Eric Adams Presents
Insignificant Part I - Loss

	Ukyou Kuonji sat at the bar and did her best to drown 
herself in her drink.  In her hand she held a potent blend 
of Tequila, Whiskey and Iced Tea, she had no idea what it 
was called, but it soothed her sorrows and comforted her 
soul.
	So, Ranma had married Akane, big surprise, everyone 
knew it would happen.  It was expected, almost predestined.  
In a surprising and bold move, Ranma and Akane had run away 
to elope.  In their own way they were defying their parents 
wishes and following their hearts.  Ukyou could hardly 
question their choice.  Upon their return a few days later 
there had been a more formal reception to which Ukyou had 
been invited.  
	She had gone to the reception and had smiled numbly 
offering hollow words of congratulations. Throughout the 
whole affair she bit her lips to keep from crying and kept 
her eyes firmly trained on the floor. 
	Shampoo had attended as well, though Cologne and Mousse
were noticeably absent.  Ukyou thought she heard the same 
hollowness in Shampoo's voice but kept her thoughts to 
herself.  The two of them had exchanged pleasantries and 
avoided each other's eyes.  Ukyou had wondered where 
Cologne and Mousse were, but before she had a chance to 
ask, Ranma asked for a single dance. 
	Her heart pounding she let him lead her onto the 
dance floor, where under Akane's watchful eye they had 
danced slowly, cheek to cheek.  She held back more tears, 
and let him lead, a false smile on her face.  As the song 
drew to a close, Ranma kissed her on the forehead, and told 
her that he would always consider her his friend and that 
she would always be welcome as a guest.  Her heart 
breaking, Ukyou mumbled assurances that she would stay in 
touch and always be his friend before returning to her 
place along the wall.  She noted with some disgust that 
Ranma repeated the dance with Shampoo. 
	She had not noticed Akane approaching her from across 
the room and was subsequently surprised when the newlywed 
touched her shoulder.  Akane had smiled pleasantly and 
asked her if she was all right.  Ukyou merely nodded and 
went back to her silent vigil.
	She had thought to ask Shampoo if she wanted to get 
together some night but Shampoo had disappeared shortly 
afterwards.  Cologne and Mousse had no idea where the girl 
had run off. 
	That had been a month ago.
	Since that night, she had yet to say one word to 
Ranma and he kept his distance, out of pity or respect she 
was not sure.  Though she heard rumors that things between 
him and his wife were wonderful.  Perhaps he could not be 
bothered with a depressed friend.
	But she had not come to this bar to focus on the 
past.  She was here to get drunk, like she had last 
night and the night before.   Thank god it was summer, so 
her grades would not slip, not that she actually cared 
about something as trivial as school.
	She sipped some more on the foul tasting concoction 
before her and scanned the room.  Two young lovers sat in a 
cozy booth drinking from the same cup.  She flicked her 
eyes quickly away.  That’s when she noticed the handsome 
man sitting next to her.  When he noticed her gaze on him 
he smiled at her.
	Quietly, she got up from her seat and made her way to 
the bathroom.  The full effects of the alcohol had not set 
in yet and she felt very sober.  
	Once in the bathroom Ukyou stood in front of the 
mirror and adjusted the ribbon in her hair, straightened 
her skirt and made sure she was real.  She applied her best 
makeup and walked back out to the seat next to the handsome 
man.  An idea already forming in her head.
	"Hi," she smiled nervously, "I'm sorry if I was rude, 
but I wanted to make myself look presentable.  My name is 
Ukyou."
	The man grinned at her and stylishly slicked back his 
hair, "I'm Toshi, it’s a pleasure to meet her."
	"I'm sorry if I'm being a bit forward," Ukyou began 
awkwardly, "but I was wondering if you would like to 
dance."  She indicated the stairs to the second floor where 
loud music drowned out all other sound.
	"Sure," he nodded for emphasis.  Toshi took her hand 
and escorted her upstairs.
	Ukyou danced recklessly, her mind far away. She let 
the rhythm of the music carry her body, her eyes closed 
most of the time.  She moved sexually her body sometimes 
coming in close contact to his, her breasts brushing 
against his chest, her crotch on his knees. He gripped her 
waist at times and when her back was turned to him he 
pressed his body close against hers till she could feel his 
hard sex against her butt.  Ukyou had no problem seducing 
the boy.
	All the while, she let him lead, allowed him to 
believe it his choice when their lips first met.  Later, as 
he bought her more drinks, she let him gently rub her 
breasts.  He grew bolder as the night wore on until his 
hands slipped into her skirt and caressed her thighs and 
her sex.  Inwardly she railed against him, outwardly she 
smiled pleasantly as he grew surer of himself.
