Eric Adams Presents
Insiginificant Part II - Desperation
Music Lyrics for Just Wait are originally written by Blues
Traveller.

	For the next two weeks, life proceeded the same as 
usual.  Ukyou went out almost every night, but she did not 
always let someone have his way with her.  Her first two 
experiences had left her feeling sore both physically and 
emotionally.  A week passed before Ukyou let another man 
inside of her.
	Day's were exercises in exhaustion. Konatsu did most 
of the serving and greeting of customers, while Ukyou 
struggled to stay awake at the grill.  She went through the 
motions of living doing her best to forget Ranma.  
	After her previous dream with Shampoo, Ukyou stopped 
remembering her dreams.  She knew she had them and 
sometimes she would wake up in tears, but she no longer 
remembered what occurred in them, it was a welcome 
relief.
	Despite Konatsu's prodding, Ukyou limited herself to 
only one meal a day.  The meals that she did eat were 
sparse, and if she ate too much she would throw it up.  It 
was not necessarily that she was being bulimic, it was that 
her stomach could not handle any more food than it felt was 
necessary.
	Days passed with a mind-numbing fervor.  She had 
three more encounters with men over those two weeks.
Once, she let Hikaru take her to his place where she let
him take her as she lay there, half unconscious from the
alcohol in her.  
	A second time, too horny and aching for penetration 
to wait until they arrived to a more private area, she had 
allowed Tetsuo to take her in a nearby alley.  Pressed 
against the wall, his hands up her shirt and in her bra,  
she came the closest to orgasming.  Thinking upon it as she 
went home, she felt that it was the risk of being caught 
that had made the experience more exciting.
	The third man, Kaneda, she had brought home with her.  
As she thought, Konatsu had glared daggers at him but said 
nothing.  She allowed him to take her in her room.  While 
he was not any better than the other men she had recently 
allowed inside her, she had cried his name wildly and 
loudly. She threw him out shortly afterwards.  
	The next day she had apologized profusely to Konatsu 
and even got him a little card.  He mumbled that it was all 
right but had refused to look her in the eye.  Ukyou felt a 
pang of guilt but said no more.
	Throughout those two weeks she spent hours studying 
herself in the mirror.  Every morning she would confirm her 
reality and during her free time she studied the contours 
of her face.  She looked at her sunken eyes and her pale 
lips; her hands often shook as she caressed her face.  She 
noted the thin lips and practiced her smile. 
	Two mornings after she had brought Kaneda home she 
awoke with a pounding headache that could not be attributed 
to a hangover.  Shortly after waking up and trying to move 
she had thrown up.  The shower she took that morning had 
helped her somewhat, but as the day progressed she had 
grown sicker.  Finally, she had closed the restaurant and 
retired upstairs.
	She lay in her bed stripped down to her underwear and 
a nightshirt.  The summer heat was unbearable and the fans 
in the room did little to make her feel comfortable.  She 
alternated between shivering and covering herself and sweating
until her bed sheets were soaked through.
	Konatsu sat anxiously by her side with a bowl of 
chicken soup and some ginger ale.  "Ukyou are you going to 
be okay?"
	She pulled the cover up to her chin and grinned 
mischievously at him.  "Of course, I am.  I'm all right.
I'm fine can't you tell?"
	Konatsu once again pushed the spoon towards her, 
"Ukyou why are you doing this?"
	"Because I'm sick you idiot."  She snarled at him, 
then stopped and stifled a sob, "I'm sorry, I didn’t mean 
to yell at you."
	Konatsu sighed as she thrust his hand away again,  
"That's not what I mean," he tried to meet her eyes, but 
every time she looked at him and noticed his look her eyes 
darted away to the mirror above her bed.  "I mean the way 
you are living your life.  If you are not careful you are 
going to hurt yourself.
	"I don't want to see you die."  He ended softly, 
tears standing out in his eyes.
	"Me die?"  Ukyou cackled and started to cough, once 
done she continued her laugh, "Honey, I'm dead already, 
can't you see it?"
	His eyes narrowed, "What do you mean?"
	Ukyou shrugged as best she could lying down, a 
shadowy look came across her face, "I know what you want."
Ukyou reached out and grabbed Konatsu by his shirt 
pulling him close "You want to fuck me, don't you?"  
Konatsu tried to pull away,  "Its okay, that’s why you 
stick around because you want to be inside me.  I'll tell 
you what, because you are nice to me you can fuck me 
tonight.  I may be out of it but it'll be all right.  You 
can even pretend that I love you.  Just for tonight mind 
you because you know I really don't love you.  It's not 
about love, it's about punishment.  I deserve to be fucked. 
I deserve to be hurt.  I failed don't you see?  
	"So go ahead fuck me and get it over with, just be a 
little gentle and please use a condom."  She turned her 
head into the pillow.  "Just get it over with, quickly.  
I've done mean things to you in the past, now is your 
chance to get back at me."
	Konatsu looked at her in horror.  Her face turned 
into the pillow he tentatively reached his hand out and 
stroked her hair.  It was matted with sweat but he enjoyed 
the simple feel of it on his hand.  He closed his eyes, 
took a deep breath, got up and walked out of the room.
	Ukyou was asleep and didn't hear him leave.

