic>

	"G....G.....Genma!!!"  Dr. Tofu glasses fogged up and he 
accidentally stabbed Kasumi with a five inch nail.

Chichiri: Which Kasumi mistook for his cock and had an orgasm...

	"Oh my!  Let me get that gosunkugi out of you!"  Ryouga
offered as he tried to pull Hikaru off of her.  "Damn!  I wish I were
stronger!"

<Lurker raises an eyebrow and stares at Hikaru>

Hikaru: <blush> Different Hikaru! Sheesh!

	"Hey, fuck off!  I saw her first!"  Gosunkugi growled as he
returned his attention to his partner.  "Now where were we, Cologne
sweetie?"

<the theater is flooded with bile, and the reviewers dissolve>

	"About one step from boredom!"  Cologne sighed as she 
worked Mousse with her long slender fingers, her 7' 5" frame 
making Mousse feel like a smurf.

Lurker: <thank kami-sama for Life3> La la la la la la, la la la la la...

	  "Can you hold this for me?"  Kasumi handed her head to
Mousse.  Mousse fanatically looked for space in his cloak.  "I can 
never carry anything!"  he complained.

Lurker: Just eat it. Air is virtually fat-free.

	"Beg your pardon?"  Sasuke asked as he twirled his white 
polyester jacket around his head, spun around in a 360 circle and did 
the splits while pointing his finger in the air.

Lurker: And Kunou showed up and pounded Sasuke for stealing the lead in
Stayin' Alive...

	"That's what I thought you said!  Ok kittens, let's swing!
Oh ain't she sweet, driving it down the street"  Soun and Genma sang
while dressed in identical zoot suits.

Lurker: ....

Hikaru: What the heck is a zoot suit?

Chichiri: Put it this way...anyone wearing one makes me look like I have
fashion sense, no da.

Hikaru: O_O

	"23 Skidoo!"  Ryouga snapped his fingers to the beat.

<the joke passes over three heads, ruffling their hair in its flatulent
breeze>

	Ranma-Chan couldn't take any more of this.  He sat back down
on the stool and walked up the stairs to the patio.  There, she quickly 
ripped off all of her clothes and jumped into the pond.  The piranha
were swift and chewed on his flesh while Ranko searched the surface of
the warm water until she found what she was looking for.  

Lurker: Sanity?

	Then she broke the surface of the pond and started to climb out only to
have the bank crumble under her fingers.  He fell back into the pond and
then fell through the bottom.  She quietly whistled to herself as she
fell thousands upon thousands of feet only to stop an inch above the
hard ground.

Chichiri: Finally, an ending...

Hikaru: Yeah, it's time to put this fic out of our misery...

	"ARGGHHHHHH!!!"

	Ranma sat up in his futon, covered with sweat.  He waited a 
long time for his heartrate to return to normal and then glances at the
empty tray next to his pillow.

	"Oh man....That is absolutely the LAST time I have triple 
portions of Akane's squid surprise.  Another dream like that will kill
me!"

Lurker: Triple portions?

Hikaru: One is lethal...

	Ranma slowly rose to his feet and gazed out into the sky.  It
was a peaceful night, the stars were bright and shinning.  Ranma 
smiled to himself before walking to the door to go to the bathroom.

	"Hello, father."  Nabiki bowed politely to Ranma as she 
passed by.

Lurker, Hikaru, Chichiri: O_O

	"Like I care."  Ranma Hibiki replied as he climbed the rope
ladder to the treehouse, being careful to bribe the man with a sharp 
pointy stick....

Lurker, Hikaru, Chichiri: -_-;;;

THE END.

Lurker: Thank the kami...

Hikaru: Excuse me while I go toast Megane-kun...

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Zankoku na tenshi no TEEZE
Madobe kara yagate tobitatsu
Hotobashiru atsui PATOSU de
Omoide wo uragiru nara
Kono sora wo daite kagayaku
Shounen yo shinwa ni nare

The Eternal Lost Lurker
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net

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