	He leaned close to her, and Ukyou heard the words she 
wanted to hear, "Are you ready to come back to my place?"
	Grinning wildly, Ukyou nodded and let him lead her 
out of the bar.
	During the ride to his house he had continued to rub 
her between her legs until she was wet and aching for 
penetration.  Barely able to control herself until they 
arrived in his apartment, Ukyou closed her eyes and held 
her breath.  Silently she called the man every foul name 
she could think of.  
	Once they arrived at his place, they quickly 
retreated upstairs to his apartment where she stripped 
naked and laid herself on his bed. 
	"You are beautiful," he complimented her.
	"Thank you," Ukyou couldn't care less what he thought 
of her.  She had failed Ranma, and she had failed herself.  
Maybe in some small way she could bring a bit of happiness 
to this fool even if the only thing he actually cared about 
was what lay between her legs.  She just wanted to make 
someone happy and if she got a small amount of pleasure out 
of it then so be it, but it was not her goal.
	The act of penetration was what she ached and longed 
for.  For years she had been saving herself for Ranma, but 
his marriage to Akane had removed any hope she had of him 
being her first.  Two weeks after the reception she decided 
relieve herself of that burden and had masturbated herself 
to a climax. Coldly and efficiently she had pierced her own 
hymen, ending her virginity.  Every night since then she 
had masturbated.  Except for the first night, she always 
stopped short of giving herself an orgasm; as if she did 
not quite deserve it.
	Tonight, though she wanted to be penetrated and she 
pulled Toshi down on top of her. When he thrust into her she
almost orgasmed, but after he was firmly inside her, she
once again buried her lust and lay still.  She responded 
when expected but gave no more of herself than she had already
given.
	To say that Ukyou and Toshi were making love or even 
having sex was a grossly over romanticizing what she was 
doing.  If she had thought that there was any hint of love 
in this act she would not be letting him fuck her. But she 
knew better, the look in his eyes spoke of where his 
interest in her lay.  If anyone had suggested to her that 
she was doing anything other than fucking she would have 
laughed out loud.  
	He came suddenly and Ukyou reacted by faking her own 
orgasm.  She had to fake because she was no where near 
being excited, her juices having run dry shortly after 
penetration. His movement during the whole affair had only 
hurt her.  
	Spent he lay on top of her until she pushed him off.  
	She realized with some trepidation that they had not 
used protection and hoped that the idiot had not gotten her 
pregnant.  Standing up she gathered her clothes and went to 
the bathroom to get dressed.
	From the bedroom she could hear him talking inanely, 
"That was great,"
	Ukyou rolled her eyes at his stupidity.
	"Was it good for you?"
	Ukyou said that the sex had been great and that he 
was the best lover she ever had. She pulled on her skirt 
and adjusted it.  A quick glance in the mirror confirmed 
that she was still real.
	"Maybe we could do it again later tonight?"  Toshi 
sounded like he had gotten up and was now moving around the 
bedroom, "What do you think?"
	She opened the door and stepped out fully dressed, "I 
think that if you want to come again tonight you are going 
to have to do it yourself."
	"Hey what the hell?"  Toshi looked at her, surprise 
on his face; "You don't have to go."
	She stopped him with a glare, then shrugged.  "I'm 
not staying."
	She walked to the door and opened it.  He caught her 
arm and she hoped that he would so something that would 
give her an excuse to hurt him.  
	"Don't I even get your number or something," he asked 
petulantly. 
	She smiled her practiced false smile at him, "Sorry." 
She pulled free of his grasp and shut the door quietly 
behind her.  She held her breath until she reached the 
elevator.  He apparently was not coming after her.
	The cool night air felt good on her face after the 
hot fever of the apartment.  Once she was far enough away 
from Toshi's apartment she leaned over and puked.  Grasping 
the lightpost near her she heaved until her stomach was 
empty then continued on her way home.  
	She quietly slipped inside and shut the door behind 
her.  Konatsu was at the counter, having fallen asleep 
waiting for her.  She smiled fondly at him and ran her hand 
through his hair, waking him up.
	"Ukyou, I'm glad you are home.  I was beginning to 
get worried about you it's getting late." He looked up at 
her the concern clearly etched on his face.
	"I'm alright," she started to make her way up the 
stairs, "I'm tired, are you going to sleep now?"
	He nodded and followed her upstairs.  Ukyou wished 
him a good night and retired to her own room.  Her legs 
hurt and she felt raw between them.  