	She awoke the next morning feeling better.  She was 
still weak and her hands shook.  She noted the cold chicken 
soup and the flat ginger ale on the stand next to her bed 
beside the empty stool.  She thought that Konatsu had left 
them there in case she woke up during the night.
	 She got up and went to the bathroom.  It always 
helped to wash the sickness out, and a bath always felt 
good.
	Feeling refreshed after her shower, she got out and 
dried herself off and noticed that the entire building was 
silent.  She looked at the clock It read eleven o'clock.
	"Konatsu?"  She called out.
	No answer.
	Her heart pounding, Ukyou ventured downstairs.  The 
restaurant was very clean and immaculate.  Konatsu had 
obviously taken pains to clean up.  .  She gasped when she 
saw what was on the grill: a red rose and a piece of paper.
Fearing the worst she carefully opened the note.
	"My Dearest Ukyou,
I too have my pride even though I sometimes don't 
show it.  Like you I have had my dreams.  One of them was 
to have you fall in love with me.  After last night I 
realized that it was only a dream.  Even the wildest dreams 
can break my heart.  I am leaving you now.  I hope that you 
learn to forgive yourself.
	Konatsu"
	Ukyou stared at the paper for a long time, studying 
the words.  After several minutes of contemplation she 
crumbled the paper up, and tossed to the side "Coward" she 
whispered to air.

	Ukyou spent the rest of that day clearing up some 
issues she had been neglecting.  Fighting embarrassment she 
had gone to the drug store again and bought a pregnancy 
test kit.  Though she used condoms every time she was with 
someone, she wanted to make sure.  With bated breath, she 
waited for the results to show.  She sighed with relief 
when it came up negative.
	She then cleared up business items.  Konatsu's 
leaving had forced her to consider her options.  She could 
give up her restaurant, which she considered doing, or she 
could try to once again run it on her own.  Having help had 
been a luxury but she also realized that business had 
dropped off and hiring on extra help was not an option.  
She paid bills which had gone untouched since Ranma's 
wedding.  
	Feeling relieved and refreshed she decided to 
celebrate by going out that night.  She picked out her 
clothes carefully, searching for the best mix of clothes. 
She opted for a loose sweater and a pair of black leggings.  
She put on a pair of boots, wrapped a belt loosely around 
her waist and tied her hair into a loose ponytail.  
She stepped back from the mirror and admired herself.  
	Tonight she looked good.  Tonight she was going to break 
hearts.

	The night was unusually cool for a summer night but 
Ukyou did not mind.  She had her eyes set on one goal; too 
have fun.  She decided to try a club in downtown Tokyo she
had heard some customers in the restaurant talking about.  
	Taking a bus downtown was time consuming but she 
figured that whoever took her home tonight might also be 
cajoled into giving her a ride back.  In fact with Konatsu 
gone, she might suggest he come to her place.
	Ukyou decided to worry about such things later as the 
night wore on.  The club was packed and there was a small 
line to get in.  She waited patiently smile at the men as 
they noticed her.  
	"Boo," whispered a voice in her ear.
	She jumped and spun around. 
	"Hey," Kentaro winked at her, "I didn't think I'd be 
seeing you anytime soon.  What brings you down here."  He 
was with two other men, both smiled at her.
	Ukyou smiled back and turned her attention to 
Kentaro.  After she had allowed him to take her, rather 
haphazardly, in the back of his car, he hadn't seemed 
disappointed by her leaving afterwards.  Perhaps another 
night with him would not hurt.  He was handsome enough.   
	"Well, I heard about this club from some friends." She 
lied, currently she had nobody she could call a friend.
He smiled at her his eyes betraying nothing; "These 
are my friends, Koji and Koseii."  
	Ukyou greeted each in turn and they both smiled at 
her.  She felt embarrassed for a second, when she realized 
that Kentaro had surely told them about her. She noted that 
both had smug grins on their faces.
	"Anyway, why don’t you join us.  It's more fun with a 
crowd and you seem to be alone."  Kentaro smiled at her,  
	"I'll even be nice and pay your way in."
She shrugged and nodded, "Sure, it might be nice to 
know someone here."  Ukyou took note of Koji and Koseii, 
neither had Kentaro's suave charm or looks and she 
dismissed them immediately.  She knew Kentaro to be a safe 
person to sleep with and she once again hungered for 
penetration.  Tonight was shaping up to be an interesting 
night.
	Inside, the club was packed.  There were no tables to 
be found so the group loitered by a railing and watched the 
crowd dance.  Koseii bought the first round of beer for the 
guys.  Ukyou had insisted on shots next.  Which Koji had 
been only too happy to buy.  The group downed the shots and 
wished each other well.
	Ukyou sat next to Kentaro and looked over at him and 
smiled.  His eyes on the dance floor, he barely took notice 
of her.  He watched the girls walking by.  
	For a second Ukyou was dumbfounded. He was ignoring 
her or at least favoring other women to her.  She decided 
to change her tactic; she asked him to dance.  
	He declined.
	Koji then asked her if she would like to dance.  
	Shocked at Kentaro's rejection she allowed Koji to lead her 
to the dance floor.  She moved half-numbed, at a loss for 
words.  Koji, for his part, moved towards her often pressing 
his body against hers.  Each time he came in close Ukyou 
stepped back further.  
	Tears almost sprang to her eyes when she saw Kentaro 
ask one of the girls he had been looking at earlier to 
dance with him.  The girl smiled demurely and allowed him to 
lead her to the dance floor.  Kentaro danced reservedly 
with her unlike the way he had danced with Ukyou almost two 
weeks ago.
	Ukyou turned her attention back to Koji who was again 
coming in close.  Stepping back, she bumped into Koseii who 
had apparently joined his friend without her knowing it.  
	She felt trapped between the two men and she began to feel 
afraid.  Both pressed their bodies against her as they 
danced.
	Thankfully, the music slowed and couples began to 
form.  Though the two men tried to get her to dance, she 
feigned tiredness and pulled an empty stool to the railing 
and sat down.
	On the dance floor, Ukyou watched Kentaro and the 
girl dance slowly, her head resting on his chest.  
	Ukyou remembered Ranma.
	She had wanted him to hold her like that,  
softly swaying to a beautifully romantic song.  Dreams do 
not always come true she told herself harshly.  A second 
song began and her heart broke.

//If ever you are feeling tired//
//And all your uphill struggles leave you headed 
downhill//
//If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you//
//And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill//

	Ukyou remembered her past, the emptiness that had 
consumed when she was a mere six years old.  She had 
forsaken her life as a woman at that early age.  Ranma had 
run away leaving her stranded.  She had struggled to 
survive.  In order to again face her father, and herself, she 
had opted to live her life as a man.

//I ask of you a very simple question//
//Did you think for one minute that you are alone//
//And is your suffering a privilege you share only//
//Or did you think that everybody else feels 
completely at home//

	Of course she had found him nearly ten years later.  
She had taken her revenge on Genma as best she could but 
that brief victory felt hollow.  It had been Ranma who had 
hurt her and Ranma she wanted to hurt more than anything.

//Just wait//
//Just wait//
//Just wait//
//And it will come//

	But her vengeance had to be ruined.  Her righteous 
anger dissipated in an instant and her life turned upside 
down one more time by Ranma.  Always Ranma.  Her decisions 
in life were so often taken away from her.  In one moment 
her anger towards Ranma had turned into love.

//If you think I've given up on you you're crazy//
//And if you think I don't love you well you're just 
wrong//
//In time you just might take to feeling better//
//Time is the beauty of the road being long//

	Of course the road was not easy.  Ranma had many 
fiancées, all as eager as she to claim him as their own.  
She convinced herself that she was unique that only she 
loved him truly.  Their love was fated and written in the 
stars.  She had dreams of hope, love and romance.  This was 
what she had always wanted and what she had always waited 
for.