	The single mirror in the room anchored her to 
reality.  Tomorrow she would have to get another one or 
maybe two more; there were too many bare walls in her room 
already.  She crawled quietly into bed, curled herself into 
a ball and cried herself to sleep.

	Ukyou did her best not to dream and every night she 
failed.  Failing was not uncommon to her, she had no choice 
in the matter.  She understood failure, success might have 
surprised her.  As she lay in her bed, curled into a ball, 
her thighs hurting and sickness in her stomach, she dreamt.
	Thousand of faces surrounded her.  Some she 
recognized immediately, others she had to concentrate on to 
make out.  Still there were other nameless people who only 
pointed and chuckled.  She picked out Ryouga standing to 
one side, his eyes avoiding hers, Akane held Ranma's hand 
and shook her head in disgust, Konatsu looked on with 
concern, Happosai glomped to Akane and buried his face 
between her breasts, Akane did not seem to mind the 
attention.   
	Around Ukyou a thousand faces laughed and pointed.
	Ukyou realized she was naked and tried to cover 
herself.  Happosai glanced at her and laughed out loud.  
Despite her nudity and vulnerability, he made no move 
towards her.  
	Ryouga walked up to her first, each night it was some 
one different.  Ryouga faced her, a stern look in his eyes.  
"Is this the best answer you have?" Ryouga whispered 
harshly, "I thought better of you."
	"I tried." Ukyou whimpered as Ryouga faded before 
her.
	She picked out Shampoo standing apart from the 
chuckling crowd.  Shampoo had never before appeared in her 
dreams.  The Amazon shook her head at Ukyou and started to 
walk away.
	Before Ukyou could call out to Shampoo, Akane 
approached, "He picked me.  Me! Me over you, and he called 
me uncute."  She smirked, "Me!"
	Ranma took Akane's hand, "Ucchan, thanks for helping 
me realize my love for Akane."  Ranma and Akane slowly 
faded before her eyes.
	Ukyou did not move she merely sat before the crowd 
and awaited her next judgement.
	Happosai, without Akane to glomp on wandered towards 
her and passed right through her.
	Ukyou noticed that Shampoo had not left and had edged 
closer.  "Save me," Ukyou whispered.
	"Save yourself" the crowd laughed at her.
	"I tried," she screamed.
	"Not hard enough", the crowd roared with laughter.
	Suddenly, Shampoo stood beside her, "Go away!" 
Shampoo screamed at the crowd. Instantly, the laughter 
faded and the crowd disappeared.
	"Get up," Shampoo said harshly and yanked Ukyou to 
her feet.
	"Look at what you've become," Shampoo stood back, disgust 
evident in her eyes, "Look at yourself."
	"I can't", Ukyou breathed and wrapped her arms around 
her naked body.
	"Why not?"  Shampoo demanded.
	"I can't see myself."  
	"Exactly."
	
	Ukyou sat bolt upright in her bed.  Unlike dreams she 
previously had, this one included Shampoo. Never before 
had Shampoo appeared in her dreams. Her long time rival had 
seemed anxious and willing to help Ukyou. 
	Her heart pounding, Ukyou scanned the room, her eyes 
seeking confirmation, they came to rest on the mirror.  
When she saw she cast no reflection she started to scream.

	The next morning Ukyou slept in.  Her nightmares had 
left her exhausted.  As the sun rose in the east, she began 
to make out sounds from below; Konatsu trying hard to keep 
the early customers satisfied.  From experience, she knew 
that he would not be able to keep up for long and would 
need help shortly.
	With trepidation she opened her eyes and caught her 
reflection in the mirror.  Sighing with relief, she dragged 
herself out of bed.  She noticed that she had not changed 
clothes when she had gone to sleep.
	As she made her way to the shower, she made a mental 
list of things that she would have to buy later: two wall 
mirrors, perhaps a ceiling mirror, some condoms, aspirins, 
and extra bed sheets.  She turned the shower on and stepped 
in.  The cold shocked her awake and made her feel alive 
enough to face the world for another day.
	Konatsu had done surprisingly well handling the 
customers this morning, though she noted that several were 
pleased to see her cooking again.  While many came to see 
the cute waitress, none considered Konatsu an excellent 
cook.  She noticed that there were fewer customers today 
then the day before.  This had been a continuing trend for 
the past month.  She wondered if her depression had 
affected her cooking.
	The morning sun streaming in through the windows hurt 
her eyes as she recounted the previous night's dream in her 
head, weighing Shampoo's significance in it.