//I know that now you feel no consolation//
//But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud//
//I say this without fear of hesitation//
//I can honestly tell you that you make me proud//

	She had been blind though.  He had played her the 
fool.  She wondered if she had been the only one to delude 
herself into believing that his arranged marriage was 
unwanted.  Nobody had been overly surprised when Akane 
and him had run away to get married, proving beyond a doubt 
that they loved each other and were not getting married to 
satisfy their fathers wishes.  Even she could not deny 
their love for each other.

//Just wait//
//Just wait//
//Just wait//
//And it will come//

	She had waited for all of her life.  Her entire life 
was spent waiting for a chance at revenge or for Ranma to 
come to his senses and admit he loved her.  So much wasted 
time, a tragedy almost ten years in the making.  She could 
not fathom the choices before her and had retreated into 
herself.  She turned her back on everything that reminded 
her of who she once had been.

//If anything I might have just said has helped you//
//If anything I might have just said helped you just 
carry on//
//Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle//
//And you appetite for pain may all but be gone//

	She felt so lonely, so incredibly lonely.  All of her 
life wasted and she had nothing to show for it.  Empty 
promises, empty dreams. Lost hopes and a hell of a lot of 
pain.  At night when she cried herself to sleep all she 
could foresee was emptiness in her life.  She allowed 
herself to feel no passion in her sexual encounters because 
she had become too used to feeling sorry for herself.

//I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping//
//Until that smile has once again returned to your 
face//
//There's no such thing as a failure who keeps 
trying//
//Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace//

	Unable to fight the tears any longer, Ukyou stood up 
and told Koji and Koseii that she was leaving.   Blinking 
furiously she glanced over where Kentaro and the girl were 
dancing.
	Koji offered to take her home, but a glance at his 
eyes, even through her blurred vision, saw what he wanted.  
She was unwilling to give him that and declined the offer.
	She walked briskly out of the club and into the night 
air.  The tears on her face quickly dried and she 
walked rapidly down the street eyes to the heavens, 
fighting a fresh onslaught of tears.  Still her make-up had 
run down her face giving her the appearance that she had 
recently been crying.
	"Why you crying?" asked a sympathetic voice by her 
side.
	"Nothing" she snapped as she looked at the tall man 
walking beside her.
	"Did you have your heart broken?" he asked.
	Needing someone, anyone, to listen Ukyou answered, 
"Yes but not tonight."  
	"Tell me about it," he smiled sympathetically at her, 
"I'll listen."
	She smiled in return, "No I don’t really want to talk 
about it."
	"That’s okay," he laughed, "I'm not a really good 
psychologist anyway."
	Unable to control her sadness any longer, Ukyou 
started to laugh with tears streaming down her face.  She 
was unaware of her surroundings as he steered her into a 
side alley.
	Laughing and crying at the same time she was shocked 
when he planted a kiss squarely on her lips.  
	"Its okay," he whispered, "I understand."  He pressed 
his lips against hers again, this time his tongue seeking 
an opening.  
	She felt scared.  Her knees trembled and an instant 
later she felt his hand on her thigh sliding upward.  
	"I know how to make you feel better" he whispered 
into her ear as he licked it.
	Ukyou struggled, but his arms caught hers and pinned 
them to her side.  Her years of martial arts practice 
seemed so futile at this moment.  She tried to scream but 
his mouth was over hers.  His hand slid between her legs and her 
body seemed to lose all its strength.
	She closed her eyes and hoped that she could find 
somewhere the resistance she needed to stop this man 
from raping her.  Her struggles availed her nothing, his 
grip firm and strong.  His free hand was now at the hem of 
her leggings tugging them down.
	Suddenly, his grip loosened and she heard a new 
voice, "I don't think she is enjoying that."  
	"What do you care?" she heard her attacker answer.
	There was bone breaking crunch and the sound of a 
body hitting the wall next to her.  She opened her eyes and 
looked down at the limp body of her attacker.
	Raising her eyes she looked at her rescuer and stared 
into the eyes of Ryouga Hibiki.
	"Ukyou?" his face was puzzled as if he could not 
fathom what she was doing there.
	She pulled her leggings back up and soundlessly ran 
off into the night.


-- 
"I always hated stories that ended poorly. I
always felt cheated.  But you can't feel cheated
forever.  And then she woke up...
I suppose there are worse endings."
--Rose Walker, Lost Hearts
http://www.erols.com/eda104/