	She did her cooking with actions she had come to
know well over a lifetime of okonomiyaki.  She was friendly
with her customers as needed and chatted quietly about the
weather, the day's events, and the relative calmness that had 
settled over Nerima since Ranma’s and Akane's wedding.  
Nobody would've guessed that she was not listening.  She 
added another mirror to her list, one for inside the store.
	After the noon rush and before the evening patrons 
began to arrive, she took her leave of Konatsu.  She wanted 
to get some of her errands done before night.  She had 
plans tonight and she needed some of those items before she 
went out.
	The summer sun beat down on her, leaving her wishing 
for the cool comfort of autumn or winter.  She walked, 
practicing her smile as she went, nodding pleasantly to 
strangers.  Some smiled back, others shied away.  She liked 
it better when they shied away.
	She approached the street where the drug store was 
located, and looked both ways before crossing.  The traffic 
was not very bad at this time of the day, however she could 
see a car rushing down the street.  She looked at the car 
and decided that it would not be a problem to cross in 
front of it.  She stepped out in front of it, within 
seconds the car's brakes screeched. Ukyou continued walking 
across the street taking no notice of the car that had come 
to a stop a few feet beside her.
	Walking into the drugstore, she did a quick circuit 
of the store, looking for anything that might catch her 
eye.  Eventually, she came to the condom section.  Not an 
expert on the various brands she looked over each box 
separately.  Last night's experience with Toshi had hurt 
mainly because she was not excited, she considered that 
future encounters would continue along the same course and 
opted to get the lubricated brand. Eyeing the pack of 
condoms nervously, she looked around making sure no one was 
looking, she started walking to the cashier then stopped 
for a second and considered what she was doing.  She turned 
around and returned to the selection and picked out a 
second box, these were lubricated as well but were also 
ribbed.  Maybe getting some enjoyment out of the situation 
would not hurt.
	She felt somewhat awkward as she approached the 
cashier and decided to buy a candy bar.  She sucked at her 
lip and smiled at the cashier and waited anxiously as the 
cashier rang up her purchases.  Ukyou was convinced that 
Ranma or Akane or even Ryouga would walk up behind her and 
ask her what she was buying.
	Without comment the cashier rang up the two packs of 
condoms.  When she came to the candy bar, she looked up at 
Ukyou and smirked.
	Blushing Ukyou paid the cashier and quickly walked 
out of the store.  Buying the candy had made it too obvious 
she had never bought condoms before.  Still the experience 
was behind her and she would be more prepared next time.  
To her relief there had been no surprise visits by any of 
her "friends".  She stuffed the condoms into her purse and 
continued walking down the street.
	She stepped into the home décor store down the 
street.  Several mirrors sprang immediately to her attention.  
The sales person was nice and helped her pick out several 
inexpensive ones. She chose two plain wall mirrors for her 
room, one large ceiling mirror for over her bed and a more 
ornate fancy one for the restaurant. She arranged to have 
the two larger ones delivered the next day and have the 
store install them. The two smaller ones she took with her.
	Feeling content with her purchases she allowed her 
good feelings to show in her smile.  After several hopeful 
smiles by passing men, Ukyou quickly returned to her wicked 
grin.  
	Konatsu had done reasonably well in her absence and 
Ukyou decided not to clobber him with her spatula.  The 
remainder of the day passed without incident as the evening 
crowd came and went.  Leaving Konatsu to clean up, she 
retired upstairs to get ready. 
	She hung her two new mirrors in strategic locations 
around the room and stopped to stare at herself in one of 
them.  Pulling up a chair from her desk she sat herself 
down in front of one and studied her reflection.
	The first thing she noticed was the dark circles 
under her eyes.  Make up would clear those up.  She studied 
her eyes next.  She noted that they had no sparkle or life, 
however she reasoned that the men she would meet would not 
be overly concerned with her eyes.  Still a little life in 
them would not hurt.  
	She practiced her smile noting the way her lips 
seemed a bit chapped and in need of some color. She chose 
her lipstick carefully perhaps a nice subdued red, garish 
colors did not mix well with her skin tone.
	As she studied herself in the mirror she became 
increasingly uncomfortable and hot.  Unconsciously she 
began to rub her nipple.  Lost in her contemplation she was 
unaware of how much time had passed. 
	Her lips moved silently, at first only mouthing the 
words, she repeated the same line continuously, her voice 
gaining strength and her hand rubbing her breast moved with 
greater abandon. 
" I dream of you,
With my eyes open,
With my eyes closed,
In the day 
In the night,
I dream of you,
Wherever you are, 
Wherever I am,
In my heart,
In my soul,
I dream of you."
	"Excuse me, Ukyou?  I didn’t quite hear what you 
said."  Konatsu was at the door.
	Ukyou eyes went wide and she realized where her hand 
was, even now caressing her breast.  Snarling she reached 
and grabbed her spatula, "Konatsu!" she screamed as she ran 
across the room her giant spatula upraised to strike him, 
"Don't you ever walk in on me again."
	She brought the spatula down to bear on him with all 
her strength and stopped short of hitting him.
	She lowered her weapon, her anger dissipating.  
Konatsu had not even flinched.  Sighing, she buttoned her 
top covering her exposed breast.  "I'm sorry Konatsu, my 
door was open, it's not your fault."
	Wordlessly, her turned to leave then stopped and 
turned around. "Ukyou," he began softly, "Would you like to 
go to a movie or something tonight?"
	His question caught her off guard.  Her eyes focused 
dangerously on him and he took a step back.  "I'm sorry, 
maybe some other night," she lied, "I'm going out tonight."  
She slammed the door in his face.
	She turned to look at herself in the mirror and 
realized that she hated the person she saw.

	Ukyou decided to not return to the same bar she had 
been to the night before.  She had no desire to run into 
Toshi.  She drank quietly for a while smiling at the 
passing men. Not long afterwards a bolder man offered to 
buy her a few more drinks.
	She had chosen her outfit carefully tonight.  A black 
body suit top, and some dark leggings.  It was a good look 
for her.  She had made sure to cover up the dark circles 
and she even let her smile reach her eyes.  
	As he led her onto the dance floor she began move 
already to the music.  The alcohol removed her inhibitions 
and she let the music carry her body.  She liked to dance 
and was good at it; her movements were always in synch with 
the rhythm, her body moving sexually against her partner.  
Before long her and Kentaro had attracted an audience, most 
entranced by her.
	Ukyou did not mind being the center of attention and 
she let her movements grow more hypnotic.  Kentaro smiled 
at her and she smiled back but she had let some of the 
spark in her eyes fade.  His smile faltered when her 
noticed her distracted vision.  She quickly pressed her 
body against his grinding her hips against his and the 
self-assured smile quickly returned to his face.
	As the night wore on, Kentaro grow bolder, his lips 
often sought hers out, and he grew fond of running his 
fingers through her hair.  By midnight, Kentaro was ready 
for more and he invited Ukyou outside.
	Once in the car they drove off to a secluded park and 
in the back seat Ukyou allowed him to fuck her.  She was 
relieved that he did not seem to mind her insisting on the 
condom.  It was a cold passionless exercise.  Kentaro 
pumping madly and Ukyou laying still and hating him for 
what he was doing to her.  
	Kentaro lasted longer then Toshi, and as he came he 
grabbed her hair, pulling on it painfully.
	The lubrication on the condom had worn off and the 
latex left Ukyou feeling raw and sore once again.  
Wordlessly she refastened her body suit and pulled her 
leggings back on.  
	Kentaro lay on the back seat of his car breathing 
heavily.  He smiled up at Ukyou and pulled his pants back 
on.  "Leaving, huh?"
	Ukyou nodded and reached for the door.  She needed to 
get into the fresh air and breath.  The inside of the car 
was warm and musty and smelled of sex.  She felt like 
gagging on the smell.
	"Well, I didn’t really expect you to stay."  Kentaro 
smiled smugly at her.  "Anyway, it was fun for a bit.  
Maybe I'll see you around."
	Ukyou stepped outside of the car and hurried off into 
the night without another word.

	Ukyou composed herself and stopped crying before she 
entered the restaurant.  She realized that Konatsu was 
probably going to still be up waiting for her.  While a 
part of her found his devotion sweet another part of her 
found it annoying.  Still she felt as if she could trust 
him not to go away.  She needed some sense of stability on 
her life.
	As expected, Konatsu was fast asleep at the counter.  
She poked him in the back and woke him up.  "Hey sugar, I'm 
home you can stop worrying."
	Konatsu blinked furiously at her.  "Ukyou, I'm so 
glad you're home."
	Ukyou shrugged, "It's been a long night, do you mind 
opening up tomorrow again."
	"Of course not," Konatsu stood up and brushed the 
wrinkles out of his clothes, "You just sleep okay."
	Ukyou smiled sweetly at him and promised herself to 
do something nice for him.  "Good night Konatsu."
	She walked upstairs and went to sleep.

-- 
"I always hated stories that ended poorly. I
always felt cheated.  But you can't feel cheated
forever.  And then she woke up...
I suppose there are worse endings."
--Rose Walker, Lost Hearts
http://www.erols.com/eda104/